Rob takes it back a decade with a goatee

Dear Rob,

Remember when I said I was like way into your beard and you looked super cute and fluffy and scruffy? Well, you went to Paris and lost your mind (screaming fan events will do that to you) and shaved it into a…. GOATEE. Did you actually step onto a time machine instead of a plane at LAX? Cause hot damn, I’m glad I recently unearthed all those Doc Martens in my closet.

I’m glad you continue to test our limits, how much do we REALLY love you? The goatee reminds me of these kinds of dudes…

Of course when news of your goatee spread UC and I came up with a list of reasons WHY (on god’s green earth) you would shave your beard into a goatee…

Hey Rob I wore this weird teacher's whistle necklace to distract them from your regrettable facial hair choices. You're welcome

1. 90s grunge cover band lead singer
2. Just found out he’s gonna be a dad
3. Doesn’t wanna get laid
4. He really loves the mid 90s is contemplating a “soul patch” next but wanted to work his way down
5. Going to Lollapalooza and is worried about beard maintenance at a festival
6. Is hoping to get a promotion at enterprise rent a car to mid level manager
7. Looking to impress the boss man at his annual insurance convention in Grand Rapids
8. Toyota is running a deal: 1000 cash back on all Sienna mini vans to guys who look like dads. He loves the extra room abd trunk space. Comes standard with navigation. And automatic rear door
9. He read about my recent unearthing of all my doc martens and he thought I might like him more if he looked more crunchy. He told Claire to send him his old flannels and ripped jeans
10. He’s been re-learning his favorite nirvana songs on guitar
11. Next style change: going blonde. Goatee too. Just the goatee!! And maybe some frosted tips. He brought along a box of color and is asking Ashley to dye his hair when they’re in eastern Europe. Feels appropriate. May even grow a euro-mullet… Or slight rat tail.

Clearly, your next facial hair steps on this European tour are soul patch/Flavor saver, dye the facial hair to platinum blond. Shave the soul patch and keep the mustache. Then come back to LA and fit in on the east side. We see your mad perfect facial hair plan. I’m not liking it but I’ll gladly welcome you back to LA with a moustache.

All my 90s love,

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

39 Responses to “Rob takes it back a decade with a goatee”

  1. niahid says:

    That is sex goatee, Moon. Geez, don’t you know? Or sexy incarnate of goat turn into a man?!
    The only man who could get away with moustache is Tom Selleck. Just saying.

  2. JellyBeanRainbow says:

    12. He’s feeling Jax from Sons of Anarchy is THE MAN and he wants to be just like him

    13. The 3 Musketeers movie with Orlando Bloom just came out and he was an unlisted-extra-just-for-fun-no-crazy-fangirls-around-stalking-the-set and had such fun and quiet time filming it so he’s reliving the moments.

    Serioussly Rob, shave it of, just shave everything of, you might even go the distance and shave neck and chest hair off as well, I’ll love you even more.

  3. MariaCecilia says:

    Tom Selleck isn’t getting anywhere with me, handle bar mustache or no. Rob is a different story – no scruffy limits with this man…

  4. MariaCecilia says:

    My God but my Internet connection is a joke today!
    Briefly then: Rob is getting ready for his record release, obviously channeling Kurt Cobain. Plus, Ashley told him girls like the scruff to be unevenly distributed on the guys face for better sex. (She has a sense of humour that girl!) And personally, I don’t care how much or little scruff is on his face, as long as I get to feel it! (Somewhere, anywhere on my body, erhm.)

    • ladyofthemeadow says:

      My theory is that Rob’s scruff serves several purposes, including getting Rob out of shaving daily, which he clearly hates.

      My theory is that while they’re flying around the world doing all those BD promos, Ashley uses his scruff to keep her own face looking radiant. Like a daily facial: “Rob, come over here and exfoliate my cheeks, no, not THOSE cheeks, Rob! Wait til I tell Kristan what you almost did!”.

