Rob Pattinson at the Golden Globes gives us a new mantra…

Dear Rob,

I wish I could break down the Golden Globe anecdotes & 2nd-hand embarrassing experiences you gave us last night in full detail, but to be honest, there wasn’t much. I mean sure, before the show got started, MTV’s Josh Horowitz did his best to get you to spill the beans about the baby making you and Kristen do on the bear skin rug and that got an awkward laugh:

but beyond that, we basically saw this the entire show:

Jesus stealing Rob’s thunder

Not that it isn’t a nice nose, but come on Foreign Press- or whoever is in charge- it’s ROB PATTINSON. HE’s FOREIGN (to me) You should love him. And why bring Justin Bieber if you’re not going to show him in the audience either. Are you saying Justin & Rob are only there to bring a certain audience (yes). Okay. We get it. But keep THAT AUDIENCE SATISFIED. Yes, I’m saying I’ll endure the awkwardness of watching Justin Bieber attempting not to talk like he’s from the hood or pretend like he didn’t cut off his famous hair-do. JUST TO SEE MORE ROB.

Then again, we did have this:

and this

and those faces along on the red-carpet almost make up for the lack of you during the actual show

And our darling @AshFrag coined the new Mantra of LTR during the show:

Rob Pattinson looks like sex feels

(ya know, awkward & kinda hurts at first. But TOTALLY WORTH IT at the end. Well, sometimes. Okay- rephrase “Rob Pattinson looks like sex is in my mind with Rob Pattinson. As in, perfection. With a little goofy sense of humor. Or something.) Anyway- new LTR mantra, what do you think!?

Does anyone else ever get the feeling looking at Rob on the red carpet that he’s thinking “What the F*ck am I doing here? I don’t know anyone. I am uncomfortable & have to scratch my balls.” And THEN… he hears his name called- and he’s like “Someone here KNOWS ME!” And he lifts his eyesbrows & turns his head, like he’s going to recognize his mom or cousin or TomStu across the way. Then he realizes it’s just a photographer calling his name. And he gets sad. And remembers that itch he wants to scratch. But then he hears his name AGAIN and thinks “Maybe- this time it really IS that girl I knew in Grade 8 that I never wanted to talk to but totally want to rescue me from this awkwardness right now!” and raises his eyebrows in recognition again…. but sadly, it’s just another photographers, wanting a picture…

Oh and be still my heart- i just thought about playing Twister with Rob….

Oh & Rob, I caught a glimpse of what you wore sometime earlier this weekend:

Um YES. YES. FINALLY someone told you about shirts that girls dream about taking off of you with their teeth! And those boots- while they’re not my favorite style- are VERY IN. AND DEAN looks FIT. Have you two been working out together? This warmed my heart. And TOTALLY made me forget about the pic I saw of your outfit from Golden Globes rehearsals:

So we had ZERO moments in which you will later look back upon & regret. And though you looked pretty smokin’ hot, last night basically reminded me I had a big fat crush on Ryan Gosling (sorry…!)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think!? Were we ROBBED of ROB? Or was his beautifulness in his navy suit worth not seeing him much the rest of the night? Do you LIKE our new MANTRA!??

After the jump, a little Monday Funny at the expense of Robward: Continue…

154 Commented

Catching up on all I’ve missed about Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

With the prepping for the holidays, the actual holidays and then recovering from the holidays, I’ve barely had any time to check what you’re up to! And since I haven’t heard many rumors about you’re life, I just assumed you weren’t up to anything. I haven’t even read my go-to-for-the-best-Rob-news site Robsessed in like… WEEEKS. Are you still in Brazil jumping off stuff? Well, turns out I DID miss stuff. Not that any of it is that great. Actually most of it is QUITE a snore, but at least it’s something, right!? Since the LTR readers tend to follow in the footsteps of Moon & UC – not because we rule (we do) but because we’re all pretty similar and, well, Normal, I figured I wasn’t the only one who missed what you’ve been up to. So let’s get to it:

First up, here is a list of stuff I’m not really going to mention but was part of your life in the past month: Water for Elephants trailer was released; We were too busy to break it down; WFE release date got pushed back 1 week; You went home to London; You went to Iowa? (Confused about that one. And care TOO little to research it further); You probably washed your hair; Bel-ami is not going to be at Sundance Film Festival; You were in some rag mags with untrue stories about your love life; You won some meaningless awards given to you by sites & media desperate to use your name to gain readership.

