Rob is a man again and we get another Water for Elephants trailer!

Dear Water for Elephants filmmakers,

Now THAT was a freakin’ trailer yall that other one, we shan’t speak of ever again! AND I’ll even overlook the over-the-top music because you finally gave people a reason (other than Rob looking like a man) to go see this flick. Also major snaps for giving us a look at old man Rob in the form of older more mature Jacob Jankowski (NO not, Julia Sugarbaker’s husband, the other one!). And with that I will sign off and talk to the ladies.

x’s and o’s and wishes to hit the red carpet premiere (have your people call our people us)
Ms. Themoonisdown, esq. Professional Rob Fan, PHD.

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Dear Ladies of LTR,

Since we’ve all watched this like 2319042934 times by now can we take a moment to talk about something I brought up with the good folks behind WFE?

At 1.29 we see Rob look like this…

Which SPOILER ALERT for the 2 people who haven’t read WFE yet is what I can only assume as a scene of older Jacob at the farm/house in Chicago after they get married and have kids and own an elephant and such. But I think the REAL issue we need to talk about is if Rob looks like THIS as an “older” man we have NO chance. ZERO chance of ever getting our lives back. Zero chance of ever finding a man who is worthy. ZERO chance of ever being able to form complete sentences again because if Rob looks like THAT all made up to be an older guy than IMAGINE what Rob as an older guy will REALLY look like. I know this is a lot of random capitalization of words but I have to street the fact that Rob is shaping up to be a HOT old dude. With our luck he will turn out to be a Clooney/Depp/John Slattery/Clive Owen type. And that is just not fair.

this just isn't a fair fight anymore

I really thought after this whole Twilight thing died down and he went back to being a normal dude we’d all just get on with it and remember this all fondly but now I’m really not so certain. I was hoping he’d end up in more of the Paul Giamatti/Christopher Walken land of looks and less the Colin Firth/Anderson Cooper area of awesome.

Sigh.

I guess this will do…
Themoonisdown

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Rob,

It will most definitely do.

XO and all my love till I’m getting face lifts to keep up with you,
moon

Soooooo ladies (and any ghey men amongst us) what do we think of older, more mature Rob? Were we just hiding our heads from the inevitable hoping this wasn’t true, or is it all just smoke and mirrors and Rob will look like Danny Devito in 20 years???

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132 Commented

Robert is #5 on the freebie f@!K list! Only number 5…

You're gonna need a cigarette after these ladies are done with you

Dear Rob,

We’ve talked about ‘the freebie list’ a lot around here. You know the list that couples have of people they could sleep with and it’d be ok because that person is on the list? Well Some site polled a bunch of bored ladies at home and work and the results are in. You’re… (drum roll please)… number 5 (crickets). Yea, looks like you’re not everyone’s cup of tea but you did beat out the Fresh Prince AND Ashton Kutcher. By a measly 3% but I choose to believe these ladies were either high on toliet bowl cleaner fumes or entertaining their inner Demi. I mean Ashton Kutcher? You should have beat him by like 100’s of percentage points. He made the trucker hat infamous.

1. Brad Pitt – 69% – I guess ladies like to think of hot, humanitarian, father of 234929347234, meet Joe Black, Brad Pitt and not Benjamin Buttons baby Brad Pitt. To each his own I guess.

2. Johnny Depp – 67% – Well DUH. Who doesn’t like pirates with questionable personal hygiene?

3. Gerard Butler – 66% – Have you SEEN that picture of Gerard giving Jennifer Aniston “the shocker” from the Bounty Hunter premiere? I think you ladies might want to rethink this one since Gerard seems to be into the no go zone.

4. David Beckham – 63% – As long as he didn’t speak.

5. Robert Pattinson – 61% – As long as he brought Tom Stu along…

6. Ashton Kutcher – 58% – For reals?

7. George Clooney – 57% – How the HALE isn’t he number 1? Or number everything?

8. Justin Timberlake – 54% – All my wildest high school fantasies come true with JT

9. Will Smith – 52% – I’d be too worried about Tom Cruise showing up “unannounced” for a little personal one on one “e-meter reading” to follow through with this one.

10. Hugh Jackman – 51% – More Wolverine less Boy from Oz.

Even the CLOONSTER didn't beat me?