      Rob’s scruff has to be the reason she looks so smooth and radiant all the freaking time. I wonder what the scruff could do to my legs… love to give it a try.

      • alice_av says:

        If He does not like to shave, do not worries, I can do it for you Rob, every morning of everyday all year around honey. And if necessary at nights, oh yes I can do that job a nights too, you know the shaving lol

      • MariaCecilia says:

        Like I said; anywhere, everywhere is good…

  5. natteringyeahrobber says:

    Oh dear sweet mother of all hormonal surges, he looks fantastic in that suit. The charcoal fabric, with just a slight sheen (screams “pet me”). The gray shirt is the perfect shade of gray, tonally matches the suit. All complimenting his gorgeous eyes and eggghghgghughhhhh I want to do all sorts of things to his neck. There is that space below his ears again. THAT SPACE of WARM FLESH below HIS EARS. Someone put a glass of clear beverage in his hands (in a martini shaped cup) and someone put me directly across from him at a very tiny cafe table. So tiny that as we are sitting, our knees cannot help but touch and bump into each other. So tiny that as he leans down to straighten up his pants, his fingers graze my shins. So tiny that I’m basically sitting on him and he spills his clear drink on me and invites me back to his room so he can offer me a shirt and his boxers to wear until my dress dries. I’ll make sure it never dries.

    Goatee is OK, it sort of suits him (as long as it is trimmed down, I don’t care – the Mythbusters/Hetfield version is less to my liking. Way less).

    • ladyofthemeadow says:

      Rob, did you not take up the free pant hemming? Did you just get the 40 Tall suit off the rack, and say the pant length was “good enough”?

      Did Dean get sent out to buy a suit PDQ? If so, Dean has great taste. Did Dean hold up the pants in the store and say, “He’s almost my height, these will do, I’ll take them, and thanks but I’ll skip the free custom hemming?”

      Look, I have to focus on these persnickety details because if I don’t, I’ll binge on the eyecandy. I’ll have a coronary at work and they’ll have to carry me out in an ambulance and it will be all Rob’s fault.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        OK, you made me go and look for full-body shots of the premiere. I found one and I don’t think the pants are too long. My issue is the cut at the bottom, they are tapered so bunch up at the top of his shoe. Not my favorite cut, I prefer fuller/looser (but not loose or baggy mind you) on men’s pants. It is basically flattering from ankle up.

        Agree that it could use some tailoring either way. I can’t sew anything other than a button on. However, I would be happy try to alter/adjust the fabric around Rob’s pants, all he has to do is ask.

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          Promotion, not premiere. Blaming my hormones & Rob’s pants for my inability to think straight.

        • ladyofthemeadow says:

          For his next pair of pants, er, trousers, I’m volunteering to take on responsibility for an accurate inseam.

          • The Old One says:

            Are you old enough to remember John Belushi’s “Samurai Tailor”? Taking an accurate inseam is VERY important for a proper fit, and knowing which side to leave a little (or a LOT) extra room.

    • Kaybvee says:

      THE SPACE BELOW HIS EARS! YES! Especially the side where his mole is…Kill me now…

      The suit, the blondie bear natural highlights, the sweetness with French fans-dying here.

      And please don’t let him cut his hair before LA, I want it long and wild so he has to mess with it a lot. Yeah, that.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        Also that spot on his lower neck where his chest hair sort of creeps up. Right above his chest.

        Off to wipe down my iPad screen again. And I think my lips might have burned through the first layer of glass. Apple needs to sell special easy-wipe lip-flame proof screen protectors. Or maybe there can be an app that says “I want you too” every time you kiss a downloaded photo of Rob?

    • ER says:

      I’m totally into the goatee, as long as it stays short. IMO, this is a great picture.

  6. allryans says:

    Glad to see David Crowder, world’s ugliest man, on the goatee collage.

