We’re back and we break down the (hairless) elephant in the room

Dear Rob,

We’ve finally come to terms with what you did and we’re ready to deal with it. Of course we’re referring to the fact you adopted a dog instead of a cat…………… Kidding we’re talking about your hair. DUH. I love dogs.

Let’s break it down!

Avert your eyes

The one about HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!
Moon: here’s the thing either somehow he got cursed in the last month or some of his dude friends cut it for him when they were drunk cause buzzed hair rob in dec 2009 (sad i know the date) was NOT BAD!! like it was cute! but this… oh this… it just looks WEIRD like how do you make him look bad? by doing THAT
Moon: its like when sam was buzzing it he decided to invent a new hairline too
UC: I have to admit i saw one picture.. Wait back up I heard about it cuz it was revealed where.. Golden Globes? i saw the tweets I heard the screams… etc. etc.
Moon: people’s choice awards
UC: and i was like “What is the big deal.. it’s hair.. i bet it’s fine…”  and so I didn’t look
Moon: i mean some people like it… i also dont think theyre telling the truth but ya know
UC: and then…. I looked AND IT WAS HORRIBLE I mean… HORRIBLE

UC: you’re right. Buzz cut of 2009 (i remember the day I saw that- is that sad? Don’t answer that) was fine. drastic different sure we DID just have the greasy but sometimes delightful sex hair but it was fine THIS however is atrocious I don’t even care what anyone says
Moon: something is just wrong i cant put my finger on it. nor do i want to
UC: Like… it’s a military buzz cut right? one of our hot tub delivery guys just got one. he looks pretty smokin’
UC: Chattum tanning can give ME a military buzz cut he looks so dayum fine… but ROB? ROB looks ….

Why’d I do this to myself!? I don’t know… wanna do it?

The one where I come up with the test
Moon: ok here’s the test
Moon: you’re at a bar. you’ve had ONE drink… ron comes up to chat with you (cause that happens) buys you ONE MORE drink… then wants to knock the boots. REMINDER he has that hair… Would you still DO HIM???
Moon: HONESTLY
UC: wait… it’s ROB?
UC: like ROB pattinson just with horrible hair? or does he just look like Rob (used to look) with bad hair is he wearing a hat? with a beanie? maybe even a dr. suess hat? I might do it if he had a dr. seuss hat
Moon: NO! rob with this hair. its ron night of peaples coice awards hair, same outfit. nothing can change.
UC: ew
UC: omg
UC: ummm
Moon: THIS GUY
Hey you, me… wanna go?
UC: how drunk am I?
Moon: two drinks. only one on ron’s tab
UC that’s not very drunk- i have a high tolerance so far in 2012
Moon: exactly
UC: omg… i mean.. he does not look good but it’s Rob ya know?
Moon: no he doesn’t. but the memories remain???
UC: i think…
UC: like he has elf ears
Moon: his ears make him look like one of those scotch fold cats
UC: I think…. as long as his breath doesn’t smell like stale beer, I’d probably be all in. I mean… he’d STILL have a british accent
Moon: true, he does.

It’s sooo haaard to say goodbyeee to yesterdaaaay

Moon: and he’d still be rob from gq days
UC: and a small 93 beat-up BMW to whisk me away in… right.. i bet under the cover he IS that guy (actually i don’t bet that at all…. i’ve written about it many a time)
Moon: oh THAT TOO! how could i forget
Moon: if you suggested i bet he’s even spring for in n out on the way home
UC: i could make my animal style joke I’ve been saving for him…. (‘can we do it animal style”)
Moon: HA *rim shot*
UC: thank you…. i’ll be here all week
Moon: SEE even looking like that we would still do it. THIS IS WHY HE DOES THIS STUFF!!! he can get away with it he can get it in and look like a vagrant
Moon: so youre down with having sex with a scotch fold earred ron…
. 

See even this isn’t that bad!

The one where we find out how easy I am
UC: what about YOU?
Moon: oh, i was in from drink one
UC: hahhaa
Moon: i mean at this point… come on!
UC: so you’re saying if he showed up to one of your NEW hot events you’re throwing at your NEW hot job….you’d be lik e”he- nice to meet you, here’s my card, lets get it on. just let me say bye to my boss?”
Moon: EXACTLY what id say
Moon: peace out suckers or even hey here’s an empty table we can do it under we dont even need to leave the event KLASSY. hahahahah
UC: employee of the year
Moon: yup
Moon: sparkling water still counts as water right?
UC: haha

Hey guys, anyone have a hot pocket?

