Last night I had the extreme privileged of being a part of a virtual Christmas party called “Jewmas” because there were some Jews among us. It was basically a big chat/phone call with a group of friends that I’ve met through LTR. We had secret santas (this is one of my gifts from VickyB to the right – yep that’s you on a bear skin rug offering to make room for me AND Ryan Gosling- NICE) Anyway, it made me happy. And today I found myself looking at pictures from “Esplice”- our trip to LA this summer and just reminiscing about all the times I’ve had with these girls & other LTR/LTT gals and other people I’ve met and everyone that means so much to me. Little did I know that when I first saw you walk into the cafeteria & gasped at your beautifulness that this is what it would become. But it has. And as another example of what it’s become is down below in the form of a Jumping Rob ornament. Be jealous! (even the Jews without Christmas trees wanted this ornament)
All that to say, it made me really miss the times that we’ve had joint, big chats or long 100+ email threads talking about you. It hasn’t happened in awhile because #1- where the FREAK are you? And #2- life got busy. A lot of people who were obsessed wit you aren’t as much, or they manage their obsession better & keep it to a particular amount of time per day instead of letting it take over their lives (ding ding ding- that’s me!) and #3- it’s hard to find time. I blog late at night- sometimes it’s easier to do it at your own, but it’s lonely. Like are you under the impression Moon & I talk 1,000 times a day for hours on end? Well, we don’t. In fact, this past weekend we did not talk ONCE. I texted her as I was going to sleep Sunday night and commanded me never do that again. It sucked.
I'm the luckiest girl EVER
So today, I thought I’d try to get a little help from my friends. I put the feelers out there asking the question, “What do you, after X amount of months or years that you’ve been obsessing over him, think about Rob immediately when I say his name?”
But first, I get to answer. When I think of you, I immediately think:
-Where ARE you!? Why haven’t you done anything recently to make me laugh or make me gasp at your beautifulness? Are you going too appear in a santa suit to make up for all the time you’ve been missing?
-What’s it going to be like seeing you in Water for Elephants? Will it be good? Will it be like what (in my mind) was a flop like in Remember Me? Will it be totally different that I forget about you as Edward?
-And last, what are you getting Kristen for Christmas? No wait, I really don’t care!) Actually… I do care. Just because… I can’t picture it. You both have a TON of money, so if I were Kristen (a Krisbian just cried) I’d say “Robbie, I want a THOUGHTFUL gift (and also diamonds) and don’t spend a lot (except on the diamonds).” And while I think you could ask your sisters for help handle the expensive gift part, I don’t know about the sentimental. Have you thought about making her her very own Hot Pocket fort? What about making a video reenacting Jumping Rob in all sorts of bodies of water? You could jump in the Silver Lake reservoir in LA, the Pacific Ocean, the Gulf of Mexico, the English channel, your local YMCA swimming pool & there’s a 4 ft pond at my dad’s house that would be a great place for the grand finale! Just some thoughts…
In celebration of our TWO YEAR LTR anniversary today, we want you to grab a blanket & cuddle up with Moon & I in front of an imaginary fireplace- we even bought a bear skin rug big enough to hold us all- and listen in as we remember Year 2 in the life of LTR.
Two years- what a ride it’s been! In some ways it feels like yesterday when Moon & I both sheepishly admitted to each other that we watched the ENTIRE “behind the scenes off some cell phone camera” of the Vanity Fair photo shoot, and in other ways it seems like forever ago. SO much has happened. SO much has changed. SO many goals have been accomplished & SO many moments have shaped us- both in good & bad ways.
While things on the LTR-side have been quieter (read: Clare Pattinson still hasn’t admitted in public that she’s a daily LTR reader) than over at LTT, this year has still been quite busy. We kicked the year off right with a dramatic reading of poetry to Rob Pattinson (notice at this point we still wore a disguise- as to hide our “True selves” from all of you on the internet who want to kill us. As my full name & city have been posted online since, I think this past year we’ve grown over the fear of being murdered by Rob Pattinson fan!!!s)
Does this still give you a “continuous heartquake” as it does me?
And then there was the day after which the people of England never looked at Marks & Spencer the same (which is like never looking at a Target the same again- celebs shop at Target ALL.THE.TIME in the US- why we chose to think that Rob going to the British version of Target was a big deal is unknown to me. It was BIG TIMES fun though, that’s for sure)
Rob & TomStu buy underwear. I mean- can they GIVE us anything better? I don’t think so- what’s next for 2011- Rob & Tom tour a Hot Pocket factory? I don’t think it an get better than underwear shopping with your bff.
