Wait… why am i attracted to Rob again?

I can be a bad boy...

Dear Rob,

Let’s get physical serious. Last week I was chatting with lula34 about our male celebrity boyfriends. She showed me a recent video clip of her True Blood boyfriend Alex Skarsgard & then we passed out from love over the latest Chuck Bass/Gossip Girl promo with Too_Far_Gone.

Then we said “Remember at the end of Vampire Diaries when we watch the last romantic scene of the season involving Damon the vampire over and over and over” and we reminisced by watching “The kiss” you tube clip over and over and over again. And got excited for the return of THAT show. Yeah, it was a good day. NSFW day.

But Then it hit me. I love strong sexual characters. Chuck Bass & Damon Salvator? Hellooooo. And lula34 loves Alex the vampire (who is pretty sexy even though I’m not a True Blood watcher) and prays every night for dream sex with British hunk Jason Statham. Helloooooo.

So….why do we like you again? You’re not the dick that Chuck Bass is; you’re not an aggressive, cocky guy like Damon Salvator. You’re not overly sexual or full of yourself or anything like those other celebrities or characters we love so much. I posed the question to lula34:

UC: Wait… why am I attracted to Rob again? When normally I like much more sexual male characters?
Lula34: If I were to write fan fiction, it’d be about me, Jason [Statham], Alex [Skarsgard] & Ed [Westwick from Gossip Girl]. And a bottle of Thousand Island dressing.
UC: Hahaha dear lord- I cannnottttt wait for GG. I need Ed in my life
Lula34: Yes. I also need Damon. And all the angst that will ensue on VD. But mostly Chuck Bass. He is a legend.
UC: I’d take both… If I had to!!! Why have I liked Rob all this time when I’m obviously attracted to much stronger sexual characters??? Edward!? Is that the ONLY reason!?
Lula34: That’s SUCH a tremendous question. This must be discussed, because a friend asked me this the other day–why I love the “bad boys” but still have a “thing” for Rob. I don’t know why- Ron is the utter opposite of chuck bass! Chuck makes me shiver. Yeah, I said it.
UC: Me too- let’s become actresses so we can become lovers to all these different men

What's good about THIS?

Now before you go boohooing into your pillow because you just found out we spend all this time talking about men other than you, don’t worry- we’re not saying “Let’s give up on Rob because he’s not filled with STDs like Chuck Bass” NO no no… we’re saying, how can we like BOTH Bad boy, sexual aggressors like Chuck Bass and also like YOU- shy, humble terribly sexy but refuses to admit the fact or play up the sexualness, Rob?

Is it because you played Edward? And sure, Edward is sexxxxxyyyyy- but…. he’s not like those other sexually aggressive guys we mentioned… so it’s probably not just that.

Is it because we’ve been brain-washed by GQ and Details & all the other sexy magazines where you’ve done photoshoots and we’ve lost DAYS of productive work as a result?

Or….. is it because we all THINK that under that humble, shy demeanor there is a sexual maniac waiting to escape!? That if we got you in a room and chained you to a wall you willingly were into us, the ‘front’ you put on for the media & the public would disappear and you’d bring out the sexy bad boy whose only mission in life is to get.it.on with ME!?

I think that might be it. Because, if I’m honest (and I’m always honest), if you are humble, shy and sensitive in every area of your life, including your private life, what in my fantasies sounds like this:

throwing me up against the wall, ripping off my clothes, touching places I didn’t know liked to be touched

might actually be more like this

lightly pushes me to the wall
Rob: Oh no! Did I hurt you? Did I push you too hard?
UC: No, no it’s fine, just kiss me
cute little nibbles & kisses down my cheek & neck
Rob: May I take off your shirt?”
UC: Uh, sure…
fumbling. confusion.
UC: You okay?
Rob: Can we turn on the lights a second? I want to see how this bra claps works- I haven’t felt anything like this before
later
UC: You’re so hottttt

I hate that I hurt you.....