And in slightly more interesting news:

TONIGHT, You will join Kristen & Taylor to make the trinity complete at the People’s Choice awards:

And let me tell you how this story ends: You, Kristen & Taylor (and Eclipse) win every category you are nominated in. Dear John stands no chance up against you. Tina Fey & Steve Carell might as well go to the nursing home- they’ll never beat youngsters like you 3. And because of this, if anything else is on at 9 pm tonight, I’ll skip the show & just look at pictures later. But let’s be honest… Nothing else will be on & I’ll probably end up sucked in, face pressed up to the TV glass waiting for any glimpse of your elbow in the side of the screen. Sigh….

You’re going to present at the Golden Globes

Which means that on Monday January 17th, we might actually have something INTERESTING to blog about. Or at the very least super hot (please!) pictures or at least a 2nd-hand embarrassing video where you spit or say a weird British phrase that means something opposite in American. Wee!!

You were named #4 on the GQ (UK) Best Dressed 2011 list! Which is great… Except… Remember how you were #1 on the list last year??? Because you wore outfits like this:

Rob Pattinson modeling Wal-mart’s finest

Wow. That sure is #1 right there. It’s no wonder you moved to #4 this past year. You really went down a notch wearing stuff like a sweater from the dumpster outside of Walmart! Can’t get much lower than that, Robbie-pie!

And then there is my personal favorite news tidbit from the past few weeks. THIS picture:

I’m climbing in your windows (I’m snatching your people up..)

First of all, I have NO idea when it appeared. Apparently last month. Although it’s from LAST Christmas. But I can’t get enough. Seriously. I printed it out & hung it on my fridge. We have everything right here!!!

There’s Dick who either just woke up or is super sick (GET BETTER DICK! FROM WHATEVER YOU HAD LAST YEAR!) And then there is a MYSTERY WOMAN. No… not the one holding your hand, although I’m not sure who that is either cuz it’s OBVIOUSLY NOT KRISTEN, but the woman that Dick is holding on to. Moon insists it’s Claire, but I’m not convinced. Would Claire really wear a leopard print hat like Snooki? And is Claire wearing a Bubble jacket? Am I spelling Claire right? So many questions.

And then KRISTEN- I just… just…. actually have nothing to say about her. She looks sleepy?

In fact, you all do- either this is before dawn, early am Christmas picture before going to Grandma Pattinson’s house. Or LATE at night- after mucho eggnog & dancing in front of the fire (Obviously a Dick Pattz favorite activity on Christmas Eve!)

Do I HAVE to point out that your shirt says OBEY? Um, okay. Whatever you wish, Mr. Pattinson. And where did you get your height? Either Grandpop Pattz is a giant or your adopted. I hate to break it to you- but did you ever actually see pictures of your mom in the hospital with you? And look at those curtains! Edward would approve!! And what is hanging on the Pattinson family Christmas tree? Apples? TWILIGHT APPLES? Gift from Stephenie, I’m sure.

(and I’m trying not to mention it but I kinda have to mention it… this is obviously a super private photo so either a Pattinson cousin was on Santa’s naughty list in 2010 for sending that photo to the WRONG friend last year, or someone is hacking into either Rob or Kristen’s cell phone. I’m just saying)

So, it isn’t a ton- in fact it’s barely anything, but it’s a new year- and we’re kicking it off right TONIGHT at the People’s Choice awards. And then again in a few weeks at the Golden Globes. And since I’m just as behind on my Twilight news, I think you all should be headed to Vancouver pretty soon- if you’re not there already- and Vancouver-Rob is my favorite Rob! I think we might get some more interesting news yet! And if not, I can always get a chuckle (and feel super creeped out by the fact that I HAVE this picture) by looking at the Pattinson family Christmas photo from 2009 hanging on my fridge!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Did I miss anything else? PLEASE tell me something much more amazing happened so I can stop being SO bored with Rob lately!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

99 Commented

Rob Pattinson & a Whole Lotta Rosie

Rob, it’s the holidays. Which means I spent yesterday driving 120 miles for work, then shopped for SIX hours. That means not only have I only seen the Water for Elephants trailer ONCE, but I haven’t had time yet to “Break it Down” yet with Moon. And that’s a travesty. Because your soft floppy hair must be discussed. Listen in as Cath & Draska take the reigns today:

Um, hot

Dear Rob,

We have been seriously swooning over the just released Water for Elephants trailer. That movie is going to be soooo good. We had already high hopes based on all the great set and candid pictures that came out while you were shooting it (well, except for the black socks and sandals combo). But sadly we’ll have to wait up to four months until we can see it in all it’s glory in the theater. So to soothe the waiting, we’d thought we’d talk a bit about your favorite co-star Tai, who plays Rosie, the elephant love of your life. (Dear Reese, we realize you’re his romantic lead, but this is Tai’s moment in the sun. Sure you don’t mind!).

