The Good Ol’ Days of Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

Where have I been, you ask? You might think I’ve been hiding in a hole distraught over the news that you MAY have REUNITED with you know who. But in reality, I could care less and it bores me so much to even think about the topic so that is the extent of what we’ll discuss about it. Do what you gotta do. But I Katy Perry would have been fun for a little while.

What I HAVE been doing, though, is getting kinda reminiscent. Call it old age (don’t call it that); call it the realization that The Twilight End Is Coming (wahhh), but I’ve been scouring the LTR archives remembering back to the days when you were SO MUCH FUN. Here are a few things I’ve found:

I really miss MySpace Gangsta Rob

Click for ultimate LOLs

who was the first Rob we featured in our series “What if Rob wasn’t famous.” You were inspired by a cousin of mine whose Facebook profile doesn’t look much better than your MySpace Page

And where did hott butt from behind Rob go?

(Is it me or did you gain a few in the backside?) This could also be called “Almost growing a fishtail-Rob”

And how fun was that time we lost you in 2009 & vickyb put your picture on a milk carton?

And I MISS DRUNK ROB. Especially when you look like a wedding crasher

(The caption on that photo was: “This is what Rob looks like when TomStu leaves him alone with a Nana” I bet that was funny back in ’09!)

And what about all the fun we had when you looked like you were a guy who delivered the best nachos of all time:

The Nacho Man edition

And remember when WE ARE THE ROB worked & actually brought PEACE to the fandom for like a whole 20 minutes!?

And remember back when Pattinson Pants lady used to exist & comment?

(I sure hope those pants still exist- DO YOU THINK SHE’LL BE IN LA IN NOVEMBER!? That would be a FABULOUS end to a crazy 4 years. Especially if she lets me try on the pants)

And of course who could forget Rob as a Trucker

Click to Re-read. You won’t regret it!

That one time where I ACTUALLY created a real profile on Trucker with the headline “My rig is big”

Sigh.. it’s been so long I even miss Gold Chain Rob

From the one where talked about all the Rob Dealbreakers we have

AND GUYS: We know how I feel about GQ Rob!

I’ve begged & prayed & waited but NOTHING comes close to this photoshoot for me!

Oh Rob.. what am I going to have to do to have that much fun again? Imagine another “What if he wasn’t famous…” But this time you’re a server at Downton Abbey (hmmm… good excuse to google more pictures of Matthew/Dan Stevens…..)


What pictures/moments/Old Robs do you miss about ROB?


14 Commented

Rob Pattinson on the Daily Show: Political jokes and… um awkward

Dear Rob,

2 of our favorite things happened last night: You + Jon Stewart. Oh and male spanx jokes, so make that 3 things. And Brookelockart & I decided to live break-it-down:

UC: do you think Rob is going to comment on Paul Ryan’s appointment to VP running mate. or perhaps once & for all tell us where he stands on Obamacare? I know we’ve been DYING to know
Brookelockart: I have a feeling that most of this chat will be me gushing over the genius that is Jon Stewart. I’d totally date a jew*, if they were as awesome as Jon Stewart. YAY! it’s on, Go Smart Funny Jew!! aaaaand good looking (said like a jewish mother)
UC: they’ll talk about the London Olympics for sure. Maybe discuss One Direction’s performance last night
Brookelockart: Haha– the Message to Twilight fans– Jon knows his audience tonight
Brookelockart: hahahhah, he has to explain the Daily show to the new audience.
UC: I feel so welcome. Even though I’m a normal watcher
Brookelockart: me too. Like he rolled out a special welcome mat for us.

This sexy Jewish guy has a message for Twilight fans (click to read)

Brookelockart:Do you think Robstens lean right or left?
UC: I don’t know….. they could go either way
Brookelockart: nice PC answer UC. you could run for government
UC: I could. but if you make me answer…. Well- some want EVERYONE to leave ROBSTEN alone, which I assume includes the government– so therefore they lean right…Some ROBSTENers though feel entitled to ROBSTENs relationship– and they probably love social security & medicaid too, so they lean left. I so smart.