Rob: blushing Really? You mean it? I thought I looked too much like my dad today…..
a long time later
Rob: Is this okay? Am I hurting you? Does this feel good
UC: yes.. shhhh
Rob: tell me if it starts to feel weird. Does this feel right? I think maybe this is better? How about here? Here?
UC: STOP IT IT’S FINE
Rob: bursts into tears I’m sorry. I wanted this to be perfect…….

And that’s not cool…….

So yes, it’s odd that I’m attracted to both you and Chuck Bass, Damon Salvator & other over-sexualized characters when you seem so different. But I have to think deep down, behind that humble, sensitive, charming British demeanor is a bad boy…. yearning to do real bad things to me….

Yours willingly,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to Robsessed for killing me with those new outtakes

What do YOU think? Are you “into” celebs or characters that are quite “opposite” of who Rob appears to be? Why do you think you are? Is Rob’s humble demeanor just a public front- underneath he knows you want him and he’s happily going to oblige!?

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121 Commented

Open Weekend Post hosted by: Keisha and all our favorite Rob’s

(Keisha welcomes the weekend for us with a special poem about all our favorite Rob’s through the years! Happy Weekend! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

Why do we love thee?
Let me give you a glimpse in this Ode to RobP.
Let’s start by taking a look at your early work, shall we?
This isn’t in much order but please bear with me.
(Gotta put in THEY’RE NOT BEARS or UC & Moon will kill me!)

You were such a goofy dude as Art in How To Be
And portrayed a great artist when you played Salvador Dali.
You wore a rainbow sweater and again were so dorky
When you were in that movie about teen pregnancy on BBC.
There was that movie where you smoked like a chimney,
Laid around, and the spiders were way creepy.
You were even in a movie about that Potter boy Harry
Was it fun to be a wizard when you played Cedric Diggory?

THEN there was this director named Cougar Cathi
That was doing a movie about a book by Stephenie.
I’m sure you had no clue your life was about to be so kookie
When you were auditioning… on a bed… with a handheld video cami.
You played this “teenager” named Edward C
Did I mention that you were a vampire with a bouffant and were sparkly?!
Who had one fiiiiiiine faux Daddy
Played by none other than Peter Facinelli!
Now females yell “Edward Cullen, Bite Me!”
And scream in your face like they’re all bat-shit crazy.

I, myself, was a little late to the party
But last May I finally saw Twilight On Demand in HD.
For weeks I was glued to YouTube like it was Thursday Night Must See TV
For never before had I enjoyed hearing a grown man giggle and say “Lit’rally”.
I rushed out to Target and bought the Twilight DVD
And for that I have just one word: Commen-freaking-tary!

Now I say things like OME!
And smile when I see Volvos that are silvery.
Just to see your cardboard face I will walk repeatedly
In front of the window display at the mall’s FYE.
I even own an Edward lunchboxie
And trust me, I am not in Grade Three.
I, too, think Hot Pockets are pretty darn tasty
And am waiting for my chance behind a Dumpster with The Pretty.

Your life has been invaded by so much paparazzi
Who will do just about anything to take pics while you’re tipsy.
You sure know how to have a good time with Heine
With your best mates Tom, Marcus, Sam, and Bobby.
I will scour the Interwebs for hours to see
Pics of you in the sacred gray shirt of Stoli.
God forbid you forget to wear a hoodie
Or go outside without your trusted dark beanie.
The jeans had better be button-flied, blue, and holey
And I won’t turn away if you show a little mantie.
I swear your hair tells you “Don’t wash me!”
The girls really swoon when it’s all wild and messy.
Deep down we’re all hoping that you aren’t really smelly
And that we won’t get run off by Dean/Steve, your Security.

Everyone noticed you’re a pretty talented hottie
Especially when you strum your guitar and sing all mumbly.
Thanks to you some now think smoking is again way sexy
And you even have a segment called Robert is Bothered on Jimmy!

We REALLY love when you pose for mags like VF and Gentleman’s Quarterly
Even if you’re picking corn out of your teeth or wearing a horse blankie.
Sad Rob makes us sad and white, button down shirt, skinny tie Rob fills us with glee
But I’m not sure the world got the joke about your “allergy”.

