A 2010 recap & our Rob-olutions for 2011!

Dear Rob,

Happy New Years Eve!!!! Listen in as we recap our 2010 Rob-olutions & make some new ones for 2011! We’ll rate how we did in 2010 in an arbitrary, meaninless fashion & even let you and our readers in on bits of the private conversation Moon & I had when discussing our past year. It’ll be intimate. Just imagine we’re on a bearskin rug. You know how we like those!

In 2010 we resolved to:

1. Have some sort of LTR representation at the Remember Me premiere
Verdict: We sorta won. I mean, no- we weren’t ON the red carpet at the premiere in NYC, but it was cold as CRAP that day, so what I ended up doing was even better. I saw Rob on Jimmy Fallon. I saw “Robert is Bothered” starring Robert Pattinson in the flesh (well, on a screen, in the studio, while Rob was sitting there). You can blame Jimmy for me not standing at a good spot at the premiere. And if my feet hadn’t been bleeding from my new shoes, I could have run faster and maybe gotten a ticket to get INTO the movie . But what happened next made all the premiere missing worth it: I met who would later become our guardian angel (guiding me to LA to my Stephenie Meyer interview) Larry411

Larry411 and Unintendedchoice letterstotwilight letterstorob

Best buds

Plus THAT was the weekend we got cyber bullied. And we got to fight back. It was awesome. And by “awesome” I mean an utter waste of a work day.
UC/Moon: 1
People who want us to fail: 0

Moon: you got to see Dean in person right??
UC: hmmm… I guess… i don’t remember. i may not have seen him, but he was there. I felt his presence
Moon: like God
UC: right- you can’t always see him, but you always know he’s there
Moon: Yes! HE’S THERE! In our rob hearts we have a dean shaped hole

2. We vow to become BFF with Stephanie Ritz and while we’re out for a “girls day” Moon will distract her with the newest Blahniks at Barneys while I grab her phone and text you, as Stephenie, and ask you to meet her and her “hot new friends.”
Verdict: FAIL– we failed miserably at this. I mean.. I don’t even think we tried- we have no excuse. It just didn’t happen. I’m ashamed. Moon says she half-way thought about it when she saw her with Rob at the Eclipse premiere but she was with ROB. All coherent thought goes out the window!! Poor Stephenie was probably waiting by her phone ALL year! And we NEVER called. This is a deep deep sadness- a Rob fan fail. Steph- we’ll make it up to you this year when we’re ON the carpet for Breaking Dawn (See our LTT resolutions!!) Actually, we’ll IGNORE Rob and go straight for you! (and not because we want to be imprinted in Rob’s mind for forever as the “Girls who didn’t care” (slash the girls that make fun and him and his not so secret gf on the regular))
UC/Moon: 1
People who want us to fail: 1

3. When we watch Remember Me we’ll try to stifle our moans to only 3-4 times. It’s not really fair since Moon has already seen the movie and knows whats coming and can prepare herself, but I figure if I’m generous and allow her 1 moan and take her other 3, I can moan 7 times and it’ll all average out to 3-4 each.
Verdict: We think we won: How many sex scenes were there? Cause I moaned during those. But Moon failed because she moaned twice (but only because she was annoyed by Pierce Brosnan’s accent) Any other noise you heard from me was a groan because of how much I abhorred that film.
UC/Moon: 2
People who want us to fail: 1

4. In 2010 we will create a counter to tally every time you duplicate an outfit
Verdict: UTTER FAIL– The 5 times we actually saw Rob in 2010 he was usually in COSTUME so it didn’t count. And we’re guessing that one of his 2010 resolutions was to get new outfits. Because the little we saw him, I don’t think he duplicated too much. And you know what? I think we saw him less in 2010 than we did in years 1982,83-2008. Baton rouge is a HUGE fail as a city! Didn’t the oil spill f*ck everything up and people lost jobs?? Pick up a camera drive 30 minutes to the set and GET RICH!! It makes me want the crazies and their “Stalk the twilight set” tours back in Vancouver
UC/Moon: 2
People who want us to fail: 2

5. Infiltrate the Land of Dreamers pyramid-scheme street team for Sam, Bobby and Marcus by befriending them and learning their secrets. Then after being voted Vice Presidents, we will usurp the presidency with a hostile takeover. This will give us the freedom to drive the britpack EVERYWHERE they want to go when they’re in our town(s). Boys got the munchies at 4 am but we’re sleeping soundly? Too bad. We’re gonna get our asses up and take them to the 24 hour Sonic. Our jobs as presidents of a pyramid schemey street team depend on it.
Verdict: Unfortunately, this was a mostly fail- Although we DID get a picture with Sam Bradley & his hoop earring

Sam Bradley Hoop Earring Letterstotwilight

But other than that, 2010 kind sucked- I didn’t hear ANY stories about people in the LOD peeking in on Bobby Long while he was naked, sleeping in one of their kids’ bedrooms! And where were the private home shows played by “The guys” while women looked at pampered chef and gold canyon candle demonstrations?? Did sam/bobby/marcus not need a ride to the airport in a mini van? The LOD was a bigger fail than us this year!
UC/Moon: 2
People who want us to fail: 3
LOD: 0

6. Watch every film or TV show that Rob has ever been in enough times so that next time we’re together we can dramatically reenact important scenes for your viewing pleasure. Moon already called Daniel Gale, so I’ll reluctantly be Salvador Dali.