M.O.M.s wear jorts
Then we introduced our very first Rob’s M.O.M. (Match of the Month- a series I think we did for only TWO months! We rule)
Tiffanized was our first M.O.M. and convinced us why she would be the perfect match for Rob by these 3 statements:
I have hands on experience dressing my kids in the morning. Never again will Rob show up at a press event with a misbuttoned shirt or untied shoes.
With a closet full of bridesmaid dresses from weddings past, I’m red carpet ready.
I shop at thrift stores and have a Kohl’s credit card.
I have short dark hair, so from behind, I’ll totally look like TomStu.
THEN you starred in a film called Remember Me and I got to post my first LTR “Reality Index” like the NY Mag does weekly for Gossip girl:. There we learned things like this:
Tyler fell just trying to climb through the window. Plus 2 because Rob is clumsy as f*ck.
I got to hop up to NYC to meet a big group of LTR readers, most of whom I hadn’t met before, where I saw Rob on Jimmy Fallon, hopped over to the Remember Me premiere and saw Rob’s foot and then in an EPIC moment- one that follows me around the internet STILL to this day- I (and some friends) was cyber bulled
According to the bullies, apparently I’ve made death threats against Kristen, called Kristen a whore, and am a “mentally unstable old ignorant whale.” And that makes them upset. Just call me Shamu!!
Oh and then there was the time when Moon saw you on Ellen (yes again). If I remember correctly, she had much more fun the first time we saw you on Ellen together.
THEN just before you were seen in that 3rd movie where you play that vampire, the most epic thing of our 2nd year happened: Moon met DICK! and got THIS picture:
I mean….. has anything better ever happened? No. I think not! And also…. do YOU see a trend here? I keep saying “Moon did this.” “Moon went there” “Moon, Moon, Moon.” Come on Rob, I think 2011- Year 3 of LTR is for me and YOU!
But plus 1 for Team UC: Mr. Choice & I “broke down” Team Jacob vs. Team Edward back in July and Mr. Choice cracked us up with lines like
Mr. Choice: Fine…whatever…Ugh- Edward Pattleston will be a janitor in like two years
Then there was kinda a “Drought” where you disappeared, Moon went to Africa, I went to the beach and sat in a corner sulking until Moon got home, and we basically begged people to post letters for us for about 3 weeks straight. But then, I channeled that boredom into creativity and came up with a Trucker Profile for you on Trucker Passions in case you decide acting isn’t the career for you. The best part is I think that the fine people at Trucker Passions thought for 3 whole days that their site was REALLY taking off because of all the new visitors they were getting. That is, until they realized it was all due to a new profile created with a picture that looked a lot like that one guy from the Trucker-favorite flick “Ring of the Nieublings”
Click me. No seriously
And of course, you ended our 2nd year STRONG with Jumping Rob and the meme it’s become and all the beautiful situations in which he has been photoshopped. And I, of course, made Jumping Rob paper dolls & sent them off to my favorite girls in Belgium, Bella & Alice Not an Addikt. (And yes the lady at the post office PULLED them out of my unsealed box and looked at me strangely before I snatched them out of her hand and glared at her for putting her dirty paws all over you.)
So what’s next? What happens in year 3 of LTR? I mean, this question has an obvious answer right? There’s only really one thing left that we haven’t accomplished yet- that’s right- Year 3 of LTR is the year UC & Moon get invited to the Pattinson house for dinner & hob nobs. And then get called crazy hater squids by some more 15 year olds. Oh, and okay, we’ll throw it in there too, maybe, just maybe we can meet YOU and see how well we’ve done practicing for the past 2 years that we know nothing about you, have never heard of LTR and don’t understand the term “Robsessed.”
Here’s to an amazing 3rd year at LTR! XOXO,
UC for BOTH of us!
On a serious note: Last year I got really gushy on our 1st anniversary. If you are new and have never read it Take a second to read it now. I still mean all of that– you guys were lifesavers. Moon- you are more important to me now than you were a year ago- I’m so happy to see our friendship grow & deepen each day. We’ve had a year of transition in our lives personally & I’m so glad we’ve remained priorities to each other despite the craziness. Come visit soon. Or else. (Also invite me to your new house. Or else)
And to the rest of you- it amazes us that after all this time people are still finding Twilight and Rob. And as a result they are then finding us. And we are so glad. No matter when it is that you discover Twi & Rob, it’s important to know you’re not alone- there is a huge group of NORMAL people out there who have been obsessing, while a bit longer, just as hard as you, and not really understanding why…We’re in this thing TOGETHER! Always have been. Always will be. Here’s to an amazing 3rd year at LTR!! LOVE YOU ALL!
