Rob’s Summer Vacation!

Summertime and the Rob's are easy!

Dear Rob,

As I was sitting at Comic Con staring at your toupee askew hairdo and wanting nothing more than to straighten it and then sit back down, I got to thinking. What are you going to do after this? You don’t have any upcoming projects to film, Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out for another 4 months (114 days but I’m not counting) and it’s not like you go to TwiCon’s or anything. So what are you doing?! Maybe you’re headed off on a little trip like me. Though I doubt I’ll see you in Kenya (though that would be the best surprise EVER) and I probably won’t see you when I swing through Switzerland for a bit but I bet you’ll be doing something pretty rad…

Here’s what I think you might be up to on your Summer Vacay

Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!!!

  • Tour of all the Brewery’s in North America and Europe. You get trashed at the Heineken brewery, toss barrels and break every glass bottle in site while you try to reenact the opening to Laverne and Shirley. They throw you out and ban you from getting within 100 feet of the premises for the rest of your life. You contemplate ending it all right there.
  • You set up a “Man’s Outdoor Trip” where you and the BritPackers go camping and white water rafting. Only all your arms combined are still too puny to row the raft and you all end up over board somewhere around the Grand Canyon.
  • You enter the UK Big Brother house and start an alliance called BritPack, you are immediately voted out by an LTR girl in the house in the sole basis of your lack of creativity and general patheticness of the name.


Bombs awaaaaaayyy!!

  • You start a tumblr to document your trip to all major water attractions in the world to reenact Jumping Rob in an effort to outdo yourself and reclaim top internet meme status.

Who am I kidding you’re currently sitting in Dick and Claire’s basement playing Call of Duty with Tom Stu you never made it to the airport or to any breweries or rafting trips. Enjoy your time off Rob, be productive! Learn a new language, paint me a picture, write US a letter for a change and I’ll see you on the flip flip.

Happy Summer Vacay Rob!

What should Rob do with his time off? Any vacation plans? Yes, it’s true I’ll be away for the next few weeks and will not be blogging. UC will also be taking it easier with a light posting schedule. Of course should anything crazy happen expect us to bust in. Have a letter or want to write a letter to be posted on LTR or LTT? Email us!!!

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24 Commented

My Comic Con wish… for Rob to BRING IT!

Dear Rob-

I’m about to be at Comic Con tomorrow for the Breaking Dawn Panel (duh), so let’s not beat around the bush… you need to bring it (and leave you know who at home). And by bring it you need to look like this…

Yes, exactly like you at the Twilight premiere in Paris. You hair can totally grow out over night. I believe! Rogain! A wig!
Or this…

Yes, wear the Batman shirt so maybe the Comic Con haters will lay off since Twilight is SOOOOO much more geeky/lame/nerdy/not cool than Spiderman or Comic books or buying collectors edition action figures or getting the autographs of the guy who played R2D2 in Star Wars or Taylor Lautner… Oh wait…

or this…

Hammocks are totally welcome at Comic Con! Just answer questions from the hammock! Invite someone ME to come swing in the hammock with you during the Q&A.

Or this…

Feel free to hire one of the Vanity stylists for the day. Don’t worry just charge it back to Summit and mrk it “Business Expenses” they can take it out of the box office money from Breaking Dawn. The fans won’t mind some of the money from our multiple viewings going to this worthy cause. Pianos also welcome at Comic Con, FYI!

I’d even be alright with this…

I’m totally alright with Cholo Rob as long as there’s a pompadour under that Doyers cap and that vintage black Nova is in the parking lot. *Swoon*

(Charlies, HEH!)

BUUUTTT if you come dressed like this… we will have words…

Chubby sad Dadward is NOT an approved look. EVER. If you come out of the closet looking like the clearance rack at the Men’s Warehouse, go back in and do not return out again until you look like this:


My other Comi Con wish is that no one would ask stupid questions or scream “Robste” before fainting… NONE of these wishes will come true.

Happy Comic Con!

PS Remember when I went to Comic Con last time (1, 2, 3) and chased after the Pattinson Pants lady?!! (then wrote a fake interview) GOOD TIMES! Remember when she turned out to totally get it??!

Anyone else going to Comic Con? If I ask a question what should I ask? What do we think Rob will really show up in?

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76 Commented

Summit doesn’t “Get” Rob Pattinson’s Attraction

Dear Rob,

I’m gonna go out on a limb here & say that I don’t think Summit understands how hot you are. Sure they “get it” a little bit. They didn’t fire you after the first movie when they had more money to hire a bigger “star.” They understood that you as Edward was a big part of Twilight’s success (and also Buttcrack Santa, may he rest in peace), but it’s become clear to me that they don’t really understand the extent of your good-looks and our attraction to you. Or, at least, they don’t know what to do with it.

Yes, I’m talking about how they turned Edward the hot 17 year old from Twilight (the one success of Cathy Hardi) into a tweed-wearing Grandpa with who constantly sucks on werthers candy in New Moon:

And then in Eclipse they apparently tried to appeal to the German fans & turned you into a David Hasselhoff-clone

And then they did what we all feared when we first read that Bella got knocked-up.. Turned Edward into a “Dad.” I don’t know what job he has specifically, but it’s definitely something in sales.

Is it real estate?

How about used cars?

I’m afraid there’s gonna be a scene in Rio where Edward runs into the Tommy Bahama outlet to pick up a few Palm Tree golf shirts.

Do I need to remind Summit of your attraction, Rob, and give them some ideas for how Edward COULD have looked?

