We celebrate 4th of July with Rob like it’s 2009

Dear Rob,

This is our 3rd 4th of July together. We’ve shared with you how to play volleyball & grill the proper hot dog (well, sorta), taught you about proper Independence Day attire (shirtless with a US Flag bandanna around your hair) and even instructed you on how to set off fireworks without a trip to the hospital (okay, we didn’t do any of those things, but we really hope to some day), but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to what we told you in 2009 on the 4th of July. So because it’s been two year and you probably forgot (and also because I have an EPIC 4th of July party to go to in about 15 minutes called “You’re Welcome America” and I have no time to come up with fresh content) I give you our 4th of July from 2 years ago:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dear Rob,

Happy 4th of July from your favorite Americans UC & Moon! I know this day isn’t a very happy one in British history since our country beat your country’s ass in a war. But I think we can work through it. We can turn it into a little game. I (UC) went to college in the south and some people don’t seem to be over The Civil War yet (I understand- it was recent- mid 1800s..) They called me a Yankee. Wtf? I never even heard the word “Yankee” till I went to college and found out that apparently I am one. (Yankee= from the north… I think… any southerners wanna help me out?)

We had good times in college, pretending with my friends that we gave a damn about a war fought so long ago. We’d be walking to class and I’d pass a friend from Georgia and I’d say, “I’m gonna getcha in Gettysburg.” And then he’d say, “But I’m gonna win in Spotsylvania!” It was a hoot!

So whadayasay? Should we do something similiar to what I did with my southern friends in college? Like, I can call you up and say, “Yo Limey- put on your red coat and get over here to celebrate the US signing the declaration of Independence from your country” And you’d come over, wearing your red coat because you’re such a good sport, and I’d be in my blue coat. And if you bring me some tea I could say, “Hell no! I don’t want your tea. I’m gonna dump this tea overboard into the waters in Boston.” Imagine all the jokes we could make..

Or we could forego all the history ideas (cuz seriously those 4 things above took me a 1/2 hour to look for on wikipedia) and just celebrate the 4th of July the good ol’ American way- hot dogs, hamburgers, deviled eggs, volley ball, watermelon, throwing up on the volley ball court because you played too soon after eating the hot dogs, hamburgers and deviled eggs, refueling after your purging with more hot dogs, a dip in the pool, playing Born in the USA 100 times and then switching to your mix of Lee Greenwood, Bruce Springstreen & Toby Keith. And capping off the night with an amazing backyard firework display where this phrase is usually heard: ‘Shit… they didn’t go off. Someone go see why. No you go. No you. GET THE FOUR YEAR OLD AWAY. We will never do this again. These are supposed to be foul-proof fireworks! Get Uncle Joe- he’ll check it out” and Uncle Joe does check it out. And then the rest of the night is spent in the ER, with Uncle Joe, who has a black hand and is now completely bald as opposed to half-way bald. Oh and don’t forget to wear a flag somewhere on your body (looks like Moon took care of that for you- cute!)

I’m a cool rocking Daddy in the U.S.A.,
UnintendedChoice & The MoonisDown

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Aww! How sweet. I also took the liberty (ha) to photoshop some new American Rob pictures:

Here is one where Rob is proud to be an American:

Here is one where the Statue of Liberty gets a surprise:

Happy 4th of July!!!

Love,
UC & Moon

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

14 Commented

Rob Pattinson: Kiss & Tell

Dear Rob,

I know it’s been over a week: we went on a spring break, Moon had a birthday (go to LTT!) and we got Bin Laden, but I still can’t stop thinking about the Royal Wedding. And, of course, when I think about the Royal Wedding my mind goes something like this:

Kate Middleton’s Dress —> Prince William —-> Balding British Guy —> Non balding British guy —> Robert Pattinson

Easy to do, you see. So while I’ve been reminiscing about the wedding, you’ve been on my mind. And my thoughts have been mostly about sex, and more specifically, sex with the rich & famous.