Posted by unintendedchoice on September 29th, 2010
Dear Rob,
Yesterday, Moon recommended my work as a “Freelance Blogger” on Linked-in & it went something like this:
UC is THE person you want in your lifeboat and in your company every day. I’ve worked with UC on launching, maintaining and creating online ventures (blogs, media, content, etc). We co-created two blogs and work together to maintain and create fresh, creative content for our rabid audience. She is punctual, persistent, creative, and always on top of the latest “thing.” There’s no one else I’d rather work with.”
After having a discussion where I asked her if she’d REALLY rather work with ME over anyone else, even if that meant you, naked (answer: yes, even then), I started thinking about what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately with you missing, off gallivanting in Europe:
Myself.
That’s right. I thought about myself. I thought about how my Linked-In profile (and resume) includes info on my “hobby” of the past almost-two years. It might seem silly, but all this blogging & social networking has actually made me better at my actual profession (in marketing). So I feel it does deserve a spot. Of course it’s all cleverly hidden under the guise of something professional.
For example, this part of my “job”:
I write letters to Rob Pattinson on a semi-daily basis with a focus on the hottest pictures, funniest content, jabs at his girlfriend and run a reader forum where there’s a place to perv over hot pictures & fight with those who disagree with you over his relationship status.
Sounds much better when it’s written this way:
I create & maintain all content with a focus on timely, applicable posts and populate a reader forum with additional information and relevant topics.
See how it’s done?
But it’s lies, Rob. White lies- words disguised in a sneaky way, wrapped in a pretty bow- to trick the readers. I want to start over. I want to be honest with those considering hiring me in the business world. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I’ve created here. So as of today I’m not. Meet: Unintended Choice- Rob Blogger
Unintended Choice
Rob Pattinson expert & blogger at Letters to Rob.com
Philadelphia, PA
Current: Freelance Writer & Blogger at LetterstoRob.com
Self-certified Expert on all things Rob Pattinson
Past: Sad, lonely, unfulfilled life, full of males who can never live up to the specimen that is RPattz
Go getter, self-starter who comes up with a vision and goes after it, no matter what the obstacles. The client I have worked with as a Freelance blogger at Letters to Rob.com doesn’t know I exist. Furthermore he’s afraid of people like me, yet that hasn’t stopped me from creating a place where his fans can be completely involved in his personal business & personal space.
I have the acute ability to persist through duress, like when being called a fat, ugly, crazy cat lady. I push through the hard times when competitors try to tear down my numbers and cause me to fail. In fact, I have proven results that the struggles have increased readership and participation tenfold.
Special Skills:
Songwriting: Rewrote songs about the client using top 40 hits;
Inter-personal Relations: Expert on the client’s personal relationships;
Stylist: Expert on the client’s personal style- know exactly where he prefers to shop for underpants;
Filmography: Specifically knowledgeable about Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire and the Twilight series;
Translator: I have the ability to un-jumble the Rob mumble;
Culinary: Expert in the preferred food(s) of the client; microwaving his favorite snacks & chilling his favorite beer;
Do you need some pictures of Rob with mildly suggestive text written over them? Then UC is your girl. Is your company lacking someone who will spend 3/4 of their time on Rob and Twilight sites instead of doing work for your construction/sales/marketing/ad/medical company? Don’t look any further than UC. She’ll drop whatever she’s working on the moment news breaks. She’ll gladly travel for work- preferring travel to London, LA & New Orleans this Fall. And no matter what, the client will always be satisfied. Or he will at least when he finds out she exists.
I truly am a Rob Pattinson Professional!
Love,
UC- err that’s Doctor Unintended Choice to you!
What do you think? Does my Resume/Linked-In profile look right? Am I missing any important “tasks” or special abilities?
I’ve made it quite known over the years that I don’t need you to be a clean-cut, perfectly dressed example for male cleanliness & high-fashion (although I wouldn’t mind if you went through a Don Draper phase- just putting it out there)- I like you the way you are- flaws & all. What might bother some girls- the musty smell like a box buried deep in the back of a closet at the Salvation Army, or the slightly crusty, dried yellowy-orange spot on your pants from when you wiped the processed cheese from the hot pocket off your hands, adds to your charm.
I even drew a little picture to show you what I think your now oh-so-famous “Rob Pattinson look” means:
But last week I was perusing the interwebs and on my new favorite satirical Christian website, christwire.org, found something awfully similar:
And I’m not sure….. what is it Rob? Your own personal “look” that sets you apart? Or just the costume of your every-day chronic masterbator?
