Run Away with me

Don’t act so surprised. Yes this is the 2nd post this week! I had a great letter submission to post! XO. Also… there seem to be non-muteable ads playing right now. We’re on it. For now mute your computer. Will be fixed soon xx

Dear Rob,

We’re both grown up. I’ve been a grown up longer than you, but I digress. With that label comes something very familiar – stress.  Now I realize that your stress and my stress is very different. I’m sure you worry about things like a long drive-thru line at In & Out Burger, a certain someone’s love of for black bras under white shirts, and I know you were very worried about women here on LTR . Me? Well, I worry about things like how many calories I just ate in a whole bag of Terra Vegetable Chips, what the ‘check engine’ light means, how much wine I have at home and who’s going to be the new Bachelor next season.

That’s why I run. Stress relief. I’ve run 3 marathons and I’m training for my next race. I want you to run with me. Here are the reasons:

1.  I want to see your wonky legs in running shorts. Oh my.  Be warned – I may chase you. A nice sleeveless running shirt, running hat and shades? Yes please.  Proper running attire makes for a faster pace and longer endurance. I beg you – leave the fou-fou white vest and cream linen pants in the forest where it belongs.

2. I live near the most beautiful beach.  We could take an early morning run along the shoreline, then frolic (I’ve always wanted to frolic with you) in the surf. We can indulge in hot dogs and cheese fries from the beach shack restaurant. Since we just finished a run, there’s no guilt. I know sand will stick to our feet, so we’ll have to use the outdoor showers to rinse off. It would be a struggle, but I’d muddle through.

3. I am very aware you smoke. I’ll admit I usually find photos of you and a fag quite  HAWT. (Wife beater? Cigarette? One of my favorite shots EVER.) But in all seriousness, you should stop smoking. Now. It’s really terrible for you but since I’m not your mom and I can’t make you–I’m sure Clare has tried to get you to stop at no avail–the least I can do is get the blood flowing though those lungs. Now I know there’s lots of very interesting ways this could be done, but a good 5-mile run is always a perfect way to start the endorphins. Who knows what would happen the rest of the day.  Breathe in…breathe out.

4. Dean looks like a great guy, but don’t you ever want to lose him for just a little while?  He doesn’t strike me as a runner.  You don’t need him on a run – *I* would hand you your water bottle. I bet I could do just as good of job as Dean.  He can stay home and whip us up some delicious recovery smoothies.

5. Bear would LOVE it. He looks like a dog who would love a good run.  He may even find a squirrel. He could scare away the paparazzi. (similar, but not the same as a squirrel).  We’ll teach him to growl and sneer at anyone with a lens cap.  This may be necessary since Dean isn’t with us.

How about I bring ALL these puppies?

Now that our run is done, I want to celebrate. How? I’ve got the perfect conclusion to our run —   I want to see the real Jumping Rob recreated in my pool. Bring on the black boxer briefs!!

Call me. My Asics are waiting, so lace up your shoes and let’s get started! I know you’ll feet better and less stressed. You’ll thank me later. 😉

Love,
Brenn

Love it, Brenn! And this inspires me to inspire YOU all to write us more letters with these theme: Doing a HOBBY with ROBBY. Yep… it’s about time we had a new LTR theme around here. So what do you think? Got a HOBBY for you and ROBBY you can write to us about? Great- send it to letterstotwilight@gmail.com.

And just so you know, when I’m having a bad day or just need a new laugh, I always change my Facebook profile picture to this:

Click me to make me your wallpaper

from one of Moon’s Best LTRs ever!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

11 Commented

Rob is probably in Sweden today. And this is why…

If you remember back in the glory days of LTR (ps I miss those days) we would occasionally teach Rob about holidays he wasn’t familiar with. Some of my favorites in the series were written by Zees84 like Rob gets Hebrew-schooled and The one where Zees explains Chanukah to Rob (and not just because I got ao photoshop a yamaka on Rob) Well last year MariaCecilia emailed us about Valpuris night but I responded too late. This year I remembered (cuz she reminded me) and so here without further ado is an explanation of a holiday made for Rob. Because all you do is drink:

Dear Rob,

No, Rob. You don't have to wear your yamaka. (Yes. I just wanted to post this picture again)

Today is April 30th– a holiday I’m sure you’re familiar with- Valpuris Night. And if you’re not, well, I’m here to tell you: This should really interest you, since the central theme of this fine holiday is to get drunk as early as possible in the day and then stay drunk through the next 24 hours. (It’s really supposed to be about greeting spring and scaring winter off with fires or something like that, but nobody remembers anymore.)

