Robert Pattinson goes to College?

(Rob, I’m gone for the next 2 weeks and while I know you’re crying into your In N Out it’ll be ok! I’ve got all your favorite pals to write you letters while I’m away! Today Lindelle tells us why you should have gone to college! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

You lead a pretty charmed life. You probably make more money in a month of filming than I’ll make in my lifetime. And I’ll bet you always get to the front of the line at Olive Garden with Taylor, instead of having to wait 2 hours like us mere mortals. But I’m not jealous … well, not too jealous anyways. You know why? One word: College.

Rob, in your quest for an acting career, you skipped over some of the best times of your life! Now I know lots of people don’t go to college, but here in the states it’s pretty common, and those 4 years are made for people with your interests: Beer, music, studying beer, bars, reading pretentious books, late nights, beer, concerts, movies, bar tours, vodka, friends, microwaves, and you guessed it – more beer. Lots of actors decide to go back for some higher education after awhile (the lovely Emma Watson comes to mind), so I thought I’d let you know from my own college experience why you too should get schooled, Rob.

  • Wouldn’t you like a taste of anonymity for once? My alma mater has about 45,000 students at its main campus. That’s 45,000 people all wearing old band t-shirts, holey jeans, sweatshirts with the hood up, and sunglasses, while walking down a sidewalk so crowded it’s like spawning salmon returning to their native waters. No one would even look twice at you! I’ll take it one step farther: Throw on a North Face jacket and a black backpack, and you will be virtually invisible in the crowd. (Except to an LTR girl. But don’t worry, they’re super.) You can walk to class texting TomStu on the jitterbug with no fear of paparazzi. And even if one shows up, just yell out “He works for [insert hated rival school name here]!!” and – voila! – an instant stampede of rabid, 7 foot jocks will take.him.down.

  • Speaking of jocks, you watch sports, right? Even if you can’t throw a basketball to save your life? (Yeah, I don’t believe you that you’re dominating there, RobArt! Nice try.) Well, I personally don’t feel that you’ve lived until you’ve been to a state school football game. Do you have tailgating over there in Barnes? You want a recipe for a good time? Take 100,000+ people drinking heavily, barbecuing, and drinking heavily while barbecuing, then cram them into a stadium together. Dean and Dick would love it! Look at this and tell me this isn’t something you want to be a part of:

  • Everyone will excuse you for showering as little as possible, because dorm bathrooms are GROSS. When Clare complains that she can smell you from a kilometer away (she still hasn’t renounced the metric system despite all her time in the U.S. – be strong Clare!) just tell her that they’re 10 times worse than Tyler’s nasty-ass bathroom in Remember Me. She’ll understand. That’s what Febreze is for.
  • Two words: dorm microwaves. What could be better than knowing wherever you go in your room, the Hot Pocket cooker is only a max 10 feet away? Heaven!
  • Homework avoidance would be easy for you. Just give any assigned group project members your classic “eff me eyes” and they’ll be falling all over themselves to do your work for you … guys included. Then you’re free to play Frogger on your graphing calculator all through the lecture, while they painstakingly write in British slang using their downloaded Robert Pattinson font.

  • But I’m saving the best for last. After all your studying/exams/papers/finals/part-time jobs/lab reports TomStu texting, you’ll need a break. And you won’t be lacking for break activity in college. There are dive bars around every corner. You can even warble “I’ll Be Your Lover Too” at karaoke night if you’d like! Or relax at the hookah lounge with the Britpack. But leave the Heineken behind, ’cause here you’ll be drinking Natty Light like the rest of the poor folks (blech!)

So Rob, I hope I’ve made my case. Bring it on over to a giant state university and have the time of your life! I can even give you a private tour of my old dorm/an empty classroom/the cafeteria dumpster campus.

Go State!

Don’t forget about : While Moon was Gone

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65 Commented

Open Weekend Post Hosted by: Rob and the American Football Team!

Dear Rob,

When I heard you utter the words that you might be more interested in the American Football/Soccer team than the English one, I knew it was a good sign for the USA/Ghana game today! Who wasn’t pumped up by that last minute goal by Landon Donovan and then the total dog pile as they celebrated. This is how I imagine you and Tom celebrating when you find another package of Hot Pockets in the back of the freezer after you thought you’d eaten the last one. PARTY!