As of press time (aka 5:52 pm on Sunday evening while in my pink robe & before heading out the door to see PAUL MCCARTNEY (yes, a Beatle! WEE) I haven’t even spoken to Moon yet except through a few text messages. She’s home. She’s safe. She’s exhausted. I’m sure she is going through a transition of going from a 3rd world country back to LA…. where the world’s couldn’t be any different. So while we can’t wait to hear from her and ALL about her trip…. I thought we’d give her a day or so to debrief. And talk about how much we missed her and how much she missed!!!
Dear Moon,
Don’t you EVER do that to me again- leave me for that long. ESPECIALLY when amazing stuff happens like Robsteners tweet about RESPECTing R+K and Rob visits Kristen in Moantreal! I mean he smiled in her presence and the collective Robsten population sighed and awwed. I heard their screams all the way at the beach in South Carolina (although that could’ve just been the cougar in the house next to me… she looked like she probably believed in the magicness) But seriously. It was awful having you gone. I know you were doing “good” helping the “poor” and “motherless” and stuff in “Africa” but seriously. I need you. So no more.
I wasn’t the only one doing all the missing- everyone ELSE missed you too.. so much that I got so many “While Moon was Gone” letters & emails & tweets that I started to stop missing you because all the missing was clogging up our clean inbox (and by “clean” I mean I actually got it under 500 unread emails for about 2 days! Yay me!) But anyway, here are some thoughts to prove that I and all the LTRers really did think of you each and every day. We thought you’d want to know what Rob has been up to…. and what made us think of you while you were saving the world:
Seriously will she ever take another picture in her life that caused so much controversy?? [UC note: I kinda hope she got one of a Zebra & Lion mating in Africa… just to one-up last year’s 08/07/09]”
Ron & an Oscar
From @JanetRigs
While Moon was gone Ron got nominated for an Oscar on Twitter, no less than 5 months before the OSCAR nominations are released to the rest of the masses. What’s more surprising is that it is for a movie that had not yet completed filming or even been released.
You know what it is? Magicness
Coca-cola
While Moon was gone Rob was drinking classic Coca Cola and Coke Zero. My mind went directly to Moon and me: we like Diet Coke.- Darja
Rob, Kristen, & TomStu went to Montreal
And it was dubbed MOANtreal by some brilliant Robstener- I KNOW… so much we’ll have to say once you’re unpacked and have slept more than 12 hours in 2 weeks: OperaRose shared:
“I am also away most of the time you are this month, but in between my major travels tonight I hopped onto Twitter and it was exploding with the news that Rob, KStew, and – wait for it – TomStu, were all spotted in my home city of Montreal tonight having dinner.
So, being the generous Montrealer I am, I invited them via tweet to my 2nd (for my husband’s endless number of extended Italian relatives) wedding reception this Saturday night in Montreal.
I will let you know if they show up.
A copy of my 3 tweet-invites to them:
Dear Robsten, if u would like 2 come 2 my reception Sat night in Montreal DM me. No one will know you, they’re all old world Italians
& Robsten, I promise all the old Italians at my party in Montreal Sat. night will respect you. nice. and. slow. that is all.
Also Robsten: if you come to my party in Montreal, plz note dress code is plaid and as a gift please bring me your magicness. See you Sat.
Normal by a dumpster
I found myself standing outside of a reception hall, talking on my phone, standing by a dumpster.
Instead of moving to a more desirable location, I stayed and prepared for the inevitable influx of Hot British Men.
Totally Normal.
Thanks LTR.
-Samantha
We all scream for… Nutty Buddy’s
I missed this news, but apparently Rob was caught saying hello to an ice cream man. Brandi wrote:
“All variations of the ice cream treat, Nutty Buddy, sold out across the world. In a related story, becoming an ice cream truck driver is now the aspiration of every warm blooded female in the U.S.
Dick’s been annoyed… or something (big effin’ reminder to break THIS down)
whilst moon was gone , Rob made a plea for Moon to leave his Dad alone !!!!!!!
love Robz and the flat girls x
I laughed at this
Sent to us by Mely Cruz
And seriously… that’s not all that happened… SO MUCH MORE did.. so much that.. I think we need help figuring out WHAT to tackle first- so fine LTR readers & Rob-lovers, what is beggin’ for a Moon & UC break-down? Besides the obvious “Reasons why Rob went to Moantreal that have nothing to do with Kristen Stewart” Since we never plan to RESPECT the magicness (we’re too jealous) What should we break down!?? I didn’t yet watch or see ANYTHING from Teen Choice awards. Should we guess whether or not Rob went Uncle Jesse Chic or Plaid Lumberjack couture? Help us narrow it down!
Missed you. Also this day is forever dubbed Moanday. Thank you Robstener,
UnintendedChoice
OH PS… I will take this opportunity to alert you to the video I made (in public) on the beach last week for you: In the car with UC (on the beach)
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