Fan made Robert Pattinson items that need to be purchased

Dear Rob,

It’s been awhile since I’ve perused Etsy looking for beautiful art & crafts for your fans to wear, for their homes or to give as gifts to other Robsessed fans. And as I checked out the site today, I was disappointed in the descriptions that went along with the images. It’s clear that the artists are inexperienced in the art of marketing & sales. Luckily I have experience in both of those things, and I’ve decided to re-write the descriptions for the following beautiful items in hope that they sell out on Etsy & the streets are flooded with even more Rob fans in Rob-inspired clothing, accessories, shoes & decor for their homes.

With the Robert Pattinson Bottlecap Necklace you will stop people in their tracks in the street, cause traffic accidents when it catches the light & be the most popular woman in your MOPS class when you wear this beautiful cap (from a Heineken, of course) with Robert Pattinson’s shining face looking up at you. Bored in church? Just look down, and meditate upon the face of Pattinson. Tired of talking to your kids? Try talking to Rob Pattinson instead. With Rob around your neck, you’ll never feel lonely. Hubby bothering you for an HJ while watching sports? Just look down at your neck and you’ll get right in the mood.

Do you have anxiety? Are you spending hundreds of dollars a year on co-pays for anxiety medicine that does nothing but quiet you down and lower your sex drive? Then you need the “Keep Calm & Carry On” Rob Pattinson picture. Something stressful creep into your life? Go into your den and stare at this photo for just 5 minutes and all your stress will melt away. PLUS- if you hang the image in your bedroom, when the stress overwhelms you, just step away and sit on your bed as you stare longingly at the picture. As you begin to relax you may feel a warmth down below- don’t be afraid- that’s the added bonus of the picture- it actually increases your sex drive. Lay up against your Edward pillow, pull out your Vampire Dildo & carry on.

Really into Rob but feel like he’s a little too pretty-boy for your taste? Try putting this “Bender Rob” portrait on your wall. It’s like Rob spent a weekend eating a case of Hot Pockets, drinking only Heineken straight from the tap, got stung by an entire hive of bees & then shot himself up with steroids.

Or maybe you’d prefer “Slow Rob” so that your man doesn’t get so jealous. Hang him on your wall & your guy will no longer feel like he has to compete with perfection to get you into bed. With this hanging in your bedroom, you’ll actually be thinking of your man next time you get it on.

Feel like there aren’t enough artistic Wood pieces in your home? Then look no further than “Wood Rob.” Painted on a piece of bark found back by the dumpster, “Wood Rob” is the perfect accessory to scare away unwanted visitors & make you appreciate nature while remembering the 70s & the amazingness of the Afro on the white boy.

When the blogs, forums, twitter accounts & collection of images under your bed aren’t enough Robsten for you, there’s the Robsten Victorian Style Ring. Just wear this every minute of every day and the magicness of Rob & Kristen’s relationship will never leave you. When you’re distracted during a lecture at school, glance down at your finger & imagine the love Kristen & Rob are making at that moment. Think about how the bear-skinned rug must feel under their asses. Imagine the crackle of the fire and the flashes behind them as a montage of all their Edward & Bella scenes play on the TV to a soundtrack of the moans from the New Moon birthday kiss.

See! I told you I could sell! Coming soon: Houses filled with Bender Rob, women everywhere wearing Robsten rings and lumberjacks cutting down trees then carving your face into them- SIGN ME UP!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

All items found on Etsy or Regretsy. I did not link to the owner’s pages because that’s just too 2nd-hand embarassing.

Want to wear something about Rob but it not be so obvious about Rob? How about this from the store? “Big in Japan” or “I heart British Boys” OR the famed “Pattinson Family Reunion”

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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The crazies and Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob,

One of my favorite things about running a blog called Letters to Rob is that we get just that. Letters TO you from special people.  When we receive one of these not-too-rare emails, after being passed around to a group of people including Moon & whoever is having a bad day and needs something to cheer them up, it is immediately filed into a special folder called “Crazies.”

Today I’d like to dig into the “Crazies” folder & share some of my recent favorites. And of course include a response that I wish I had the balls to send back.

just incase this could go to Rob, Kristen and Cast of Twilight.  Prince Edward is going to in Greenville South Carolina  This Friday and Saturday.  Thought I would extend an invite to them.  Seems Like Rob would like to see someone from England.

Hey- I know that guy! He was in that British wizard movie!

Oh how well you know me. What gave away my homesickness? Was it my crying into the British flag I keep padlocked in my car on the way home from the set the other day? I thought I saw a camera flash. Was it that you can’t find a single hob nob in the city of Los Angeles & you assumed I bought them all (I did) I would LOVE to see someone I don’t know from England. That would be the cure all for my homesickness. I’ll be there as soon as somewhere tells me where South Carolina is.

Long live the Queen,
Rob

A note to Stephenie contained a little section about Rob

Just one more thing.  My son Rob, is 6’3-1/2″ and bares a striking resemblance to your Rob.  My son Joshua reminds me of Taylor. Twenty years ago my daughter resembled Bella.

It is too weird, just call me Esme II.

Mostly sincere,
Crankie Frankie

Crankie Frankie,
Does “mostly sincere” mean your sorta kidding. I’d like that to be the case. But in case not, I’d like to see a picture of your son, to see if I have competition. Did you include one in your original letter to my Stephenie? Also, Esme was the mother to Edward not me, Bella or Taylor. So while calling yourself Esme II seemed like a good idea, it doesn’t make any sense.

Love,
Hob Nob Rob

Dear Rob,
OMG!! You are the best actor ever!! And I Love You Soo Much!!
I absolutely love you in The Twilight Saga and Im just bouncing in my seat thinkin about you! I cant wait til I go and see it in Bluewater on the 10th July!! You we born in the coolest place on Earth (London), Your a fantabulos musician and artist and I Love You!!
To be honest Ive got a a small case of the green eyed monster because Kristen Stewart gets to have you when she is playing Bella and in real life!! Where is the justice in that?!! Okay I say a small case but actually its the size of the Universe and always growiing!! I scream at the television and laptop when you share as much of a touch! And I am not ashamed to admit this! I would love to meet you and I talk about you 24/7 and I think my friends are sick of me. Im sure I dream of you well I fall asleep dreaming of you but you know dreams, their incontrolable little suckers!
I couldnt think of anyone better to play the most sexiest, talented, intelligent Cullen… Edward, and my favourite quote in the  films has to be when Edward says to Bella : ‘So the lion fell in love with the lamb’. I cant stop thinking about you, you are my life, my air, my food, you are what I need to survive! As I have said I love to meet you and you may never know I might bump into you when your in London one day (I live there)!

Te quiero mucho usted con mi corazón. Usted está mi vida ahora y para siempre chalota estar.
‘I love you lots with all my heart. You are my life now and always shall be.’
(I come from Latin descent)
Lots of love, hugs and kisses your number 1  super mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega fan,
Angelica

This is me in Mexico! Ay Carumba, no?

Angelica,
Hola mamacita! You’re not the only one with a case of the green-eyed monster. It’s true- Kristen really does play Bella in real life too. She falls a lot, she puts fish fry on everything. She painted our kitchen cabinets yellow and the other day she ate a dozen eggs herself (you should’ve smelled her gas!)

Latin decent! LUCKY! Although Sometimes I wonder if I come from it too.. I really, REALLY love Tacos. I used to think I was allergic… but now i know I’m not…

Yo quiero Tacos muchos,
Roberto

mucho mas after the jump! Continue…

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