What if Rob wasn’t famous: The American Trucker

Dear Rob,

Be still my hopeful heart

I’d be lying if I said I was feeling your “look” as you road trip across American with Sam & Tom. I’m not opposed to a little beardage- Mr. Choice has been rocking the full beard for about a year now and I know first-hand what sort of pleasures it can bring. But I think mix that with your sweat from the Texas heat, plus your new-found love for American beer at Cricket’s bar’s $2.50 PBR “College Night,” and your apparently interest in American football, you lost a little of your British charm this past week. Sure, sure- you were seen holding a guitar & my heart jumped a beat thinking of you entertaining the folks at a local Houston watering hole, but then I got real and admitted to myself you were more likely to be playing the latest Kid Rock song than making the crowd swoon with some mellow, Brit folk these days.

You look like you belong on a Big Rig. Yes, my imagination has run wild again and I’ve been thinking about what you might be like if you weren’t famous. And “Truck Driver Across America” comes to mind. Unfortunately. Not that it’s all bad- Instead of Van Morrison your musical tastes would be Charlie Daniels or Hank Jr. And they’re pretty legendary. You wouldn’t need to worry about being caught behind a dumpster because you’d always have your cab you could take girls to. You’d never have to worry about combing your hair cause you could just permanently wear your hat. Plus Hot Pockets are even BETTER at 4 am when you heat them up in the microwave at the Flyer J Truck Stop. Plus those places are one-stop-shops- when you roll up, you just put your name on the list and they CALL YOU when your shower is ready! No need to remember to shower when “Flo” behind the counter keeps you updated and makes sure your water is warm. Plus the best thing about the stretch of highway in rural Georgia on your way into Florida? Naked waitresses at the late night diner!

So I did what any normal blogger who loves you through thick & thin, good and bad, would do: I googled the crap out of “Trucker Social networking Site” until I came across: Trucker Passions. And I set you up with a profile.

Because I think that the nice people at trucker passions will probably reject your profile as “fake” in the next few hours (even though I read their guidelines about nudity and changed your profile picture from the one I wanted to use- Cut off Flannel shirt ala Larry the Cable Guy up top and nothing on down below- to something more truck driver appropriate) Here is a screenshot of your profile at TruckerPassions.com. You’re welcome, Motha Truckn’ Brit

Click to make me nice & big (twss)

Keep on Truckin’,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Zeph for your help!!!

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