Letter to Rob about the Photo where he looks like he climbed out of a grave

Dear Rob,

First time, long time (lolz), so I’ve been a fan since before the movies came out (a hipster twilight fan if you may) and it used to be that every morning I would sign into my computer at work and then SCOUR the interwebs for any news on Twilight and you. I would then compile said info and forward it to 4 or 5 other obsessed friends because obviously I have no life. [UC Note: nope. That’s Normal. I miss those days]

As the years passed, I lost a bit of interest. More websites started to pop up and it began to get really difficult hitting EVERY site at work to get my Rob fix (mo money mo problems yo) , so I just had to quit this addiction. I knew the info would find me if it was big enough. The movies came out, my hope for Midnight Sun faded into almost non-existence and Robsten became sort of a reality.

Today, I was reading some of my celebrity blogs and it said something like “Kristen’s really blowing the BD2 premier planning” and I Google image searched “Rob and Kristen” to see if I could catch an updated glimpse of either of you. Have you googled yourself lately?!? There are LOTs of photos of you, but the ONE I had buried deep in my memory, the one that stopped me in my mouse tracks, was this f*cking trainwreck of a photo:

And I cackled. Oh did I cackle, LOUD. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about this shoot! With THE HAND. Holy shit I was horrified, as were the rest of the fandom. There were comments thrown about that you looked like you crawled out of a grave. I also remember how I couldn’t stop staring at your chest all pale and sorta Burt Reynolds-y. It was the first time we were given what could have been such a great gift. (As I am writing this and sneaking peeks at this photo, I just can’t stop laughing.) But it was done so so so wrong. Ugh, the hair (wow that hair, Donald Trump is envious, it’s feathered and stupid, with BANGS), and the lipstick, and the dirty shirt, and THE HAND.

Looking back through all these photos though, it shows how far Twilight has come. Looking at all the various other photos just on the first page alone, (if you can get past some really bad man-nips that make you look like your neck is broken) you can see such a change in all of your faces. You were just kids when you started this and now years later, you are finishing the saga and probably happy to close this chapter in your life and NOW you have a real life break up to go through. (I couldn’t listen to Mazzy Star for YEARS without thinking of an ex boyfriend, I can’t imagine PLAYING a character that people LOVE (areobsessedwith) and EVER being able to WANT to relive any of it now there such a bad breakup involved). However, time passes and eventually you start thinking about Fade Into You and how you really liked it, and well my point is, this too shall pass. My advice: Put all your mementos in a cigar box and hide it under your bed or closet for a few years. When you are ready, pull it out and go through it, while you are at it, check out the Google images of yourself and watch the box set of the Twilight Saga too.




14 Commented

Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

Confession: This is as far as I’ve gotten in my quest to see Cosmopolis:

Talking to @Brookelockart at brunch this weekend:

Me: Are we going to see Cosmopolis?
Brookelockart: Is it out?
Me: Yes
Brookelockart: I dunno
Me: k

And I know! I am a ROB fan. I am currently writing on a ROB blog. What is wrong with me? I can think of 8 other things I’d rather do than go see Cosmopolis:

  1. Watch that DVD of “How to Be” I never started (nope. oops)
  2. Go see The Dark KnightRises (I’m behind on movies, k?)
  3. Eat a vegetarian hot pocket (do they make those?)
  4. Go camping (I hate camping)
  5. Go through my archives of Rob Pattinson magazines (I did some cleaning and found them the other day)
  6. Daydream about Jim Harper (SO SAD The Newsroom is over!)
  7. Husk Corn (It’s corn on the cob season!)
  8. Browse Robsten Tumblrs (one of my favorite activities)

I’m sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers didn’t sell it to me. As much as I love looking at you, I am just not in the mood.

I love my husband but that doesn’t mean everything he says and does is perfect. You’re like that for me.

Don’t tell my husband I just compared you two. 


Call me a bad Rob fan! Yell at me at tell me I don’t deserve to look at the pretty! And after you’re done, the rest of you jump in & confess why you haven’t seen Cosmopolis either. And after the jump, hear from a gal who WILL watch the movie Continue…

48 Commented

Rob Pattinson at the London Olympics

Dear Rob,

Did we get ya with that title? Are you looking around thinking, “Who noticed it was me? I thought everyone who passed me just thought I was an average homeless Londoner” [I’m imagining at this point you’re in last week’s clothes with a huge bushy beard, looking emaciated and smelling like a mix between whiskey & pee]

Well, we haven’t spotted you at the Olympics (yet. but we’re looking behind every dumpster), but our friend Zephyersky imagined you were there (kinda):

Dear Rob,

In attempt to turn attention away from the scandal I will not talk about (mostly because when I do I get a vacant stare and asked why I even care, which then makes me feel the need to self explore, digging up issues that are probably best left deeply buried) I’m directing attention to another not quite as publicized event. The RobOlympics. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s the competitions you had with your friends as you sat around watched to see if you won a free order of fries or a small Coke cause some trampolinist you’ve never heard of won a bronze. Does McDonald’s even offer those games in England? If so do they have Monopoly, only with London landmarks?

