Run Away with me

Don’t act so surprised. Yes this is the 2nd post this week! I had a great letter submission to post! XO. Also… there seem to be non-muteable ads playing right now. We’re on it. For now mute your computer. Will be fixed soon xx

Dear Rob,

We’re both grown up. I’ve been a grown up longer than you, but I digress. With that label comes something very familiar – stress.  Now I realize that your stress and my stress is very different. I’m sure you worry about things like a long drive-thru line at In & Out Burger, a certain someone’s love of for black bras under white shirts, and I know you were very worried about women here on LTR . Me? Well, I worry about things like how many calories I just ate in a whole bag of Terra Vegetable Chips, what the ‘check engine’ light means, how much wine I have at home and who’s going to be the new Bachelor next season.

That’s why I run. Stress relief. I’ve run 3 marathons and I’m training for my next race. I want you to run with me. Here are the reasons:

1.  I want to see your wonky legs in running shorts. Oh my.  Be warned – I may chase you. A nice sleeveless running shirt, running hat and shades? Yes please.  Proper running attire makes for a faster pace and longer endurance. I beg you – leave the fou-fou white vest and cream linen pants in the forest where it belongs.

2. I live near the most beautiful beach.  We could take an early morning run along the shoreline, then frolic (I’ve always wanted to frolic with you) in the surf. We can indulge in hot dogs and cheese fries from the beach shack restaurant. Since we just finished a run, there’s no guilt. I know sand will stick to our feet, so we’ll have to use the outdoor showers to rinse off. It would be a struggle, but I’d muddle through.

3. I am very aware you smoke. I’ll admit I usually find photos of you and a fag quite  HAWT. (Wife beater? Cigarette? One of my favorite shots EVER.) But in all seriousness, you should stop smoking. Now. It’s really terrible for you but since I’m not your mom and I can’t make you–I’m sure Clare has tried to get you to stop at no avail–the least I can do is get the blood flowing though those lungs. Now I know there’s lots of very interesting ways this could be done, but a good 5-mile run is always a perfect way to start the endorphins. Who knows what would happen the rest of the day.  Breathe in…breathe out.

4. Dean looks like a great guy, but don’t you ever want to lose him for just a little while?  He doesn’t strike me as a runner.  You don’t need him on a run – *I* would hand you your water bottle. I bet I could do just as good of job as Dean.  He can stay home and whip us up some delicious recovery smoothies.

5. Bear would LOVE it. He looks like a dog who would love a good run.  He may even find a squirrel. He could scare away the paparazzi. (similar, but not the same as a squirrel).  We’ll teach him to growl and sneer at anyone with a lens cap.  This may be necessary since Dean isn’t with us.

How about I bring ALL these puppies?

Now that our run is done, I want to celebrate. How? I’ve got the perfect conclusion to our run —   I want to see the real Jumping Rob recreated in my pool. Bring on the black boxer briefs!!

Call me. My Asics are waiting, so lace up your shoes and let’s get started! I know you’ll feet better and less stressed. You’ll thank me later. 😉

Love,
Brenn

Love it, Brenn! And this inspires me to inspire YOU all to write us more letters with these theme: Doing a HOBBY with ROBBY. Yep… it’s about time we had a new LTR theme around here. So what do you think? Got a HOBBY for you and ROBBY you can write to us about? Great- send it to letterstotwilight@gmail.com.

And just so you know, when I’m having a bad day or just need a new laugh, I always change my Facebook profile picture to this:

Click me to make me your wallpaper

from one of Moon’s Best LTRs ever!

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11 Commented

1 Picture, 4 Takes of Old School Rob

Dear Rob,

Moon & I were emailing with our good LTR friend JodieO yesterday & she decided to brighten it with a good ol’ picture of you (we can’t remember what it’s from) and a take on an old LTR tradition:

1 picture, 2 4 takes

Seriously. WHY was it a rerun?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

THANKS JODIEO. I LOVE YOU A LOT. AND WAIT.. is that even your LTR name?

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21 Commented

Dirty Dancing or just Dirty?

