We’re back and we break down the (hairless) elephant in the room

Dear Rob,

We’ve finally come to terms with what you did and we’re ready to deal with it. Of course we’re referring to the fact you adopted a dog instead of a cat…………… Kidding we’re talking about your hair. DUH. I love dogs.

Let’s break it down!

Avert your eyes

here’s the thing either somehow he got cursed in the last month or some of his dude friends cut it for him when they were drunk cause buzzed hair rob in dec 2009 (sad i know the date) was NOT BAD!! like it was cute! but this… oh this… it just looks WEIRD like how do you make him look bad? by doing THAT
Moon: its like when sam was buzzing it he decided to invent a new hairline too
UC: I have to admit i saw one picture.. Wait back up I heard about it cuz it was revealed where.. Golden Globes? i saw the tweets I heard the screams… etc. etc.
Moon: people’s choice awards
UC: and i was like “What is the big deal.. it’s hair.. i bet it’s fine…”  and so I didn’t look
Moon: i mean some people like it… i also dont think theyre telling the truth but ya know
UC: and then…. I looked AND IT WAS HORRIBLE I mean… HORRIBLE

UC: you’re right. Buzz cut of 2009 (i remember the day I saw that- is that sad? Don’t answer that) was fine. drastic different sure we DID just have the greasy but sometimes delightful sex hair but it was fine THIS however is atrocious I don’t even care what anyone says
Moon: something is just wrong i cant put my finger on it. nor do i want to
UC: Like… it’s a military buzz cut right? one of our hot tub delivery guys just got one. he looks pretty smokin’
UC: Chattum tanning can give ME a military buzz cut he looks so dayum fine… but ROB? ROB looks ….


Why’d I do this to myself!? I don’t know… wanna do it?

The one where I come up with the test
Moon: ok here’s the test
Moon: you’re at a bar. you’ve had ONE drink… ron comes up to chat with you (cause that happens) buys you ONE MORE drink… then wants to knock the boots. REMINDER he has that hair… Would you still DO HIM???
UC: wait… it’s ROB?
UC: like ROB pattinson just with horrible hair? or does he just look like Rob (used to look) with bad hair is he wearing a hat? with a beanie? maybe even a dr. suess hat? I might do it if he had a dr. seuss hat
Moon: NO! rob with this hair. its ron night of peaples coice awards hair, same outfit. nothing can change.
UC: ew
UC: omg
UC: ummm
Hey you, me… wanna go?
UC: how drunk am I?
Moon: two drinks. only one on ron’s tab
UC that’s not very drunk- i have a high tolerance so far in 2012
Moon: exactly
UC: omg… i mean.. he does not look good but it’s Rob ya know?
Moon: no he doesn’t. but the memories remain???
UC: i think…
UC: like he has elf ears
Moon: his ears make him look like one of those scotch fold cats
UC: I think…. as long as his breath doesn’t smell like stale beer, I’d probably be all in. I mean… he’d STILL have a british accent
Moon: true, he does.

It’s sooo haaard to say goodbyeee to yesterdaaaay

Moon: and he’d still be rob from gq days
UC: and a small 93 beat-up BMW to whisk me away in… right.. i bet under the cover he IS that guy (actually i don’t bet that at all…. i’ve written about it many a time)
Moon: oh THAT TOO! how could i forget
Moon: if you suggested i bet he’s even spring for in n out on the way home
UC: i could make my animal style joke I’ve been saving for him…. (‘can we do it animal style”)
Moon: HA *rim shot*
UC: thank you…. i’ll be here all week
Moon: SEE even looking like that we would still do it. THIS IS WHY HE DOES THIS STUFF!!! he can get away with it he can get it in and look like a vagrant
Moon: so youre down with having sex with a scotch fold earred ron…

See even this isn’t that bad!