April 30 in my hometown is the only day of the year when there are people milling around the city center with an open beer in their hand and a plastic bag filled with the day’s stash of alcohol in their other hand from 10 in the morning. Mostly it’s students, but there are also quite a number of teenagers and middleaged people joining in. Do the police here have a different policy to public drinking than they do in the US or Britain, you may ask? No, but let’s face it, with the city centre swarming with tens of thousands of local and visiting drunks and a police force in the hundreds, you have to focus on the important parts, like arresting the violent ones, rescuing the unconscious, and carting the 13 to 17-year-olds you find drunk home to their (hopefully sober) parents.

So this is how you do it: The day begins at around 8am with a champagne breakfast at a friend’s house. Strawberries are traditional with the champagne, but don’t be surprised if you are served hot oatmeal too. Disgusting or not, that is also part of the tradition here. After all, if you’re going to stay on your feet all day, you will need the energy!

Yes. You're allowed to get drunk with your red-headed cousin again

After breakfast you move to the city centre, with your plastic bag and beer firmly in your hands, and battle the crowds for a front row place close to the river. At 10 o’clock the traditional student river race begins: carried by the spring flood, students from different student clubs compete on rafts they have constructed in the preceding week. The more fanciful, the better: imagine floats in a parade, but on the river. Naturally, quite a few of them collapse going down the rapids, but that’s all part of the fun and games. Hopefully the champagne hasn’t gone to your head, because you need to look out for enthusiastic people throwing eggs and firecrackers around: all in festive spirits of course. Please buy me a balloon on the way, ‘cause this is one of the few occasions when there are balloon salesmen walking around town. A silver heart or a unicorn would be nice, thank you!

Afterwards, it’s time to head out for your next date with friends: the traditional herring lunch. At another friend’s house, you are served pickled herring, boiled potatoes, hardboiled eggs, sour cream and chives, hard bread and cheddar cheese, and everything that goes with a herring lunch. With lots of schnapps and beer, of course! And for every schnapps you drink you learn a new song, since toasts are done with singing in this country. (You won’t know a single song, so I suggest you just move your lips and shout “Skål!” at the end of it. I do that all the time. )

Sure Drunk Rob. You can show up looking like Johnny Depp

Reeling slightly, you need to get a move on again around 2.30, to be able to make it to the traditional donning of student caps outside the University library downtown. The traffic has been redirected since the hill outside the library is now packed with thousands of people, waiting for the Rector Magnificus of the University to step out onto the balcony with his prominent guests, and at exactly 3 o’clock put his student cap on his head. (You can borrow mine, and no one will think it strange if it doesn’t fit. After all, there are people in their seventies here, sporting student caps yellow with age, and your head probably grew bigger after graduation, right?)

The action on the balcony is a sign for everyone else to wave their caps, shout Hurrah and put them on. Tradition now requires you to turn around and run all the way down the Castle hill, but since we are thousands packed tightly together we will hopefully manage to move at a dignified pace, milling down together towards the city centre, without having anyone throw up on us or get trampled to death. This is probably the point where I lose my balloon.

Now we head to one of the student clubs, where there will be music, dancing and champagne at 3.15. Unfortunately, some people think that the champagne should be sprayed around instead of served in plastic mugs, so there is a chance you will get more soaked than before, unless you brought a raincoat. When you have got your fill, and unless you need to go home and change, we are then heading out to one of the major parks in town, where you will find your friends on a blanket with more beer and a disposable grill. The rest of the afternoon until early evening will be spent drinking and eating sausages with potato salad and drunk people watching.

Yeah... we pretty much assumed you'd be bringing Tom and reenacting THIS picture..