Dear Rob,

Some person at Kristen’s friends Dirty Dancing party took a picture of you guys looking scuzzy and it “magically” made it’s way onto the nets via the super reliable Hollywood Life. First off you both look like the “before” picture of cast members on Celebrity Rehab or maybe those homeless teens on Venice Beach with the mangy dog and the dreads selling hemp necklaces. You know the ones (sad). Either way, it’s not good. It just makes me think the inside of the “palatial pad” in Los Feliz (yes, we all know now) looks like that picture of Whitney Houston’s bathroom or maybe you just have a couple lawn chairs set up in the living room in front of the 90 inch tv that came with the house but you can’t find the remote to.

Quick, someone to the Photoshop machine!

Second, if you’re going to a theme party can we at least pretend you sort of put two seconds of thought into your “costumes?” If you’re going to be Johnny or even just a random greaser may I suggest some tight ass black pants, dance boots, and a pompadour wig? Best lady friend who gets a botched abortion for 200 bucks in an alley named Penny, optional. Kristen is like half way there, though I doubt this was on purpose. All she needs to do to complete the look it pull the bottom of the shirt through the neck hole (we’ve all done it), throw on a curly wig, carry a watermelon and talk about going to Mount Holyoke in the fall… or maybe the peace corps. It’s more wholesome 50s and less hipster dbags. Seriously guys, this is easy.

I brought a spiked watermelon

I expect a little more effort when you come to my Dowton Abbey themed costume birthday party this year. We’re talking Morning jackets, tweed hunting coats, HAIR, dress TomStu up in a Chauffeur costume and have him drive you to the party in the “motor.”  Plant Sam Bradley in someone’s bed as dead Mr. Pamuk. Really, this is the level of commitment for a costume party that me and my friends expect. FYI.

No one puts Rob in a corner… well maybe they do if he looks like that…
Themoonisdown

PS Tell your friend this costume has nothing to do with Dirty Dancing. That is a Hipster denim diaper. Have you people even seen Dirty Dancing?

PPS Remember these AMAZING videos from forever ago?? Suddenly seems perfect…

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36 Commented

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT: ROB IS AN ENABLER

Dear Rob,

Our friend Bethany (I hate when blog friends become RL friends because then I forget their blog name. Oh well) sent us a super important piece of journalistic work entitled:

Robert Pattinson Enables Kristen Stewart’s Potato Chip Habit

which claimed that you talked to the SUN newspaper and shared that you bring back the Space Raiders “crisp” for Kristen every time you return to the states from England.

Because there is absolutely nothing on God’s green earth to write about I am, too, a fan of chips, I had a few thoughts:

1. Why are you talking to the Sun. About chips? Did they mess up their “Source” again and actually mean that one deranged, crazed aunt who is no longer to come to family get-togethers? (The same aunt that leaked your baby pictures?)

2. No American girl, with all the delicious, greasy, baked/cooked/fried/whatever you want chips available at her fingertips (or at the local 711) would ever choose British “Crisps” over our fattening favorite. Trust me. I’ve had your “chips.” And they’re not good. Neither are your English Muffins. They don’t taste like the ones Thomas makes. And don’t get me started on the Hob Nobs. I forget who, but some amazing blogging friend sent us some. And they were gross. We may have pretended to like them at the time because it was so thoughtful of our friend, but we were lying. They tasted like elitist cardboard.

3. Have you & Kristen already hit that point in your relationship where you go away for a few weeks and all she can think of for you to bring her home is something you can pick up at Heathrow right before you board the plane?

4. Do these “Crisps” help when the munchies hit? You know the kind…

5. Whenever a tabloid newspaper approaches you or your aunt in the future, instead of providing some ludicrous story about chips, could you instead just pose like this:

The SUN Peeps: “Rob Rob ROB! Before you go, can you just tell us a little tale about what you’ve been up to lately.”

You: “No, but I’ll stand here and look so sexy you’ll drop your crisps all over the street.”

