The Notorious R.O.B. – Rapper, actor and white boy lays down the rhymes

Dear Rob,

We know about your love of the Hip Hop and NWA and now you’re saying you convinced yourself when you were younger that you wrote Biggie’s music…

Now, I’m all for some fantasies but for realz? You’re a white boy from London…  nice, middle class London at that, pretty far from Bed-Stuy Brooklyn. But I get it, I love BIG too, Juicy is one of my favorite songs of all time. So I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and take a closer look at some of BIG’s music to see if you really could have in fact written it… let’s take a look shall we, I translate in parenthesis…

Straight outta 8 mile

Big Poppa

To all the ladies in the place with style and grace (HOLLA LTR!)
Allow me to lace these lyrical douches in your bushes (um no.)
Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommies (TwiMoms!)
The back of the club, sippin Moet, is where you’ll find me (they ran outta Heine)
The back of the club, mackin hoes, my crew’s behind me (no really, Dean/Steve is behind you. It’s part of his contract)

ladies with style and grace? Um DUH that’s us. We also big booty hoes, but he’ll get to that later. I love that he’s calling out Dean/Steve here. Dean/Steve’s got his back like chiroprack. He gets really creative with the next verse…

Soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind (you’ve got NO game and possibly cheap!)
And ask what your interests are, who you be with (do you possible like books about vampires? Did you come to this bar with friends you met on twitter or a blog?)
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial (do you have a Jitterbug?)
You gon’ be here for a while, I’m gon’ go call my crew (TomStu)
You go call your crew (LTR girls)
We can rendezvous at the bar around two
Plans to leave, throw the keys to Lil Cease (nickname for Dean/Steve. Cease and Desist you crazy Twihards!)
Pull the truck up, front, and roll up the next blunt (you’re bad at driving, we know)
So we can steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly (Srsly, you’re hungry a lot)
A t-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch’s grape (Breakfast Hot Pocket Steak and Eggs)
Conversate for a few, cause in a few, we gon’ do (you ran out of stuff to talk about)
What we came to do, ain’t that right boo [truuuueee]
Forget the telly we just go to the crib
and watch a movie in the jacuzzi smoke l’s while you do me (hot tub store shout out, UC!)

B.I.G. or R.O.B.?

And neeexxxttt we have…

Been ‘Round The World

Been around the world and I I I
And we been playa hated [say what?]
I don’t know and I don’t know why
Why they want us faded [ahehe]
I don’t know why they hate us [yeah]
Is it our ladies? [uh-huh]
Or our drop Mercedes [uhh, uhh]
Bay-bee bay-BEE!

This is pretty obvious, it’s a diss track on all the dudes who hate on you and call you Edward Cullen and say shiz about your hair and being a p*ssy vegetarian vampire. They’re haters and it’s because you’re getting mad ladies for ALL over the world! Look at this blog you get more action here on a daily basis than Kellan at a TwiCon.

Now let’s hit probably the most damning evidence of all… my fave Biggie song: Juicy, after the cut

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