Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

Confession: This is as far as I’ve gotten in my quest to see Cosmopolis:

Talking to @Brookelockart at brunch this weekend:

Me: Are we going to see Cosmopolis?
Brookelockart: Is it out?
Me: Yes
Brookelockart: I dunno
Me: k

And I know! I am a ROB fan. I am currently writing on a ROB blog. What is wrong with me? I can think of 8 other things I’d rather do than go see Cosmopolis:

  1. Watch that DVD of “How to Be” I never started (nope. oops)
  2. Go see The Dark KnightRises (I’m behind on movies, k?)
  3. Eat a vegetarian hot pocket (do they make those?)
  4. Go camping (I hate camping)
  5. Go through my archives of Rob Pattinson magazines (I did some cleaning and found them the other day)
  6. Daydream about Jim Harper (SO SAD The Newsroom is over!)
  7. Husk Corn (It’s corn on the cob season!)
  8. Browse Robsten Tumblrs (one of my favorite activities)

I’m sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers didn’t sell it to me. As much as I love looking at you, I am just not in the mood.

I love my husband but that doesn’t mean everything he says and does is perfect. You’re like that for me.

Don’t tell my husband I just compared you two. 


Call me a bad Rob fan! Yell at me at tell me I don’t deserve to look at the pretty! And after you’re done, the rest of you jump in & confess why you haven’t seen Cosmopolis either. And after the jump, hear from a gal who WILL watch the movie

The day I became a Super Fan.

It’s always the same story. We saw Twilight. We fell in love with you as Edward. You gave adorkable interviews and we then fell in love with you, Rob, the actor, the person, the hobo. We cyber stalked you and found this blog. We went to midnight showings, visited movie sets, bought pocket Eddies and photoshopped you carrying a piñata and mailed you across America…. Don’t ask.

We rented The Summer House and were disappointed that your appearance in it was oh so brief. We stood in line for 2 hours to have our photo taken with PFach at convention centers (so worth it Peter!!) and endured 100 Monkeys concerts because, for some, it was as close as we could get to you. The lucky ones waited hours and even days to see you at Comic-con and at your movie premiers. And that’s all normal. That’s what fans do.

But today, I have graduated to Super Fan. No, I did not buy a food dehydrator so I could send you homemade beef jerky. Nor I did not get a official letter telling me I needed to stay more than 200 feet away from you and Bear. What happened today will set the new standard in fandom…It pains me to say it….but I FINISHED reading Cosmopolis. IN. ITS. ENTIRETY. It was torture. And I can promise that this letter contains no spoilers because I have no EFFING idea what it was about. I just wanted to know the story behind your new hair-do. (I mean, I read Water for Elephants and it was a great book!!) But Cosmopolis was as abstract as the song “I am the Walrus”. The time line was hard to follow and the dialog…oh lawdy the dialog, was baffling. Do people really talk like that?

If Dom Delillo wrote a conversation between two LTR gals….

“I remember what you told me once.”

“What’s that?”

“Plaid is the new black.”

“What did I mean?”

“You meant that tweed may well be efficient but the plaid is where the action is. Where our thoughts are. Hobos should know this. Yes?”

“Did I mean Hotpockets as well?”

“I don’t know. Did you?”

“Not quite. But yes.

“But there was something missing for you. Or nothing missing.

“Breaking Dawn Edward looks asymmetrical.”

“Koo koo ka choo.”

Because I love you I will still see the movie. I’ll be the one holding a baggie of beef jerky tied with a plaid ribbon.



PS this letter was written right after his Brit Road trip…hence the beef jerky references.

Did you see Cosmopolis? Am I missing out? Should I ignore my latest crush on Jim Harper & go see it? Do you also have a crush on Jim Harper from The Newsroom, too? Sometimes I talk about him over on That’s Normal


48 Responses to “Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis”

  1. stupidshiny says:

    Well I WAS going to go and see it. Then I found out that only one cinema in the whole of my STATE (which is about as big as Texas with one fifth the population!) is showing it. That cinema is about an hour and a half from where I live and, AND they’re only showing it once a day AND at 3.45 in the afternoon!! What the?? Way to get an audience people. Thumbs down 🙁

  2. Sue G. says:

    I was going to see it but it is 1 hour from my house and showing at 3:00. Don’t they know I have to be back home in time to make dinner for my family? Guess I’ll have to wait for the DVD.

