Mini Break down of the most recent Rob Pattinson WTF photoshoot

Dear Rob,

We didn’t plan it (and we hope you didn’t plan the photoshoot either) but once we saw the latest photos of you online, we just had to break them down vanity fair MINI style:

UC: So….. you know how the saying goes “put a vagina on Rob Pattinson’s stomach & it will look beautiful?”
Moon: Yeah I’ve heard that one a couple times
UC: yeah well they were wrong”
Moon: well looks like rob’s stomach vagina got a groupon for laser hair removal
UC: lucky. I’ve been waiting for a good deal

UC: Oh and just when you thought there was no reason to hang on to that pack of maxi pads your mom bought you the first time you got your period… turns out there is… How many “pads on heads” look alikes will we see at Rob’s next movie premiere you think?”
Moon: wtf is that third eye doing on that pad?
UC: That’s all You find strange about that picture?
Moon: This doesn’t help clarify what Cosmopolis is about for me….


Robby you already wore that shirt in France...

Moon: DUDE. that is HIS shirt. I mean we know all those clothes are borrowed, but they dry clean stuff… it can touch your skin rob, it’s OK. no cooties

Moon: OMG— is this woman pregnant? are the Robsteners ok?? Has a hit been put out on this woman yet?

UC: Yes I think I saw few hits tweeted. Kristen’s security has been notified about this slut. Probably also a fan of Jackson Rathbone’s.

Moon: how rob really is. every day:

Moon: how we all imagine rob:

UC: seriously that first picture IS Rob. In his actual motel room… he stays at the motel 6 for fun. even though he has a big house in LA.. he just rent out the motel 6 b/c he feels more comfortable
Moon: the bed bugs make him feel “normal” like one of the little people again. ps why are they watching VHS? this really is his rent-by-the-hour love shack
UC: that’s an extra charge at the motel 6. Makes him feel high-class
Moon: when he gets bored of kristen he meets this girl there. They do have a really great program though, you bring in your own vhs’s and trade for other travelers vhs’s.
UC: so unique!
Moon:so far he’s gotten to watch an original copy of The Land Before Time and Sex Lies and Video Tape (ON video tape)

"We'll leave the light on for Rob"

UC: he’s thinking of turning that into an online business
Moon: VHS-ster
UC: yep. VHS-flix. still working on the name
Moon: you know for when the whole acting thing is over- slash- his summer job… for extra spending money

Moon: LOOK AT US! Mini break down
UC: SO EASY!!! picked it up like we were doing this for years!

UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s Vagina-maxi-pad photoshoot? Would you like to have a threesome with 2 Robs? Yes that’s a rhetorical question. 

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

33 Responses to “Mini Break down of the most recent Rob Pattinson WTF photoshoot”

  1. Natas says:

    It was Rob’s idea to do the photo shoot. It was a homage to David Cronenberg’s movies. I read it on a tumblrpage (

  2. niahid says:

    all i can say is Rob is no Michael Fassbender, yes people
    i just saw SHAME. GAH!!!!

  3. MariaCecilia says:

    Hey, this is obviously a Cosmopolis photoshoot, since Cronenberg made that weird movie about a man with a vagina in his stomach LOL! Wow, just think what other themes they may come up with; Rob in a car crash, Rob in a knife fight naked in the shower, Rob as a giant bug – the possibilities are indeed endless…
    I STILL love me some Rob, so bring it!!!

    • niahid says:

      If the photoshoot was a tribute to Cronenberg, why not go all the way and recreate the infamous naked fight in sauna ala Mortensen in History of violence or Eastern Promises is it?!
      It’ll be one heck of legendary photoshoot 😀

      • MariaCecilia says:

        Yep, Eastern promises, that’s the one I was rambling about. *sigh* Still, if Rob won’t come through we’ll always have Viggo Mortensen..

  4. Silverdragon says:

    Wow, and here I thought he stabbed himself with the knife because one of his Hot Pockets was old and he got a stomach-ache… 😉

  5. Nelle says:

    A sad misuse of The Pretty is all I can say.

  6. roslynselene says:

    I really like these photos. They’re… weird. Is this an attempt to bring public awareness of the dangers of black market plastic surgery gone wrong?

    Even though I read Cosmopolis, this photo shoot has nothing to do with the story (except for the third eye thing). Or maybe I’m too dumb to understand it…

  7. nocoolname says:

    What? These are just NO.

  8. Bea says:

    This photoshoot has served to make me never want to see anything made by Cronenberg. I just don’t have the stomach for it.

  9. The Old One says:

    These are Rob’s tribute to past Cronenberg movies (movies I don’t want to see because they’re too squicky), just to be Tweed, and apparently he is the one that suggested the idea to the photographer.

    I love your freakiness Rob, and I love your clever plan to shake off everyone who is not a true fan by getting wierder and wierder. Clever ploy!

    I liked this photoshoot and interview so much I went to buy a copy of the mag, but they don’t get the current issue until two months later, *sadface*.