Moon: this is what rob looks like now
Moon: the ears
UC: hahahahahahahahhaa
UC: Id DEF do Rob if he looked like that
UC: anddddd i just admitted to wanting to do a cat
UC: great
Moon: HAHAHAAHAH you’re into bestiality.
Moon: and scene

Ok Rob, so that’s how we feel about it… weeks later. But I’m sure you knew what we’d say. Since it has been a few weeks hopefully I’ll casually bump into you in the produce section of Von’s and your hairs will have grown out to a respectable length and we can them thump melons together. In bed. IfyouknowwhatImsayin. You do.

YAY! ROB! We’re back!
Themoonisdown

PS Now I MUST INSIST you make it over to LTT today because you will DIE. Simply die it’s that good.

Yes, the hair. What say you? I mean do you HONESTLY like it??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

44 Commented

Rob Shave His Head? Whaaaa?

Well what the HALE do we have here?

Dear Rob,

Did you shave half of your big ol head? If not, I am very confused because from different angles it looks like you either got into a hair cutting fight or you have a secret case of alopecia. OOOORRRR your rumored male pattern baldness got out of control on the Comospolis set, so you took to wearing an Eric Packer wig while this is what’s been under that fabulous hair doo all this time.

Ok, so maybe there are more rational explanations for this new look than the disease that Kaitlin from the OC’s horse had. Or maybe Nikki Reed was moving again and needed more boxes and your help…

• Did you lose a bet with Dean on how many pairs of underwear and hotel keycards would be left at your trailer? You guessed 9 and Dean guessed 910239124344. He won by not going over. You lost and felt the cold steel of a clipper on your noggin.

• You bet Sam Bradley that his moles had not moved his you last saw him. He bet they did. You lost, they moved 2 inches. To be closer to the hoop earring.

• You bet your non existent publicist that Star/OK/Gossip Cop/E!/Robsten/Nonsten people would not come up with any crazy stories about you and your personal life during filming. You bet no. Your non existent publicist won. Do you even read this site??? Do you even get DM’s from Gossip Cop? No? You’re better off.

You missed like 23 spots

• You bet us that you could explain the origins of the bear skin rug, Dick, Jumping Rob, Big Daddy and Jorts using LTR/LTT  faster than we could. We lost… you know these sites better than we do but you shaved your head any way just to give us something to talk about. THANK YOU!

But really, why the lopsided shave? And  why were fans waiting till 5AM??? I mean I love you and all Rob but REALLY?? No. I don’t do early mornings.

Happy Monday to us all!
Themoonisdown

Would you… or HAVE you waited to 5AM to see Rob? Why the weird partially shaved head? What bet do you think he lost?

Want a laugh? Read Michael K of Dlisted’s short take on this

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

58 Commented

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by fanart Rob

Dear Rob,

When I see this drawing of you by a fan it makes me think three things:

1. You just woke up in an alley after the worst bender of your life and you’re hungry… for my face.

2. Your wig is not on straight. It’s sitting juuuust a touch to your right and looks like a Peekinese dog is hanging out up there just waiting to pounce on us when you stop moving.

2. If that’s NOT a wig or a small dog, what volumizing hair product do you use? Because this is redonkulous.

The end
Themoonisdown

PS I love fanart! See any super special ones lately? Send em in!

What does this beautiful piece of artwork make you think? Share!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

38 Commented

Robward, oh Robward…where art thou my Robward?

Juliet explains her Rob obsession in terms we can understand: Robward and the word “ho-baggish.” Preach on sister…

Oh heeeeeyyy there

Dearest LTR,

I am a newbie to the Twilight “religion” (cherry popped in February of this year), and a lurker on your site and am so thankful I have found you because over the course of the last 5 months I have found that not only has the series consumed my entire being, but so has Robward. Yes that’s right, Robward. I have found that I can’t love one without the other therefore in my mind I had to morph them into a single beautiful being.

The reason that I can’t love one without the other is simple, to love only Rob would mean that I am into a quirky man who is in fact sexy in his own right, but owns only one pair of pants that he sags (see recent pics of surprising theater goers below),

wears shoes without laces or socks (see recent twitpic you posted of him outside of sambradly show),

only washes his hair on special occasions and holidays, smokes 3 packs a day and has the diet of a frat boy living on only hot-pockets and beer. And to love only Edward would mean that I am into a man who may or may not have bi-polar disorder (the Hillywood production of the Twilight parody comes to mind when I think of him to the tune of Katy Perry’s Hot n Cold), can only be described as beautiful because he in fact does “sparkle like diamonds”, he has an intense desire to kill me, and he is so sweet and sappy he make me as a goody-two-shoes-girl look uncivilized and ho-baggish with all his “courting” talk. So with this said, I have morphed them into one beautiful/sexy perfect man.

