Breaking it down: Cosmopolis – Wait, what did we just watch?

NEON LIGHTS!

Dear Rob,

UC and I waited ALL day to watch the Cosmopolis trailer/teaser together and well 34 seconds later here’s what happened…
.
.
The one where we’re super confused
Moon: wait its only 34 seconds???
UC:  First I have to be honest, I know VERy little about this film except that Paul Giamatti is in it and it takes place in a limo which means I expect Hot Church Bass-like limo sex and he’s in the limo because
done
UC: is this modern day? I’m so confused already
UC: BOOBS
NEON
i haven’t understood a single mumble
WHAT
EW
Moon: um im pretty sure i just saw that womans nipple!!!

UC: WTF
I DID
Moon: wait
UC: dinosaurs?!
WHAT?
haha
OMG
Moon: did he just shoot his hand

wtf is going on?!
UC: YES
Moon: is that a knife in the eye?!

UC: I thought this was a movie about the stock market crash during a limo ride? where he gets syphllis
Moon: dude i liked this movie when it was called DRIVE with Ryan Gosling
UC: HAHAHAH
omg SAME feel
same bumpin music
Moon: wow… im watching that again
UC: who is the girl he effs? Rosario?
Moon: im so confused
UC: me too
fire?
what fire?
HUGE nipples
Moon: DUDE that womans vajay is in a shadow just barely

UC: dude
sex noises
like NOT edward sex noises
there’s like vajay
so he has a lot of sex “so me something i don’t know”
Moon: why is paul giamatti watching him blow his hand off?! with a towel on

UC: THAT is paul?
hahah
Moon: yes…i have the best screenshot ever
.
The one with the most amazing screenshot ever
UC: so he’s a rich kid Chuck Bass-like… who wants to FEEL so he shoots himself in the hand. and asks Paul G. to take off his towel that’s basically what i got
Moon: OMG just just pause and play and you get amazing shots of weird shit.
UC: hahahahahha
Moon: i got one of him peeing IN the limo

UC: WHAT? that’s amazing
Moon: YES. so at the end is the limo declared a hazmat situation?
UC: semen
blood
pee
yes
I think so
Moon: pee and sex fluids and sweat and who knows
UC: sypyllis
UC: looks like the mom from everybody loves raymond is the 2nd girl he effs
UC: from his old pal from France
Moon: wait there are rat men?>??!

do we find out at the end of the movie he’s really just been on an acid trip??
UC: i thought they were dinosaurs at first…
and yes… I’m guessing
or it was all a dream
i mean.. maybe he’s ALSO on an acid trip in the limo. PEEING.
.
The one where we still can’t figure it out
Moon: dude. what is going on???
UC: now he’s doggy styling raymond’s wife

is HE cutting out the eye?
Moon: DUDE he’s doing DEBRA?!
Debra Barone
UC: HAHHAA
YES i mean… it sure looks like her in this teaser. I assume that buttoned up blonde woman is the one who is gonna “show him something he doesn’t know” which is… a woman who wears underwear in the daytime a woman without an STD? a woman with normal sized nipples?
Moon: and wasnt married to raymond

UC: wasnt on one of the most popular shows of the late 90s? haha. she’s gonna shows him how to study hard at law school?
Moon: shes gonna nag him about putting up his dirty socks and doris roberts is gonna walk in with the old grandpa and complains about Debra’s cooking.
.
The one where… WHAT IS THIS?!
Moon: dude what did we just watch??
UC:  I dunno but… I mean its different and like… a totally different audience… i mean… this might work? could this WORK for him?
Moon:i sure hope so i mean based on what i heard from my NON twilight friends im crossing my fingers for him but like really he shot himself in the hand
UC: right  that’s gross and that eye
me: so DRIVE. it looks like drive meets social network meets everybody loves raymond.
UC: i mean.. this is TOTALLY not the kind of movie I’d like to see. ALSO i never saw Drive so stop that
Moon:drive is the best
ever

Ok, so this is obviously a post with some of the craziest images/screencaps we’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m really interested to see this because of how crazy  it looks.

A rat/A dinosaur/A nipple/A limo?
Moon and UC

What did you think of this? Does this make any kinds of sense to any one or are you just in it for him doing Everybody Loves Raymond’s wife?

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33 Responses to “Breaking it down: Cosmopolis – Wait, what did we just watch?”