It was time for you to do another movie
So off you went with a DILF to the Van-city.
While you were there you turned 23
And KStew’s life became a little less spicy.
But that had nothing to do with you, right Baby?!!
At least that’s what the execs at Summit try to tell me.

After that wrapped you went to New York City
And shot a somewhat different film called Remember Me.
There’s this guy named Tyler and a girl named Ally
I don’t remember much after the scene with spaghetti.
That’s a big fat lie cause then you get sweaty!
It was a crazy summer; some fangirls got rather fugly
For that I’m sorry and I really hope you didn’t get hit by that taxi.

You went back to the ‘Couve but there wasn’t much we could see
So we all settled in and waited impatiently for the eve of November Twenty.
A movie at midnight was a first for me
And you weren’t even in half of the damn movie!
But a little of YOU is better than none so 4 more times I would see
You in Grandpa’s tweed with a left nipple that’s a little wonky.

Your next project is/was Bel Ami
Which appears to have you with lots of Time comma Sexy.
THIS is full of Box Office WIN, trust Me
And I had no idea that 1890s Paris looked like present day Hungary.
Soon you will be in Cali shooting a movie about watering Rosie
Your love interest has played your Mummy
No, that’s not at all Uncle Rob creepy.
And your competition, even though he was a bad Nazi
In Inglorious Basterds, “That’s a Bingo!” is still pretty damn funny.
Team Rob will become Team JACOB Jankowski
Oh, the irony!!! Or not so much really….

After that… probably…. uhm…. most likely… maybe?
Will be the conclusion of Twilight with BD.
It all depends on what the director can do with CG
Did you know you’re going to have a weird ass baby???
What steps are you taking to become a Daddy?
I mean…. What steps are you taking to learn how to ACT like a Daddy?
Please be careful and get some freaking chemistry
You have no idea how much we are looking forward to Fade to Black Isle Esme.

But before that there’d better be a Leg Hitch in Eclipse we see!
Or the Fandom will revolt on this June Thirty.

Good Heavens this Ode sure is rambly.
And I haven’t even mentioned Pattinson Pant Lady!
In conclusion, Rob, we’d also like to thank Moon and UC
For showing us this acute fondness is not crazy, That’s Normal-cy!
XOXO – Me
But you know me as Keisha when I get all Commenty

Happy Weekend!!!

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44 Commented

Wait, Rob hasn’t read Breaking Dawn?

Dear Rob,

WAIT… esqueeze me one moment… YOU HAVEN’T READ BREAKING DAWN?! While I can understand loving Eclipse so much and just thinking it should have ended there… but you play EDWARD FREAKIN’ CULLEN! How have you not read Breaking Dawn?

You’ve read Midnight Sun for goodness sake, not even all the folks who have read the Twilight saga have read Stephenie’s alternate take on Twilight from Edward’s POV but you have! Yet you haven’t cracked Breaking Dawn.

You have LOADS of time on your hands… besides while you were actually filming the other three Twilight films what about all those 23948290347 plane flights you’ve been on or the set of Bel Ami? That looked like a real snooze fest. And what about all those free Saturday nights you told Oprah you have. Since you’re not hanging with me you have loads of time to run through all 756 pages. I got through it in a couple days WHILE on a business trip in 2008. So it’s definitely possible for you.

So I was thinking if you haven’t read Breaking Dawn and all you’ve really heard about is the Vampire C-Section than you’ve got a lot to catch up on and I’m just the person to help you out! Cause I definitely want you to go into filming prepared and knowing exactly what to expect…

• Edward and Bella have an old timey wedding in the backyard of the Cullens. Think high neck dresses. This of course means you and Kristen get to simulate having the sexy times on the big screen for all the Robsteners to salivate over and (fingers crossed) record bootleg videos to take home and turn into crazy grossgusting fan videos!

Please to be making it NOT sound like this:
[audio:http://letterstotwilight.com.s83451.gridserver.com/music/NewMoonPornKiss2.mp3]

• You know that kid BooBoo Stewart who plays a werewolf? Well Edward and Seth become like BFF’s in Breaking Dawn. So get ready for Bobo (Love ya KrazyKidd) to come knocking on your trailer at all times with his mom in tow looking for some twitter “exclusives” for @mammarazzi and Tiger Beat Magazine.