As regulars at LTR may know, we have a history here in commenting about the great grey giants in the past. We even created Bobo (a hybrid between Bono and a baby elephant – please don’t ask-) and we christened the Details elephant Karla; we wish we’d remembered why…So obviously we love elephants and we’re very excited that you have an elephant co-star in this movie! By all reports she’s described as sweet, smart, talented, and gentle

A comment by an actress in WFE, Jackie Zane, a few months ago, really caught our attention. She said how nice you were (we heart that, although she left out the being incredibly hot part…but scroll down- she even mentions your giggling.). She also said that Tai seemed smitten with you and she sniffed your face with her trunk while you gently petted her. We do relate Tai, we do relate. We’ll leave it to that, before these double entendres get (any more) out of hand.

And then this!!! The lion was licking your arm?!? You must be some kind of wild animals (*cough* women *cough*)  whisperer….

But all jokes aside, of course Tai is smitten with you; she’s a smart girl! She knows something good when she sees it. And that lion, too; we’d lick your arm if that chance was offered to us…Would like to say that we were above that, but I’d be lying!

And see? Also a woman whisperer: Even in Polish. Your power rules over language barriers. We’d happily follow that request, anytime. Trust.

Also we couldn’t help but remember the infamous Details interview and what you described as ‘the best day of your life… beautiful, beautiful day’; when an elephant vacuumed your foot, purred at you, laughed and imitated horses, chickens and monkeys, wrote a screenplay, put your whole body upside down in her mouth and searched your pockets for peppermints (see pp. 5 and 6, of the article). What do you mean, that seems unrealistic??? You didn’t exaggerate quite so much??? Okay, we hear you. Don’t feel bad for being so enthusiastic about your new friend.

[BTW, I asked a zookeeper friend of mine about the sound and it’s more of an ultrasonic rumbling feeling than a purring sound, but what the heck, whatever you say Rob, purring it is –drsaka].
You loved that day and the elephant. Okay, we’re still jealous, but really impressed with your elephant experience.

In the meantime, please, please, please say that there is a picture out there of you like this Rob, please!

Can we see it? Pretty please It make the waiting seem shorter. AND we’ll sing you a song if you show it to us. Our own ode to the amazingness that’s your sweet and gentle co-star. (She’s our favorite too…) We hope that you enjoy it Rob!

Feel free to sing along:
Original music and lyrics to ‘Whole Lotta Rosie’ by AC/DC. Gentle modifications by us.

Let There Be Ellies!!!

Wanna tell you a story
‘Bout an elephant I know
Ah, come to sweetness
Ooh, she steals the show
She’s really gentle
With trunk to your face
Searched your pockets for peppermints
You could say she’s really the very best.

Never seen an ellie
Never seen an ellie like Rosie

Doing all the things
Doing all the things she does

Ain’t no fairy story
Ain’t no tall tale

But she gives it all she’s got
Your best, nicest co-star yet

You’re a whole lotta ellie
A whole lotta ellie
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
Whole lotta Rosie
And you’re a whole lotta ellie

Yours in vintage 1930’s style clothing (or out of it),
Cath and drsaka

How excited are you all for this movie? Doesn’t Rob look amazing in the trailer? Almost as good as Tai?  Would you lick his arm too or would you snuffle him elephant-style? Were you jealous of the Polish lady in the interview? Or of Tai or Reese, maybe even of Christopher Waltz??? Tell us!

Please see http://waterforelephantsfilm.com/ for interviews and picture credits.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

131 Commented

(not so) BREAKING NEWS: Rob has shaved his beard!?

All it took was me shaving my grizzly adams beard to get what I want?! Who knew you girls were that easy?

*This story is developing we’ll bring you the latest as we learn more :)*

Dear Rob,

Word on the Twitters is that you have finally shaved that haggard badger you called a beard off your chin.