When you can compete with the likes of REAL men like the Clooney, the Pitt (ew, the pitt?) and The Depp  you know you’ve arrived. Or maybe you know that your PR team is on their shit. Or maybe you just know that Stephanie Ritz’s assistant was ordered to vote 23942390472354 times or until their laptop exploded to get you to number one all by themselves. Since you landed at #5, clearly the assistant was fired. Should have bribed the Robsteners with an “exclusive photo” (read: Rob and Kristen in their Bella and Edward costumes with a fireplace in the background.) to insure that Rob won. Amateur.

Next time Rob, next time! Like they say… Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. REAL stars. Heh.

Themoonisdown
Where’s Rob on your freebie list? Who’s ON your freebie list? Ashton Kutcher? 😉

Read it over at Robert Pattinson Life but can’t find a permalink to the original post

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87 Commented

Open Post: Hosted by Robert Pattinson, all man!

Dear Ladies who love Rob-

Rob would like you to know, via this video, he is a man! ALLLL man. Enjoy.

XO,
Your faithful servant

Dear Rob,

Thank you for contracting this lovely fanvid maker to try and help convince us that you are in fact, a man. We’ve called you gay and fey and bumbling and bromantical and everything else but we see your game now. You just want us to respect you and stop calling you names. You’re a man baby and we get it!

Now get in that Nova and come show me.

XXX,
Your faithful servant, Moon

PS Happy Freaking Weekend!

Video by Robelied

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108 Commented

Rob MIA from Eclipse International Press. Why? He’s got a GREAT reason!

Don't worry about me guys, too busy stuck in this doorway to head to other countries

Dear Rob,

So either you got hella lucky by scheduling a film during Eclipse press time or you have Summit by the balls because you haven’t had to leave my fair city of Los Angeles to travel the world and schlock Eclipse like Taylor and Kristen have. And they can’t give the New Moon excuse of you being more of a peripheral character so you’re not as integral to the press for the movie cause Edward is all up in this one, like a Twihard at a 100 Monkeys show or an LOD-er at a Britpack show, or Ascot Phil in Bobby Long’s biizzzznnnaaaassss. You get the picture.

So I’m gonna go with the latter. You tell Summit how high you want to jump and they say ‘that’s perfect Rob! We’ll send over a fruit basket and keg to your undisclosed location in the woods/hotel/car park of In-N-Out.” Well, work it dude cause the more you stay here in LA the more that gives me opportunities to “run into you” and also it saves me a TON of time because now I don’t have to watch interviewers from Germany awkwardly ask you about your alleged relationship with Kristen and you don’t have to spin it into a story about body odor or male pregnancy. THANK YOU! I truly owe you a lot for this.

I now have a lot more time to pour over the hours of Stephenie Meyer interview tapes or try to figure out how to hack into your parents GPS system so it routes them right to my front door. They’ll have a lot of fun, trust me. I have a bbq grill and enough scrapbooking crap to last 10 lifetimes, what more could a Mom and Dad want?

Who knows what you’re up to cause if you’re not with me or in my presence I don’t want to think about it, cause having you within the same city limits as me and not knowing where you’re at is maddening. Really, what could you be doing? You haven’t been seen anywhere, shooting anything, doing anyone… that is until today when this picture surfaced from a new photoshoot…

If THIS is what you’ve been up to instead of heading off to foreign lands than NEVER LEAVE AGAIN! PLAY ON SIR… PLAY ON!!!!!!

If you haven’t already made this your new computer desktop wallpaper than now is the time… don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Off to find this dried up patch of land with a brooding Rob in it! Peace out bitches!
Themoonisdown

So what’s Rob been up to since we last saw him at Leno? Besides stalking UC and me at the SMeyer interview… How quick did this become your new wallpaper? Why do you think he’s not traipsing the world promoting Eclipse?

New hottness photo from Robert Pattinson Life

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95 Commented

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Angry Rob and Ludacris!

Dear Rob,

We meet Stephenie Meyer yesterday and we talk about it at LTT. You should read it. Now.

But one of the things we discussed which we will get into much further detail at a later date is how hot “Edward” and in turn you are when you’re all pissed off or fighting. We’ve talked about it like a billion times here before and I even mentioned how someone should make a video with all your fight moments put with my favorite pissed off song “Get Back” by Ludacris and well what do you know it we got one! Ask and ya shall receive.

Corie was kind enough to create this piece of smokin’ hot video for us to feast our eyes on while we recover from the happy-time-explosion in our brains from meeting Stephenie yesterday. So here we go..

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62 Commented