Banged by the Flash

We recently got a letter from today’s author that actually was just asking us if we’d consider telling you LTR readers about a new piece of fiction she recently wrote that is for sale on Amazon, but I mistook it for a letter to ROB and almost posted it. So I confessed my mistake & Michelle reworked her e-mail to “UC & Moon” to work for “Rob.” And this is the result:

Dear Rob,

I’m about 87% sure that you own a Kindle, and before things get all Stranger Than Fiction and you go and do something completely out of character like, oh, I don’t know, wear a freshly laundered t-shirt, I need to make a confession.

I wrote a novel about you. Sort of.

Let me take a moment to explain.

Rewind a couple years back. March of 2009 two pivotal things happened. One, I saw Twilight, and two I decided to write a book. The book project quickly moved to the back-burner as you managed to infiltrate my computer. Before long you were everywhere, overloading my hard drive with pictures of yourself standing next to a dumpster, buying underwear, or getting out of a cab. I’m still wondering how you succeeded in changing all of my passwords to Spnkrsm-86.

Next, my bookmarks filled with nothing but YouTube links, celebrity gossip pages, and that one URL to my dentist’s website. By the time you hijacked your way into my screensaver, any and all attempts made by me to suppress my growing infatuation were found to be completely and utterly futile. Sure, I tried different things to get my mind off you and your spectacularly coiffed “Edward” hair; advanced calculus, a nice game of lawn darts, C-Span. Nothing worked.

Then, I began to write–a little story about a hobo and a girl who is obsessed with every hot male actor who has ever graced the cover of GQ. I’d like to say that’s where the similarities end, but much like your stellar sense of fashion, the plot only gets more ridiculous from there. I don’t want to give it away, but there’s a magical Jesus Christ action figure, saber-toothed tigers, a pair bedazzled cowboy boots, and some very tasty mango-lemon tartlets. For reals, I’m not making this up.

In hindsight I should have just turned this into fan fiction and called it a day. But no. I actually brought this story to a legitimate writer’s group. And people liked it. Week after week as I faithfully met with “real” writers, all I’d be thinking was, “I really hope these people don’t read Letters to Twilight or I’ll never be able to show my face here again. I’ll be laughed right out of the group!” Finally after a year of writing and another year of editing, I sent this story to agents, like real ones, ones who live in NYC. And there was actual interest. People were asking me to read the manuscript. Seriously, I was as shocked as you are.

That’s about the point where I decided to just put it up on Kindle. I mean, come on, I cannot even keep a straight face as I am typing this. I sound like a lunatic. And having to explain to you why I wrote a book about a girl who falls in love with a guy who resembles “a cross between Teen Wolf and the Gothic Taliban” is probably much easier than having to explain it to some bratty intern over at Random House.

So, Rob, for the bargain rate of only .99 cents you can have your very own digital copy of Banged by the Flash! Just promise not to sue me, mmmkay?


 *Any actual resemblance of my characters to Robert Pattinson is completely fictional. Any resemblance, however, of Robert Pattinson and the weird guy who hangs out in the alley behind The Salvation Army is wholly factual.

GUYS: If Michelle’s book is anything like her letter today, I bet it’s hilarious.. and SO relatable! And it’s a steal at just .99 at the Kindle Store. So check it out: Banged by the Flash [If you’re interested in the book, but you don’t own a Kindle (I don’t have one either) you can download FREE Kindle Apps for your phone or your computer.]

AND we want to give away two copies of the E-book that isn’t about Rob but is about Rob. So Michelle & I will pick out the two funniest comments of the day! So get your funny on!!! Let’s be honest… I KNOW you’ve thought about writing something down before…. and any character you’d write about.. would most likely resemble Rob, too. Right!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

38 Commented

And the winner is…

Thanks to Wal-mart for this cool shizz

Thanks to Wal-mart for this cool shizz

Dear everyone who entered our most recent contest,

We randomly picked one of our readers who left a comment with a song that reminded her of Twilight, and a Twilight Party-Pack, courtesy of Wal-mart, is on its way to her as we speak.

