Wait, Rob hasn’t read Breaking Dawn?

Dear Rob,

WAIT… esqueeze me one moment… YOU HAVEN’T READ BREAKING DAWN?! While I can understand loving Eclipse so much and just thinking it should have ended there… but you play EDWARD FREAKIN’ CULLEN! How have you not read Breaking Dawn?

You’ve read Midnight Sun for goodness sake, not even all the folks who have read the Twilight saga have read Stephenie’s alternate take on Twilight from Edward’s POV but you have! Yet you haven’t cracked Breaking Dawn.

You have LOADS of time on your hands… besides while you were actually filming the other three Twilight films what about all those 23948290347 plane flights you’ve been on or the set of Bel Ami? That looked like a real snooze fest. And what about all those free Saturday nights you told Oprah you have. Since you’re not hanging with me you have loads of time to run through all 756 pages. I got through it in a couple days WHILE on a business trip in 2008. So it’s definitely possible for you.

So I was thinking if you haven’t read Breaking Dawn and all you’ve really heard about is the Vampire C-Section than you’ve got a lot to catch up on and I’m just the person to help you out! Cause I definitely want you to go into filming prepared and knowing exactly what to expect…

  • Edward and Bella have an old timey wedding in the backyard of the Cullens. Think high neck dresses. This of course means you and Kristen get to simulate having the sexy times on the big screen for all the Robsteners to salivate over and (fingers crossed) record bootleg videos to take home and turn into crazy grossgusting fan videos!

Please to be making it NOT sound like this:

  • You know that kid BooBoo Stewart who plays a werewolf? Well Edward and Seth become like BFF’s in Breaking Dawn. So get ready for Bobo (Love ya KrazyKidd) to come knocking on your trailer at all times with his mom in tow looking for some twitter “exclusives” for @mammarazzi and Tiger Beat Magazine.
  • Bella will be stronger than Edward Cullen – Yes that means you will have to act like Kristen Stewart’s skinny little chicken bone legs could crush your marble like face. Um woah, just reread that and I’m gonna let it stay. Reread that one Rob and try not to blush.

Basically this for hours on end

  • Jacob and Leah will run around the Cullen house for at least half the movie – They will call this “running the perimeter” or “running patrols” it’s just an excuse for them to get away from all the lovey dovey Bella/Edward crap, the fact that Bella is having an alien demon baby and you whining about Bella having the baby.
  • Edward makes Bella eggs on Isle Esme (the island designating for the deflowering) this means you need to learn more than operating a microwave or toaster and no you can’t substitute the filet o fish sandwich Big Daddy brings to set that day. No, Jacob isn’t in that scene and Taylor won’t be on set, but Big Daddy is a HUGE Robstener. He needs to see the magicness in person and not just in his head like he always imagined, so he will be lurking near the headboard with a greasy bag. Just ignore the fried fish smell. And the quiet moaning.
  • Rosalie will bend metal into a dog dish – Yes, you must also pretend that Nikki Reed can bend a metal mixing bowl into a dog dish with her bare hands and those eye brows.

Yup, you guys

So do you feel like you’re prepared now? Are you ready to bring Edward to life again in Breaking Dawn? You having not read Breaking Dawn at this point seems almost unfathomable but I guess anything is possible and who really wanted the saga to end? I definitely dragged out reading Breaking Dawn as long as I could cause I didn’t want it to end but the time is now my friend, you will be playing Edward again very soon and it’s time to get prepared. I will give you my SIGNED copy of Breaking Dawn if you promise to keep the dried tear stains to a minimum or at least to the pages where Jacob and Leah are running the perimeter.

Breaking Your Dawn,

SRSLY, can you believe Rob hasn’t ready Breaking Dawn? I don’t know what I was so surprised, but really? What else can we tell Rob about BD that he doesn’t know yet?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

191 Commented

Rob on Nightline: Puts on some tweed and gets all Rob/Twilosophical on us

Somewhere around 2:00 – The old crusty guy from MTV talks about the chaste Twilight saga and why it’s so alluring in this hyper-sexualized world we live in today and Rob answers with…

“…they just like that moment, the kind of tipping point before it all goes over. Everyone likes that, that’s the best part for a relationship…”

Dear Rob,

It’s so true… the more and more I read/watch/hear about you the more I know you just get it. I’ve said the phrase “get it” a lot lately and maybe that’s for a reason. We all like when someone else “gets us.” And you prove yourself again and again at age 24 talking about what’s so alluring about the relationship between Edward and Bella and why it’s not always the hardcore sex stuff we want to see (well, most of us) it’s really everything that leads up to it. It’s that tension, the give and take, the building of the emotion and relationship and all without, what old MTV dude grossly calls it: a “vampiric release.”

What are we talking about? The tipping point? Um, yesss.....

It’s like what Russell Hammond from the seminal rock group Stillwater says “It’s not about what you put it, it’s about what you leave out…” Sometimes it’s just better to not have everything spelled out, Stephenie Meyer can take us all the way to that edge with Bella and Edward and then leave us hanging because she doesn’t need to push us, she can let our imaginations take over. Anything we could imagine or think up would be far better than whatever scenario she could create. The imagination is a powerful tool that takes the story of Bella and Edward to levels no one could write about because it’s relying on feelings and events we’ve personally experienced or want to experience. And no one can replicate that with the written word, because we all have had a different experience. We all know what it feels like to be taken to that edge in a relationship to feel the tension and the unknown and the feeling of wanting to feel it all. I gotta agree that may just be the best part.