  3. Melissa says:

    im a huge fan of the fly, eastern promises and a history of violence so i actually really wanna see cosmopolis, but it’s not playing in pittsburgh! total bummer.

  4. Nelle says:

    Not around my area yet. I will suffer through it (I know I’m going to hate it) just to watch Rob.

    Amy- LOVE your dialog.

  5. sjaantje says:

    Almost every week, a friend and I go to the Indie theater that is only 15 minutes away. On our last visit I told her when I saw the poster, “You don’t have a choice. You are coming to see “Cosmopolis” with me. Be prepared, it is going to be a strange movie.”.

  6. Mariposa says:

    My husband actually said he’d take me to this one. Its opening this weekend in Dallas but my MIL is also trying to come in town & he’s trying to cancel but can’t get a hold of her. Wish me luck please! I really want to see it.

  7. Steph says:

    I was planning on seeing it later this week but they stopped showing it most Australian cinemas last Wednesday, including all cinemas in my State.

  8. Taty says:

    Hi everyone!

    I’ve been a lurker for a while, but I never posted any reply before. First of all, please forgive my English.

    I saw Cosmopolis when it opened here on May 25th (I live in Italy btw). I absolutely love David Cronenberg’s movies and I was really looking forward to see this one of course. I mean… ogling the pretty plus in a C’s movie? That’s a win/win situation for me.

    I’m glad to report that I absolutely LOVED it. All the 5 times that I’ve seen it. LOL Yep!

  9. The Old One says:

    Some days I hardly think about Robert Pattinson at all. Hardly. Apparently my obsession is not so much in my conscious mind, but has gone into more of an instinctual, reflex part of my brain like breathing and blinking. That explains why I’ve seen Cosmopolis twice now, like I needed to do it like I need to go grocery shopping or wash my hair, but I’ve hardly given it a second thought.

    By the way, he was monstrously good, but the dialogue may be too impenetrable for a lot of people, as AmyNKansas demonstrated so well above. LTR as written by Don DeLillo!

    • MariaCecilia says:

      “my obsession is not so much in my conscious mind, but has gone into more of an instinctual, reflex part of my brain like breathing and blinking” LOL! You say it so well The Old One: now at least I know how to describe my medical condition next time I see my shrink!

  10. Willow says:

    I saw it in the UK in May… It was awesome. It didn’t matter that the dialogue was written exactly as Amy’s example (which was hilarious!) it didn’t matter that I hadn’t read the book. I loved it and so did my husband. Rob is terrifically awesome as Eric Packet. End of.
    If Cosmopolis is playing near you and you call yourself a Rob fan you really have no excuse not to go. No wonder his films don’t rake in the millions of dollars we expect them to make if his so called fans just can’t be arsed to go see them.

  11. LadyN says:

    I watched it! I know, surprising.

    It was bad and then it was good. All at once. Is that possible?

    Have to say I dose off at the end a bit. Then started awake when he shot his hand, then daydreamed about my instagram post of that day.

    Sigh. I’m a bad fan. But I DID watch it! Even got lost drove to the independent film local theater that’s clearly out of my way. My sis MADE me buy her a cocktail after though…. Ohhh the things I do for Ron.

    Ask me what they were talking about during the sex scene in bed….. ask me. That was hot. Though I could tell a lil he was unsure about where to put his hands.

    Fav part: Erik’s Nancy. Babich. I LAUGHED HARD.

    Baby boy is getting extremely well at this acting thing. Proud of him.

    • MariaCecilia says:

      Now I’m totally jealous a) because I won’t get to watch Cosmopolis until twelve days from now (counting!) b) because they could have hired ME to block that sex scene with Rob and show him exactly where he should put his hands! 🙁

      • LadyN says:

        I have a few places where he can put his hands too…

        Like this hair pin I lost months ago between my headboard and bed. I REALLY liked it. He has thin enough digits. 🙂

  12. Venom says:

    Really want to see it, but the closest theatre showing it is an hour and a half away. So I am a bad fan. I will rent it on iTunes though. 

    I don’t think there’s a veggie hot pocket. If there is, it’s probably made out of reclaimed plastic veggies from the 70’s.

