Inside the LTR vault

Since Rob did nothing of importance (as always) this weekend, I dug into the far-reaches of the LTR vault (aka all the unposted letters in our email account tagged “LTR potential.” There are over 85!) to see if I could find anything interesting from ages past that I never posted. There were MANY! And so I thought it would be fun to see what we were thinking about awhile ago, in regards to Rob. Surprisingly (or not) it’s not much different…

March 24, 2010

Dear Rob,

One of the things I love best about you is your tightwad, hobo style. I love that you still bust out the same blue sweater from the Harry Potter days. I love that you wore a jacket with a ripped sleeve on national TV. I love that you’re not afraid to wear your beloved tshirts into rags (which then require emergency sewing skillz). However, I’m worried about your wardrobe and its apparent rapid depletion.

No one rocks an old ratty sweater that they wore to the 11th grade homecoming dance that they went to with that homely girl with braces where their mom took pictures like it was their wedding day, like you do...

The lovely LTR/LTT ladies have been keeping tabs on yours and Kristen’s shirt sharing habits over on the forum, and I’m starting to get a bit concerned. How many shirts do you own? Maybe five? Six tops? There has been photographic evidence of Kristen wearing at least three of your shirts, leaving you with a grand remaining total of three. Frankly, this BOTHERS me.

(here is a video showing proof of this Clothes-swapping which has over 100,000 views. Yes, you may feel very very ashamed)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42J2Oyh5DR4]

When TomStu borrows one of your shirts, it’s not long before we see you wearing one of his. When you show up to an event in one of Sam’s (or was that Marcus’s sweaty red plaid shirt that you wore to the VMA’s?) sweaty button downs from the night before, eventually he’s going to show up wearing something of yours. It’s like a giant communal shirt bank that never varies in number. But what could Kristen possibly contribute to the bank? Is she going to swap her electric pink mesh-insert Runaways premier dress for your Stoli shirt? Dude. Seriously. She’s depleting the bank! Don’t be a victim!

You may have to mow over THAT girl to get to THAT shirt

Think of the repercussions. If she keeps “borrowing” your shirts at this rate, it won’t be long until the guys kick you out of the bank and you’re forced into prying the ducky sweater (obviously way too awesome to be a part of the shirt bank) out of TomStu’s cold, dead hands (because he’s not giving up THAT baby without a fight). Or worse yet, you’ll be forced to walk around shirtless…

………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………

Oh, hi, Rob. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE when you let Kristen borrow your shirts.

Was worried but now notsomuch,

amazingplinko

P.S. If you ever show up in any pictures wearing the ducky sweater? You will automatically pass go, collect 100 dollars, and become my favorite person in the ENTIRE universe until the end of time.

Rob never borrowed that Duck sweater, did he? I can’t remember ever seeing it. And I’m PRETTY SURE we wouldn’t forget Rob wearing the BEST SWEATER of ALL TIME!!!! 

PPS: Caption on the first image above was from This funny Post from 2009!! We’ve been discussing Rob’s “Fashion” (or lack thereof!) for YEARS now!

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Dreams about Rob Pattinson

It’s been awhile since I’ve had one (but The Gos was in my dream the other night- hellooooo!) but I know you guys are still dreaming about Rob evidenced in this letter by tupelohoney!

Dear Rob,

UC told us a while ago that dreaming about you was totally normal [<—- UC NOTE: a long while ago! Read that for good times!)  so I thought I’d tell you about a few of mine. Since my obsession with you, um, I mean since my acute fondness for you began you’ve visited me in my dreams several times. This may be in part because I set the stage for it, so to speak, practically every night before going to bed. After everyone here is asleep and the house is quiet, I spend a few minutes (or an hour) checking out the latest on Robsessed and watching a few (or 20) of my favorite Robporn videos on youtube. And the last thing I do before shutting my computer down for the night is listen to you sing “I’ll be your lover too”. It’s become my own personal lullaby:

Some of the dreams are so vague that I barely remember them. I just wake up happy knowing that you were there somehow during the night. In one of these all I remember about it is you saying “I’ve got to go see SouthernBelle, I’ll be riiiight back…” (yeah SB, I’ll share with you girl!). And some are quite vivid. Especially the ones about you/Tyler wearing a blue t-shirt in a jail cell….but I think those are probably too naughty to mention. All beat up and bloody? You’ve never looked hotter, trust me.

