Confession: I haven’t seen Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

Confession: This is as far as I’ve gotten in my quest to see Cosmopolis:

Talking to @Brookelockart at brunch this weekend:

Me: Are we going to see Cosmopolis?
Brookelockart: Is it out?
Me: Yes
Brookelockart: I dunno
Me: k

And I know! I am a ROB fan. I am currently writing on a ROB blog. What is wrong with me? I can think of 8 other things I’d rather do than go see Cosmopolis:

1. Watch that DVD of “How to Be” I never started (nope. oops)
2. Go see The Dark KnightRises (I’m behind on movies, k?)
3. Eat a vegetarian hot pocket (do they make those?)
4. Go camping (I hate camping)
5. Go through my archives of Rob Pattinson magazines (I did some cleaning and found them the other day)
6. Daydream about Jim Harper (SO SAD The Newsroom is over!)
7. Husk Corn (It’s corn on the cob season!)
8. Browse Robsten Tumblrs (one of my favorite activities)

I’m sorry. I know you’re hot in it. I know you have a lot of the sex with Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, but I just have no desire to see this movie. I didn’t read the book. The trailers didn’t sell it to me. As much as I love looking at you, I am just not in the mood.

I love my husband but that doesn’t mean everything he says and does is perfect. You’re like that for me.

Don’t tell my husband I just compared you two. 

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Call me a bad Rob fan! Yell at me at tell me I don’t deserve to look at the pretty! And after you’re done, the rest of you jump in & confess why you haven’t seen Cosmopolis either. And after the jump, hear from a gal who WILL watch the movie Continue…

48 Commented

Breaking it down: Cosmopolis – Wait, what did we just watch?

NEON LIGHTS!

Dear Rob,

UC and I waited ALL day to watch the Cosmopolis trailer/teaser together and well 34 seconds later here’s what happened…
.
.
The one where we’re super confused
Moon: wait its only 34 seconds???
UC:  First I have to be honest, I know VERy little about this film except that Paul Giamatti is in it and it takes place in a limo which means I expect Hot Church Bass-like limo sex and he’s in the limo because
done
UC: is this modern day? I’m so confused already
UC: BOOBS
NEON
i haven’t understood a single mumble
WHAT
EW
Moon: um im pretty sure i just saw that womans nipple!!!

UC: WTF
I DID
Moon: wait
UC: dinosaurs?!
WHAT?
haha
OMG
Moon: did he just shoot his hand

wtf is going on?!
UC: YES
Moon: is that a knife in the eye?!

UC: I thought this was a movie about the stock market crash during a limo ride? where he gets syphllis
Moon: dude i liked this movie when it was called DRIVE with Ryan Gosling
UC: HAHAHAH
omg SAME feel
same bumpin music
Moon: wow… im watching that again
UC: who is the girl he effs? Rosario?
Moon: im so confused
UC: me too
fire?
what fire?
HUGE nipples
Moon: DUDE that womans vajay is in a shadow just barely

UC: dude
sex noises
like NOT edward sex noises
there’s like vajay
so he has a lot of sex “so me something i don’t know”
Moon: why is paul giamatti watching him blow his hand off?! with a towel on

UC: THAT is paul?
hahah
Moon: yes…i have the best screenshot ever
.
The one with the most amazing screenshot ever
UC: so he’s a rich kid Chuck Bass-like… who wants to FEEL so he shoots himself in the hand. and asks Paul G. to take off his towel that’s basically what i got
Moon: OMG just just pause and play and you get amazing shots of weird shit.
UC: hahahahahha
Moon: i got one of him peeing IN the limo

UC: WHAT? that’s amazing
Moon: YES. so at the end is the limo declared a hazmat situation?
UC: semen
blood
pee
yes
I think so
Moon: pee and sex fluids and sweat and who knows
UC: sypyllis
UC: looks like the mom from everybody loves raymond is the 2nd girl he effs
UC: from his old pal from France
Moon: wait there are rat men?>??!

do we find out at the end of the movie he’s really just been on an acid trip??
UC: i thought they were dinosaurs at first…
and yes… I’m guessing
or it was all a dream
i mean.. maybe he’s ALSO on an acid trip in the limo. PEEING.
.
The one where we still can’t figure it out
Moon: dude. what is going on???
UC: now he’s doggy styling raymond’s wife

is HE cutting out the eye?
Moon: DUDE he’s doing DEBRA?!
Debra Barone
UC: HAHHAA
YES i mean… it sure looks like her in this teaser. I assume that buttoned up blonde woman is the one who is gonna “show him something he doesn’t know” which is… a woman who wears underwear in the daytime a woman without an STD? a woman with normal sized nipples?
Moon: and wasnt married to raymond

