Used clothing is the Pattinson love language

Dear Rob,

So you showed up to Vancouver & barely looked like yourself. What was up with that “I want my MTV” 80s jacket? We had to take a second to break it down vanity fair style :

The Predicament

Moon: Is this Rob? I’m confused. Who is this Rob-look alike in a whole new wardRobe?
UC: Does this Rob wanna-be have an MTV coat on? An 80s vintage coat?
Moon: New Rob is totally vintage 80s. I love it. It’s like he thought MTV was doing a new round of that show “Wanna be a vj” from the late 90s and this is his audition outfit

Rob “The Predicament” Pattinson

UC: Exactly. Or He’s been watching too much Jersey shore & has really wanted to be invited over for “family dinner” on Sunday so he thought by wearing MTV proudly across his chest Pauly D & The Sitch might recognize him & ask him to join them next summer in Seaside Heights
Moon: He wants to be Rob “The predicament” Pattinson

Trouble on the Home-front

UC: And are those new gray pants?

Moon: yes i think they’re new!! its crazy!! WHO IS THIS MAN?? How did the paparazzi even know who he was? Wearing a sweater with a collared shirt under? He looks so clean I bet the paps couldn’t even follow his stench! Has Claire sent a care package of dick’s old “office outfits?”
UC: Yes. I think she sent SHOE polish too. Because while they look like the old favorites they are mighty clean. Or no- Rob discovered the shoe shiney man at LAX airport! He loves it so much that sometimes he buys an airline ticket for him & TomStu just so they can get through security to have their shoes shined. Then they stop by Au Bon Pain, grab a sandwich to go before heading out. Sometimes they even try out the chairs in Brookstone and rent books at the airport bookstore rental place, returning them the next time they come for a shoe shine
Moon: I like this new Rob.
UC: Me too. Grown up Rob. With Clean(er) shoes.
Moon: And he’s traveling without kristen too… WHAT IS GOIG ON?!!
UC: TROUBLE ON THE HOME FRONT
Moon: Vancouver is like bizarro Baton Rouge/twilight world (Everything is reverse for those not in on the superman lingo.)
UC: Uh, superman dork of the day award.

Rob’s really in love here

Moon:Maybe Rob is like the opposite of everything else. When shit goes bad in a relationship he cleans up, starts shining his shoes, buys new clothes instead of falling apart and looking like a homeless person like every one else when they break up. And Happy in love = Hobo Rob. So clean shiny Rob = single * books ticket to Vancouver *
UC: sad, lonely & looking for a fangirl to F*ck= clean-cut Rob. GET OVER THERE
Moon: I’ll ignore that you called me a fangirl cause I’m on my way to the airport
Moon: I’ll tweet pics of his hotel room whilst he’s in the potty
UC: Please do. And his shirt looks purple.. Gasp! is he wearing a sweater over it? Did you already say that??? Did he join gilt.com? Was HE the one who bought the Marc Jacobs cashmere I was trying to get for Mr. Choice last week?
Moon: hahaha. I think it might be from dick’s “blue phase”
UC: was Dick feeling down then? (Like father like son? While there are problems with Claire, he’s classy & clean cut?) or do you mean he WORE a lot of blue?
Moon: I mean he WORE a lot of blue. Dick probably also made a visit after Rob called them from a NEW cell phone that was actually made in this decade- they got worried
UC: Yep… so not knowing what condition they’d find him in (was their real son beaten to a pulp & left to suffer in a ditch in Baton Rouge, and someone new was pretending to be him?) Dick came with a trash bag full of old clothes. Either for the new guy pretending to be their son. Or Rob… embarrassed, naked & broke, in need of clothes.
Moon: Used clothing is the Pattinson love language
UC: They’re so great. I’m jealous you get to be a part of the family. That’s what you’ll be after you bring Rob a bag of your bros old clothes when you head up to vancity to be the one who gets him out of his clean-cut slump
Moon: I will take him back to dirty hobo in no time. Give me a chance. PUT ME IN COACH!!! I got this!!!

You know we love you in love & as a dirty hobo, but we’re liking this new sad, lonely ready for Moon to make you her lover new-used clothed Rob too! Hell, what are we saying- we just love the fact that we’re SEEING YOU!! Keep it up Vancouver!

Love,
UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s new “look?” Think it’s odd for Rob to be in something as forward as an MTV jacket? Think it would be more appropriate for him to wearing something saying “Get off MTV’s Dick?”