The one where we find out how easy I am
UC: what about YOU?
Moon: oh, i was in from drink one
UC: hahhaa
Moon: i mean at this point… come on!
UC: so you’re saying if he showed up to one of your NEW hot events you’re throwing at your NEW hot job….you’d be lik e”he- nice to meet you, here’s my card, lets get it on. just let me say bye to my boss?”
Moon: EXACTLY what id say
Moon: peace out suckers or even hey here’s an empty table we can do it under we dont even need to leave the event KLASSY. hahahahah
UC: employee of the year
Moon: yup
Moon: sparkling water still counts as water right?
UC: haha

Hey guys, anyone have a hot pocket?

Moon: this is what rob looks like now
Moon: the ears
UC: hahahahahahahahhaa
UC: Id DEF do Rob if he looked like that
UC: anddddd i just admitted to wanting to do a cat
UC: great
Moon: HAHAHAAHAH you’re into bestiality.
Moon: and scene

Ok Rob, so that’s how we feel about it… weeks later. But I’m sure you knew what we’d say. Since it has been a few weeks hopefully I’ll casually bump into you in the produce section of Von’s and your hairs will have grown out to a respectable length and we can them thump melons together. In bed. IfyouknowwhatImsayin. You do.

YAY! ROB! We’re back!

PS Now I MUST INSIST you make it over to LTT today because you will DIE. Simply die it’s that good.

Yes, the hair. What say you? I mean do you HONESTLY like it??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTTThe ForumTwitterThe Store

44 Responses to “We’re back and we break down the (hairless) elephant in the room”

  1. Bleriana says:

    I srsly thought I was the only one who did not like the cut (but would still do Rob, cos c’mon Rob is Rob. Bad hair or not). I wanna be a fly on the wall when the breaking-it-downs happen. I bet it’s even funnier “live” 😉

  2. stupidshiny says:

    Ummmm, I actually can’t believe I’m about to say this in an international forum buuuut – I like the hair!! OMG I said it! But it’s true, I truly never, ever, EVER thought that I would like his hair like that I mean I’ve never even tried to imagine it because, well why would you? But I saw and I was a little shocked but my first reaction was “OK it’s short and you’re still hot and you’re still on my ‘To do’ list”

  3. dazzledtodeath says:

    Remember when we used to discuss dealbreakers on LTR? well mine was always “if Rob lost his hair-dealbreaker.” Ok, granted, he hasn’t lost his hair, he voluntarily butchered it, but still- and though it looks atrocious, it’s not a dealbreaker. So I guess nothing Rob can do can turn me off him.

    Honestly I think it looks horrible-the ONLY look I’ve ever seen on Rob that makes him (gulp) unattractive.The night of the PCAs I was amazed at all the people in my timeline who loved it. I love a good head of hair on a guy and Rob is no exception-he has probably the best hair in the business. Which is probably why he cut it-we know Rob doesn’t give a shit how he looks or how he’s perceived, and it must be annoying to be (in part) famous for having good hair. Or maybe he really did have lice. Who knows.

    All I know is, this haircut made me pull out my old GQ and VF (not Amish Rob, the first one) to comfort myself with.

    • Thanks for clearing up your VF fave, lol. Did anyone REALLY like Amish Rob?! Bruce Weber is my hero! 😉

      • dazzledtodeath says:

        Amish Rob inspired a fanfic! So somebody loves it. And I’d take Amish Rob’s hair (even the hat) over the prison inmate look any day.

        I’d still do Rob, even with this awful haircut (did Rob get a flowbee for Xmas? He is known for being frugal) but I’d probably turn the lights off. Or at least dim them.

        • That’s true but if we’re going with fanfic here…somebody also loved Debbert enough to write a fanfic!! So I must take it with a grain of salt (even though I have heard great things about the Amishward fic). But I think I’d take Amishward over Buzz Cut Rob. I like a little hair for grabbing 😉

          But yes, I think almost all of us would do Rob no matter what he’s hair is like!

  4. Blondieinco says:

    Gotta say that I like the hair – military buzz cut, with some nice biceps as an accessory. Not my fave, but not repulsive.