If you’re lucky, you have a ticket to one of the student balls this evening, the most prestigious one takes place in the Castle itself and is hosted by the University choir, but there are plenty of student clubs, so I’m sure we’ll get you in somewhere. Since I would love to see you in tails, I vote for the Castle, where there will be a three-course meal and dancing to a live band afterwards, if you are still able to stand up. Keep some cash on hand for the bar!

If we don’t get in, however, we can at least go see one of the Valpurgis fires that are lit around 8 o’clock on different spots on the outskirts of town, usually with someone making speeches hailing spring and choirs singing, fireworks and more firecrackers. Then we rush back to the Castle to catch the traditional concert outside the Castle by the University choir, singing songs to spring, after the tolling of the University bell outside the Castle at 9 o’clock. By now you may have run out of beer, and we need to buy some more off some disreputable character out of the trunk of his car, or tag along with friends who still got some.

We will spend the rest of the night going from party to party, or just hanging around downtown trying to get in somewhere, acting like the crazy belligerent drunks we are. We will probably fall asleep in the grass of a public park among the trash of the day, and wake up at 7, wet and cold from the dew, to stagger home through a town where the clean-up crews are working hard to prepare the town for the more sober 1st of May celebration with demonstrations and political speeches. Hopefully none of us will get mugged, beat up or raped, if we keep away from the darkest part of the parks after midnight, where the police and charity organizations try to keep an eye out for helpless drunks in danger.

And then we spend the 1st of May nursing our hangovers, which is also traditional, and something I’m sure you feel familiar with. Let’s have our Spring fling and share my Valpurgis party with me, Rob!

Love MariaCecilia

Think we’ll get anything GOOD out of Rob being in Vancouver for reshoots?  Maybe he’ll hang out by that church again? You know the one!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

8 Commented

What makes someone a “True” Rob Fan?

As Breaking Dawn & Rob hysteria is winding down, I’ve been pondering my “acute fondness” for all things Rob & Beaspoon’s letter came at the perfect time!

Is this what a true Rob Fan looks like?

Dear Rob,

So I met a new friend a little while back–we’re talking JUST before Breaking Dawn came out. We’re sipping coffee together while our kids run mad circles around us and she mentions that she’s just started reading “those vampire books” and have I heard of them? Have I HEARD of them? I start laughing, perhaps a little maniacally, and sort of shrug and say, “Yeah, I’ve read them. I’m pretty much Robert Pattinson’s biggest fan.” And she starts going on about how cute you are and how she didn’t even know who you were until she saw the Twilight movies and blah blah blah. The whole time I am thinking, in my head (because that’s where most of my thoughts should stay, lol), “She thinks SHE’S a fan? Ha. No. No way. She can not possibly be even half the fan that I am, I mean I’ve been a fan of Rob’s since….GASP!” All of a sudden it hits me, I am literally speechless as I realize,

What if I’m not REALLY a true Rob fan?

I mean, I know I’m enough of a fan to have seen every movie you’ve ever been in, even the weird, creepy early ones. I know that I’m enough of a fan to write letters to you on a Robfan website that actually get published sometimes (that’s pretty batshit crazy, right there!). I know that I read waaay too much fanfiction and you are the star in every single one. I know that I don’t really care at all about “Edward,” it’s Rob that I am nuts about. But there are some pretty gaping holes in my fan stats, if I’m being honest. I didn’t even succumb to the Twilight madness until the summer of 2009, which is well past the initial craze–all 4 books were published and the first movie was already out on DVD, and I had never even heard of Robert Pattinson. I didn’t start reading fanfic until the fall, and I didn’t discover LTR and Robsessed until then either. I’m not really an active member of the fandom, I just lurk and occasionally post or jump in when there is drama, lol. I don’t watch every single interview you give (who really has time for that?–I know, shoot me!) and don’t read a lot of the articles about you because, quite frankly, a lot of them are crap. So what gives? Am I not really a “true” fan?

I’ve decided that I need to give my new friend the benefit of the doubt. So she just discovered you, so what? She’s one more person who understands your appeal, and even if it took her longer to notice you, she’s still a fan. I might not have been a fan from the very beginning, but I still sing your praises daily. I write you these silly letters, and my husband knows that should I ever actually meet you and you choose to ignore the fact that I am a 5-foot-tall, chubby, 30-something mom of 2 with stretch marks and a perma-ponytail and fall madly in love with me at first sight…well, it will be ON like Donkey Kong. How’s that for being a true fan?