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Catching up on all I’ve missed about Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

With the prepping for the holidays, the actual holidays and then recovering from the holidays, I’ve barely had any time to check what you’re up to! And since I haven’t heard many rumors about you’re life, I just assumed you weren’t up to anything. I haven’t even read my go-to-for-the-best-Rob-news site Robsessed in like… WEEEKS. Are you still in Brazil jumping off stuff? Well, turns out I DID miss stuff. Not that any of it is that great. Actually most of it is QUITE a snore, but at least it’s something, right!? Since the LTR readers tend to follow in the footsteps of Moon & UC – not because we rule (we do) but because we’re all pretty similar and, well, Normal, I figured I wasn’t the only one who missed what you’ve been up to. So let’s get to it:

First up, here is a list of stuff I’m not really going to mention but was part of your life in the past month: Water for Elephants trailer was released; We were too busy to break it down; WFE release date got pushed back 1 week; You went home to London; You went to Iowa? (Confused about that one. And care TOO little to research it further); You probably washed your hair; Bel-ami is not going to be at Sundance Film Festival; You were in some rag mags with untrue stories about your love life; You won some meaningless awards given to you by sites & media desperate to use your name to gain readership.

And in slightly more interesting news:

TONIGHT, You will join Kristen & Taylor to make the trinity complete at the People’s Choice awards:

And let me tell you how this story ends: You, Kristen & Taylor (and Eclipse) win every category you are nominated in. Dear John stands no chance up against you. Tina Fey & Steve Carell might as well go to the nursing home- they’ll never beat youngsters like you 3. And because of this, if anything else is on at 9 pm tonight, I’ll skip the show & just look at pictures later. But let’s be honest… Nothing else will be on & I’ll probably end up sucked in, face pressed up to the TV glass waiting for any glimpse of your elbow in the side of the screen. Sigh….

You’re going to present at the Golden Globes

Which means that on Monday January 17th, we might actually have something INTERESTING to blog about. Or at the very least super hot (please!) pictures or at least a 2nd-hand embarrassing video where you spit or say a weird British phrase that means something opposite in American. Wee!!

You were named #4 on the GQ (UK) Best Dressed 2011 list! Which is great… Except… Remember how you were #1 on the list last year??? Because you wore outfits like this:

Rob Pattinson modeling Wal-mart’s finest

Wow. That sure is #1 right there. It’s no wonder you moved to #4 this past year. You really went down a notch wearing stuff like a sweater from the dumpster outside of Walmart! Can’t get much lower than that, Robbie-pie!

And then there is my personal favorite news tidbit from the past few weeks. THIS picture:

I’m climbing in your windows (I’m snatching your people up..)

First of all, I have NO idea when it appeared. Apparently last month. Although it’s from LAST Christmas. But I can’t get enough. Seriously. I printed it out & hung it on my fridge. We have everything right here!!!

There’s Dick who either just woke up or is super sick (GET BETTER DICK! FROM WHATEVER YOU HAD LAST YEAR!) And then there is a MYSTERY WOMAN. No… not the one holding your hand, although I’m not sure who that is either cuz it’s OBVIOUSLY NOT KRISTEN, but the woman that Dick is holding on to. Moon insists it’s Claire, but I’m not convinced. Would Claire really wear a leopard print hat like Snooki? And is Claire wearing a Bubble jacket? Am I spelling Claire right? So many questions.

And then KRISTEN- I just… just…. actually have nothing to say about her. She looks sleepy?

In fact, you all do- either this is before dawn, early am Christmas picture before going to Grandma Pattinson’s house. Or LATE at night- after mucho eggnog & dancing in front of the fire (Obviously a Dick Pattz favorite activity on Christmas Eve!)

Do I HAVE to point out that your shirt says OBEY? Um, okay. Whatever you wish, Mr. Pattinson. And where did you get your height? Either Grandpop Pattz is a giant or your adopted. I hate to break it to you- but did you ever actually see pictures of your mom in the hospital with you? And look at those curtains! Edward would approve!! And what is hanging on the Pattinson family Christmas tree? Apples? TWILIGHT APPLES? Gift from Stephenie, I’m sure.

(and I’m trying not to mention it but I kinda have to mention it… this is obviously a super private photo so either a Pattinson cousin was on Santa’s naughty list in 2010 for sending that photo to the WRONG friend last year, or someone is hacking into either Rob or Kristen’s cell phone. I’m just saying)

So, it isn’t a ton- in fact it’s barely anything, but it’s a new year- and we’re kicking it off right TONIGHT at the People’s Choice awards. And then again in a few weeks at the Golden Globes. And since I’m just as behind on my Twilight news, I think you all should be headed to Vancouver pretty soon- if you’re not there already- and Vancouver-Rob is my favorite Rob! I think we might get some more interesting news yet! And if not, I can always get a chuckle (and feel super creeped out by the fact that I HAVE this picture) by looking at the Pattinson family Christmas photo from 2009 hanging on my fridge!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Did I miss anything else? PLEASE tell me something much more amazing happened so I can stop being SO bored with Rob lately!

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