  5. GMB says:

    I actually dont think its bad at all, nowhere near as bad as the ComicCon hair.

  6. Brenn says:

    Dear Rob —

    Grow it back. Please. Oh, I still love you and all — a chance encounter with hair clippers could not change that.

    But I miss my dreamy, sexy VF Rob. Please call Bruce Weber for a new photo shoot. Now that you have a little more maturity and a little less hair, I’d like to see what he does with you. I know it would be epic.

    Call me.

  7. The Old One says:

    I heard a rumor that his next project might have something to do with a Soviet police-type character, so maybe he’s working on his thug look? Do I like it? No. But I still like him.

  8. Rob's Bitch says:

    I did a post about how his hair looks like my pubes.


    Proud moment in my life….

  9. Cazza says:

    I don’t like it either. He looks like he has been spending his time in some hard core prison. Good grief Ron, whatever you do, don’t bend down in the shower when you drop your soap….oh wait a minute, you don’t shower or use soap, so no worries there!

    p.s. it will grow back

  10. roslynselene says:

    Do not like but still bangable (not a word). ONLY because he’s Rob and British. Although I do hate hate hate the feeling of a buzz cut! He’d have to wear a hat and since Moon mentioned a Dr. Suess hat, I suggest a “Where’s Waldo” beanie. Problem solved.

  11. Anabel says:

    I hate the almost-non-existing hair! It brings to mind prisons, concentration camps and lice-infested disadvantaged villages. But I love him still. He can go bald as an egg and I’d still love him no matter what. I’d wish though that he’d seize this moment in life when receding hair is not an issue to worry about -yet- and wear his gorgeous mane unapologetically.

    Rob, we get you, you are an actor, you don’t want to be defined by your silky, sometimes greasy locks, but please, throw us fans a bone – again, no pun intended. Stop messing with your hair for, say, 4-6 months, do a photoshoot with Bruce, another GQ cover -thus giving us enough ammo to play with for the next two years- and then cut it again. It will highly appreciated.


  12. Michelle says:

    It hurt. The nakkie head…it hurt me bad. You see the HAIR was 98% of his appeal to me. Yes, I’m shallow. Well, and the Edward thing…

    I may or may not have fantasies about the hair alone.

    I am in mourning. Black clothes and ashes over here.

    Someone alert me when it has grown to a respectable length.

  13. Robsessedgirl says:

    Honestly though, he could look attractive with a mullet(ok maybe not a mullet but VIRTUALLY ANYTHING). I would still knock boots with him. I just love how he gives absolutely no shits about what people think of him. he’s my hero(a hero that I desperately want to have sex with) #normal

  14. “but he’d still have a British accent” YES!! All you have to do is close your eyes and listen to that voice. The hair will then mean nothing!

    Heard this funny on why Rob’s hair is like this:
    TomStu and Rob had a bet. The first one to get his girlfriend pregnant gets to keep his hair. Rob lost…

    • roslynselene says:

      Lol While Rob lost the bet (and his hair), TomStu lost his freedom. Gotta take care of a kid for the next 18 years. Bummer. Rob should take Tom out for a “bachelor’s night” the day before Tom Jr is born. And by “bachelor’s night” I mean a case of Heieneken and hotpockets. (Yes, I’m still making Heineken and Hot pocket references 3 years later…)

    • Anabel says:

      Yes, there is that. His sweet, sexy voice. And his eyes, his sinful long lashes, his smile, his lips….Oh, what the heck! Screw the hair!

  15. Venom says:

    In the ‘why’d I do this to myself…wanna do it’ pic he looks like he’s wearing a swimming cap made of hair so its not my fave. But he could wear an angry wig or even a business wig and I’d totally do him.

  16. lita says:

    I would do him if he was completely bald – both on top and down yonder in the promise land.
    I would do him if he showed up drunk at my doorstep at 2 am for a booty call.
    I would do him in public with the threat of arrest and the thrill of being caught.
    I would do him if Mike Tyson bit his ear.
    I would do him if his parents were in the other room – I would just have to learn tobe quiet in bed.
    And lastly, I would do him for a Klondike bar.