  13. Love Hate says:

    I went into this movie prepared to love it because it looked weird and twisted, and that’s right up my alley…. and obviously because Rob was in it. But sweet baby Jesus, I had no idea what was going on most of the time. On the plus side, Rob’s acting was pretty excellent… actually, I think everyone’s was. The plot though was just borderline painful at times. Not the entire time, but sometimes. I have SO many questions left unanswered!

  14. natteringyeahrobber says:

    The dialogue is wacky. The LTT dialogue above is a spot-on parody of Cosmopolis. Questions to answer questions with no answers but that isn’t the point, or is it. Theorizing about theoreticals. Random rat flinging. I have never been a DeLillo fan. But I couldn’t resist the double attraction of Cronenberg and Rob.

    There are many reasons to see this, especially in theatres.

    1. Rob’s giant precancerous mole is best viewed on the big screen.
    2. Paul Giamatti’s acting. Somehow he managed to take an ordinary towel and transform it into an unforgettable prop that will haunt you forever. No other actor would have been capable of that. Pretty sure I’m going to be Paul Giamatti in a towel for Halloween this year.
    3. The sets. The abandoned office building with piles of DOS computers and metal file cabinets. The barber shop. The partially undergrond bookstore. So much detail on all the sets.If you end up sitting in the theater and hating this movie, there is always the sets to focus on. The background people are pretty interesting too.
    4. The rat people are funny.
    5. You too will finally know where limos go at night if you watch this movie.

    • LadyN says:

      THE TOWEL!
      I actually didn’t find it so weird because my brother used to do that a lot. lolol Just reminded me of my Bro walking around a dirty room, dressed, freshly showered with a towel on head.

      It remind me of the smell of soap watching Giamatti. Odd, i know.

      Loved that detail though.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        Somehow I wasn’t thinking about soap when I saw Giamatti with the towel. I know smell-o-vision isn’t real, but I could smell the gross stench of rotting food and waste in that makeshift apartment.

        But I did think maybe it was supposed to be some sort of wig, like maybe the sort of wig judges wear in the UK. Every once in a while, he’d put it on his head, as if he were being the judge of something. Or it could be that it was just a way for him to drown out the fungus talking? Can never be sure. I guess it doesn’t even matter.

    • The Old One says:

      1. The Mole: “Let it express itself!” Words to live by.
      2. Paul Giamatti’s Towel: Oscar nominee for Best Accessory of 2012.
      3. The Sets: And you thought the whole thing was in the limo. Was that a real bookstore? I want to spend all my time there like Eric’s wife. And then Rob shows up and asks me to lunch. And then tells me we have to have sex NOW.
      4. Rats: Yes, amusing.
      5. Still don’t know where they go, but the one in the movie is going to need more than a power wash.

      • natteringyeahrobber says:

        TOO – I think Giamatti was the accessory, not the towel.

        The towel was seriously intense. How did the towel manage to convey such emotion? Such desperation? Such complexity and paradox? Such regret and loss and delusion and clarity and depth and shallowness and madness and wonder and isolation?

        I also wonder which towels didn’t get the part, or what the casting process was like.

        I would also love to hear the towel’s Oscar acceptance speech. I will cry. Especially when we can guess that if the towel could talk, it would thank the cheap factory it came from and all the people who had used it to mop up industrial accident spills.

  15. Bad_persephone says:

    Like the first poster I live in Texas and they have added more theater for the end of the week none closer to me. I read the book and LOVE Cronenberg so I look forward to seeing it. But I know it’s not really for a Rob fan, it’s for a Cronenberg fan. So I have a good idea what I’m in for. I would say if you don’t think you want see it then at the most rent it. No need to build ill will with a movie ticket when you can rent it at much lower cost

  16. MariaCecilia says:

    Dear AmynKansas, I thought I was too big to buy “The Bad Mother’s Handbook” because Rob was in it, but guess what? I lied to myself. There is no such thing as “not being in the mood” when it comes to Rob!
    But to tell you the truth, I enjoyed the book and am intrigued by Cronenberg, so I would probably watch Cosmopolis over How to Be anyway. (Warning if you still haven’t seen HTB: bad hair day for Ron.) But go camping, why don’t you? I read that people stopped doing that: break the trend!