Sad-ward for when he leaves Bella in New Moon:


Bad-ass-ward for when Edward isn’t ABOUT to lose Bella to Jacob in Eclipse:

And then Nesting-ward for when Edward finally gets to lose his v-card, father a cute kid & just “hang out and stuff” or whatever they plan to do for the rest of eternity:


THAT’s the Edward I read when I first read the Twilight books. Summit is gonna get me into the theater either way, but I might just go a couple more times if Edward looks like the Edward of my dreams… (so… you in all your photo-shoots. Sorry- it’s your life now)



What do you think? Are you as unimpressed as I am with these Edward-in-Breaking-Dawn photos? I’m SERIOUSLY getting a “Salesman” vibe from them….

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72 Commented

Some HP induced Twilight ramblings and Rob, a beautiful American?

My how we've all changed

Dear Rob,

I’ve been cheating on you… his name is Neville Longbottom, I mean Matt Lewis and he is delightful. Here’s the thing: I don’t really know anything about Harry Potter other than the few movies I’ve seen and the 4 chapters of Sorcerers Stone I tried to read in college but was too distracted by stuff like homework to really get into it.

But I’ve been watching all the coverage of the final movie installment with rapt attention. Like an innocent bystander watching the funeral of someone beloved that I didn’t know very well. It makes you wish you knew them well just so you could commiserate with everyone else. I think it’s also caught my attention because it seems like a somewhat parallel foreshadowing to what the Twilight fans will be feeling next November. When it ALL really does end. The majority of us may have not grown up with Twilight LIT-TRALLY but a lot of us have grown and changed over the last almost 4 years. UC and I were just talked about this recently, how different we both are from when we first started LTT/LTR. I can still see in my memory (I have long since quit) the desk I sat at when I wrote the very first LTT post, the house I lived in where I read the books the first time and remember our first comment alerts coming in on my phone. It will definitely be the end of an era but it has been and IS one of the best thing I’ve done in my life. But we are very different since it all began, new jobs, relationships ended, relationships began, babies born (named Edward), death, healing, friendship, family, all the things Twilight (and Harry Potter) are about with the addition of a few vampires and werewolves and a couple bumbling parents.

Can we have a moment of silence??

This is a long introduction and a bit of a ramble but I know we have quite a bit of Harry Potter fans among us (UC being one!) who I thought could appreciate and maybe give us some pointers for next November…

Also this is my way of being able to use this video of Josh Horowitz (OF COURSE! WHO ELSE?) talking to the Potter cast about “American” stuff and asking them to identify famous Americans…

Srsly, Matt Lewis yall *fans self* he can bring me the brewskies any time, any place.

Srsly, I'm gonna need a moment...

My real reason for posting this is that Tom Felton (jokingly)  refers to Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen and says he is a beautiful American. And that got me to thinking… have we coopted Robert Pattinson for ourselves? Lots of people talk about his loss of accent and I’m sure he has a permanent visa or maybe even citizenship at this point for being an “alien for extraordinary talent” (the actual term for people who get visa for this stuff). Though I would argue he is plently English, the mumbling and self deprecation and the mumbling. Though he’ll always be the son of England (and Dick and Clare) have we claimed him for our own? And will we ever, willingly, give him back? Oh HALE no!

We love you Rob and we’ll take you as an alien or we’ll marry you and make you legal.

PS Please to enjoy my very own ramblings/stream of conscious post about the state of Twilight/Rob in my own brain.

Am I right, has the REAL story behind the end of HP been Matt Lewis’s hottness? AM I RIGHT? Where has this guy been? Has anyone else been thinking about the end of Twi?

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29 Commented

News in Rob’s world

*update: this post seems frivolous in light of recent events. Thanks to our military and allies for working hard to help keep us ALL safer. Score one for the world!*

Dear LTR-ers,

Because Rob’s out and about whoring for Water for Elephants all over the world there’s lots to see from his red carpets to photo calls to interviews. Soooooo I’m going to sum up the interesting stuff here for us all so we don’t have to shift through page after page of video and 9238490234 photos of the same suit from press calls. You’re welcome!

Even if you don’t speak German the eyes and faces Rob makes while some man interprets IN GERMAN are worth this…
Most important thing I learned from this video:
Rob probably got up early and watched the Royal Wedding like the rest of us fools. Or maybe he’s just very romantical at heart.


Rob hasn’t met a wildly colorful suit or a weird eye brow raise he didn’t like

Mark Zuckerberg has officially changed the “LIKE” gif on Facebook from a blue thumbs up to this picture. We approve… or should I say we LIKE!!!! (rim shot!)

Robert Pattinson was chosen as the new spokesboy for Bump-Its! He’s super thrilled as you can see.

This lighting guy is totally pissed he missed the NFL draft because he had to make sure Bella and Edwards ocean make out was properly lit. Mother effer.
When Rob needs new clothes he goes online and google searches “cheap, ugly, inappropriate sweatshirts.” That’s how he got this, the “Get off my dick” shirt and pretty much everything else he owns. Dean also got this chicks number.

Hot DAAAYYUUUMM this boy can make a suit look goood.

Am I right? Am I right?! Who I am kidding we’ve known that since day one! Well… that’s pretty much all that matters from his time in Europe… did any of you happen to go out and see Rob at the premieres? If so why haven’t you written us?! RUDE 🙂

Happy Monday (ugh),

So seriously, did anyone make it out to a premiere? Was Rob as beautiful as an Arabian desert in that beige/brown suit? Did he profess his love to you in Barcelona/Berlin/Paris/etc etc??

Thanks Robsessed, RP Life and your emails!

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125 Commented

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