Still crazily yours,
Beaspoon

PS–Love love love the beard. Scruff looks so good on you. And definitely keep wearing more deep V’s. That is all. 🙂

SO what do you think? What makes a TRUE Rob Fan? Such a relevant question with all the hate being spewed across the internet lately (ps I just got lost in a 10 minute nonsten/robsten tumblr-fest. I had to step away. That shizz is crazy) Do you have to be pro-Robsten to be a TRUE Rob Fan? Can you be a NEW Rob fan and still be TRUE? Does a true Rob fan agree with how he looks & what he does or says 100% of the time?

(You know my answers to the above, right? No you don’t have to be Robsten OR Nonsten. Yes you can be a new fan. and NO you don’t have to love him 100% of the time!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

40 Commented

The First Time Seeing Rob

I know I know. There are SO many new interviews. SO many new videos SO MUCH NEW CRAP TO TALK ABOUT (Moon saw Rob this weekend, TOO- Go read LTT) But I haven’t had ANY time to read or watch any of it. Isn’t there a place that recaps all that crap for me? Oh right.. that’s what LTR is for. I’m the recapper. Crap. Anyway, here is a story from an LTT/LTR friend in Sweden that reminded me of MY first time seeing Rob, 2 years ago this Fall!

Dear Letters To Rob:

Confession time. This is the True Story of my big night with Ashley and Rob.

Once upon a time there was news on the Internet that Rob and Ashley were coming to Sweden for the first time, on their Breaking Dawn European tour, to participate in a Fan event four weeks from now. Breathless and dazzled I realised that this was my Great Chance of being in the same room (okay, make that sports arena) with Robert Pattinson!

On the appointed day, I got up at 5.30 to be first in line for the queue to the place where they were handing out free tickets in my home town. I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell I would get a VIP ticket, since they were only handed out in Stockholm, and there people had been lining up three days in advance. Unlike some I DO have a full time job, and a family. *huffing*

Clutching the tickets in my sweaty little hands, I danced home, until it struck me a couple of days later “Hey, I actually write for a teenage magazine!” Shouldn’t I be able to get some kind of press credentials for this event?? So after talking to my editor and getting her go ahead, I chased the powers-that-be and on the morning of the event I finally got the go-ahead. Yay! I quickly gave away my tickets to a couple of deserving teenage girls, wrangling a promise that they would let me interview them later, and took off for Stockholm dressed in my cool black leather jacket and boots, on the off chance that Rob and Ashley would notice me in a crowd of 9000. (Hope springs eternal..)

After sitting in on an interview with a group of teenage girls, being conducted by some university researchers who were writing a book about Twilight (yeah, sure, I saw the gleam in her eyes when she gushed about visiting Forks and living in the “real Cullen house” in Portland: university or no university, that researcher is a closet fan too..) I headed over to the arena, and stood around in the cool October wind stomping my feet and watching the girls who had been hanging around since Wednesday with pity, as we waited for the event manager to remember to come and collect the press gang.

FYI: The bad stereotypical Swedish jokes + Rob are the creation of UC and NOT the Swedish writer.

Then we were all ticked off one by one by a guy with a slick-back and a red tie (ewww), given cool press badges and conducted onto the red carpet where we would get the chance to interview all the artists and the Swedish celebrities invited to this event. No, no, Rob and Ashley would do a red carpet entrance later in the arena for the VIP ticket holders, no one else. *sigh*

So then I spent 3 hours standing around, chatting to some girls from a local TV station who were Twi fans too, interviewing arriving celebrities like the prime minister’s wife about her thoughts on Twilight (funny, all the celebrities stuttered and stared and mumbled something about “well, it’s really my kids who talked me into coming..” Cowards!) and then asking the fans why they liked Twilight so much. (“The guys are SO handsome!” Yeah, right, I got that part.)