  1. superhumanmoron says:

    It makes sense in the “I read the book” kinda way, but not that the book makes total sense…

    Disclaimer: you will not like his character. At. All. If you do, you have issues. Just sayin.

  2. GMB says:

    I felt the same way watching this trailer. i didnt understand it at all the first time I watched it and the second time I watched it all I could say was “well ok then…..”.

  3. Edible art? says:

    That is some weird shizz !! Man I can’t wait to see it – also re Bel Ami and the woeful review a few weeks ago I saw that too and loved it – it’s no BBC 1994 adaptation of Pride & Prejudice mind but better that the film version of Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow – yes I do have my own period drama ratings system. Also I tricked my bookclub into reading Bel Ami (obvs keeping the Robsession on the DL) they liked it so much they all went to see the film- and as unbiased viewers liked it too !! I rest my case.

    Over and out – EA xx

  4. onemoreorless says:

    Yes, I am excited to see that movie!. I was not sure about it until I saw the teaser yesterday. I am kind of “hiding behind the pillow” when it comes to violent scenes and actually I am afraid of David Cronenberg previous works ( thatś why I am a cronenberg virgin, except from “a dangerous method”). But I am very curious to see, if ROB can finally convince all the doubters by peeing perfectly in a limo. PLUS: That’s going to be movie, that I can watch with my husband without shyly sniggering. Thumbs up!
    PS.: Dear Mr. Cronenberg, cut the eye out… I mean…this scene, cut it out!

    • The Old One says:

      Me too, I’ve been afraid of watching Cronenberg movies except A Dangerous Method (oh and I did see The Fly once a long time ago), but like anything Rob said he loved I’m determined to give it a try. This teaser was one giant kick in the balls to all the fanboys who’ve been making fun of Rob for years–now they’re all jumping on the bandwagon. So if Rob gains guy fans and loses some Twi-girl fans, it will be a good thing, I think.
      All these reviews are just the tip (of the iceburg, I mean):
      http://robertpattinsonnews-uk.blogspot.com/2012/03/everyone-is-talking-cosmopolis-buzz-on.html

    • PerfectDate says:

      I am a big Viggo fan (since LoTR), so I have seen History of Violence and also Eastern Promises both directed by David Cronenberg. Well, “seen” meaning I hid my eyes behind my hand and peeked through my fingers to watch.

      The thing is you could tell when the gross out violence was coming, so that made it easier to avoid watching those parts. I absolutely hate horror movies, Silence of the Lambs freaks me out (for instance) but I can handle History of Violence. Through my fingers anyway 🙂 Eastern Promises, I have only seen parts of, I think I kept changing the channel because it got boring or I was afraid it was going to get gross, but then I would turn back because, well, Viggo.

      • Sara Bublitz says:

        Ooo, I forgot about Eastern Promises! Love that movie! Viggo with all the tats, YUM! I am a huge fan of gore and horror, so this is right up my alley!! I am also down with the weird/strange/kinky/twisted movies, keeps me on my toes, and most likely I wont have figured out the whole freaking plot of the movie in the frist five minutes, why does everything have to be so predictable these days?!

      • The Old One says:

        Thanks for the hints on those movies. I’m a Viggo fan too, and am curious about all the Cronenberg hype, but it’s hard being a horror wimp to get up the courage to watch his movies.

  5. emeraldjo says:

    Lol so hard!

    I read the book, because I do that with Rob ventures. (WFE and Bel Ami, too. I’d read most of the Saga before the first film came out.) I like to have an idea of what he’ll be doing so I can pick out favorite scenes and pray they make it past the screenwriter, director and editor.

    This book is a serious mindf*ck to start with, and that just made me all the more excited to see Rob take on the character of Eric Packer. THIS is the kind of film I think he’s been dying to make, and from the 60-odd media critiques I’ve read of the trailer, there’s going to be some major back-tracking regarding his acting abilities. It’s already started, and I’m looking forward to those smug-ass reviewers having to eat their previous condescending comments.

    Preferably with a side order of rat.

    Since you girls didn’t read it, I’ll give you a slight spoiler for you to think about. Eric Packer has sex with more women in that one day than Georges Duroy does in the whole of Bel Ami, plus gets a male finger up his ass. He also gets naked with about 299 other people in the middle of a street.

    Yeah, I think Rob had a blast making this movie and he’s going to be snickering into his Hot Pockets for a while.