    • I think someone put on the Dr. Seuss hat!! But you need a little more rhyming!

      Yes, I would do Rob in a train!
      I would do Rob on a plane!
      I would do Rob in a box,
      I would do Rob with a…fox?!

      Def needs some work, but you get the idea!

      • roslynselene says:

        Foxes and cats…
        Seems like Rob has turned us off so much, that LTR is turning to bestiality. What’s next, sheep and goats?! O________O

      • Maggie says:

        I would do Rob in my bed.
        I would do Rob behind the shed.
        (What the hell, I do him in my head!)

        I would do Rob in our guestroom.
        I would do Rob in our restroom.

        I would do Rob in the hall.
        I would do Rob against the wall.

        I would do Rob on the floor.
        I’d even do Rob at the grocery store!

        I would do Rob up a tree.
        I would do Rob out at sea.

        I would do Rob without his hair.
        I would do Rob ANYWHERE!

        (Glad to see you ladies back!)

  17. Venom says:

    ..and in a tree
    Bald or not, he’s so hot
    So hot, you see.

  18. Venom says:

    Had to add:

    I would do Rob in the driveway
    I’d even do him in a five-way

  19. 86 Rabbit says:

    Awesome. I needed a bit o’ LTR today. That being said, I would be in if he chatted me up at In n Out. No alcohol required. My needs outweigh my feelings about that hair. Not that I would turn down cocktails.

  20. hiddenlove says:

    Lol. Too much. Too funny.
    I’m reading this in bed, on my phone, next to my sleeping man.
    I almost threw my back out trying to be quite while reading your posts.
    You gals r a hoot!

  21. Guitargirl says:

    Hmmm, I’m a bit late to the game as my computer is stuffed, but I think the hair is ok……hmmm just ok. Not my favourite look, but definitely not my least favourite look either. My least favourite No 1 slot still goes to the wanker banker look that he sports in Cosmopolis. Bloody vile. But then again, I guess its just hair. Lol.

  22. Jessica says:

    Honestly I don’t see what the big deal is. People get haircuts like that all the time. I thought he looked great, as usual.

  23. MariaCecilia says:

    Why the shock? We all knew he could do it: lose the hair, put on weight, dress abominably, get a scraggly wild-man beard. He’s trying to put us off and scare the paps away! Is it working?Not really, for those of us who knew he could look like hell on toast if need be, but loved him for his soul anyway. I’ll follow him home from the pub anytime, beanie or no beanie, even if it’s only conversation that’s up for grabs. (I can always fondle him later, once he’s passed out on the sofa.)

  24. rebarr says:

    I want HAIR…the more the better. My Robwardian dream-operas always boast the following: 1. Chance meeting in an abandoned gothic style english castle with unexplained warm and cheery fire; 2. Love at first sight followed by passionate embraces, mind melting kisses, british accented promises of enduring adoration and the tearing of beautiful victorian lace and silk underthings; 3. Frightening flashes of lightening and terrible crashes of thunder as true love is consumated and thick locks of bronzed and burnished hair is gripped and fondled whilst lovemaking without parallel transpires on the plush carpets of the sitting room. This doesn’t feel right without good hair.

  25. rebarr says:

    Strangely depressing: I went to Stephenie Meyers website (http://www.stepheniemeyer.com) and found that even the creater-author-wealthraking-mother of all vampire franchises has not updated her webstie since April of last year!! That is somehow humilating to me. Here I am spending time, effort and money on being a FAN and she’s OVER IT. I’ve heard long ago that she was over it, but you’d think she’d at least pay some shill to update her site on occastion. Saddening.

  26. Rebarr says:

    True…She’s still cashing checks though….you’d think that in the “twilight” of Twilight she’d be comforting those who made/make her life so $grand.

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