Robert Pattinson gets stuck in an attic during the summer and then rolls with the Homies!

Dear Rob,

As we all know you can flip our moods on a dime. Case in point today I saw the promo image for a short you’re in called “Summer House” and I was GA-ROSSED out… to the max.

Nice mullet man. SERIOUSLY the little flippy bits in the back and then the fact that it looks like you’ve been trapped in a hot attic all day during the summer sweating your ass off until this poor girl found you when she went looking for elbow length gloves in grandma’s old trunk and found you trapped up there instead. Don Juan de Gross-o stuck up there with your shirt half unbuttoned, your business in the front and party in the back and then what I can only imagine is the worst BO of all time. ALL TIME. She’s obviously trying not to inhale because you’re so close to her olfactory senses. She’s just trying to stand still so you’ll think she’s an oasis in your heat stroked brain and you won’t stain her prom dress with your sweaty hands. This is clearly what The Summer House is about. Clearly.  If that doesn’t sell you on seeing The Summer House, I don’t know what will. Their production team should definitely hire me to do the PR for this movie.

The crazy thing is after I was super grossed out by Don Juan de Gross-o I saw pictures of you and TomStu rolling around LA in a Chevy Nova like freaking rockstars. Only it’s so hilarious because you’re two sorta fey, bumbling brits (probably) awkwardly driving an American Muscle car into an In N Out drive through. CLASSIC RobStu shiz right there. You two should have a reality show. The underwears shopping, the clothing swapping, intense debates about the merits of the original Star Wars trilogy vs the prequels (ok, I’m imaging this happening) and now THIS. Please someone at E! give these kids a camera crew and some air time. We NEED this in our lives NOT the Kardashians or those dumb sluts who broke into Celebrities homes.

Obviously, you know the way to my heart.You know I was super creeped out by the Summer House image so you swiped a classic car cause you know how I’m in the market for one and then drove around till you found a paparazzo in a parking lot of an In N Out. Then in my mind you ordered grilled cheese, animal style with a diet Coke and then you put “Rollin’ with my homies” on blast in the Nova tape deck (cause it’s so obviously a tape deck) and pumped that shiz as you drove reeeeeal slow down Sunset.

And you waited cause you knew even with no consistent internet connection till tomorrow that I would see these and forgive you for the Summer House image. And I do…on one condition. Drive that Nova to my neighborhood and flip the hydraulic switches so we can really get this party started.

Rollin’ with the homies! *does the hand motion*
Themoonisdown

PS I should be back to 24/7 internet connection today. FINALLY! So I’ll be back to commenting and hanging around.
PPS We’re looking for new letter submissions so email your letters to Rob and Twilight to us!

How can Rob be simultaneously repulsive AND awesome at the same time? I can’t wrap my mind around whatever power he has that makes this possible. What would the RobStu reality show be called? Where else did they go on their fantastic voyage?

Follow the cut for the theme song to the RobStu reality show Continue…

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