FINALLY we were let into the arena, and I quickly staked out a place close to the stage where I reckoned Rob and Ashley would be sitting and planted my feet in between two short thirteen-year-olds and right behind two TALL teenagers with squishy pony tails that tended to strike me in the face whenever they bounced. Oh well. I was kind of appalled to notice that hundreds of seats remained un-occupied throughout the event, since I knew that there were girls all over Scandinavia pining for a ticket. Not fair. Well, if they’d known what they were really in for, maybe they would have been less keen..?

And then we were in for a LONG wait, comprising “entertainment” by one hit wonders chosen for their appeal to teenage girls, and lame jokes by the morning radio hosts elected to host this event for unclear reasons, asking us at least ten times if we were looking forward to “actually being in the actual same room as Robert Pattinson?”. Duh, dude. Next question. By this time my back was hurting like crazy, and I was seriously regretting skipping lunch AND dinner. It would be kind of humiliating to be carried out fainting even before Rob had even entered the building, no?

We watched a ten-minute reel of clips from BD – twice, since Rob and Ashley apparently took longer to get from their hotel than expected. (Couldn’t you just hang out in the arena before time, or did grooming actually take you like, hours, guys?) – and finally had to endure the humiliation of collective singing and listening to one of the radio hosts improvising a song with his guitar just to fill out the time. (Rob, where are you when we need you?)

Will she see them? Find out more.. After the Jump(ing Rob)

Continue…

24 Commented

LTR reader Elle wonders if she’s getting over Rob

Dear Rob,

I have a few things I need to get off my mind before this gets so far out of hand even your British accent and the way you say “fawt” (fart) can’t rescue me.

Oh really? You think you might be over, ME? (ignore my goatee)

Up until the last week or so, you’ve been missing, hiding, away from the public eye, taking walks with that one chick in the middle of the night where nobody can see you… whatever you’re nowhere to be seen; you get the point. And I knew this right? But I kept holding my breath in anticipation for the next LTR post. (Well not holding my breath, but definitely checking my phone every single morning at 6 am) And if one is waiting for me I get my fix and go about my day.

However, every so often (this is the hard part) I find myself thinking “is this guy REALLY that important that I actually spend more time stalking the web to find out anything about him longer than I take putting my kids to bed? Am I getting “over” him? Kind of like I got over my Michael Jackson obsession way back in the day. Is this obsession with this guy so far out of my element that I’m actually starting to be realistic?”

And Rob, I seriously start to get mad at myself because I start to think that I’ve just wasted 2 years of my life. Usually the light turns green at this point and I make the right to get on the highway and it’s just a “moment”. [I know what you’re thinking Rob, All of those thoughts at a stop light?] The worst part is I feel guilty for thinking that way. It’s borderline pathetic Rob.

Remind me again who you think you're getting over?

Then the rest of my day goes by with the usual routine. Read letter from LTR, go to YouTube and find out the last time you “fawted” (!), And that’s actually not far from the truth. I do laundry, clean (sometimes..well rarely) play Farmville, check out what the bitch I graduated with 20 years ago is making for dinner on Facebook, and make dinner.. you know, all the shit a housewife does.

Wow! I feel like a weight has been lifted. I said it. Sometimes I think you’re wasting my time Rob.  More importantly though,How do you feel about it?

What if you woke up tomorrow and we were all gone? What if every blog, every letter & every screaming tween plus your other fans (of more “normal” ages) stopped camping out a week before you get somewhere just to see your left cheek. What if every twitter ever tweeted about you came to a hault. What would happen if we all just kind of remembered you from that one Harry Potter movie, and the obsession just ended, like it never exsisted.

You? Getting over ME? Good luck with that...

Would this effect you Rob? Would you be relieved? Would you have turned down that one low budget movie that you hadn’t read anything about except for the character’s name called Edward? I know, I know if it wasn’t for the fans..yada yada. But I’m genuinely wondering if you would rewind the time and do it differently. Do you sometimes feel like we’re wasting our time on you? Do you care? Let me know, because I think it would close a lot of doors and give me some peace of mind if I knew that you either loved us or could give 2 shits about us. And by us I mean the “normal Robsessed people” not the really truly “screw loose Robsessed people”

That is all,

Elle

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

36 Commented