Brookelockart: dammmmm..Paul Ryan is trying to glamour us
UC: haha dreamboat
Brookelockart: it’s like all the Paul Ryan Gosling memes say
UC: wait.. those EXIST?
Brookelockart: ZOMG YES. there’s even a twitter
UC: i just found a tumblr
Brookelockart: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, I just ate a corn dog. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” all the giggles!
UC: “@PaulRyanGosling: Hey girl, Mitt and I partied way too hard last night. Motherf*cker had FIVE Diet Sprites. The dude is insane.”

Brookelockart: So back to Rob on this show… do you think Jon showed him the questions before hand? because after his last appearance, I have to imagine Jon pitied Rob. That interview was so awkward that I had to keep looking away and changing the channel.
UC: oh yeah… i actually completely forgot about that interview…. i mean.. it … seems so long ago!
Brookelockart: It quite possibly was the most awkward interview that I’ve ever seen. Even worse than him being called a palsey chicken at comic con.
UC: well yes.. they have to had had some discussion.. b/c of the big elephant in the room (obvs talking about his unibrow)

Brookelockart: OOOOOH. it’s time.
UC: ugh… unf
Brookelockart: He’s in the SUIT. Good GOD
UC: do we know that person who screamed in the audience. I bet we do. Or was that me? ICE CREAM… good call Jon– nice touch. Also WHAT FLAVOR IS THAT so I can go buy every one at my local Wawa.

UC: NAH– rob is lactose.. he won’t eat it
Brookelockart: Wait. do YOU KNOW THAT? About him being Lactose?
UC: BROOKE– of course i don’t know that. i’m NORMAL remember?

You can Double Spank me

UC: i’m cringing
Brookelockart: hahahahahhahah. AWKWARD. SOOOOO AWKWARD
Brookelockart: Has rob completed a sentence yet?
UC: no
Brookelockart: aww, Jon’s a nice big brother friend..even though after he probably walks back to the staff and says, effing idiot.
UC: yeah….. this is first right? cuz this is the BEST first interview possible. And can we agree that he really DOES need a publicist?
Brookelockart: his hair is looking pretty fantastic. SIDE NOTE
UC: um don’t pick your nose rob. but YES.. the hair… and the blue suit.. ugh.. hot..
Brookelockart: NOT YOUR NOSE– YOU ARE ON CAMERA. he really does need training
UC: and OMG he looks like my crush from 3rd- 8th grade. even more than EVER. i wish I could make him (my crush) model for the LTR world
Brookelockart: it all comes full circle– what is his life that he just talked about his break up to Jon stewart (and by talk, I mean he threw out some phrases and words that sorta made sense but were really not a coherent thought…)

Oh Rob… this is your life??!!!!

PS you looked amaaazing


UC & Brookelockart

*note: Brookelockart is Jewish and has never dated a Jew. Unless you count that one guy in 7th grade. Which I do and she doesn’t. So what does a friend like me do? Send her pictures of available Jewish guys all the time. Hot, not, small, fat, old, young. You’re welcome Brooke.

Ps: You can pick you friends and you can pick your nose, but you can never pick Rob Pattinson’s nose.

36 Commented

Dear Rob Please Don’t Look like This at Comic Con

Dear Rob,

It’s always so suspenseful: WILL HE OR WON’T HE? (Look like a complete idiot) or HOT OR NOT. Or rather ALWAYS HOT BUT REALLY MAKING ME QUESTION THE “ALWAYS” PART OF THAT STATEMENT RIGHT NOW.

What will you look like today at Comic Con? What WILL you wear?

Let’s hope it’s not like 2011:

Someone’s high


Even you are questioning your hair choice here

I’d take 2009 Comic Con Rob with your scared puppy dog look & flannel shirt, even though the floppy head of hair isn’t my first choice of hair for you (I’m picky after all these years)


Uhhh yum

But mostly I’d just prefer one of these Robs:

and especially GQ Rob:

WHICH ROB WILL WE GET!? Can’t wait to see!