Congratulations to: Briar Rose!!

Her comment was: “My nomination is Obsession by Animotion. I will now go take a cold shower. . . ”

Congrats, Briar Rose!

We had so much fun reading all the songs that remind you of Twi (or Rob- there were tons of those too!) and there was a definite pattern of songs or artists that kept popping up as suggestions:

  • “Strange & Beautiful” Aqualung
  • “Love Story” by Taylor Swift
  • “Thinking of You” by Katy Perry
  • “Almost Love” A Fine Frenzy
  • All songs EVER by Muse!
  • “Sex on Fire” Kings of Leon (I wonder why….!)

We picked the winner 100% randomly and not by our favorite suggestion, but here were some of our favorites:

  • Closer Kings of Leon
  • My Body is a Cage The Arcade Fire
  • Creep Radiohead (cuz you always need a song that Thom Yorke wrote about masterbating)
  • I will follow you in the Dark Death Cab for Cutie (This is inscribed in the inside of UC’s hubby’s wedding band)
  • Blood Bank Bon Iver (UC’s suggestion)
  • Breathe Me Sia (rumored to be a great choice for New Moon)
  • No one’s gonna love you Band of Horses

We’re gonna leave you with that last song, just because we feel like it and we run the blog, so we’re the boss(es). You’ll love it.

Thanks again to EVERYONE who entered! And congrats to Briar Rose! XOXO
Love, Us


22 Commented

Get your contest on!

dvdcoverDear LTR/LTT Gals-

So we know all about the DVD preorders and what all those other stores are doing to celebrate in fact we’re in final countdown here including our OWN itinerary and tips for throwing a twi-party… but did you know WalMart is throwing their own Twilight release parties?! Well, they are so now you can celebrate with fellow Twi-hards, win contests, get your DVD AND buy toliet paper all at the same time! How thoughtful!

In honor of these fun parties, we’re giving away one of the Twilight Fun-Packs just like the one you COULD win if you go to a midnight release party, courtesy of Walmart! Now you know how we live to talk on these blogs… so in honor of our theme song video today, if you wanna win jump to the comments and share with us a song that makes you think of Twilight (doesn’t need to be on the Soundtrack) and YOU COULD WIN! We’ll announce a winner Tuesday.

Good luck and get to commenting!

themoonisdown and unintendedchoice

PS *EDIT- Put your entry in this contest post. Winner will be chosen randomly by a very official random picker thingy!*

Check out more at Walmart

Updated 3/18: Contest OVER. Thanks to EVERYONE who played and congrats to Brair Rose who was our randomly chosen winner! The song that makes her think of Twilight was Obsession by Animotion

167 Commented

And the winners are…

Dear LTT/LTR Gals (and lost dudes)-

You all are the most creative, talented, generous and awesome-est people we know! UC and I have been blown away by the entries to our lil Twi-alentine’s contest. When we had the idea originally we had no clue what people would enter, if anything! But now all we can say is “WOW” because you all did NOT disappoint. After the contest closed UC and I met at Rob’s place behind closed doors  and had a jello wrestling match super top secret meeting to decide the winners. It was a tough job but someone had to do it!  So without further adieu the WINNERS!!!!!

Poems – write us your best “Roses are red…” Twilight related poem

01 all Twilight series characters
Winner:  Paige and Christina

Poem from KStew to her weed
Roses are red,
you are my green.
When I don’t smoke you,
I get bitchy and mean.

In the morning,
when I wake.
I fill my bowl,
and a hit I take.
Oregano and I sit,
on the steps outside.
We smoke until,
we are flying high.

I love you like,
girls love RPattz.
And even a little more,
than my own cats.

People tell me that,
I really should stop.
When they say this,
I tell them to stfu !

