Meeting some of your “friends” ruined THE fantasy, Rob

Dear Rob,

You may have not been in San Diego this weekend for Rudy’s (aka Keisha Knight Pulliam) birthday but some of your fellow countrymen were. Though I will say I totally thought the first guy was faking the accent for at least 5 minutes, but when his totally toasted friend joined us I knew no drunk boy had the stamina or presence of mind to keep up a fake british accent for that long to say “lit-trally” that much.

I appreciated Nick and John (their names) for chatting us up in a room full of creepy old dudes and for their willingness to put up with our dumb questions BUUUTTT I must insist on a few things from your friends and maybe even yourself next time we meet. First, if you approach a group of ladies toting a mojito in your hand, it just confuses us. If we’re drinking gin and tonics and your glass has more frou frou and umbrellas than ours we might think you are le ghey. If you insist the mojito is your thing and you insist on living the island life while outside your country we must insist you not drink it through a straw because it LIT-TRALLY looks like you’re sucking on a… well you know. Also please put up with us as we inadvertently create international incidents by insulting your military. But accept our apology when we back track to say England taught us everything we know but then we used it to kick your asses in that little revolutionary war skirmish.  But we love you as allies, we really do!

Essentially what we met… only in denim

Also don’t think we’re the CIA trying to figure out if you’re lying about why you’re here but we LIT-TRALLY really don’t understand what the crap you’re saying and why you’re helicopter pilots/gunmen/crewmen in San Diego and how you got here. So come up with a good story as for why you’re here and how you got here.

If we ask lots of probing questions like “Yes, you’re from London, I get that… but what NEIGHBORHOOD are you from?” It means we really are interested and we love the civil engineering of your great town and not because we’re wondering if you know where the Barnes after school theater program is and if you attended oh maybe 5ish years ago.

I also appreciated that they humored me when you told me you were from the East End and I brought us East Enders. We did refrain from asking any Prince William and Harry questions though we REALLY wanted too especially since they are helicopter pilots in the British Army and who doesn’t love a Prince Hot Ginge story or maybe some insight into the much ballyhooed Royal Wedding.

Oh and here in America when one wears denim on denim we LIT-TRALLY call that a “Texas Tuxedo”… a questionable look.

Perfect for your mojitos!

And lastly I now know that most of the LTR girl’s real life Rob run in fantasy is to meet you drunk in a bar somewhere but I found out the harsh reality: it is just that, a fantasy. Because after talking with drunk brits for a bit there is NO way in hale we’ll be able to understand you after 10 mojitos either. This is a deep, deep sadness.

It sounds posh… but it isn’t!
Themoonisdown

So (minus our english girls) who’s had a similar run in with some brit boys and not only pumped them for information (inconspicuously of course) but been super confused the entire time? Would the Rob fantasy of meeting him drunk in a bar ever really live up to the fantasy? Did anyone else celebrate #birthdayRudy? Need a wardrobe for meeting British boys? Go Here!

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Rob goes to Texas, watches “the game,” meets some Tech girls and Lubbock fails to get it on video

Dear Rob,

Now that you’re not filming anything, I guess you decided to hit the road and see this country we call home. It’s definitely the best way to see it. Just last night you turned up in Texas and there was photographic evidence

so of course what else did we do? We broke that ish down…

I expect one of these Rob!

Moon: sooo rob is on some sort of roadtrip he’s now been seen in two places
UC: a joke roadtrip? did I read he went to LUBBOCK? as in TEXAS?
Moon: 1st he was seen in Santa Fe, New Mexico eating dinner and then LUBBOCK! Yes, lubbock as in home to the red raiders out in BFE west texas
UC: you know what I think? I think the paparazzi in these cities PAID him big money to show up- they want to start a little “scene” and who better to kick it off!? he was paid in belt buckles and BBQ. Jordan the unicorn is from Lubbock. Dang…. we should get him on Rob Stalking patrol also this east coast girl has no idea who the red raiders are
Moon: i did!  i tweeted him last night. I told Jordan (our very first male commenter from WAY back in the day) the LTR Bat Signal was shining in the sky over his city and he needed to get to work!  And he got out of bed! What a trooper and a unicorn for us!
UC: hahahaha YES! amazing! can you imagine? I mean… imagine for a second you don’t live in LA…. imagine you’re me just minding your own business going out on a Monday night to grab a drink with some pals  and in walks Rob pattinson. In your neighborhood bar of COURSE

What I imagine Jordan driving around Lubbock in

Moon: Jordan the Unicorn tells us that the place was on lockdown and that there was even a group of girls waiting outside a hotel that Jordan supposed would be where they’d stay.
UC: wow…… word spreads fast in Lubbocks the town crier got paid last night
Moon: jordan said the bar is pretty much across the street from campus!
UC: college girlls!! holllaa!
Moon: no one ever said the britpack were geniuses

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