Verdict: FAIL!!! Neither one of us have seen that creepy airmen movie yet! Or the one where he looks like a hippie! And I haven’t even watched “How to Be” and I OWN it! But we both agreed we’d watch the Bad Mother’s Handbook again- that was such a fine moment for Rob. Forget Water for Elephants. Do you think they could give him a retroactive Oscar for his portrayal of Daniel Gale? That sweater deserves a best costume award. I think we’re gonna write the Academy.

UC/Moon: 2
People who want us to fail: 4
The Academy: 25 if they vote “Yes” for Daniel Gale

Well, we sucked in 2011- The people who wanted us to Fail won BIG time! Better luck in 2011! Here are a few of our Rob-olutions for the upcoming year! Continue…

48 Commented

The year in Rob 2010 – top moments (that should have been)

2010 was goo!

Dear Rob,

It’s the end of the year and everyone is doing those count down of their favorite movies/music/current events, what have you and who would we be to not join in the fun with some of yours. But rather than count down our fave moments cause well, we talk about them a lot, I think I’m going to count down our favorite moments of yours the way I saw them…

1. Shopping with Tom Sturridge for underpants and whatnot – This was definitely one of our favorite moments of the year we’ve talked about it non stop and who wouldn’t? You were seen buying your drawers with your BFF?

How I saw it... After clearing out the contents of John Varvatos, Paul Smith and Penguin stores, Robert Pattinson and pal Tom Sturridge were seen out for months to follow at bars, shows, and friends places wearing the latest in men’s fashions. No word yet on the origins of the mysterious dumpster fire involving a lot of used men’s clothing (beanies, old leather briefcases, holey shirts and pants, etc) that was set ablaze in the lovely neighborhood of Barnes, London. Officials say they were glad the used clothing was not donated to charity shops because the levels of toxins found at the blaze were extraordinary and estimate that the clothing had not been washed in several years leading to complete annihilation of the rancid clothing and the dumpster.

Coming fall 2011 to Oprah’s new network! It’s the Rob Show!

2. Robert Pattinson on the Jay Leno Show – HOT HOT HOT, there’s really no other words for this suit and the resulting stories about his dad and the amazing emails he receives from Dick Pattinson.

How I saw it… Sensing the huge success of any television appearances he makes and the resulting high levels of estrogen in the studio, Robert Pattinson signs a deal with OWN media and starts his own chat show focused on women ages 18 – to old to remember. Topics will include: how to snag the (younger) man of your dreams, cougars vs sabers who would win his heart and guests Alex Sarsgaard, Iam Somerhalder, Chuck Bass (his real name),  and himself, Robert Pattinson.

I’ve gotta get to those fans!! Outta my way!

3. Rob films Water for Elephants in California and draws legions of fans to set locations every day – Who didn’t love seeing Rob in those period clothes, taming wild beasts and making out with Reese Witherspoon? We sure did. But some folks loved it aaaaaallllooottt and committed part of their summer to being a regular on set… or off set as it were.

How I saw it… Touched by the devotion of his fans Rob stoped his chauffeured car as he left the set of Water for Elephants today to tell them how much he appreciated them. But overcome with emotion, Rob actually proposes to every single fan gathered (5ish people) and suggests they all live on a compound in glorious Big Love-esque harmony. Every day is spent beginning with an hour long session of Rob flexes his hands and fingers for all to watch and drool. Then he picks up a guitar and puts it down, never playing, only teasing. They then all wake up from this glorious dream and seek psychological therapy.


4. Ready to cool off in the Atlantic Ocean while filming Breaking Dawn, Rob takes an awkward jump that will go down in history. – What else is there to say about Jumping Rob besides it’s pure, unintended choice GENIUS!

How I saw it… jealous of the popularity of Prancing Cera, Leo Struts, Sad Don Draper and Ryan Gosling’s “Hey Girl,”  among others, Robert Pattinson had been brainstorming a way to catch the hearts of the interwebs to make him even more famous for awkwardly jumping into the ocean than for being a sparkly vampire. After attempts such as “Air Guitar Rob” in Vancouver, “Underwear Rob” in London and  “Homie Rob” in LA all failed he saw his chance in Brazil. All it took was a hop skip and awkward jump into the ocean and into the interwebs hearts forever.