UC: wasnt on one of the most popular shows of the late 90s? haha. she’s gonna shows him how to study hard at law school?
Moon: shes gonna nag him about putting up his dirty socks and doris roberts is gonna walk in with the old grandpa and complains about Debra’s cooking.
.
The one where… WHAT IS THIS?!
Moon: dude what did we just watch??
UC:  I dunno but… I mean its different and like… a totally different audience… i mean… this might work? could this WORK for him?
Moon:i sure hope so i mean based on what i heard from my NON twilight friends im crossing my fingers for him but like really he shot himself in the hand
UC: right  that’s gross and that eye
me: so DRIVE. it looks like drive meets social network meets everybody loves raymond.
UC: i mean.. this is TOTALLY not the kind of movie I’d like to see. ALSO i never saw Drive so stop that
Moon:drive is the best
ever

Ok, so this is obviously a post with some of the craziest images/screencaps we’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m really interested to see this because of how crazy  it looks.

A rat/A dinosaur/A nipple/A limo?
Moon and UC

What did you think of this? Does this make any kinds of sense to any one or are you just in it for him doing Everybody Loves Raymond’s wife?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

33 Commented

Heinekens all around! It’s LTR’s 3rd Anniversary!

Dear Rob,

new LTR motto

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, so pass me a beer and let’s cheers to UC and Moon on 3 years of writing letters to you! I realize they aren’t always the most flattering, sometimes a little fan girly and almost always snarky, but you have to hand it to UC and Moon — finding material to write to you when you disappear for days, isn’t the easiest thing to do. I think you should get their fan cards laminated for an anniversary gift (and maybe leave your phone number on the back).

In honor of this happy occasion, I decided to surprise the girls by breaking into the blog and talking to some longtime friends about their favorite posts. So enjoy! (How could you not, it’s all about you!?)

Today’s fellow guests, please introduce yourselves and how long have you been reading?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009
Cazza: March 2009
PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.
Stacey: March 2010
LonestarKendall: March 2009
Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009
Alice_NaA  – Bella_NaA : A  long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH  was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.
superhumanmoron: January 2009
MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2”  it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.
Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010
Janetrigs: February 2009
Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.
Operarose: August 2009
TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

And if you don’t know me, I’m Brookelockart and have been starting trouble since March 2009.

Which posts have made you snarfle your drink while reading?

Read_or_sleep: Four Words.  WE ARE THE ROB.  What happened to that song? When UC, Moon and special guests broke down the Details pictures.   Most sites were basically just drooling and LTR made it look as if they were seriously analyzing the pictures.  That time UC (I think) made the mother trucker profile for Ron when he was on the road trip from CA to NOLA.
Cazza: Pattinson Pants lady at ComicCon “she lives”….she was a celebrity in her own right but just didn’t know it!!!
LonestartKendall: Ahhh, the list is too long. TOO LONG. Anything by the Quad – those were always amazing,
Alice_NaA: What’s Remember Me about. I actually found LTR that way… by googling “what’s remember me about”. No lie. I then spent the entire day giggling about the city housing code loophole and recreational vehicles part. I also learned many fancy words here at LTT/LTR, it’s all about education.
SHM: Creepy Uncle Rob.  I may have peed a little.  That’s when I knew I had found my people.
Allryans: I have a continuous heartquake. I’m pretty sure that I could not hold it together watching this video of your incognito dramatic poetry reading.

Like most passionate relationships, there’s a little bit of love and hate. Which post made you love him or hate him more?

Read_or_sleep: I wouldn’t say this post made me love Ron any more or less.   It just left me feeling confused,
Rachel B: I love the “jumping Rob” because that picture gave us endless hours of photoshopping entertainment!
Alice_NaA: Hate -> the time he was driving a green Porsche. Love -> That it’s normal to disrespect Rob nice and slow.

not hot, nope.

Bella_NaA: Hate -> the wonky Cosmopolis hair. Was he trying to one-up TomStu and his monkey beard?
SWD: The epic Chart-O-Robs. I like having a choice.
Janetrigs:  PSA I have been Cyber Bullied, – This made me HATE Ron because it showed me how there was this crazy rift in the once powerful singular unit known as Twi/Ron fan. This meant that my friends may or may not hate each other over reasons that seem ridiculous, and thus I hated him for causing the rift, because it’s always the man’s fault. I loved Ron again, not after a LTT or LTR post, but when I saw DTR or Dirty Train Ron filming pics of Water for Elephants. There is something about DTR.
Allryans: HATE: (the real hate, not the Janetrigs kind).  Not only did Rob completely botch this joke in the most unfunny, unendearing way ever, but REESE had to save him from it, and no one is worse than Reese. NO ONE.
Teamseth: This post made me love Ron more or this post made me love him less. I did my duty. Rob is not for me.

Great picks! I love Photo-shoot Ron (think GQ), but real life Ron may not be for me!

Continue…

36 Commented

Rob Shave His Head? Whaaaa?

Well what the HALE do we have here?