I got to thinking about Prince William & how he met Kate when they were both 19. And it seems like the story goes that they were friends first. So it’s safe to assume they didn’t hook up for a year or two… And I’m going to say that Prince William, despite his thinning hair, still a pretty cute, attractive, in-shape, not to mention rich & powerful soon-to-be-king, got some prior to his 20th birthday and relationship with his now wife. And maybe that was big news in Britain…. but we’re pretty obsessed with the Royals over here, and I don’t remember hearing about it. I don’t remember seeing a headline “FUTURE KING OF ENGLAND LOSES VIRGINITY.” I don’t recall an interview the lucky gal who took his virginity gave to the British version of 60 minutes where she talks about how he lasted a “whole 25 seconds.” And I’ve been wondering why? Is it just a known fact in Britain that if you bang a royal you aren’t allowed to kiss & tell? Does the Queen’s handmaid (she has one of those, right?) show up bedside the next morning with an affidavit you have to sign swearing you won’t say a word? It is just understood that if you’re lucky enough to get in a Prince’s pants (or he in yours) you’ll be respectful and not tell anyone?

I’m not asking you for a copy of the handbook on “Manners for when you bed a Prince” that your sisters probably have stashed in their childhood closets, I’m actually thinking about this in regards to YOU. Why hasn’t anyone kissed & told? Sure you’ve been in a relationship for what seems like a lifetime, but what about before? You were young, hot, rich & up & coming. I know there has to be at least one chick you hooked up with on a whim who excitedly told her friend who told her cousin who told her aunt who told her friend who told her brother who has a contact at a rag mag. How did that news not slip out to anyone?

(Look Closely)

In fact, besides the high-profile skanks looking to make a quick buck (ala Tiger Woods & Charlie Sheen mistresses) why DON”T we hear about more average, every-day hot girls hooking up with celebrities? I KNOW Justin Timberlake has made some former N’Sync fangirl’s dream come true by letting her go down on him in a high-class LA restaurant (Poor Moon! That’d be the best birthday present). And Ryan Gosling seems like just the guy who would hook up with a nice, average girl he sees at his favorite Silver Lake bar on regular occasions. Why don’t we hear more?

If I were lucky enough to have a one-night stand with the likes of YOU, I would NOT keep that to myself. I’m not saying I’d call my contacts at Lifestyle Mag (ps: I don’t have any), I’m just saying…. My friends would know. Hell, my HUSBAND would know (You are on “The List.” That LIST exists for a reason- I’m allowed to do whoever I put on it, if I have the chance!) And friends, excited that a girl they know saw THE Edward Cullen’s nether-regions, would tell other friends or a co-worker who would tell a family member and on and on and on, and eventually.. someone who writes those rumors in a magazine would publish it. SO why doesn’t it happen more?

Why don’t we know about any other girls other than your girlfriend, ex girlfriend Nina (<— read that) and rumored hook-up with Nikki Reed. Is it possible that that is all you’ve had?

No….. right??

Inquisitive minds want to know,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Do you ever heard rumors about every-day girls you KNOW celebs are hooking up with? Did I miss any other lucky girls who had Rob rumors circling around them? Would YOU Kiss & Tell?

Don’t miss Moon’s Birthday Party over on LTT!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

100 Commented

MTV asks us to AskRob and we’ve got some questions

(welcome to me trying to remember my original Wednesday post that got eaten by our server… here goes…)

Josh Horowitz says what?!

Dear Rob,

With Water for Elephants just around the corner all the press is starting to heat up MTV is going to be doing a lil segment with you called Ask Rob where they (duh) ask you questions submitted by fans via twitter to @MTVNews with the hashtag #AskRob. So of course we couldn’t leave Josh Horowitz up to his own fanboy devices so we’ve come up with some questions, if given the chance, we’d #AskRob… cause really we should be asked to interview you cause I can tell you we would NOT be asking about your hair or sparkling or abs. So with that in mind and our self imposed moratorium on questions pertaining to Le Stew and Twilight here is what we would…

Ask Rob

Hmmm how shall I answer this??