5. Robert is Bothered… Knowing that ladies love cool Rob and will watch anything with Robert Pattinson in it, Jimmy Fallon launches the hilarious reoccuring bit called “Robert is Bothered” on his late night chat show. Rob eventually joins him for an episode in April of 2010 to let Jimmy know he really isn’t bothered, maybe a bit broken

How I saw it… Clearly, the BIGGEST male fan of Rob (and Twilight) to ever have his own late night chat show and power to make and air hilarious sketches, Jimmy Fallon created Robert is Bothered in an elaborate plot to lure the actor on his show and steal an autograph/hug/lock of hair. After having other cast members on to throw footballs and ride mini crotch rocket motorcycles, Jimmy knew he had to step up his game to lure in the big dog, Robert Pattinson and thus Robert is Bothered was created!

As you can see, how I saw your top moments of 2010 was waaaaayyy more exciting than how they actually played out. We will, however, be eternally grateful to you for bringing us such amazingness like Jumping Rob and Bothered that will last us through 2011. How can you top it this time??

2011 Here We Come!

Was this how you saw Rob’s top moments of 2010? What did I miss or did they go down differently to you? Share!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

52 Commented

The road to the World Cup also leads to Rob!

*Dear Rob, sometimes we get letters to you that are disguised as letters to us.. and since it’s about the World Cup, which starts today, I thought you wouldn’t care…*

So tell us Stephenie, does Rob read LTR every day or every other hour?

Hello there Moon and UC,

Firstly I am still so excited about your BIG news! There is absolutely no way in Hale that SMeyers picked you two out at random! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll be able to film it. You two can be shrouded in darkness like on those must ‘protect the witness in an interview ‘style programmes… BUT there are more pressing matters because today…

Something big is happening. It’s overshadowing every aspect of everyday real life, it follows you everywhere! Our whole society closes down and gathers at the nearest Pub with a large screen TV to witness it. No not the release of Eclipse…but that’s a close-call though. It’s not the MTV Movie Awards. It’s the 2010 FIFA World Cup. And it starts today: June the 11th. It rivals the ‘United Nations of I wanna bang Rob’ in the ability to bring the world together, it’s that good.

I don’t know if Americans get football yet? Maybe/ And when I say football I’m talking Soccer, ‘cept its called Football.


Anyway, your team USA must be getting pretty good, you’re in the tournament, and in the same group as England. We play each other June 12th. In fact I’m reckoning you could possibly even beat us. Which is so true to our form as seasoned under-achievers. That slow-clap picture you used last week was our former captain John Terry balling his little eyes out at our last exit. On penalties. Yet again.

Here’s my point, Finally. Whilst speculating on teams/players with friends this past weekend, I was once again reminded of Rob. The official England song for 1990 was possibly the best of all time. It was also the last time England got freakin ANYWHERE. It gets played all the time over here. It has the ability to give everyone goosebumps, one of my friends even Youtubed from his phone, and lo and behold everything reminded me of Rob.

It’s all there: Ray bans, Mullets, wonky legs, Lily Allen’s dad!

(Not really the last one. But I know, it’s #Random!)

Oh my god. There is truly no hope for me. I kind of love this but also despair at myself.

Love and Sparkles
Goodgirl Gone Plaid.x.o.
PS Praying for No penalties!

Express yourself! Create the space!

Dear Rob,

After having watched the video GoodGirl sent us, I think I truly understand you. Your entire life, your persona, your style has been based off this video and song. I’m sure this video and the ’90 team from England made a really big impact on you. Sporty Englishmen singing about “expressing yourself” while juggling balls all the while a floating head in Ray Bans sings “express yourself, create the space, you know you can win” next to a wall of beefy man legs running after balls probably explains a lot more than we want to think about.

I’m glad you’re kindred spirits with a man who sports a wicket mullet and buzz cut hair combo, but I still gotta say it: we’re gonna wipe the floor with your team! SUCK IT ROB! SORRY! It’s not that I care so much or even know everything there is to know about Soccer (yup, most of us call it that here), it’s that I’m American and we love nothing more than to dominate at sporting events especially when it’s on a world level and the team bears our countries name. You know us and patriotism.

Wait, this isn't football!

That being said, I do want to clear up some rumors. Though most Americans call it Soccer and though it’s not our countries most popular sport we know A LOT about it. This country loves itself some Soccer, just drive by a park on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of kids playing soccer for the Y or their city league. I should know, I grew up playing the sport and still love to play it or kick the ball around for fun.

I know LA has a pretty big group of residents from other countries and I know a lot of them gather to watch Soccer matches, getting shit faced at the pub at 10 in the morning because of the time difference between here and wherever games are being played that day. I hope you’re one of them this week or at least find some other English folks to hang out with as America hands your team it’s ass. BOOYAH!!!


PS Seriously U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! Slow chant with me people!

Ok so who’s gonna break the World Cup down for us? EDUCATIONAL MOMENTS! Goodgirl got us started, lets keep going with predictions, what will Rob be doing during this? Who’s going to any games… and GOOO!!! This is your time for unabashed nationalism!

Follow the cut for some business time

144 Commented

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