    Dear Rob,
    Have a Heineken. Cheers to finally being taken seriously as an actor. And a ‘thanks and well done’ to David Cronenberg for having the open-minded guts to cast you.
    love, me

  6. Sara Bublitz says:

    I. LOVE. THIS.

    I watched the teaser/trailer a few times, and YES it is super “whatthehelloisgoingonhere” & OMG did he just pee, and is that a huge RAT?! I opted not to read the book as everyone who read it- said they did not understand what the hell was going on, and it was all kinds of twisted, but I am a freak and LOVE TWISTED!! It also reminds me of Donny Darko (which I LOVED), so uh, totally gong to go see this!

    If nothing else it will be a movie you never will forget…
    Even if you wish you could!

  7. Amber says:

    It’s Cronenberg. It’s supposed to be effed up. Or so all the Cronenberg fan boys say.

    I read an article that said the only Rob fans that will see it will be the ones completely invested into his career for some crazy reason they can’t understand and I was like, damn, that is me. I’m gonna go see this once, cringe, go home, buy it on DVD but never take the shrink wrap off.

    P.S. Here come the trolls to point out in a very mean way that the woman in the limo is not in fact Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond. I’m calling it.

  8. Guitargirl says:

    I detested the book, (not because of the storyline, but because of the pretentious way it was written IMO) I don’t like the Eric Packer look (guys with a side parting and a suit leave me cold) and I had absolutely no interest in going to see this film AT ALL as absolutely nothing appealed to me.

    However, after seeing the trailer I have a surprisingly renewed and enthusiastic mojo. I enjoyed the swagger, the almost glimpse of the peen, the sex, and hell, even the peeing, as it is all something completely and utterly different. I obviously like ‘the bizarre.’ Who knew?

    When is this film being shown again? 😀

  9. Usualnurse says:

    Yes, I had a a hard time reading the book, and in the same breath I can say I couldn’t put it down bc it was so bizarre. The writing style was so difficult to follow but utterly unique. From the first scene in the book I had an immediate image of GQ Rob with the Ray Bans on staring at his building from the streets of NYC…I was hooked. As I was reading, I kept imagining Rob acting out these bizarre scenes and thought to myself “wow..if he can pull this off, this will be his break- out role” (break-out of Edward Cullen I mean).
    After seeing the clip (about 10 times….BTW its on Robsessed in slow motion) it’s even more dramatic than I imagined it to be. His face when he shoots his hand is incredible, and let me just say his swagger makes me have to excuse myself for a few minutes of privacy ( with the cosmopolis trailer on replay on my phone, of course). I do think this has the potential to be the role that makes critics think twice about Rob. Great choice for him!

  10. Laxplays says:

    1. My hubby saw the nipple and that was it. I think he will walk into the movie theatre with me, without kicking and screaming and muttering “not this Twi shite”.

    2. This film will attract a wider male audience for him.

    3. Yes, very weird and crazy but you know what, it looks intriguing. I’m bored of the vanilla type films he has done, he needs to try something different. Something gritty and I think this is it. I hope he can pull off the entire film.

    4. Ended up watching the slow mo version of this trailer, I mean, I was beginning to question my eyesight when I saw the rat and dinosaur. Quirky and dark. Bring it on.

    5. We may not love his character in this film but I don’t want to love his character in every film. Let’s see some nasty Ron.

    X

  11. Itsyblueandrewsr says:

    I read the book, twice! And I still don’t understand it. I will see the movie and don’t care if I don’t understand it, it’s Rob doing something different and from the teaser doing it well.

  12. Venom says:

    Since I haven’t read the book(yet?) I thought this was going to be a comedy about a bad haircut. Um, oops. And I thought the same things. ‘he shot his hand? Wtf is on his face? Dinosaurs? Ooh nudity. Yucky eye violence! Look away!’ kinda wanted to be in the limo, tho.

  13. PerfectDate says:

    So my friend and I are disagreeing. She says Rob really went all method, drank like 10 Cokes, did the scene for realz and urinated in the limo floor toilet. That it would be a totally Rob thing to do, just a little bit weird but that if DC said to do it he totally would have.

    I think it is CGI pee. I mean, can you really pee on command in front of all these crew? Really?

    I told her I’ll give her my super special Edward New Moon tote if she is right. That’s normal. Right?

    • The Old One says:

      I was wondering that myself–but I think it was maybe a little squirt bottle of water that you could control better than the . . . usual . . . thing. You know, so it doesn’t splash all over? You know how bad even coordinated guys’ aim can be, and with Rob, well, you know.