• Why have you not returned any of my calls? #AskRob

• Are you jealous that your internet meme Jumping Rob isnt as big as say Ryan Goslings “hey girl” or Sad Don Draper or “Prancing Cera” and “Strutting Leo?” #AskRob

• Follow up question are you planning any bigger jumps in Vancouver or are you going to try a different approach say dancing or leaping maybe? #AskRob

• If you could only choose one flavor to eat for the rest of your life would be be ham and broccoli or pepperoni and three cheese hot pockets? #AskRob

• If you became too busy to do errands do you feel comfortable letting Tom Sturridge choose what underwpants you wear for the rest of your life? #AskRob

• Does Reese make your list of Top 3 MILFS? #AskRob

• Tell us the truth- did you ever fall asleep with Rosie in the elephant stall? #AskRob

• Since you’re so close, if Rosie was ever out of a job and asked to crash on your couch would you let her? #AskRob

• Did you ever slip up and call Christophe Waltz Capt Von Trapp? And moreover would you agree that Christophe is the Christopher Plummer of our generation? #AskRob

 

• Tell the truth, is Martin the dog named after the guitar brand or are you just a huge Martin fan? #DaaaaamnGina #AskRob

Then since I’m equal opportunity and I like to be unbiased I asked a guy friend what he would ask Rob if he would. After assuring me he was straight and asking me not to reveal his identity (I’m sure you can guess) and me telling him to “be nicer” he gave me these questions to #AskRob

Don't mind that heavy breathing on the other end of the line, that's just me

• Have you accepted your slow and unenviable decline into mediocrity and general luke perry-ness yet, or are you waiting until after rehab? #AskRob

• When did you realize you were gay? #AskRob

• Do you ever worry that your face is going to get stuck like that? #AskRob

• How long do you think you can use being British as a cover for you being the weirdest dude alive? #AskRob

• In the middle of the night, do you ever wake up in a cold sweat screaming DAMN YOU BEIBER!? #AskRob

So maybe not nicer but definitely made us laugh. Clearly we need to be put in a room with you for 15 minutes. We should also be allowed to interview you at some point, but that’s neither here nor there.

Happy Friday!
Themoonisdown

What would you ask Rob if given the chance? Should we take bets on how long Josh Horowitz waits to ask about Kristen or Breaking Dawn? Have a question but don’t have twitter or don’t want to sully the rep of your feed? Post it in the comments and we’ll ask the ones that make us laugh the most!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

131 Commented

The year in Rob 2010 – top moments (that should have been)

2010 was goo!

Dear Rob,

It’s the end of the year and everyone is doing those count down of their favorite movies/music/current events, what have you and who would we be to not join in the fun with some of yours. But rather than count down our fave moments cause well, we talk about them a lot, I think I’m going to count down our favorite moments of yours the way I saw them…

1. Shopping with Tom Sturridge for underpants and whatnot – This was definitely one of our favorite moments of the year we’ve talked about it non stop and who wouldn’t? You were seen buying your drawers with your BFF?

How I saw it... After clearing out the contents of John Varvatos, Paul Smith and Penguin stores, Robert Pattinson and pal Tom Sturridge were seen out for months to follow at bars, shows, and friends places wearing the latest in men’s fashions. No word yet on the origins of the mysterious dumpster fire involving a lot of used men’s clothing (beanies, old leather briefcases, holey shirts and pants, etc) that was set ablaze in the lovely neighborhood of Barnes, London. Officials say they were glad the used clothing was not donated to charity shops because the levels of toxins found at the blaze were extraordinary and estimate that the clothing had not been washed in several years leading to complete annihilation of the rancid clothing and the dumpster.

Coming fall 2011 to Oprah’s new network! It’s the Rob Show!

2. Robert Pattinson on the Jay Leno Show – HOT HOT HOT, there’s really no other words for this suit and the resulting stories about his dad and the amazing emails he receives from Dick Pattinson.

How I saw it… Sensing the huge success of any television appearances he makes and the resulting high levels of estrogen in the studio, Robert Pattinson signs a deal with OWN media and starts his own chat show focused on women ages 18 – to old to remember. Topics will include: how to snag the (younger) man of your dreams, cougars vs sabers who would win his heart and guests Alex Sarsgaard, Iam Somerhalder, Chuck Bass (his real name),  and himself, Robert Pattinson.

I’ve gotta get to those fans!! Outta my way!

3. Rob films Water for Elephants in California and draws legions of fans to set locations every day – Who didn’t love seeing Rob in those period clothes, taming wild beasts and making out with Reese Witherspoon? We sure did. But some folks loved it aaaaaallllooottt and committed part of their summer to being a regular on set… or off set as it were.

