A letter to Rob Pattinson: A 2 parter

Dear Rob,

Sigh… one of these days I’ll be writing you not because you did something ridiculous to your head. This is not one of those days.

What did you do to your head?

Moon & I are praying so freakin’ unbelievably hard convinced that this has something to do with a role, right?

Moon thought maybe your next role is as a super villain in avengers. I thought maybe there was gonna be a sequel to 50/50. Or maybe you are the voice of “Mr. Potato Head” in a new animated movie and you misunderstood the note you read where the animators would take YOUR looks and adopt them to Mr. Potato Head’s animated face & thought you had to arrive to read your lines looking like Mr. Potato Head himself (good job.)

Then we thought outside of the new role idea since we haven’t heard any gossip around town (that would be Moon, in LA. No one is gossiping about movies in Philly unless you’re thinking about that one time last week when I complained that I didn’t see “Young Adult” before it left the theaters)

We thought maybe your hats were starting to smell, and instead of washing your hair or getting new hats, you shaved his head. Or maybe you caught lice from Kristen. Or TomStu. Or both. Maybe to celebrate TomStu becoming a dad, and possibly to subconsciously share your worries the the baby will take your place, you shaved your head as “soft as a babies bum” so that Tom won’t forget you.

Or maybe you lost a bet. You & Kristen bet on who would knock up a girl first- Kellan or Jackson. (Read LTT today, ps) and you lost. Don’t worry- that was a toughie. Although my money would have been on Jackson since we’re still not convinced Kellan is straight.

Or have you become a Yogi? You’re on the path to enlightenment and your hair was weighting you down?

Whatever the reason…. I’m sure it was a good one. Wait. No I don’t. I’m actually completely POSITIVE it was a horrible reason. And it probably had something to do with you wanting to not be recognized.

How’d that work out? Pretty well, right?

Part 2:

Oh yessss there’s a part 2 in my thoughts to you today, Rob! Mostly because today I saw this headline and immediately thought of you:

Daniel Radcliffe Reveals He’s Had One-Night Stands with ‘Harry Potter’ Groupies!

Will this ever be you, Rob? When Twilight is over & you’re no longer under contract with Summit, will you come out & admit you got a handy in a closet at a Twicon in 2008? Will you admit, as Harry Potter himself does, that after a drunken evening or two, maybe after you devoured an IN-N-Out burger, you got freaky with a fan in a “I drive like Edward Cullen” Volvo?

I have to confess when I first read this headline about poor little innocent Daniel Radcliff, attacked by tons of girls called Mrtyle asking him to make them “moan,” I read that Daniel was getting it on with GROUPS of Harry Potter fans. Which gave me so much joy- did each member of the group have a wand (a literal wand.. not the manly kind)? Did they wear hats? Did anyone bring a broom? Did Ron ever join them? How about Neville? The hot version of Neville, not the odd-looking version?

But sadly, I realized I read the headline wrong. But not before I imagined what YOU getting it on with a GROUP of Twilight fans would look like:

There’d be plastic fangs, of course- the girls would think it’s funny- Heineken to loosen everyone up, Muse would be the soundtrack, everyone would be in “Team Taylor” underwear (another thing they’d think is funny (it is)) and of course all Biel’s You Tube videos would be playing on the TV In the background. Then of course afterwards everyone would snack on hot pockets & dino-shaped chicken nuggets.

Sounds good to me, how about you? Moon & I are available the following weekends, and we’ll round up a few other girls once we nail down a date:

Weekends we’re available: all of them

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think of Rob’s head? Why did he do it? Would you join an orgy with Rob? Dumb question: Do you think Rob has ever had a one-night stand with a fan?

You can still help my sister!

My sister is currently in Costa Rica working for a non profit called Abriendo Mentes. And for another week or so there is a GREAT online store called Fresh Words Market with really cool products & prints giving 50% of each sale directly to Abriendo Mentes. Need a Valentine’s Day gift? Get one here! Seriously. Their stuff is great!

Shop Fresh Words Market for a Great Cause!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

47 Commented

Some HP induced Twilight ramblings and Rob, a beautiful American?

My how we've all changed

Dear Rob,

I’ve been cheating on you… his name is Neville Longbottom, I mean Matt Lewis and he is delightful. Here’s the thing: I don’t really know anything about Harry Potter other than the few movies I’ve seen and the 4 chapters of Sorcerers Stone I tried to read in college but was too distracted by stuff like homework to really get into it.