I remember my first dream about you very well. In it, I woke up alone in my bed wearing my University of Tennesse Vols jersey (must have been football season). Don’t know why that part is so clear. Anyway, I could hear Bob Seger singing, which was probably what woke me. I sat up in bed wondering where the music was coming from. Suddenly the music got louder and the song changed. The new song was “Old Time Rock & Roll”. My bedroom door opened and there you were wearing a white button-down shirt, black boxer briefs and white socks. You slid into the room, grabbed my hairbrush off the nightstand to use as a microphone and started dancing like Tom Cruise in Risky Business! Except that you were better and and 10 times hotter. I sat there with my mouth open in awe, unable to move a muscle while you danced and sang your way to the end of the song. When it ended you came over to stand in front of me. Before I could utter a single word, you gave me a light kiss on my nose and disappeared. Just like that! I finally managed to whisper “Come back” but you were gone. Then I woke up. Don’t know where that dream came from because I haven’t seen Risky Business in years!

Come here baby….

In another one, a few of my friends and I were sitting at a table having drinks in a loud, smoky pub. Bob Seger was singing on the jukebox. Don’t know what it is about you and Bob Seger in my dreams but anyway, I excused myself to go to the restroom, um, I mean the loo (love that word, for some reason). There was a line so I stood there waiting. Someone touched my shoulder and I turned and saw that it was you. Somehow I wasn’t surprised by this. You said “Ooh, there’s my little tiger lily..” (What? No spider monkey?… Okay.) You pulled me over to a dark corner and pinned me against the wall with your body (the dream was so real I could feel every inch of you…). We shared a kiss. You tasted like cigarette smoke and cinnamon gum. When it ended I was dizzy. Then you said “Wanna go for a swim?” ( What? WTF? Where?). I said “Sure” (anything you say baby). You started kissing me again. And then I woke up! Damn it! Why do I always have to wake up just when it’s starting to get good?

Well actually…. I don’t always. One day I was home alone and decided to spend that time perusing my Robporn stash. I then decided to take a little nap. Let’s just say I didn’t wake up when it got good. Not for a while anyway. But something did eventually wake me. I think it was probably the sound of my husband’s truck turning into the driveway. I got up and came into the kitchen just as he walked through the door. I guess you could say I attacked him…. we never made it any further than the rug in front of the door. He was shocked, to say the least but he wasn’t complainin’… He just looked at me and said “Whoa there Sugar, what got into you?” I just smiled sweetly and did not say a word… I think I would have probably felt more guilty about what got into me if he didn’t have this “thing” for Queen Latifah (don’t ask… I’m not sure I understand that one myself).

So Rob, what got into me? Well, it was you baby. Just you. Just you in all of your adorkably f*ckhawt gorgeous glory! You got into me. Wish I could say that lit’rally. But since I’m fairly sure that ain’t never gonna happen… please feel free to visit me again in my dreams anytime. I like waking up with a smile on my face. All hot and bothered too but definitely smiling……

tupelohoney

So let’s hear it! What have YOUR dreams about Rob been lately? And if you haven’t had one then you must not be a Rob Fan!!***

After the Jump(ing Rob) some sort-of- Rob funnies: Continue…

43 Commented

Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob

Dear Rob,

You may have not been in San Diego this weekend for Rudy’s (aka Keisha Knight Pulliam) birthday but some of your fellow countrymen were. Though I will say I totally thought the first guy was faking the accent for at least 5 minutes, but when his totally toasted friend joined us I knew no drunk boy had the stamina or presence of mind to keep up a fake british accent for that long to say “lit-trally” that much.

I appreciated Nick and John (their names) for chatting us up in a room full of creepy old dudes and for their willingness to put up with our dumb questions BUUUTTT I must insist on a few things from your friends and maybe even yourself next time we meet. First, if you approach a group of ladies toting a mojito in your hand, it just confuses us. If we’re drinking gin and tonics and your glass has more frou frou and umbrellas than ours we might think you are le ghey. If you insist the mojito is your thing and you insist on living the island life while outside your country we must insist you not drink it through a straw because it LIT-TRALLY looks like you’re sucking on a… well you know. Also please put up with us as we inadvertently create international incidents by insulting your military. But accept our apology when we back track to say England taught us everything we know but then we used it to kick your asses in that little revolutionary war skirmish.  But we love you as allies, we really do!

Essentially what we met… only in denim

Also don’t think we’re the CIA trying to figure out if you’re lying about why you’re here but we LIT-TRALLY really don’t understand what the crap you’re saying and why you’re helicopter pilots/gunmen/crewmen in San Diego and how you got here. So come up with a good story as for why you’re here and how you got here.

If we ask lots of probing questions like “Yes, you’re from London, I get that… but what NEIGHBORHOOD are you from?” It means we really are interested and we love the civil engineering of your great town and not because we’re wondering if you know where the Barnes after school theater program is and if you attended oh maybe 5ish years ago.