• Bella will be stronger than Edward Cullen – Yes that means you will have to act like Kristen Stewart’s skinny little chicken bone legs could crush your marble like face. Um woah, just reread that and I’m gonna let it stay. Reread that one Rob and try not to blush.

Basically this for hours on end

• Jacob and Leah will run around the Cullen house for at least half the movie – They will call this “running the perimeter” or “running patrols” it’s just an excuse for them to get away from all the lovey dovey Bella/Edward crap, the fact that Bella is having an alien demon baby and you whining about Bella having the baby.

• Edward makes Bella eggs on Isle Esme (the island designating for the deflowering) this means you need to learn more than operating a microwave or toaster and no you can’t substitute the filet o fish sandwich Big Daddy brings to set that day. No, Jacob isn’t in that scene and Taylor won’t be on set, but Big Daddy is a HUGE Robstener. He needs to see the magicness in person and not just in his head like he always imagined, so he will be lurking near the headboard with a greasy bag. Just ignore the fried fish smell. And the quiet moaning.

• Rosalie will bend metal into a dog dish – Yes, you must also pretend that Nikki Reed can bend a metal mixing bowl into a dog dish with her bare hands and those eye brows.

Yup, you guys

So do you feel like you’re prepared now? Are you ready to bring Edward to life again in Breaking Dawn? You having not read Breaking Dawn at this point seems almost unfathomable but I guess anything is possible and who really wanted the saga to end? I definitely dragged out reading Breaking Dawn as long as I could cause I didn’t want it to end but the time is now my friend, you will be playing Edward again very soon and it’s time to get prepared. I will give you my SIGNED copy of Breaking Dawn if you promise to keep the dried tear stains to a minimum or at least to the pages where Jacob and Leah are running the perimeter.

Breaking Your Dawn,
Themoonisdown

SRSLY, can you believe Rob hasn’t ready Breaking Dawn? I don’t know what I was so surprised, but really? What else can we tell Rob about BD that he doesn’t know yet?

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191 Commented

Mr. Choice vs. Mr. “Paddleston”

Dear Rob,

You might be surprised to hear that Mr. Choice tagged along for my west coast visit to see Moon and friends this week. He pretends to be annoyed by all the girltalk, Twi talk & Rob talk, but deep down I know he loves it. And for sure all the LTT/LTR girls love HIM. He’s become quite popular. It’s almost like “Rob WHO!?” Well, almost. Since Mr. Choice has been around all week and got to see Eclipse with us Tuesday evening, we’ve had some fun conversations. Here you can listen in on one of our most recent:

Mr. Choice: What’s up Twilight people. It’s only fair that I warn you all up front that my role in whatever we’re about to do will be incredibly boring. I’m far too sleepy to care about a 600 year old high school vampire who is mad at a 16 year old wolf…Consider yourselves warned
UC: Honey!!! We are supposed to be pretending that we’re having a casual conversation- my readers can’t know this shit is staged!
Mr. Choice: But I’m downstairs on the couch & you’re upstairs in Moon’s bed with her. This is SO freakin’ staged.
UC: We’re the only ones who know that! Now be sweet to my readers

UC: So….. you tweeted earlier that you’re officially Team Jacob
Mr. Choice: Yes and my mom left me a Facebook message asking, “Who is Jacob & what does it mean that you’re on his team”
UC: I’m asking the same thing…. So..  WHY? and I mean be honest….. is it because you think I touch myself to Edward Cullen? And you’re jelly jelly?
Mr. Choice: No, I know you do that, and I don’t care. Jacob is less melodramatic, a FAR better actor, gets better dialogue, is less awkward, less British and 1 billion times hotter
UC: okay first of all, Jacob is a character.. and he fixes cars.. he doesn’t ‘act’. Now Taylor Lautner on the other hand, he’s an actor…I didn’t ask what you thought of Rob vs. Taylor- I asked about Edward vs Jacob. and furthermore, Edward is RICH- you know how I’m into rich dudes
Mr. Choice: Fine…whatever…I can’t separate who they are as guys and who they are in the movie. Ugh- Edward Pattleston will be a janitor in like two years
UC: you sound bitter.
Mr. Choice: I hope he enjoys this time
UC: I thnk you’re jealous. First of all… Tay-cob looks like an alpaca. I’ll prove it:
Mr. Choice: That makes no sense to me
UC: Oh yeah? Look:

(also- can we get one of these!?)
Mr. Choice: That’s quite a bit of a stretch…Also, whoever brought that to your attention is a huge dork. I think sometimes Rob looks like your Aunt Summer
UC: My aunt with down syndrome!? HOW SO!?
Mr. Choice: He just does when he laughs loudly

More after the jump! Continue…

93 Commented

My Confession: Rob finally becomes Edward Cullen in Eclipse

*SPOILER ALERT! As if you would expect anything different after we’ve just seen Eclipse for the first time!*

Oh heeeeeey there Edward Cullen!

Dear Rob,

I have a confession to make: I’ve never truly thought of you as Edward Cullen. I know, right? A year and a half later and I’m just telling you this? Hear me out…  I’ve always thought of Edward Cullen from the books as a different person than the Edward Cullen you play in the films. Sure, they have the same name and share some of the same lines but there’s something about the book version and your portrayal that were just not the same to me. I can’t completely pinpoint why that is, it just is.

But tonight I think you got it. Or at least the beginnings of whatever IT is. While watching Eclipse for the first time there were moments when I watched you and I thought, wow he’s Edward Cullen right now, not just Rob playing Edward Cullen.

We should really protect your virtue, and this gold brocade bedding from any accidents

Like when Edward and Bella had the modernity talk on that blasted gold brocade bedspread about not wanting to have sex before marriage. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her and want to do such things it just went against his nature and how he was brought up and what time period his values and morals came from. I’m pretty sure I swooned hard with the talk about chaperoned walks and stolen kisses. Hey, I’m an Austen-Regency-era lover, I can’t help it.  And I even tried to block the image of Joshua Harris Kissing Dating Goodbye when you mentioned courting, but there was something just SO Edward Cullen about it all. A little bit old fashioned, a little bit shy, a little bit sweet and a whole lot of Edward all wrapped into one on that awful bedspread.

LET'S DO THIS!

Though there were many times your dialogue felt stilted and awkward, thought most of the time (and we’ll talk about this later) that awkwardness and stunted dialogue was between you and Kristin, you really did shine this time around. Even when your portrayal of him felt very outside of the book-Edward we know, for instance like when you got angry and shook Jacob or when you let Bella ride off with Jacob on the bike, though what was WAY outside of book-Edwards boundaries and character, it still felt like it could have been a possibility. And maybe you tapped into something that book-Edward was needing all along. A little more danger? A little more emotion? I don’t know but I was feeling it. Your whole performance and the movie as a whole was way more refined, way more drilled down than the previous films, less neon bug eyes and more soft around the edges.

Just thinking about "courting"

I’ve always wondered if Stephenie Meyer felt the same way about seeing actors portray characters she’d had in her mind long before any actor ever brought them to life on celluloid. Did you guys live up to those characters in her mind or are they two separate things. Maybe I’ll just have to call up our new BFF and pretend to be JK Rowling with a lost alternate ending to Harry Potter so she’ll take my call and see if she agrees with me.

But for tonight as we close in on 4am I’ll just say good job. Now to figure out when I can see the movie again and who I can send a letter to to ask the caterer to slip a Valium in yours and Kristen’s lunch of coffee and cigarettes before you film any scenes together in Breaking Dawn with dialogue. Help us.

Team Edward!
Themoonisdown

PS But seriously, Edward in the snowy mountain scene? You looked 3D or animated or CGI-ed into a snow globe (Snow Globeward?). We HAVE to talk about that some day.

SOOOO what’d you think? Have you seen IT yet?! Have you always pictures Rob at Edward Cullen or am I alone in this one?

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129 Commented