    • firefly says:

      If you want i could send it to you. I live in france.

      • The Old One says:

        That’s so sweet of you to offer, firefly. I will wait until my local store gets it, as it gives me an excuse to go in and buy other magazines while I’m checking to see if it’s there–and I need to keep buying things there or they will go out of business because everything is online now.

      • Pattygirl says:

        Hi Firefly ,I want a copy if its not a hassle,live in Jakarta, Indonesia, whats your email ?

  10. The Old One says:

    I actually got more icky vibes from the sofa and carpet than the body makeup stuff. A hotel room that hasn’t been thoroughly cleaned since 1972… ugh!

    • MariaCecilia says:

      And let’s hope Rob has renounced his earlier wayward habits and is now diligently showering every day – or the sofa might take offence! (I wouldn’t, if Rob landed on me…just saying..)

  11. Blondieinco says:

    This. This is why I love LTR – I didn’t even know these pictures existed! And frankly, now that I’ve seen them, I’ll be trying to forget them. They can keep the crazy, artsy stuff. I’m a simple gal who likes my Rob Harper’s Bazaar style.

  12. georgina says:

    dear firefly, i would like to have this mag if you don’t mind sending it fr France, i would reimburse you for the expense :p contact me at thanks

  13. Usualnurse says:

    I actually like these. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some vanity fair, GQ rob, but I love his bizarre side! I love that he is the one who suggested this photo shoot! And I agree that this a great method to rid Rob of his teen followers and show his critics he’s not just pretty boy Edward or simply a Teen Hearthrob (though he is still pretty, isn’t he? Even with an eyeball maxipad on his head!) What surprised me is how sexy im finding his legs!!??? We’ve all discussed handporn, fingerporn, jawporn, lip porn, etc, but to the best of my knowlegde, the only word thats been paired up with robs legs is “wonky”, never “porn”. But wow, that pic of him in bed with the next robsten victim, his legs are doing it for me. And let me just say, if he’s gonna have a vagina on his stomach, I wish it were mine 🙂

  14. Maggie says:

    I FLOVE this photshoot. It’s weirdly disturbing and incredibly hot. I think I adore Rob even more since I heard that all this was his idea. (Homage to Cronenberg films). And can I please be the cream in a Rob Oreo? The filling in a Rob sanwich?? And don’t even get me started on those long, legs…. mmm….mmm….MMM….

  15. Maggie says:


    We posted at the same time and looks like we’re of the same mind. I’m not sure I’ll ever think of those legs as wonky again. That particular picture has burned a permanent brand into my head.

  16. Usualnurse says:

    I just noticed the same thing Maggie about the timing of our postings! How funny! Damn those legs! CRAZY that I now have to add legporn to my robporn list. I keep wondering when my “fondness” for him will subside, I fear it never will as long as he continues to be so interesting (oh, and hot)

  17. Jael says:

    Rob + Cronenburg homage= one very happy fangirl of both. I especially love the references to ‘Videodrome’ (the one with the vagina stomach. You guys wouldn’t like it since in the movie it’s James Woods with the vagina stomach and he fucks it with a gun. I am not kidding).

    And I wish I were that woman in the threesome picture.

  18. LadyN says:

    Two weird Robs for the price of one. Plus tax for the preggers lady though. The which Rob got her sperminated is a wonder.

    I like it, but then again i’m weird too so *shrug* Want to make the upside down vagina my Facebook cover pic, scare my friends a bit. His happy trail is going the opposite way and I wanna follow.

    But let me get this straight, She’s preggers but the chest groupon waxed vagina will shit the baby out? I’ll take that.

  19. che says:

    Happy Birthday ROB!
    finally im forzen 26

  20. Pattygirl says:


  21. TeamSeth says:

    “We’ll leave the light on for Rob”

    I died.

    Also, the bed with sheet is so VampDi color scheme meets True Blood Skarsgard photoshoots and first sex dream Sookie/Eric from season 2.

    It’s like Rob is in bed with Nina Dobrev and some other guy that may be Ian Smoulderholder, but could also be ASkars, but is actually Rob all Parent Trap style.

    Next time I need such weirdness, I’ll just watch Twin Peaks.

  22. Rob's Zombie says:

    I love it!!!!!! They are some of my favorite photos as of yet! He is so freaky, and the legs! Don’t even get me started, I went crazy on his sex toes during breaking dawn just sayin’!

  23. MrsKowski says:

    Yes, I’m late to the party on this post but:

    “put a vagina on Rob Pattinson’s stomach & it will look beautiful?”

    I didn’t even think of that when I looked at that picture. Until now. Now I’m grossed out. In a grossed out but still love it kinda way.

  24. Katester says:

    “How Rob really is” – CLASSIC!

    Thanks for making me bark out a big evil laugh just as the summer pack of interns (I’d put the word slaves with a line through it here if I knew how) tiptoed into my office.

    Now I’ll never get one of them to make words with lines through them for me.

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