I also appreciated that they humored me when you told me you were from the East End and I brought us East Enders. We did refrain from asking any Prince William and Harry questions though we REALLY wanted too especially since they are helicopter pilots in the British Army and who doesn’t love a Prince Hot Ginge story or maybe some insight into the much ballyhooed Royal Wedding.

Oh and here in America when one wears denim on denim we LIT-TRALLY call that a “Texas Tuxedo”… a questionable look.

Perfect for your mojitos!

And lastly I now know that most of the LTR girl’s real life Rob run in fantasy is to meet you drunk in a bar somewhere but I found out the harsh reality: it is just that, a fantasy. Because after talking with drunk brits for a bit there is NO way in hale we’ll be able to understand you after 10 mojitos either. This is a deep, deep sadness.

It sounds posh… but it isn’t!
Themoonisdown

So (minus our english girls) who’s had a similar run in with some brit boys and not only pumped them for information (inconspicuously of course) but been super confused the entire time? Would the Rob fantasy of meeting him drunk in a bar ever really live up to the fantasy? Did anyone else celebrate #birthdayRudy? Need a wardrobe for meeting British boys? Go Here!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

75 Commented

A Christmas coma

Dear Rob,

Are you in a Christmas coma? Cuz I am. I’ve been going going going for days on end so when Moon texted me last night asking what we were doing for the blogs today while Mr. Choice & I were driving in a 1 hour-turned-2 hour trip home because of crazy snow, I was happy when she suggested we do nothing. No offense. I feel kinda bad (mostly for those who have to work today & were counting on the distraction) but I don’t have to work today, Santa brought me an iPad that I’m having a lot of fun with and I’m officially snowed in for the first time since I moved into Philadelphia. Which I think gives me an excuse to go to my favorite neighborhood bar and drink at noon.

I do have to tell you that I just watched “Pirate Radio” for the first time & was pleasantly surprised that due to Tom Sturridge’s impressive acting skills, I was able to forget that he’s the creepy kid seen stalking you in the background of your pictures. It was nice. And after I said “He & Rob are bffs” to Mr. Choice he said “I understand Tom’s appeal. He’s sexy, but I just don’t get it with Paddleston.” What? I think Tom is adorable in a I-just-lost-my-virginity kinda way in Pirate Radio, but sexier than you?? No way!

I was not thinking about this

Hope your Christmas was grand,
Love UC!

PS: How was your holiday? I am seriously so exhausted. Also all the commercials on Demand for that movie “Easy A” really make me want to rent it Just a sidenote. If you are at work or home with nothing to do or a bar open at noon you can walk to (and I’m terribly sorry) Why don’t you read an old post but a GOOD post. I’m not even going to give you a teaser- you’ll just have to click on it to see what I’m talking about (no it’s not the one with penis tattoos!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

59 Commented

Rob’s making a list and checking it twice!

Heeeeeeyyy Guys, it's Santa Rob!! Who's been naughty and who's been nice?

Dear Rob,

Since I’ve been in a tizzy trying to buy the rest of the Christmas prezzies on my list I got to wondering about what’s on yours list to get your family and friends. So we know you don’t go to any shops besides Norman’s Rare Guitars and unless his mom wants a vintage Fender you might want to expand your shopping horizons especially since Christmas (and Boxing Day) is right around the corner! So what IS on your list?

Dick – Regift him a brand spanking new pullover from a SWAG bag you received last year. “Borrow” (for forever) the same pullover from him in 5 years.

Clare – Advanced copy of Country Strong since she has a thing for Garrett Hedlund after seeing Tron.

The sisters – Advanced copy of Country Strong. See above

Your Grandparents – matching Jitterbug cell phones since you’re their official spokesperson and all.

Tom Sturridge – Tshirt with “Bros before hoes” on the front and “no really, I mean it!” on the back

Sam Bradley – copy of “Robert Pattinson’s guide to not creeping girls out when I sing by eye f*cking them till it’s awkward” and a new blazer from Dick’s closet and ONE hoop earring from Clare’s jewelry box.

Bobby Long – a bedazzeled bangs comb and a promise of never to mention his name ever ever again.

Perfect for framing and fireplace hanging

Taylor Lautner – Framed 16×20 of this picture –>

Kristen Stewart – new bearskin rug.

Looks like you’ll be busy this next week Rob, trying to locate rugs and blowing up pictures and writing a book about non-creepy looks. So you better get started I guess and we’ll sit here and watch these 4 seconds of awesome from a Water for Elephants teaser…

I won’t share how many times I’ve watched it.

Happy last minute Xmas shopping!
Themoonisdown

Who did Rob leave off his list? What should he get for Stephanie Ritz? What about Stephenie Meyer? Lots of Stephe/anie’s!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

96 Commented