BUUUUTTTT if they don’t win I’m going to call you bad luck and ban you from being the wallpaper on the same phone as my Vuvuzela app.

Go USA and go Rob for admitting to following the USA team!

PS I hope you really are related to Dracula, that would just make my day.

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24 Commented

The road to the World Cup also leads to Rob!

*Dear Rob, sometimes we get letters to you that are disguised as letters to us.. and since it’s about the World Cup, which starts today, I thought you wouldn’t care…*

So tell us Stephenie, does Rob read LTR every day or every other hour?

Hello there Moon and UC,

Firstly I am still so excited about your BIG news! There is absolutely no way in Hale that SMeyers picked you two out at random! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll be able to film it. You two can be shrouded in darkness like on those must ‘protect the witness in an interview ‘style programmes… BUT there are more pressing matters because today…

Something big is happening. It’s overshadowing every aspect of everyday real life, it follows you everywhere! Our whole society closes down and gathers at the nearest Pub with a large screen TV to witness it. No not the release of Eclipse…but that’s a close-call though. It’s not the MTV Movie Awards. It’s the 2010 FIFA World Cup. And it starts today: June the 11th. It rivals the ‘United Nations of I wanna bang Rob’ in the ability to bring the world together, it’s that good.

I don’t know if Americans get football yet? Maybe/ And when I say football I’m talking Soccer, ‘cept its called Football.


Anyway, your team USA must be getting pretty good, you’re in the tournament, and in the same group as England. We play each other June 12th. In fact I’m reckoning you could possibly even beat us. Which is so true to our form as seasoned under-achievers. That slow-clap picture you used last week was our former captain John Terry balling his little eyes out at our last exit. On penalties. Yet again.

Here’s my point, Finally. Whilst speculating on teams/players with friends this past weekend, I was once again reminded of Rob. The official England song for 1990 was possibly the best of all time. It was also the last time England got freakin ANYWHERE. It gets played all the time over here. It has the ability to give everyone goosebumps, one of my friends even Youtubed from his phone, and lo and behold everything reminded me of Rob.

It’s all there: Ray bans, Mullets, wonky legs, Lily Allen’s dad!

(Not really the last one. But I know, it’s #Random!)

Oh my god. There is truly no hope for me. I kind of love this but also despair at myself.

Love and Sparkles
Goodgirl Gone Plaid.x.o.
PS Praying for No penalties!

Express yourself! Create the space!

Dear Rob,

After having watched the video GoodGirl sent us, I think I truly understand you. Your entire life, your persona, your style has been based off this video and song. I’m sure this video and the ’90 team from England made a really big impact on you. Sporty Englishmen singing about “expressing yourself” while juggling balls all the while a floating head in Ray Bans sings “express yourself, create the space, you know you can win” next to a wall of beefy man legs running after balls probably explains a lot more than we want to think about.

I’m glad you’re kindred spirits with a man who sports a wicket mullet and buzz cut hair combo, but I still gotta say it: we’re gonna wipe the floor with your team! SUCK IT ROB! SORRY! It’s not that I care so much or even know everything there is to know about Soccer (yup, most of us call it that here), it’s that I’m American and we love nothing more than to dominate at sporting events especially when it’s on a world level and the team bears our countries name. You know us and patriotism.

Wait, this isn't football!

That being said, I do want to clear up some rumors. Though most Americans call it Soccer and though it’s not our countries most popular sport we know A LOT about it. This country loves itself some Soccer, just drive by a park on a Saturday morning and you’ll see hundreds of kids playing soccer for the Y or their city league. I should know, I grew up playing the sport and still love to play it or kick the ball around for fun.

I know LA has a pretty big group of residents from other countries and I know a lot of them gather to watch Soccer matches, getting shit faced at the pub at 10 in the morning because of the time difference between here and wherever games are being played that day. I hope you’re one of them this week or at least find some other English folks to hang out with as America hands your team it’s ass. BOOYAH!!!


PS Seriously U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!! Slow chant with me people!

Ok so who’s gonna break the World Cup down for us? EDUCATIONAL MOMENTS! Goodgirl got us started, lets keep going with predictions, what will Rob be doing during this? Who’s going to any games… and GOOO!!! This is your time for unabashed nationalism!

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144 Commented

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