My first date with Robert Pattinson

Dear Rob-

I was reading through the comments from yesterday’s post and was astonished that so many people thought they had 0 chance of ever meeting you/shagging you but, I am quite delusional the opposite because not only do I think I WILL meet you, and you WILL fall madly and stupidly in love with me, I actually already have our first date all planned out in my head! See, I plan ahead! This is one of the things you will grow to love about me. I know. So thanks girls who are giving up, more Rob for me!


You see after I saw this little video I knew we were meant to be… so when you’ve got a free night here’s the plan…

8:00 you pick me up at my place and I fear for my life as you drive to the restaurant. You dodge 3 cats and an old lady. I pray to god we make it… “I’d never given much thought to how I would die… but dying in the place of someone you love seems like a good way to go”

8:17 we make it. barely. the near death experience has given us the shakes so we immediately order some booze to make all those bad memories disappear

8:32 two bottles of wine later we drunkenly gaze at each other as we FEEL that “special spark” between us ignite. We shoo the waitress away who keeps asking us to order

8:32.5 we call waitress back over to order another bottle of wine

8:47 we realize this “special spark” just can’t be contained anymore and we lunge for each other and then realize PDA might not be appropriate in this venue at the owner tells us to “get the H-word out you sicko’s! There are kids around!”

8:48 we stumble to the car laughing and procede to SPECIAL HUG in the backseat like a couple 16 yr olds at lovers lane on prom night

8:52 (let’s keep it real here girls, 4 minutes is probably generous) spent, drunk and hungry we roll over to In-n-Out

9:01 Order cheeseburgAHs and eat them in the dark of the parking lot before we special hug again

See ya at 8!

1,274 Commented

Hello there darlings!

Dear UC-

Well this is quite a turn of events isn’t it? I’m usually the one being written to and here I am writing you on Moon’s behalf since there’s been SO much speculation on where she could possibly be after last night… so i’m here to tell you she is uh, ‘out of commission’ for right now. Apparently all her muscles gave out from such intense use last night even her typing/texting fingers were incapacitated that she asked me to send you a message:

She is more than alright.

She is spectacular if I do say so myself.

As you can see from the pictures today I made her stay home and recoup while I ran around LA. Last minute errands you know, fittings, picking up dry cleaning (my two shirts), pink berry runs for moon, etc.

Also she says to stay tuned to tomorrow morning’s post so that she can fully express what she’s feeling through someone else’s video. You’ll see.

Until then… all her love. And mine!
(on behalf of Moon)

PS she says this is her “music message” for you…


58 Commented

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