But I’ve been watching all the coverage of the final movie installment with rapt attention. Like an innocent bystander watching the funeral of someone beloved that I didn’t know very well. It makes you wish you knew them well just so you could commiserate with everyone else. I think it’s also caught my attention because it seems like a somewhat parallel foreshadowing to what the Twilight fans will be feeling next November. When it ALL really does end. The majority of us may have not grown up with Twilight LIT-TRALLY but a lot of us have grown and changed over the last almost 4 years. UC and I were just talked about this recently, how different we both are from when we first started LTT/LTR. I can still see in my memory (I have long since quit) the desk I sat at when I wrote the very first LTT post, the house I lived in where I read the books the first time and remember our first comment alerts coming in on my phone. It will definitely be the end of an era but it has been and IS one of the best thing I’ve done in my life. But we are very different since it all began, new jobs, relationships ended, relationships began, babies born (named Edward), death, healing, friendship, family, all the things Twilight (and Harry Potter) are about with the addition of a few vampires and werewolves and a couple bumbling parents.

Can we have a moment of silence??

This is a long introduction and a bit of a ramble but I know we have quite a bit of Harry Potter fans among us (UC being one!) who I thought could appreciate and maybe give us some pointers for next November…

Also this is my way of being able to use this video of Josh Horowitz (OF COURSE! WHO ELSE?) talking to the Potter cast about “American” stuff and asking them to identify famous Americans…

Srsly, Matt Lewis yall *fans self* he can bring me the brewskies any time, any place.

Srsly, I'm gonna need a moment...

My real reason for posting this is that Tom Felton (jokingly)  refers to Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen and says he is a beautiful American. And that got me to thinking… have we coopted Robert Pattinson for ourselves? Lots of people talk about his loss of accent and I’m sure he has a permanent visa or maybe even citizenship at this point for being an “alien for extraordinary talent” (the actual term for people who get visa for this stuff). Though I would argue he is plently English, the mumbling and self deprecation and the mumbling. Though he’ll always be the son of England (and Dick and Clare) have we claimed him for our own? And will we ever, willingly, give him back? Oh HALE no!

We love you Rob and we’ll take you as an alien or we’ll marry you and make you legal.
Themoonisdown

PS Please to enjoy my very own ramblings/stream of conscious post about the state of Twilight/Rob in my own brain.

Am I right, has the REAL story behind the end of HP been Matt Lewis’s hottness? AM I RIGHT? Where has this guy been? Has anyone else been thinking about the end of Twi?

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29 Commented

Rob is creepin me out but then totally redeems himself!

Dear Rob,

Because we need to break down those pictures of you on the Water for Elephants reshoots but because we’ve both exhausted from work and couldn’t discuss yesterday and because we love creepy stuff and we’ll get to you in WFE NEXT TIME I present to you… the creepiest NEW stuff I could find of you…

Woah! You’ve never done mid sentence pictures well, I mean who does? But still take a cue from Julia Roberts she talks through her smile… or maybe just comb your hair down a little…

I titled this picture “wide mouth” for a reason… I mean you might be able to deep throat that microphone if some awesome reporter/LTR reader pushed it up just like 3 inches. BUT REALLY what’s more shocking, the diameter of that mouth or how frozen Vanessa Williams fiveforehead is?!

Multiple angles of this horrid ILL FITTING velvet jacket. Sure, I’m happy to blame this on age and stupidity, we know this is from the Harry Potter premiere

Now there are some cute Rob wallpapers out there and all but this scares me, it’s something about that american flag mouth and the tongue and the Texas tuxedo Rob’s wearing the the quote… WHAT in the hale is going on here?!

Rob hungry, Rob want braaaaaiiinnsssss

Ok, ok so you creeped me out a bit but dude you SOOO made up for it with these……….

AND

DUUUUUDE you and Andrew Garfield?? Yes. Just yes. ALWAYS yes.

And we promise we’ll get to your WFE stuff soon. Hopefully.
Themoonisdown

Aren’t these super creepy? But dude AGarf (my new name for him)?! Anyone else excited for the Spiderman reboot with him? I am! Now if only we could have gotten TomStu in the middle there… awww perfect world…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

93 Commented

Robert Pattinson was made for Dancing with the Stars

Dear Rob,

Recently the Examiner (purveyors of quality news stories) reported that both you and Kristen Stewart had been approached to join the cast for the next season of TV’s classiest, danciest, glitteriest (that’s a word), most man chesticle baring, A LIST competitive dancing show! Yes, you Robert Pattinson were supposedly asked to be on Dancing with the Stars. Sadly, the Examiner tells us you turned it down, though it’s not certain whether it was a flat denial or you mulled it over a bit. Because clearly, that’s what’s important here: the amount of time it took you to say HALE NO to ABC.