After you fall over the edge you come into a knowledge about that person and the relationship. Then things mature and change. Though there’s definitely nothing wrong with that and we all know a relationship can’t stay at the pre-edge stage forever(we’d all die of nervousness, malnutrition and euphoria overload!) I do think people spend lifetimes chasing after that feeling again. I also think that feeling is just one of the (BIG!) reasons why the Twilight saga is so popular, it’s because it gives us a taste of that first love, on the edge of the cliff feeling all over again. Isn’t that what we all want sometimes?

Now stop making me love you even more! It’s quite annoying.


Do you agree? Is the edge what everyone’s always chasing? Is that why the saga is so popular? Do you love Rob even more now? But srsly, watch this interview it’s GREAT!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

106 Commented

Breaking it down Vanity-Fair style

Dear Rob,

Moon & I call discussions like the one we’re about to have: “breaking it down vanity fair style” b/c we started the blog after breaking down the vanity fair vid (the 1 hour one) like it was a work of art  (it was).

Last week we saw that Robsessed had posted this amazing .gif of you kissing Kristen at the prom scene. I don’t think I breathed the entire time I watched it. Moon & I decided it was necessary to call our gals to convene immediately to break down that kiss b/c .. well, DUH.. it was necessary for survival… We texted and e-mailed till we found everyone and then actually went all 14-year-old-girl on you and had a “group chat” on google-talk. Here is how it went:

Friend #1: Umm…Rob is the shiz.   The end
Moon: and done!
Friend #1: just kidding…I have a list of things to discuss
Friend #2: that’s my fave kiss in the movie…  the first one was hot, but NOT edward and bellaish.  prom was totally edward and bellish.
Moon: which one shall we start with? How about the slow .gif?

Friend #2: too slow for me…  i am not a fan of extended foreplay.
Moon: give it a second i think it builds up
UC: builds up-  orgasm style
Friend #2: nope…not a fan of that either. i’m like a man.
UC: ur right moon- she has a flat mouth (notice how we ignored crazy Friend #2)
Moon: can we talk about how much of a dead fish kristen is??
UC: Moon and I believe that is b/c she was afraid to put real feeling and emotion into the kiss- thinking that Michael Oregano will notice and realize that she and Rob DID IT on his hotel suite’s kitchen floor.. the night before
Friend #2: she is a COLD dead fish.
Moon: it’s like a straight line, NO pucker at all

Friend #1: I am half pretending to work…and love Rob. The two can’t be combined
Moon: the slow one makes me feel dizzy
Friend #2: see….that is what i’m talking ’bout…
Friend #1: The slow one makes me feel dead
Moon: imagine my coworkers coming in to find my passed out and Rob kissing on the screen
Friend #2: he looks PAINED…exactly as edward should look at this point in the relationship.   NOT jumping onto her bed with her.
Friend #1: thank you! exactly
Moon: that’s what i was thinking too! Look at the crease in his brow.   and he like seriously takes a moment to think about it
Friend #2: YES!   like Edward.
UC: you are RIGHT! this is RIGHT. dude.. it’s so hot
Friend #2: KStew’s all, “whatever.”
UC: i can’t stop watching. does she not realize who she’s kissing?
Friend #1: Kristen is lamespice
Moon: this is like spin the bottle for her
Friend #2: um…i love me some Oregano in Almost Famous…but he ain’t got it going on as an adult.
Moon: amen and the hand behind the neck lawdy
Moon: ok should we move to the fast .gif?
Friend #2: dude, that’s the only one i’ve been watching. no slow. no slow-mo. EVER.

Friend #1: can I just say…BEST PART OF THE MOVIE!? Rob should never take that suit off….
UC: you’re right.  never. he was SO hot in that suit. hotter than oscars, london, japan…
Friend #2: no….my fave part in the movie is when he backs her up against that mountain…
UC: SO HOT. yes that is HOT. I wish he kissed her right there (or gave her a “special hug”)
Friend #1: special hug would have been better
UC: i’ve been reading too much fan fic
Friend #1: I bet Moon has been with Rob but isn’t telling us because she knows we would be jealous
Friend #2: i wouldn’t be jealous at all…but i would expect a play by play… the full deets.
UC: i would be so jealous and expect all of those things too. perhaps also a video

Moon: we want to have a round table discussion post where we feature people talking about something. you guys wanna be in it? (after we’ve already lured you in)
UC: we did not discuss this, but i enjoy this idea
Moon: i thought we talked about it. maybe not, maybe in my brain
UC: i don’t remember.. but it doesn’t matter b/c i like it .. decision made “we” agreed on it!   and apparently we’re the only ones here
Friend #2: i’m here.   i’m dying.
Friend #1: No I am here…I just thought I should let you two have your argument in private.
UC: i just got distracted b/c i got an email that said “Kristen Stewart is following you on twitter. i KNEW she read our site!

Friend #1: Lastly, Rob is like THE SHIZ at the kiss. I am pretty sure no other male on this earth could kiss as good as he did at that moment. I am pretty sure Kristen died and really wished she wasn’t dating Oregano-Stupid-Face at that moment. So anyway, Rob enveloped the perfect Edward-ness at that moment. I was blown away.  It killed me. *deadonthefloor…robkissmequicktoreviveme!*
Just wanted to let you know we really really really really like that kiss,
Love me, Moon, Friend #1 & Friend #2
Sources: Robsessed & Commenter in the Robsessed Post and it turns out our reader, KD, MADE the slow gif. Please bow in her presence. 
You’ve entered our Twilight-Party Pack give-away contest, right? If you haven’t, go to the post NOW and tell us a song that makes you think of Twilight! You have until Tuesday to enter! Seriously.. it’s that simple. We love giving you free shizz. Go there now!

968 Commented

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