No socks, with shoes? No problem!

My Robward is everything I expect a man to be, but better. He has a messy side as expected, but showers on a daily basis therefore he smells delicious and not like a trash can and ash-tray, he is exceptionally well dressed like Edward minus the tweed, but has the disheveled hair-do like Rob, only it’s clean like Edwards. He likes pizza and beer, but only on occasion and he knows how to be sensitive, but is not a pansy. He is respectful but has a wild side that tends to come out, and leg hitching, pillow biting, and headboard destruction may or may not take place. He stands up and fights for his girl, but is not pushed around by her or guilted into things, and he is not afraid to tell the world he is in love (in a manly way of course), and does not hide it either because of embarrassment or obligation to a production company (cough…ROBSTEN…cough, cough). He dotes on his significant other, but is also extremely grounded. He has the ruggedness of Rob, but the charm and hygene practices of Edward (although it never does state if they take showers or not. We do know he at least changes his clothes daily).

You just can't resist me and I know it...

So as you can see, I simply can’t just love Rob without Edward being in the mix. Could you imagine loving Rob if he didn’t play Edward? Could you imagine loving Edward if he wasn’t played by Rob, but someone like, Zac Effron? If you saw Rob walking down the street as he is now (or prior to the haircut for Water for Elephants) do you think you would want to run your fingers through his greasy hair or want to take a picture with him knowing he probably hasn’t showered in a week and is wearing clothes he either stole from a set or picked up at a thrift store or pawned from a homeless guy?? We wouldn’t love Zac Effron the same because unfortunately, he was in High School Music and that just makes him seem a little too…metro for my liking. We love Rob as Edward because that’s all we know him as. Of course he was Cederic Diggory in Harry Potter, but who remembers him while he was going through that odd adolescent phase where his head was disproportionately large for his body? We know and love him as Edward.

It is these things that make me think that everyone of us is in fact holding onto our own version of Robward, and that is why we follow his every move, and that is what makes my rationalization “normal”. Because I recognize these things. Right?

Robward is my Romeo,

Juliet

UH DUH Juliet it’s all that stuff, right? All the Rob and the Edward stuff rolled into one. Right? What say you guys? Do you want just the Rob stuff, or is it a little bit of the Edward allure? And seriously can we talk about these new pictures?? Wowza…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

98 Commented

Spot Rob, the in-field guide

Dear Rob-

Since you’ve been hiding out recently sleeping in with me everyday getting into character/working out/escaping freaky stalker Twimoms, we’ve missed you around these parts. In fact we’re starting to forget what you even look like (ok, ok just go along with me on this one gals), you know when you haven’t seen someone in so long you sometimes can’t picture them in your head? That’s what this feels like Rob! But fortunately for us some crappy rag-mag has published this easy how-to guide for recognizing your body parts on other people. So when that blessed day comes and you’re spotted out in that grandma sweater of yours we’ll be able to figure out it’s YOU and not Jake Gyllenhaal with a Dadcase. He wishes!

click to enlarge

Enlarge this badboy by clicking on it. Perfect size to be printed off and carried around in your handbag, Ladies. Just in cases!

Let’s break it down shall we…

• Orlando Bloom’s Eyes– Elven eyes are better than Elven ears I suppose. But yea I can see this. And they actually kinda look related. Oh those Brits!

• Matthew McConaughey’s Hair – Ef the hair, the only thing I’m worried about is Rob’s hair taking after Matthew’s and waking the neighbors with naked bongo playing. The boy’s not muscular enough for that kind of exertion.

• Jake Gyllenhaal’s Eyebrows – So I take it Jakey’s eyebrows have to be pushed and pulled and plucked and tweezed and waxed into submission just like Robbie’s? Poor Jake.

• Chase Crawford’s Lips – WTF?! I’d like to think we know a thing or two about Rob’s lips around these parts, especially when they get all smooshy. Besides, Chase Crawford looks like a melty Ken doll, I simply cannot agree with this or condone it. NEXT!

• Jude Law’s Chin – Better than having some of Jude Law’s other uh… parts allegedly. AHEM. Sorry Judey.

Now Rob don’t play hard to get… come out and be a nice boy otherwise we’ll be forced to use the tools (this field guide*) we have to find you!

Smooches and Tweezers!
Themoonisdown

*ladies!! I know you too well.

675 Commented