Clearly you read our 2034942357435 posts and tweets about how over it we were. We thank you for being a loyal reader of LTR and doing your part for the betterment of womankind.

xoxo,
Themoonisdown

PS you owe us a picture

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

126 Commented

Where is Robert? An offensive App…

Rob, pass this letter along to Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, creator of the iPhone 4 you undoubtably gave up trying to learn how to use and gave to TomStu who probably thought it was a beer coaster

Dear Steve Jobs,

I caught wind via the encyclopedia of the 21st century (aka Twitter) that there was a new iPhone app that tracked Rob Pattinson’s whereabouts called “Where is Robert?”. Immediately intrigued, I hopped on over to the App store & purchased it for a whopping $0.99. After perusing it’s features: The Rob Tracker, Rob Trivia & Rob Pictures, I sat down to pen this letter to you. And look out. I’m not happy.

Burgers? WHERE? Beirut?

This app is completely offensive. First of all, the map with Rob’s whereabouts doesn’t even link to the locations. What kind of tracker is this? Now, I’ve been to the Hotel Cafe in LA looking for Rob, but what if I hadn’t? What if I was from Beirut & opened up my app all excited to find out where Robert Pattinson was on Wednesday July 14th. I have no idea where the Hotel Cafe is. I’m from Beirut. What if there is a hotel cafe in downtown Beirut that I assume Rob is at? I get all excited, I slip into my highest heels, my shortest skirt & a push up bra and put on my dark red lipstick, preparing to woo Rob by the bar in his hotel. “Heineken” sounds so sexy in Beiruitan. But I don’t get a change to whisper “Heineken” to Rob because he’s NOT in Beirut and the Hotel Cafe turns out to be a brothel & I end up working as a high class prostitute for the rest of my life. How do you like that!? Alllllll because you refused to link on the map of Rob’s whereabouts.

Another reason I’m offended is because the app didn’t even accept my submission under the link “Rob Moved.” “In My Pants” is TO A valid location for Rob to be. I even figured out the exact GPS coordinates where my pants were at that exact moment. That took me about 7 minutes. And my submission was REJECTED as INVALID. I will never have those 7 minutes back again.

The offenses never end: Turns out the pictures section I was so excited about? LAMEEEEEEEEEEEE. Give me something I don’t have stored on my 3 external harddrives, specific for Rob pics & videos. Well, okay.. this picture was a nice addition. It’s been awhile since I’ve viewed Rob, a thinner John Mayer and 2 cocker spaniels. +3 for that effort, but the icon on my iPhone screen next to my banking app & iPeriod tracker? It’s that picture of Rob from EW in 2008 where he looks more like his wax figurine than the actual Rob Pattinson himself (see above) -3 for this feature.

And can I tell you how OFFENDED I was at the TRIVIA that was asked!? Listen to this question:

What did his sisters do to him until he was 12?

Um, I don’t know- was it something similar to what his Creepy Uncle did? Cause that’s what it sounds like you’re implying!

Lastly, I’m concerned for Robert’s safety, and that is the main reason for my letter. (And also to ask if you could ask AT&T on my behalf to let me out of my contract early so I could upgrade to the iPhone 4) With all the crazies out there, I’m not sure it’s wise to have an app that tracks Robert’s every move. For example, should this information, direct from the “Where’s Rob” screen, be public?

-June 30th: Partying it up at the Beverly Hills Hotel in LA
-July 1st: On the set of Water for Elephants in Ventura, CA!
-July 6th: Robert & Kristen Stweart last seem at LA’s Century City… Dinner and a movie last night with Spunky Ransom!
-Wed July 14 Rob was at Hotel Cafe, LA
-Tues Jul 20 Rob is cruising for burgers in his new Chevy Nova ’63!

This could do a whole lot of damage to Rob if the crazies get a hold of it. Now that they know where he was on Tuesday July 20th. Rob will never be able to cruise for a burger in a Chevy Nova ever again without people with cameras going after him. I mean tomorrow if the app reports where he was today, I plan on buying a plane ticket and going to that location- even if it ends up being the Hotel Cafe in Beirut. And we know what happens there now, don’t we Steve?

So I am asking for my $0.99 back from the purchase of the app, my innocence, a new push up bra, those 7 minutes that were stolen from me, plus a gel iPhone cover preferably in pink. You can find my information under my “Where is Robert” Score Board username. It’s “Rob’s F*ck Buddy”

Thank you,
UnintendedChoice

This satirical piece was written after discovering that people on Twitter actually had a problem with an app that reports Rob’s location days after the fact, often on the wrong day and who are coincidentally are some of the same people on twitter who are happy to blog about and report on his location after the papparazzi, who are the ones tracking Rob down, sell the photos. I’m OFFENDED. Are you?

Dear Rob, It actually might be a good idea for you to invest $0.99 into this app- you can use it like a kinda calendar or to remember what you did the week before when you’re emailing Dick back about your life. Love, UC

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Commented