Rob’s Mailbag: Our Intern answers his mail

Dear Rob- Since we run twi blogs dedicated to writing letters every day, we’re pretty busy and we need help from time to time. So that’s why we’ve enlisted you as our trusty LTR intern. We need someone to do all the grunt work we’re too busy to do. Like making manicure appointments, photoshopping you into compromising positions with your BFF’s, keeping the shelves stocked with nutritious food (Gin) and answering your mail. And now that you’re in LA it’s much easier for you to clock at least 40 hours a week in the offices (my bedroom). Thanks for tackling some of the mail in your mailbag, it was beginning to get in the way of UC’s back issues of Cat Fancy. Thx- Your Boss (moon)

Get me a coffee!

Dear Robert Pattinson,

You are such a great actor, your such a talented man. It may sound creepy but I think about you every day. I think about how cool it would be to meet you. My parents say your really busy and probably never could, but I always have hope! I’m not one of those fans that would scream your name so much your eardrums would blow, because I really do care about you, even though I don’t personally know you. I always sit in my room and think “How am I supposed to meet him, or even talk to him?” But now I know maybe ‘Letters to Rob” would help me with it!!!! When people ask me if I’m on Team Edward or Team Jacob, I say of course Team Edward!!!! But I feel bad because most people are on Team Jacob because of looks? i think your actually the better looking one. ( No offence to Taylor.) And I want you to always know that you have a fan like me, that likes you for who you are.(:

– I love you Robert Pattinson <3 please write back!!!!
Morgan

This is all they want from me, Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Your parents are wrong. Learn this lesson now. I am not too busy to write you back. In fact it’s quite the opposite, I’m just supposed to look important and busy. But in actuality these bitches here have me busy answering your emails and getting them cupcakes and filing their nails for them while they watch Ryan Gosling movies on repeat.

Besides Moon and UC holding a squirt gun filled with Gin to my head and yelling that this is “me time” so I need to reply to their emails in silence with my shirt off. Who knows why, I stopped asking after having to take 5 showers one day from all the Gin bathes they gave me. Hell, I know I said I don’t shower often but I drive like a blind grandma as it is, I don’t need a DUI when the cop pulls me over because because my clothes are drenched in dry Gin.

All this to say I really wanted to write you back to thank you for NOT screaming at events. Recently on a trip to Costco (Moon and UC needed more Gin, a half gallon pump top of Pantene, life with your legs, and a wholesale size box of Mint Milanos) I had my hearing tested in that booth next to the eye glasses and they told me that I had the hearing of 65 year old man. So essentially because of being a Vampire I now have the hearing equivalent of my dad. So thank you for keeping it under a dull roar if you ever saw me.

Thanks for being who YOU are Morgan!
Rob

PS Show your Team Jacob friends the Alpaca picture next time they’re talking about who’s hotter, Edward or Jacob. That’ll show them! TRUST ME!

Rob.
1. What is it like when you kiss kirstin, what do you feel?
2. Are You Really Dating?

-jack bates

Like kissing this thing. Maybe.

Dear Jack,

1. Like I’m kissing a big loquat crumble right on the mouth. Or like licking an oil slick at the Jiffy Lube. Or maybe it’s like kissing any other costar I have (see #2!)
2. You above all people should know that the allure of KristEN and I is in the mystery of whether we’re together or not. You care so much you’re emailing these girls who blog about me hoping that me, their intern will tell you the truth about Rob and KristEN. But I just can’t do that man then you’ll stop wondering about #1 and we just can’t have that now, can we?

Sincerely,
Kristen’s boyfriend/costar/fuckbuddy/I’ll never tell Rob

Do you have a letter for Rob that he needs to answer? Email him here! Or you can just email us a letter ABOUT Rob. Our Intern. What other intern task should he be doing? Crank faxing Nick & Stephanie?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Commented

How To Be… hotter than Robert Pattinson?

this is his 'o' face

Dear Rob-

This may sound weird to some ladies out there but sometimes I find you, as Art, (in How To Be) sexier than Edward… now it’s usually a momentary fleeting thought but still find you adorable, I do!

It’s something about that floppy hair and sad voice and puppy dog eyes that really gets me. Oh and the too short pants and plaid jacket. That’s like right down my alley.

So while all the other gals are Swwwwoooooning over Eddie-poo you can come hang out with me in all your Art glory and we’ll play nonsense songs on the guitar together. I just get the feeling that you are more Art in real life than you are Edward… and honey that’s alright with me.

Smooches-
Themoonisdown

sneeky sneeky... crappy cell shot

Ok so I wrote the above lines last Friday thinking I wouldn’t get to see How to Be till I either caught it on IFC or was able to catch another screening at a Film Fest since the Burbank Film Festival was sold out. On a wing and a prayer I put out an SOS on the Twitter and Letters To Rob asking if anyone knew of an extra ticket lying around that I could use cause I simply HAD to see Robert as Art. I was dying for some floppy hair and guitar playing on a Saturday night. And as luck would have it the heavens and Rob shined down on me because the super lovely and sadly very ill London2LA gave me hers! Poor gal was sick and couldn’t make it so she emailed us, we had a great conversation and viola I was on my way.

I sailed into Woodbury University where they were having the Burbank Film festival with seconds to spare and again luck was on my side as I found a seat and settled in to watch the screening and live tweet whatever I could. Before it could begin, however, a girl calling herself the Burbank Film Festival Intern got up to “introduce” the film. Her introduction, however, turned out to be a bunch of thinly veiled digs at the audience. So here I will write her a letter within a letter…

This is how I feel every Monday...

Dear bitchy Burbank Film Fest Intern-

Instead of being “funny” when you told us “in case we didn’t know How to Be was NOT the prequel to Twilight” you just looked like an ass. That was all of us in the audience politely laughing because it was so awkward! And then when you said the crap about there only being 2 guys in the audience you sounded totally condescending to the dudes who were there. Way to keep the people coming back for more! Good job! Less talkey, more filmies!

Please don’t treat the audience like we’re 14 yr olds, because honestly you were probably younger than me.

Scowling girl in the back,
Themoonisdown

PS Oh and your sparkly, gold glittery dress wasn’t cute.

Annnnndd scene!

But seriously though, if you get IFC record that shiz or if they are screening How to Be somewhere near you I highly suggest you go out and catch it cause there’s nothing like seeing a great movie with an awesome score/soundtrack in a theater. Support independent film! Just don’t wear a Twilight shirt, please I beg of you. I was so 2nd hand embarrassed when someone walked by me sporting Hot Topic’s finest. Ugh.  I would give you more of a run down but I don’t want to spoil anything for those who want to remain How to Be virgins. Your v-card is safe with me (thats what she said)!

“I think I’m passive depressive…”
Themoonisdown

PPS Buy this soundtrack! Coming from me that should mean a lot if I do say so myself 😉
PPSS It can’t be said enough another HUGE thanks to London2LA, you are radical and I can’t express how appreciative I am of you and passing your ticket along. LOVE YA!

In honor of How to Be this morning’s AM Delight will be the totally awesome How to Be Trailer followed by an extra special surprise from one of your very own after the cut!

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.2317545&w=425&h=350&fv=clip_id%3D1524737%26server%3Dvimeo.com%26autoplay%3D0%26fullscreen%3D1%26md5%3D0%26show_portrait%3D0%26show_title%3D0%26show_byline%3D0%26context%3Duser%3A567692%26context_id%3D%26force_embed%3D0%26multimoog%3D%26color%3D00ADEF%26force_info%3Dundefined]

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