You may have said “when vampire’s DON’T sparkle” I’ll be on that show, but I’m thinking maybe you should reconsider! I mean look at your past dancing record, you’re a force to be reckoned with on the dance floor.

Let’s take a look back at your dance card and see why you need to be on DWTS:

Vanity Fair – West Side Story Photo Shoot

They may have put you in the back, but I really think that’s a height thing and so that wimps like Chris Evans wouldn’t feel inferior to your supreme dancing prowess!

Twilight – Prom scene dance

Dancing in E’s bedroom

Cedric Diggory at the Yule Ball in Harry Potter

(approx min 4:00, 4:37, 5:06, 7:33)
Why Cho Chang ever left you is beyond me. Look at those moves. Maybe DWTS should also ask both the Weasley Twins to join next seasons cast…

Eclipse – Finger snappin’

Look at your natural rhythm, the feel for the music, you have it IN YOU!

More fun after the jump
Continue…

96 Commented

Robward, oh Robward…where art thou my Robward?

Juliet explains her Rob obsession in terms we can understand: Robward and the word “ho-baggish.” Preach on sister…

Oh heeeeeyyy there

Dearest LTR,

I am a newbie to the Twilight “religion” (cherry popped in February of this year), and a lurker on your site and am so thankful I have found you because over the course of the last 5 months I have found that not only has the series consumed my entire being, but so has Robward. Yes that’s right, Robward. I have found that I can’t love one without the other therefore in my mind I had to morph them into a single beautiful being.

The reason that I can’t love one without the other is simple, to love only Rob would mean that I am into a quirky man who is in fact sexy in his own right, but owns only one pair of pants that he sags (see recent pics of surprising theater goers below),

wears shoes without laces or socks (see recent twitpic you posted of him outside of sambradly show),

only washes his hair on special occasions and holidays, smokes 3 packs a day and has the diet of a frat boy living on only hot-pockets and beer. And to love only Edward would mean that I am into a man who may or may not have bi-polar disorder (the Hillywood production of the Twilight parody comes to mind when I think of him to the tune of Katy Perry’s Hot n Cold), can only be described as beautiful because he in fact does “sparkle like diamonds”, he has an intense desire to kill me, and he is so sweet and sappy he make me as a goody-two-shoes-girl look uncivilized and ho-baggish with all his “courting” talk. So with this said, I have morphed them into one beautiful/sexy perfect man.

No socks, with shoes? No problem!

My Robward is everything I expect a man to be, but better. He has a messy side as expected, but showers on a daily basis therefore he smells delicious and not like a trash can and ash-tray, he is exceptionally well dressed like Edward minus the tweed, but has the disheveled hair-do like Rob, only it’s clean like Edwards. He likes pizza and beer, but only on occasion and he knows how to be sensitive, but is not a pansy. He is respectful but has a wild side that tends to come out, and leg hitching, pillow biting, and headboard destruction may or may not take place. He stands up and fights for his girl, but is not pushed around by her or guilted into things, and he is not afraid to tell the world he is in love (in a manly way of course), and does not hide it either because of embarrassment or obligation to a production company (cough…ROBSTEN…cough, cough). He dotes on his significant other, but is also extremely grounded. He has the ruggedness of Rob, but the charm and hygene practices of Edward (although it never does state if they take showers or not. We do know he at least changes his clothes daily).

You just can't resist me and I know it...

So as you can see, I simply can’t just love Rob without Edward being in the mix. Could you imagine loving Rob if he didn’t play Edward? Could you imagine loving Edward if he wasn’t played by Rob, but someone like, Zac Effron? If you saw Rob walking down the street as he is now (or prior to the haircut for Water for Elephants) do you think you would want to run your fingers through his greasy hair or want to take a picture with him knowing he probably hasn’t showered in a week and is wearing clothes he either stole from a set or picked up at a thrift store or pawned from a homeless guy?? We wouldn’t love Zac Effron the same because unfortunately, he was in High School Music and that just makes him seem a little too…metro for my liking. We love Rob as Edward because that’s all we know him as. Of course he was Cederic Diggory in Harry Potter, but who remembers him while he was going through that odd adolescent phase where his head was disproportionately large for his body? We know and love him as Edward.

It is these things that make me think that everyone of us is in fact holding onto our own version of Robward, and that is why we follow his every move, and that is what makes my rationalization “normal”. Because I recognize these things. Right?

Robward is my Romeo,

Juliet

UH DUH Juliet it’s all that stuff, right? All the Rob and the Edward stuff rolled into one. Right? What say you guys? Do you want just the Rob stuff, or is it a little bit of the Edward allure? And seriously can we talk about these new pictures?? Wowza…

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98 Commented