How I saw it… Touched by the devotion of his fans Rob stoped his chauffeured car as he left the set of Water for Elephants today to tell them how much he appreciated them. But overcome with emotion, Rob actually proposes to every single fan gathered (5ish people) and suggests they all live on a compound in glorious Big Love-esque harmony. Every day is spent beginning with an hour long session of Rob flexes his hands and fingers for all to watch and drool. Then he picks up a guitar and puts it down, never playing, only teasing. They then all wake up from this glorious dream and seek psychological therapy.

CANNONBALL INTERNETS!!!!

4. Ready to cool off in the Atlantic Ocean while filming Breaking Dawn, Rob takes an awkward jump that will go down in history. – What else is there to say about Jumping Rob besides it’s pure, unintended choice GENIUS!

How I saw it… jealous of the popularity of Prancing Cera, Leo Struts, Sad Don Draper and Ryan Gosling’s “Hey Girl,”  among others, Robert Pattinson had been brainstorming a way to catch the hearts of the interwebs to make him even more famous for awkwardly jumping into the ocean than for being a sparkly vampire. After attempts such as “Air Guitar Rob” in Vancouver, “Underwear Rob” in London and  “Homie Rob” in LA all failed he saw his chance in Brazil. All it took was a hop skip and awkward jump into the ocean and into the interwebs hearts forever.

BOTHERED!!

5. Robert is Bothered… Knowing that ladies love cool Rob and will watch anything with Robert Pattinson in it, Jimmy Fallon launches the hilarious reoccuring bit called “Robert is Bothered” on his late night chat show. Rob eventually joins him for an episode in April of 2010 to let Jimmy know he really isn’t bothered, maybe a bit broken

How I saw it… Clearly, the BIGGEST male fan of Rob (and Twilight) to ever have his own late night chat show and power to make and air hilarious sketches, Jimmy Fallon created Robert is Bothered in an elaborate plot to lure the actor on his show and steal an autograph/hug/lock of hair. After having other cast members on to throw footballs and ride mini crotch rocket motorcycles, Jimmy knew he had to step up his game to lure in the big dog, Robert Pattinson and thus Robert is Bothered was created!

As you can see, how I saw your top moments of 2010 was waaaaayyy more exciting than how they actually played out. We will, however, be eternally grateful to you for bringing us such amazingness like Jumping Rob and Bothered that will last us through 2011. How can you top it this time??

2011 Here We Come!
Themoonisdown

Was this how you saw Rob’s top moments of 2010? What did I miss or did they go down differently to you? Share!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

52 Commented

Oh so thankful for Rob

Dear Rob,

By now you know us Americans love our Thanksgiving and we’ve told you all about how we stuff ourselves and sit around the table talking about what we’re thankful for, all in the name of the Pilgrims and the Native Americans coming together for a feast. So since you already know that stuff lets do my favorite part of Thanksgiving the eating sharing what we’re thankful for… (the day after)

Jumping Rob
By making history’s most awkward, goofy, hilarious jump into the waters off Brasil you single handedly saved what was about to be the dullest autumn in the Twidom. And we’re especially thankful for FuckYeaJumpingRob for keeping the funnies coming.

I mean seriously we could go on and on with these…

TV Week Photoshoot

You girls are crrraaayyy craaayy

Who in the world knows what TV Week is but who in the world cares? Can I get an amen? Cause they brought us these and for that we are THANKFUL. Amen and Amen!

Other Movies

It’s good to be reminded that you’re NOT Edward Cullen… you’re also Cedric Diggory and Daniel Gale and Tyler Hawkins and now Jacob Jankowski and we’re glad. We’re thankful we can tell friends that you’re an actor beyond Twilight and you’re pretty good at it.

Our Rob Suppliers
Robsessed, Biel, Twifans and Will and his NMM, Eclipse Movie and BDMovie sites/empire because they ALWAYS always have what we’re looking for and are the best

But mostly thankful for our fellow LTR girls who keep us on our toes and keep bringing the laughs in the comments and their letters. We would be stuck on AIM and GChat if it wasn’t for them.

Happy Thanksgiving and have a wonderful weekend!
Moon and UC

Share what Rob stuff you’re thankful for in the comments!!

Oh- Groupon (yes, we’re talking about them again. as you can tell we LOVE them!) has a Secret Shopper Page that you can only access by clicking this special LTR link. I don’t know what the special deals are but I think they’re only available through Monday (or are different every day until Monday!) It’s a secret. Shhhh
Groupon Secret Shopper

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

86 Commented