Dear Rob,

Did you shave half of your big ol head? If not, I am very confused because from different angles it looks like you either got into a hair cutting fight or you have a secret case of alopecia. OOOORRRR your rumored male pattern baldness got out of control on the Comospolis set, so you took to wearing an Eric Packer wig while this is what’s been under that fabulous hair doo all this time.

Ok, so maybe there are more rational explanations for this new look than the disease that Kaitlin from the OC’s horse had. Or maybe Nikki Reed was moving again and needed more boxes and your help…

• Did you lose a bet with Dean on how many pairs of underwear and hotel keycards would be left at your trailer? You guessed 9 and Dean guessed 910239124344. He won by not going over. You lost and felt the cold steel of a clipper on your noggin.

• You bet Sam Bradley that his moles had not moved his you last saw him. He bet they did. You lost, they moved 2 inches. To be closer to the hoop earring.

• You bet your non existent publicist that Star/OK/Gossip Cop/E!/Robsten/Nonsten people would not come up with any crazy stories about you and your personal life during filming. You bet no. Your non existent publicist won. Do you even read this site??? Do you even get DM’s from Gossip Cop? No? You’re better off.

You missed like 23 spots

• You bet us that you could explain the origins of the bear skin rug, Dick, Jumping Rob, Big Daddy and Jorts using LTR/LTT  faster than we could. We lost… you know these sites better than we do but you shaved your head any way just to give us something to talk about. THANK YOU!

But really, why the lopsided shave? And  why were fans waiting till 5AM??? I mean I love you and all Rob but REALLY?? No. I don’t do early mornings.

Happy Monday to us all!
Themoonisdown

Would you… or HAVE you waited to 5AM to see Rob? Why the weird partially shaved head? What bet do you think he lost?

Want a laugh? Read Michael K of Dlisted’s short take on this

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

58 Commented

Juliette Binoche teaches us about Rob and Cosmopolis

Dear Rob,

You know when you don’t go out and do things, I’m forced to read the gossip rags, scouring for dirt and then make stuff up about you, right? Yea, so come out and play. And I don’t mean walk to and fro on set. Come out and play so UC and I can make up other things that are not true about you… but fun none the less.

Today’s tidbit comes from Juliette Binoche, your costar in Cosmopolis but I know her as Vianne from Chocolat aka the lady who got to do Johnny Depp right before he became a big deal again. Here’s what she said

For David Cronenberg’s new movie ?
J.B: Yes, it is called “Cosmopolis”. I play an art dealer who has an affair with Robert Pattinson. He, plays a billionaire who loses everything.

Robert Pattinson evolves in a sphere that seems far away from yours…
J.B: I don’t have a point of view about his career, I didn’t see the “Twilight” movies. We had dinner together on set. He is an incredible cinema buff who for several years saw two to three movies a day. He is a fan of “Les amants du Pont Neuf” (The Pont Neuf lovers). He was funny, you would have thought he was a little child.

Ok, you might call Rob a child after having made out w/ this guy

First off Juliette Binoche called you a child, that’s gotta sting a little bit right? It also worries me that maybe that nervous giggly thing is for real and that it would get real awkward when we’re (someday) making out and you giggle like that cause I’d think you were 10 and that’s gross.

You have an “affair” with Juliette Binoche… DUDE is that kind of like having an affair with your mom’s Bunko friend? I’d also like to point out that by reading that your character is a billionaire who loses everything, I’ve learned more about the movie than I ever knew before. In what I read your character spends the movie in a limo making deals and trying to get to a hair cut appointment while stuck in traffic. And while that just sounds weird, I was all in Rob so no one can say I’m not committed. After reading this maybe Cosmopolis is about a billionaire who loses everything in a limo on his way to get his hairs did? Only time will tell.

Another thing… JB (as I call her now cause I can’t be bothered to spell out her whole name) said you went through a phase in your life where you watched 2-3 movies a day… she may call this being a “cinema buff” but I call this “unemployed.” I had a friend who did the exact same thing, only this was before Netflix was invented and he vowed to watch a 100 movies in a month because Blockbuster was offering an “all you can rent for 20 bucks” option. Needless to say he may have dropped out of school but he now considers Harold and Maude one of his favorite movies of all time and he has a notebook of hundreds of movie reviews he wrote. So this pretty much means you are my friend named Chad from about 5 years ago. You and Chad are probably also why Blockbuster went out of business. GOOD JOB!

What else will we learn or make up about you and Cosmopolis? Only time will tell my friend. And only you have the power to change that… so go out and do something instead of hanging out on balconies talking about moles with Sam Bradley. THANKS!

Now I want some chocolate, you. Johnny Depp, a limo and a movie from Blockbuster.

Au Revoir!
Themoonisdown

Why did JB call Rob a child? Weird or translation issue? Has anyone else watched 2-3 movies a day? Were you fun-employed?

Source: Robsessed and LaProvenceFR

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

46 Commented