  14. MariaCecilia says:

    I don’t get the “Knife-in-the-eye” reference, and I don’t remember any actual rat people in the book, just protesters in the street, but the book has a lot of random sex and violence and ennui in it. Looks like Cronenberg that’s for sure. It will be fun to see how Rob fits into the context of this particular director!

  15. twiprof says:

    oh my, I love it when you two get together and break it down…moon and uc, thank you for making me laugh OUT LOUD today! I needed it…..and also, this teaser made me feel alittle 2nd hand embarassed….who the hell will go to see this movie with me?

  16. roslynselene says:

    Now this is the movie I’ve been waiting for. Bel Ami and his naked thrusting ass can wait a while but I need Cosmopolis like NOW. I think it’s a far more interesting story because seriously, the book is left me saying, “What the heck just happened?” so I wanna see if watching it will help me figure this out.

    Haha and it does kinda remind me of Drive. Buuuut, I didn’t really like Drive. The best actor in that movie was Hal from Malcolm in the Middle.

  17. Pattygirl says:

    Love the teaser, Bel Ami and Cosmopolis, most anticipated movie of 2012 plus The Raid, Indonesian action movie directed by UK born director Gareth Evans which has 86% rating rotten tomatoes, Rob shd do something with him for his first Hollywood movie, he is hardcore and a good writer, director, editor .

  18. ladyofthemeadow says:

    Alert! think the new Cosmopolis trailer could have a horny librarian, at 0:22. Well, it’s his wife in the movie, but she could pass for one.

  19. Vera says:

    Hi ladies, How are you? Hope everything is fine.

    Last night I finally watched Breaking Down – part 1, because I had nothing else to do. Should have chosen another movie.

    At least Taylor Lautner is getting better and hotter.
    Renesmee was a good ideia, after all.
    The actor plays convincingly Charles.
    The couple saying yes at the altar. A great moment.

    I have to complain about:

    Edward´s story. He deserved a stronger plot. I could do better.
    The ridiculous scene where The Cullens were fighting against werewolves.
    Just after the birth scene, Edward´s face is dirty of blood. It seemed like he had eaten too much ketchup. There weren´t enough drama. Rob put on a smiling face over the whole movie. He possibly couldn´t wait to get rid of Edward.
    Bill Condom ended up with a cold empty movie, despite Bella´s belly.

    I miss Twilight Edward and there is nothing I can do about it.

    • Vera says:

      I mean Breaking Dawn.

    • Pattygirl says:

      Agree Vera, Twilight was badass, Rob gave his best Edward , its has the badass villians, best kiss, best soundtrack and score etc.

      In the sequels Edward just become kind like a vase/prop because of the stupid summit, producers, directors and SM whos objective was to get the sequels out the way and money!. They didn’t respect the fans and the book and even with SM abroad, they couldn’t get it right.
      Well I am happy some other franchise is doing well because it did justice to the book.

  20. Melissa says:

    Rob pissin’ in a limo. Paul Giamatti in a towel. I’m so stoked for this thing.

  21. LadyN says:

    Everybody love Ramond’s wife. bwahhahahahahahah ILU bisnashes.

    No kidding! I was like wtf is going on?! yet I was HUGELY turned on and I STILL don’t know why!

    you know what it reminds me of? Pulp fiction! The white shirt and slacks and drugged up as HELL. Yes.
    Just hope John Travolata doesn’t pop up and Rob tries to doggy him too. geesh. theres so much i can take.

    ps. only hard core Rob fans sit there pausing to freeze the frame of Rob peeing and then wishing you could see more but simultaneously fear that its THAT small and that’s why it isn’t showing.

    So many emotions!

  22. Maggie says:

    I’ve watched this trailer in slo mo and also in regular speed like a bazillion times. I love Cronenberg – he’s so far off the wall and I like that stuff, and it goes without saying that I love Rob (duh!). This movie looks all kinds of weird and crazy. I’m excited that we’re gonna see a whole new side of Rob’s acting – plus LOTS of other parts of Rob. I’m anxious to see Bel Ami, but this is the movie that I really can’t wait for. I hope Rob and Cronenberg get huge kudos for it.

  23. Pattygirl says:

    Rob name in the poster shows Cronberg huge respect to Rob ability

  24. Pattygirl says:

    if anyone interested about the movie, go to the movie blog , they have book to movie discussion thats easy to understand, Cronberg goes right by the book.

  25. […] sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers […]

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