Letter to Rob about the Photo where he looks like he climbed out of a grave

Dear Rob,

First time, long time (lolz), so I’ve been a fan since before the movies came out (a hipster twilight fan if you may) and it used to be that every morning I would sign into my computer at work and then SCOUR the interwebs for any news on Twilight and you. I would then compile said info and forward it to 4 or 5 other obsessed friends because obviously I have no life. [UC Note: nope. That’s Normal. I miss those days]

As the years passed, I lost a bit of interest. More websites started to pop up and it began to get really difficult hitting EVERY site at work to get my Rob fix (mo money mo problems yo) , so I just had to quit this addiction. I knew the info would find me if it was big enough. The movies came out, my hope for Midnight Sun faded into almost non-existence and Robsten became sort of a reality.

Today, I was reading some of my celebrity blogs and it said something like “Kristen’s really blowing the BD2 premier planning” and I Google image searched “Rob and Kristen” to see if I could catch an updated glimpse of either of you. Have you googled yourself lately?!? There are LOTs of photos of you, but the ONE I had buried deep in my memory, the one that stopped me in my mouse tracks, was this f*cking trainwreck of a photo:

And I cackled. Oh did I cackle, LOUD. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about this shoot! With THE HAND. Holy shit I was horrified, as were the rest of the fandom. There were comments thrown about that you looked like you crawled out of a grave. I also remember how I couldn’t stop staring at your chest all pale and sorta Burt Reynolds-y. It was the first time we were given what could have been such a great gift. (As I am writing this and sneaking peeks at this photo, I just can’t stop laughing.) But it was done so so so wrong. Ugh, the hair (wow that hair, Donald Trump is envious, it’s feathered and stupid, with BANGS), and the lipstick, and the dirty shirt, and THE HAND.

Looking back through all these photos though, it shows how far Twilight has come. Looking at all the various other photos just on the first page alone, (if you can get past some really bad man-nips that make you look like your neck is broken) you can see such a change in all of your faces. You were just kids when you started this and now years later, you are finishing the saga and probably happy to close this chapter in your life and NOW you have a real life break up to go through. (I couldn’t listen to Mazzy Star for YEARS without thinking of an ex boyfriend, I can’t imagine PLAYING a character that people LOVE (areobsessedwith) and EVER being able to WANT to relive any of it now there such a bad breakup involved). However, time passes and eventually you start thinking about Fade Into You and how you really liked it, and well my point is, this too shall pass. My advice: Put all your mementos in a cigar box and hide it under your bed or closet for a few years. When you are ready, pull it out and go through it, while you are at it, check out the Google images of yourself and watch the box set of the Twilight Saga too.




14 Responses to “Letter to Rob about the Photo where he looks like he climbed out of a grave”

  1. Sue G. says:

    Thankfully they changed his look before shooting the movie! This look would have been horrible to sit through!

  2. Usualnurse says:

    Seriously, the HAIR! Feathered with bangs, yikes! I too miss those days of scanning daily for my robnews. Oh how I wish I could reread the books for the first time and fall in love all over again. And truly, Robsten ruined the movies for me (in addition to the blinking, stuttering, wigs, cheesy lines…oh wait, those things actually make the movies!) I couldnt watch Edward and Bella on screen without seeing Rob and Kristen. I don’t know how they are gonna hold up with the promotional stuff coming. Poor Rob, Thank goodness they don’t have to film together anymore. Did anyone see KS at the TIFF?

    • MariaCecilia says:

      I find my Twiobsession is like an ideal marriage: the first love never fades, it just grows deeper!
      ..but I guess once the movies are over and the Internet craze dies down it will turn to middle age and indifference and reading in separate arm chairs and bickering about taking the garbage out… *sigh*

  3. Laxplays says:

    I miss the banter…….sniffs.

    Everyone is growing up……..sniffs.

    But I’m booking my flight to LA…..smiles.