  17. Bec says:

    LOVED it. I’ll admit I’m not normally one for ‘thinking’ movies – god know I work in casualty insurance so I do enough of that at work – so normally I’m a rom-com type girl. That said, I’d follow our beloved Rob to any movie as long as he’s in it do of course I was going to see Cosmopolis.

    Can’t say I particularly understood it on a deeper level as I hadn’t read the book either, but on a base level I understood the notion and instead focused on Cronenberg’s amazing eye for angles and contrasts. Truthfully I just enjoyed the character development & interactions. What a sublime cast!

    Rob was fan-bloody-tastic. I loved the arrogance and vulnerability he gave Eric. The scene with his bodyguard outside the basketball courts….OMFG. I think my jaw hung loose from that point through to the end of the scene with Giamatti.

    Am I the only one who came out of that movie not really caring that I didn’t understand everything, but having noticed the parallels between film and real life – ie ‘Eric’s self destructive traits & kstew’s recent actions?

  18. Maggie says:

    I’ve seen it. Twice. It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure. I liked it better the second time. It’s weird and wordy. It helps if you’ve read the book and listened to DC and Rob a lot during promo. Having said all that, it’s a MUST SEE for Rob’s fans. There are some parts where he really stunned me with his acting: His face during the prostate exam. All the scenes with Sarah Gadon. The entire last half hour – especially every second of the last 22 minutes – the scene with Paul Giamatti – really shows us that Rob has some acting greatness in him.

    So yeah, it won’t make my top 10 (or 20, or 30) favorite all time movies, but you just have to see it to get an idea of what we may get from HHH in the future.

    Also, as has been said, I loved the sets. The shot of the bookstore is especially beautiful. Paul Giamatti’s home is especially “telling”.

    Oh….and THE sex scene………well, just go see it!!

    • natteringyeahrobber says:

      Which sex scene? I sort of loved the Juliette Binoche one, but only after the act was over. They had the best post-sex rapport.

      If I had to project myself onto any female character in the story, it would be her. She knew who she was. She knew what was important in life. She was playful. He asked for the Rothko Chapel and she told him it wasn’t his to have. Plus she is gorgeous in the eternal way. I think that the Binoche character (Didi) seemed to understand him.

      Oh, that bookstore. I’m sure it is stocked with first editions of rare books and possibly the Philosopher’s Stone and the Ark of the Covenant and probably the ashes of Amelia Earhart. So divine and removed from the pulse of Wall Street.

      • Maggie says:

        As far as watching (drooling over) Rob in a hot sex scene, I would have to give it to the one with his bodyguard. Although I loved Juliette Binoche’s character in both the movie and the book, I thought the wife, Elise, was the most interesting. In her few lines, she gave you so much food for thought about her character. Sarah Gadon was perfect.

        Now about that towel…….

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          The bodyguard best hair grabbing. For. Sure.

          Gadon’s voice was annoying. She did manage to portray old wealth and new soul well, though. What did I order? (Lolz)

        • natteringyeahrobber says:

          Maggie – I think the towel should play Christian Grey. What do you think? Of course, there would be a lot of subtitles, because the towel cannot actually talk. But I think maybe with a wash or two, that towel could be serious HUNK with HEFT. Swoon.

          Just a thought.

          • Maggie says:

            Re the towel and 50 Shades, as you so insightfully stated above re the towel:

            “The towel was seriously intense. How did the towel manage to convey such emotion? Such desperation? Such complexity and paradox? Such regret and loss and delusion and clarity and depth and shallowness and madness and wonder and isolation?”

            That towel was simply born (sewn?…woven?) to play Christen Grey.

          • natteringyeahrobber says:

            Yes. They can call the movie Dry Me Up, Dry Me Down or 50 Shades of Fray(ed) or Master of Towel UNF.

  19. Neesie says:

    Wow, all this highbrow stuff is rilly rilly indimi…., intmid…, entymidat…, making me feel less than smart. Poo and double poo! You guys! If it’s got HIS self in it, I wanna see it! Don’t care if it’s weird. Sooooo there.

  20. Pattygirl says:

    Excuses. excuses, if you are truly Rob Fan, you see his movies at Opening night. I travel 2 hours to my workplace (traffic), so those making up excuses are just damn lazy.