I’m British. We don’t play basketball here.

Anyway back to those fun little diversions between actual action while the commentator is telling the tragically uplifting back story of how that trampolinist overcame a childhood of being told to ‘stop wasting time and just mow the damn lawn already; it’s not like your training for the Olympics.’ You know how it starts – someone says “I could do that” then hops up on the couch and proceeds to jump only to crack their head on A) the ceiling, B) the floor, or C) for those extremely talented – both the ceiling and the floor.

A perfect 10 if he can stick the landing among all those feathers.

Then you all take turns until the couch frame is cracked and you’re covered in plaster with several head shaped dents in the ceiling. After that you determine the best way to fight the headache you now have is to drink it away. This leads to speed Heineken drinking and bottle cap skipping. Soon you’re just a group of drunken mumbling idiots looking through the wreckage for that free fry tab and wondering who you can call to drive you to McDonalds.

Betting on you to take the gold,

Good idea for Rob to pass the time while he waits for Liberty Ross to call him back, right? And a question for those of you up on the rumor mill— was Rob planning to come home to London for the Olympics? Do you know? And if you do, how do you know? Stole his mail? Peeked in his windows? Hacked his phone? His e-mail? All of the above? ‘Atta girl*


PS: Moon is in Africa. I am in Pennsylvania- soon to be on a beach. I just thought you should know (and if you want to write a letter to Rob while we’re both busy… you may xxoo)

*We don’t condone stalking. Usually

12 Commented

Still waiting on Rob: Is Rob Pattinson doomed to fail?

Guys: I read this letter & literally did a FIST PUMP. It’s like she climbed into my head and made my fingers type on a typewriter (I like to assume that’s what good writers write with) and say all these very eloquent things. THIS THIS THIS! (Warning: Some of  you will not agree)

Dear Rob,

RIP Pattz? He looks alive to me….

It seems that in recent days, you’ve found your way into the middle of a media firestorm (although admittedly, that’s a very dramatic term) regarding the state of your career these days. There was that first article that came out from the Daily Mail. While they finally granted your request to get rid of the “RPattz” nickname, they alluded to the fact that you’ve been given a new one. It’s not too nice. RIP-Pattz. Yikes. Then there was the rebuttal from a more reputable film rag, which your devoted fansites picked up and ran with. The author protested the idea that your career has been sent to an early grave, and contended you haven’t had the proper opportunity to bring in the big bucks separate and apart from the Twilight franchise.

To be perfectly honest, Rob, I have an issue with both articles, and let me tell you why…

Rewind to the summer of 2009. I was in the hot and heavy grips of a full-blown Robsession, and my husband was at the height of his annoyance with the whole matter. He claimed I didn’t truly have any acclaim for you as an actor, and if you weren’t playing Edward Cullen, I wouldn’t look twice at you anyway. He stated, with certainty, that your career would go nowhere past Twilight, and in five years, everyone would have forgotten about you. You were just another pretty boy in passing.

I was incensed. Heaven forbid ANYONE spew such negativity about Edw-, I mean, Robert Pattinson, let alone my nearest and dearest. I tried to fight back. I tried to tell him it wasn’t just about Twilight, that you seemed like a genuine, interesting guy with a whole lot of potential. It wasn’t fair to write you off simply because you’d quickly collected a large and horny fanbase ranging in ages from 11 to 65. Didn’t he remember Leo-mania circa 1997?!?! I said it was simply too soon to tell. I wasn’t ready to call you a legend just because you did Edward Cullen’s blank stare and charcoal peacoat such justice. I believed that time would tell. And I stood there, with full confidence in my heart, that you would prove him wrong. You would step out of Edward’s shadow and his Volvo, and go on to do great things. Just like Leo.