    Can we focus just a minute on the almost-mutton-chops? Dear lord, I don’t know a single dude on the planet who went Van Buren and WASn’t a total dick.

  7. miapattinson says:

    he is ‘ALL MAN” in his new goatie…he looks like ready to rape us…hahah!but i like it..hes sexier and hotter…how i wish his hair is longer thou…i missed the sex hair so much

  8. Michelle says:

    Ohhh ouch. I thought it looked all HECKA shades better than that nasty beard…

    But…wow…David Crowder AND Grand Rapids shout outs in one letter?!?! My Christian music loving, Michigan living day is made.


  9. ladyofthemeadow says:

    The goatee is better than the Chewbacca Rob has been sporting recently. Unless it’s Halloween and he wants to get dressed up as Chewbacca. Not much of a costume; we’d recognize him immediately.

  10. fayted17 says:

    I think he looks fuckhot, plus add only one days worth of not shaving to the goatee and you have ROME Rob™, minus a few inches of sex hair.

    • maggie says:

      fayted17: THANK YOU! NOW I know why I’m drooling over his current look: It’s RomeRob with shorter hair! And RomeRob will buckle my knees and turn me into a blithering pile of mush every time. I think he looks amazing. The best ever. He looks more manly than he’s ever looked. I generally hate goatees, but Rob does it in his scruffy way, which I find extremely sexy.

      He finally pushed me over the edge. I NEED to try to get close to that. I REALLY need do. So, I’m biting the bullet and I’m going to go to the BD premiere – crazy campout and all. Heaven help me……

      Rob, you’ll be the death of me yet!

  11. Rob's Bitch says:

    You’re crazy – I love it!

  12. LadyN says:

    BWagahahahagahhaha and dies.

    Seriously, the ‘Doesnt wanna get laid’ pointer might work in his favor considering the many horny twifans out there waiting 23hours in line to steal a CC of his sperm in a used starbucks latte cup from the morning is much likely to happen. They’ll be so disappointed they’ll ask ashley for a picture.

    I think it’s the best desicion YET.

    Sneaky bastard.

  13. gen10 says:

    I think he looks hawt! I love that he looks mature and responsible, and oh so do-able!

  14. BellaStew says:

    Best reason: 6. Is hoping to get a promotion at enterprise rent a car to mid level manager

    11. Next style change: going blonde. Goatee too. Just the goatee!! And maybe some frosted tips. // OMG Just went blind on the mental picture…

  15. Beck says:

    Rob looks Roblicious with a goatee. I LOVE it. Husband is now pouty cause I am spending even more time salivating on my puter looking for more Paris Robporn.

  16. itsaboutthewords says:

    I LOVE the Grand Rapids reference. True dat.

  17. pam says:

    i seriously thought it was only me who wasn’t crazy about the goatee… i prefer the 5’oc shadow, the full grizzly OR just a soul patch. don’t be hatin’ on the soul patch. they’re sexy as hell in a 70’s-black-leather-blazer-fedora-wearin’ hipster kinda way…

  18. Pattygirl says:

    the best goatee was RDJ in Iron man, Rob isn’t a goatee, anyway I prefer the full beard. Love the man not the scruff

  19. twmmy says:

    I’m old enogh to say, with this fur he is not matured. He is simply looking way older than he is. And this form of face hair – for me- don’t fit on anybody. I just hate it.
    He took the first step to out from my robsession. Thx Rob, I will have a life after you make your next two. And anybody said, he made it, because he don’t like to shave… hmmm. this needs to many time to make right – more than I spend in front of a mirror in the morning.

  20. […] been saying all week how much I loooooove European Rob (minus the goatee). You look great traipsing up and down red carpets in Paris (oh la la I miss it) and Brussels all […]

  21. […] 50/50 but BESIDES that this tour has been the best thing to happen to Twilight. We’ve gotten mid 90s goatee Rob, not so blind items, swirly boob dresses, pictures from late nights at bars and all kinds of good […]

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