    Rob ask us fans to see Cosmopolis 8 times or buy 8 tickets, well Rob I am gonna buy 10 and ask my clients , family and friends to see it with me. Love Me

  21. Rachel says:

    I haven’t seen any of his movies yet! So, I am right there with ya! I really want to see him Cosmopolis. I heard he looks real sexy doing the sex scene! A must see!

  22. Guitargirl says:

    Although I detested the books pretentious dialogue (I seriously wanted to poke out my eyes wit a blunt stick whilst reading it) I must admit I really wanted to see this movie. However, both my parents were worryingly ill during the time when it hit the screen (for 3 days only) near my hometown in the UK, and racing across 2 counties to try and take care of both of them, made seeing the film an impossibility. I guess I’ll just have to buy the DVD and show my support that way.

  23. roslynselene says:

    I haven’t seen it but I WILL hopefully on Monday with a friend who likes weird films and whatnot. I’d like to go alone but that would seem really creepy. O.o But I know I’ll like it. I read the book two years ago (totes showing off here) and although I didn’t get the dialogue either, I kind of enjoyed some parts of it. Felt pretty damn smart after finishing it even if I still don’t understand what the hell happened in the end. :\

  24. Um. Jim Harper? Yes please. Also, in attractive people that aren’t Rob news, Eddie Redmayne AND Hugh Jackman are in Les Mis. Just saying…

    But, back to Jim Harper since Cosmopolis and the Conenberg-Pattinson bromance just isn’t doing it for me, I’m still trying to figure out if he’s the son of David Gallagher who played Seth’s dad on the O.C. (I know, I’m really keeping it real here in 2012). I’m desperately hoping he’s not, but Wikipedia is not giving me any answers. *Le sigh*

  25. Loey says:

    I want(need) to see it again and I want to read the book. Fortunately it was playing in a theater only 10 minutes away. There were five times to choose from and 4:30 on the Friday it came out was my choice. There were two of us in the theater- a woman about my age and me, my age. (I’m so many years old but still feel young) I snoozed briefly three times which may have helped me understand the film- like some of my dreams, I guess. I liked looking at Rob’s 10 foot face, hands, head hair, body hair, white shirt, suit,
    etc. A well cast (everyone), visually satisfying film. Rob’s portrayal of Eric was believeable.(excellent) When it ended I felt like I had seen a good movie but I was not sure why. How nice it would have been to sta , take a nap in my seat, and catch the next show at 7:30 . After reading some of the comments , I understandnhow fortunate I was to be able to seei it. .I have a DVD collection of Rob’s movies ( including the one set in the middle ages) surrounded by Daniel Day-Lewis,,Eddie Redmayne , and other assorted British men.

  26. 17_4awhile says:

    I saw it in May, at least I think it was May (I live in Canada), with two of my twihard friends. I loved it, couldn’t stop talking about it and raved for a week or more. One friend hated it, the other, who is absolutely crazy for Rob, thought it was okay. Rob was great in it, but that’s not why I loved it. I think you have to think a certain way to really love this movie. You have to want to figure things out and not have the story simply presented to you. I have a degree in Philosophy…that helped, a lot, in not being annoyed by the unanswered questions this movie presented. You have to want to figure things out, never really knowing for sure what is going on, and you have to look for messages Cronenberg is trying to send through to the audience, while you’re watching the movie. It’s a movie that not about pure entertainment, it’s a movie about making you think. It needs to be picked apart to be truly appreciated. If you want to leave your brain at the door to stare at Rob for 2 hours, you’re not going to like this movie. If you want to be challenged on an intellectual level, and want to think about the state of the economy, the real relevance of 1st world problems, don’t mind questioning your place in life, etc, etc, then you will likely love it because you get an intellectual and moral challenge being presented to you by the hottest man on the planet! Win-win, if you love rob and you are a super nerd.

  27. sjaantje says:

    I went and saw it Friday night! My friend that saw it with me, I warned her ahead of time that it was going to be strange. It was, and we got the giggles every time he told someone about his prostate. Especially when he tells Benno. My friend laughed out loud!
    After we left the movie and were headed to the bar, we passed these two guys walking down the street. One was a big guy, no shirt and all sweaty. The other was stumbling and pulling a shopping cart. I looked at my friend and asked if we were still in the movie!
    Go see this movie. Just be prepared!

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