Three years later…I’m just about ready to bow my head in defeat and concede the argument to my husband. Something I am LOATHE to do, for the record. (Please don’t make me do it, Rob – I hate letting him win!) Now mind you, I did enjoy Remember Me, although I remember something you said in one interview about how the screenwriter incorporated several of your personal habits and mannerisms into the character. I couldn’t help but think at times I was merely watching “what Rob would really be like as a college guy” rather than the portrayal of a unique character separate and apart from that. Then there was Water For Elephants. This! This will do the trick, I thought. Oscar-winning cast, NY Times best-selling book… what could go wrong? Well…I’m not really sure, but something did. There was too much of your gee-shucks smiling and over reliance on facial expressions. You were upstaged by a sadistic animal abuser, for crying out loud. And there was the lack of chemistry. There’s been comments about onscreen chemistry before, dating back to Eclipse, when several fans/reviewers expressed the opinion that the chemistry between Bella and Jacob was hotter than the chemistry between Bella and Edward. Ummm, Eclipse contains the LEG HITCH scene, Rob!!! How could Jacob possibly beat you??? Especially since by that point we’d all essentially accepted you were hitchin’ that leg in real life, and there should be plenty o’chemistry to translate onscreen. I wonder, I do.

“You don’t want to me ME in the 1800s finest?”

And now we have Bel Ami and Cosmopolis. I have absolutely no plans to go see them. I just have no interest, Rob. I’m all about indie flicks and little known stories getting some press, but NOTHING that I have seen has sold these movies to me, nothing has sparked even the tiniest bit of interest. And this is coming from someone who once hit “Refresh” for about two hours on end just waiting for the moment you simply WALKED onto the stage of Comicon.

So now let me get back to the issue I have with these recent articles. My problem is the focus they put on your ability to make a buck. That’s all Twilight was about, in the end, right? Low budget flick turned box office gold, with your smoldering glances and stunning jawline at the helm. But to us, your once die-hard fans…that’s not what it was about at all. Ultimately, that’s never what it’s about when it comes to the fans of movies…or books…or music. It’s not about a work of art being a best-seller, and making enough movie to cover the costs that went into generating it.

It’s about inspiring passion in us. It’s about making us care.

I’m sorry, but none of your roles to date, and none of the ones on the horizon, have really made me care. (Again, sorry.) I don’t know if it’s poor movie choice, or mediocre acting, or what. But I know I’m left being forced to consider if my husband was actually right, and the only reason I felt so passionate about you after Twilight was because I was passionate about Edward Cullen and the Twilight story to begin with. I do not say this easily and I do not take this lightly. And I am most certainly not criticizing you. I am frustrated with you, because I still see traces of that genuinely interesting guy, and I would LOVE to see him be successful. I do not want you to end up characterized as a pretty boy in passing, playing the Ryan Phillipe to Reese. (Catch the comparison?) You do not need to have a box office commercial smash to accomplish this, in my opinion. Just make me care. Case in point, Like Crazy. It was just a simple little love story that received little press, but was awesome enough to take top honors at Sundance. Because the actors brought the characters to life and told a story that made me cry. Good movies have nothing to do with facts and figures, and I would love to see you acting well in a good movie. So I’m sorry BOTH articles reduced the argument to a monetary one, because trust me, as an old die hard fan of yours, it has absolutely nothing to do with that.

Make me care. Make me feel. Prove them wrong.

I still believe you can do it…it would just be easier if you were giving me something to work with here.

I hope my honesty is helpful and not hurtful, Rob. Because I’ve always been a fan and definitely still consider myself one.

With Respect,
Still Waiting on You…

SO…. what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did she read your mind? Do you think Rob’s films HAVE been great? Will the critics ever like him?

Oh… before we forget… we just need to remind you… TN is coming….

45 Commented

Posted in: Fan letter, Rob
Tags: , ,

Rob wears bowties now. Bowties are cool

Dear Rob,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, you’ve been busy, I’ve been busy, that’s just the way life goes sometimes.  Recently I thought I’d check to see how you did at Cannes with Cosmopolis.  When I saw you in the bow tie I had to think you were pretending to be The Doctor:

I know you know exactly Who I’m talking about.  Being a good English lad I’m sure you grew up watching him.  You probably even pretended to be him when you were out on the playground at school.  It made me wonder what other times you were channeling Dr. Who.  I scrolled through my RobOdex and came up with a few Click a pic to scroll through the gallery:

I know you’re too big of a star now to play Dr. Who, but you can’t blame a girl for dreaming about it.

Wanting to ride in the TARDIS with Rob,

Thanks again to PinkPixieChick for all her helping pick out just the right RobWho moments!

We’ve missed your letters, Zeph! Have a letter for Rob you want me to post at a random time b/c we’re getting CRAZZZY around these parts not only posting at 8 am? Send to letterstotwilight@gmail.com!

Thanks to Robsessed as always for many of these FAB pictures

10 Commented

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