Has GQ REALLY not done a new photoshoot with Rob since my favorite of all time? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM!? 

Moon is at Comic Con, y’all– Make sure you’re following us on Twitter for all the good news.

10 Commented

Rob wears bowties now. Bowties are cool

Dear Rob,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, you’ve been busy, I’ve been busy, that’s just the way life goes sometimes.  Recently I thought I’d check to see how you did at Cannes with Cosmopolis.  When I saw you in the bow tie I had to think you were pretending to be The Doctor:

I know you know exactly Who I’m talking about.  Being a good English lad I’m sure you grew up watching him.  You probably even pretended to be him when you were out on the playground at school.  It made me wonder what other times you were channeling Dr. Who.  I scrolled through my RobOdex and came up with a few Click a pic to scroll through the gallery:

I know you’re too big of a star now to play Dr. Who, but you can’t blame a girl for dreaming about it.

Wanting to ride in the TARDIS with Rob,

Thanks again to PinkPixieChick for all her helping pick out just the right RobWho moments!

We’ve missed your letters, Zeph! Have a letter for Rob you want me to post at a random time b/c we’re getting CRAZZZY around these parts not only posting at 8 am? Send to!

Thanks to Robsessed as always for many of these FAB pictures

10 Commented

Mini Break down of the most recent Rob Pattinson WTF photoshoot

Dear Rob,

We didn’t plan it (and we hope you didn’t plan the photoshoot either) but once we saw the latest photos of you online, we just had to break them down vanity fair MINI style:

UC: So….. you know how the saying goes “put a vagina on Rob Pattinson’s stomach & it will look beautiful?”
Moon: Yeah I’ve heard that one a couple times
UC: yeah well they were wrong”
Moon: well looks like rob’s stomach vagina got a groupon for laser hair removal
UC: lucky. I’ve been waiting for a good deal

UC: Oh and just when you thought there was no reason to hang on to that pack of maxi pads your mom bought you the first time you got your period… turns out there is… How many “pads on heads” look alikes will we see at Rob’s next movie premiere you think?”
Moon: wtf is that third eye doing on that pad?
UC: That’s all You find strange about that picture?
Moon: This doesn’t help clarify what Cosmopolis is about for me….


Robby you already wore that shirt in France...

Moon: DUDE. that is HIS shirt. I mean we know all those clothes are borrowed, but they dry clean stuff… it can touch your skin rob, it’s OK. no cooties

Moon: OMG— is this woman pregnant? are the Robsteners ok?? Has a hit been put out on this woman yet?

UC: Yes I think I saw few hits tweeted. Kristen’s security has been notified about this slut. Probably also a fan of Jackson Rathbone’s.

Moon: how rob really is. every day:

Moon: how we all imagine rob:

UC: seriously that first picture IS Rob. In his actual motel room… he stays at the motel 6 for fun. even though he has a big house in LA.. he just rent out the motel 6 b/c he feels more comfortable
Moon: the bed bugs make him feel “normal” like one of the little people again. ps why are they watching VHS? this really is his rent-by-the-hour love shack
UC: that’s an extra charge at the motel 6. Makes him feel high-class
Moon: when he gets bored of kristen he meets this girl there. They do have a really great program though, you bring in your own vhs’s and trade for other travelers vhs’s.
UC: so unique!
Moon:so far he’s gotten to watch an original copy of The Land Before Time and Sex Lies and Video Tape (ON video tape)

"We'll leave the light on for Rob"

UC: he’s thinking of turning that into an online business
Moon: VHS-ster
UC: yep. VHS-flix. still working on the name
Moon: you know for when the whole acting thing is over- slash- his summer job… for extra spending money

Moon: LOOK AT US! Mini break down
UC: SO EASY!!! picked it up like we were doing this for years!

UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s Vagina-maxi-pad photoshoot? Would you like to have a threesome with 2 Robs? Yes that’s a rhetorical question. 

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

33 Commented

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