  4. roslynselene says:

    That has got to be one of the worst pictures out there (besides the manips).
    Is… is that… guyliner?

    Dear makeup lady/sir: You had ONE job that day. It’s like you didn’t even try…

    (same letter applies to the whole Twilight saga make up people.)

  5. The Old One says:

    That photoshoot was the worst of all time. They both look like really cheesy cliche versions of themselves. The apple! Puh-leez!

  6. Beaspoon says:

    I haven’t commented in FOREVER, but I am still here, always a lurker, lol.

    I loved this letter. I especially love the advice at the end–Put all your mementos in a cigar box and hide it under your bed or closet for a few years. When you are ready, pull it out and go through it, while you are at it, check out the Google images of yourself and watch the box set of the Twilight Saga too.

    I don’t know why, but I can totally see Rob a few years from now, hearing a song on the radio that reminds him of all the Twilight madness and Kristen and getting a little nostalgic. Pulling out a few things that remind him of all the craziness that he has hopefully (by then) put behind him.

    To this day I can’t hear certain songs without vividly remembering certain times in my life. I do wonder if Rob ever gets masochistic enough to google himself though! If I was famous, I don’t think I could do it!

  7. ElfeVerte says:

    LOL!! Loved this! & Yes, that photo is painful to look at. Total Mom-hair on Rob. >.<

  8. MariaCecilia says:

    Oh I remember that photo shoot *shudders*. When I look at the picture of Rob with hair extensions on the Twilight DVD I fall on my knees and thank God that they removed THOSE before filming.

    They have really changed. Rob was so gorgeous in that first movie, and even though he still is, he doesn’t have that angelic look about him anymore. (Not that this is necessarily a bad thing.) I look forward to seeing them ten years from now, like seeing neighbourhood kids that grew up, home for Christmas. “Remember that Robert Pattinson? How he’s grown! Remember when he..” 🙂

    • usualnurse says:

      He was angelic in those early years as a young pup, but folks, he is finally aging (yeah! makes me feel less creepy about myself!! At 26 I can say to people “he’s almost 30” instead of cringing because “he’s barely 20”!!). I find him more sexy now. A young guy can be gorgeous, even hot, but its hard to be sexy. I think you need to be a man to be sexy, and an early 20’s guys is still BECOMING a man, but NOT QUITE a man yet. I think he’s now more of a man, and therefore, more sexy. I think he’ll be even sexier in another 5 years. cant wait!!

      • ElfeVerte says:

        Agreed! Older Rob = better. I was bored and re-watching H. Potter movies and died giggling over Cedward (Cedric D.) in HP &TGoF. He was such a babyface in that one, beautiful, yah, but sooo young.

        The Bearded Rob just takes away tons of my lecherous old lady-guilt. whew!

  9. Guitargirl says:

    Holy shit. I’d forgotten how truly awful this photoshoot was! *shudders* Mind you, Scummit seem to have a knack of turning very attractive people into someone you wouldn’t look twice at.

    I agree with Maria Cecilia, Edward was a beauty in the original Twi, but it was all downhill from there. New Moon found Tweedward, in Eclipse we had Lipstickward, and Breaking Dawn has given us Middle aged Bankerward. Fucking priceless!

    • ElfeVerte says:

      “…Scummit seem to have a knack of turning very attractive people into someone you wouldn’t look twice at…”

      Too true! It’s evil how they do that. >.< Whyyyyyyy?

    • MariaCecilia says:

      I laughed so hard reading this! It’s exactly what I thought…from New Moon on I kept longing to have the unearthly beautiful Edward back, but bad makeup spoiled it..*speaking through gritted teeth*: “Well, I guess I’ll just have to…endure it.”

      BD1 was a bit of a relief, though, I thought some of the playfulness and connection between Edward and Bella was back again during the honeymoon scenes..(remember embarrassed smiley Edward rolling over to hide in the pillow?) Fingers crossed for BD2!

Leave a Reply

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License

LTR Privacy Policy

Sponsored by