More posing and less talking about chips. Thanks, love

Xo,
UC

HELP A SISTER OUT (Literally)

SPEAKING of Chips, my sweet little sister who ALSO loves chips, but the normal American kind (I have 3 little sisters- this is the 2nd youngest), Rachael, is currently in Costa Rica working for a non profit called Abriendo Mentes. I’m not really sure what she’s doing but I know she goes to the beach daily, catches tarantulas in tupperware containers & occasionally teaches English to kids and then tweets & blogs & runs social media for the organization (I’m so proud!)

For the next week there is a GREAT online store called Fresh Words Market with really cool products & prints giving 50% of each sale directly to Abriendo Mentes. If you need a gift- for you or someone you love or maybe even hate- buy it from this store because #1 they have great stuff and #2 it will help a great cause & #3 my sister will be really happy with me. And I’m kinda afraid she’s gonna send me that tarantula through the mail if I don’t get her some sales.

Shop Fresh Words Market for a Great Cause!

Thanks to Robsessed for that hot as crap pic of Roberto

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26 Commented

Stuff we STILL don’t know about Rob

Dear Rob,

After doing research last week for our 3 year anniversary letters and Moon’s anniversary present (more on that later), I came across posts & pictures that reminded me that I STILL didn’t know the story or details behind a certain situation. And, well, you’d think after 3 years of following your ever move I’d know a lot more. So, in no particular order, here are some pressing questions I have about your life.

What happened to Patty? Did she die from old age, happy in her dog bed, chewing on the Hot Pocket toy you gave her last time you were home?

Rob gets drunk with a kid too young to be drunk with him

WHO was that ginger kid you got drunk with on New Years Eve 2008 and WHAT were you doing with him? Is he a relative of the Weasley’s?

Why did you REALLY get kicked out of school?

Did you lose your virginity to Cho Chan?

Nikki Reed, really? How high WERE you?

What do you DO when you’re not being photographed? I cannot imagine you stay inside the other 335 days out of the year when the paps don’t catch you. How do you stock the fridge? Do you have a housekeeper & caregiver? How do you get new clothes? Are you an Amazon Prime member?

of COURSE Tom was there!

Whatever happened with you & Nina Schubert, your “great love story for 3 years?” And WHERE is she? Why is she not on TV & shit proclaiming that she knows what you look like down there? Why hasn’t she posed for Playboy yet? “ROB PATTINSON’S GIRLFRIEND KISSES & TELLS, WHILE NAKED”

How did you REALLY meet the Brit Pack? I know you say you were “introduced” but by whom? Your counselors at “reform camp?” Where you got sent after getting kicked out of school for some unknown reason?

What do you DO with all your money? Do you dabble in the stock market? How are your mutual funds looking? Are you aggressively investing? 20% in foreign marketings, 30% in bonds? 50% in tech stocks? When you look at foreign markets, are you looking HERE in the states, or back home in Britain?

Rob just needs to get some Yen

Speaking of that, are you richer HERE in the US than if you were living at home? Since 1 pound is worth more than 1 dollar currently. Does that confuse you? It confuses me. Do you carry pounds in your wallet AND dollars? Do you use that Currency Exchange stand in the international terminal at the airports? Do you collect currency from all the places you visit? I have some old pesos I can send you, if so. I mean the kind used BEFORE the peso the current Mexico uses. They’re probably worth something.

Do your friends call you “Ron” now too after giving up on teaching their iPhones it’s “Rob,” not “Ron?”

What are your parents doing in their retirement?

How grossed out are your sisters by the female obsession over you? Do they buy you things like the Edward Cullen Body Pillow as Christmas presents just to embarrass you? Is “Edward Cullen” like the new “Claudia?” Do you wish they’d just go back to calling you “Claudia” instead? Have they ever tried “Claudia Cullen?” (you’re welcome for the suggestion, Lizzy & Victoria, obvious readers of LTR, because who wouldn’t want to read a blog gushing over your little brother?)

Anyway, Rob, just a few questions I have about your life, even 3 years later.

Get back to me when you can,
UnintendedChoice

What questions do YOU have about Rob’s life?

Run, not walk, to LTT today. JUST DO IT.

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23 Commented