02 Rob
Winner: FutureMrsP

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Everyone at letters to Rob
Wants to spend V-day with you
We will leave our husbands
And our children too
Just to spend one night with you
It’s really not a lot to ask
We will make worth your while
Trying out new things
That is guaranteed to make you smile
So whether you want naughty, nice
Or even lots of spice
We promise to make it
The best day of your life

03. Misc. (Stephenie, Forks, fangirls, whatever your heart desires)
Winner: Melissa

Of course it wasn’t a roofie
that I slipped into your drink…
You’re right it’s getting hot in here,
too hot for that flannel, dont ya think?

While you’re at it lose the beanie
and I’ll help you with those shoes..
Put on your fave Morrissey album
and I’ll get you some more booze.

Better take off those dirty jeans,
& oh, those boxers are the bomb!
Yeah I’ll undo those handcuffs, Rob,
first just let me phone my Mom..

Hey while I’m at it let me log on..
Oh, Spunk Ransom, you’re the best!
Gotta check ‘Letters to Rob’
and send this into the contest!

(moon note: you had me at Morrissey!)

– design a Twi-alentine Day’s card. It can be digital, photoshop, scrap, stamped, whatever you want.

01 all Twilight characters(bella to edward, you to jacob, whatever)
Winner: Julie @starsfallcreations
Bella and Edward

clicky to enlarge

clicky to enlarge

02 Rob
Winner: Amber

clicky to enlarge

clicky to enlarge

03. Misc. (skies the limit, anything Twilight related)
Winner: Rhojo
Volturi and Rob

clicky to enlarge

clicky to enlarge

Rad, aren’t they!? Now let’s give all the winners and entrants a HUGE round of applause! Seriously there were so many great entries it was a very difficult decision… so much so that next week we’re going to feature “The Best of the Rest!” and show off everyone’s creativity.

To the winners: we will use a random picker thingy (technical name) on the interwebs to choose which awesome prize you’ll receive and we will contact you via email to set up prize delivery! Go check out a sample of the SUPER DEE DOOPER prizes that have been donated!

Congratulations winners!
Themoonisdown & Unintendedchoice

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Twi-alentine's Day Contest Prizes!

Dearest LTR/LTT readers-

And you thought you weren’t going to enter our totally rad Twi-alentine’s Day contest?! Not after you see the amazing prizes we’ve rustled up!

You know we have the cutest, smartest, most talented and most creative readers here at LTR and LTT, and some of them have been so kind to offer up some of their amazing handiwork for our little contest to reward YOUR creativity! Feast your eyes on the beautiful, funny and MUST HAVE prizes for the winners…

A stunning stamped silver jewelry piece from the talented Jen @ Shinebeads (her Etsy store) WANT! Talk about classy Twilight inspired jewelry!

Edward and Bella keychain inscribed with Edward’s note to Bella “Be Safe.” Perfect for all those lead foots and/or Cullen family members! Made by Wendy @ Couple More Hours/ Wendy’s Etsy Hey, Twi-merch folks, are you taking notes?

From the very sassy Sass: a Cullen Family crest shirt to add to your smashin’ fashion! Aaaaand an Edward action figure for all your “Ming” reading needs! What more do you need in your life? Now you can send us Where in the world is YOUR Edward! (and Sass we perused the ENTIRE world wide web to try to find if you had a blog or website we could send your fans too- All we found was a campaign contribution from 2004 (we are awesome stalkers). Let us know if you have a blog addy!)

The “Teeny Bopper” care package courtesy of us LTT/LTR girls! An “M” magazine complete with post-it note comments from me (moon), Twilight trading cards, Twilight buttons, Lisa Frank UNICORN stationary to write you very own Letters on and an Edward/Rob journal to write all your deepest darkest Rob related secrets! Seriously, wait till you see the posters in this mag! HA!

All this and MORE!!!!

Wow, I wish I could win! I’m gonna have to put some orders in with these talented girls because these make perfect gifts for all the Twilight gals in my life ME!

It’s not too late to enter!!! We’ll be accepting submissions up till Thursday, February 12th at 6PM PST. Now get to creating!

Read more info about our Twialentine’s Day contest!

HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks and gratitude and awe for all the wonderful gals who donated and created something special for YOU folks here at LTR and LTT. Give them a e-round of applause!

Get creative,

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