Rob Pattinson: Kiss & Tell

Dear Rob,

I know it’s been over a week: we went on a spring break, Moon had a birthday (go to LTT!) and we got Bin Laden, but I still can’t stop thinking about the Royal Wedding. And, of course, when I think about the Royal Wedding my mind goes something like this:

Kate Middleton’s Dress —> Prince William —-> Balding British Guy —> Non balding British guy —> Robert Pattinson

Jumping Rob Royal WeddingEasy to do, you see. So while I’ve been reminiscing about the wedding, you’ve been on my mind. And my thoughts have been mostly about sex, and more specifically, sex with the rich & famous.

I got to thinking about Prince William & how he met Kate when they were both 19. And it seems like the story goes that they were friends first. So it’s safe to assume they didn’t hook up for a year or two… And I’m going to say that Prince William, despite his thinning hair, still a pretty cute, attractive, in-shape, not to mention rich & powerful soon-to-be-king, got some prior to his 20th birthday and relationship with his now wife. And maybe that was big news in Britain…. but we’re pretty obsessed with the Royals over here, and I don’t remember hearing about it. I don’t remember seeing a headline “FUTURE KING OF ENGLAND LOSES VIRGINITY.” I don’t recall an interview the lucky gal who took his virginity gave to the British version of 60 minutes where she talks about how he lasted a “whole 25 seconds.” And I’ve been wondering why? Is it just a known fact in Britain that if you bang a royal you aren’t allowed to kiss & tell? Does the Queen’s handmaid (she has one of those, right?) show up bedside the next morning with an affidavit you have to sign swearing you won’t say a word? It is just understood that if you’re lucky enough to get in a Prince’s pants (or he in yours) you’ll be respectful and not tell anyone?

I’m not asking you for a copy of the handbook on “Manners for when you bed a Prince” that your sisters probably have stashed in their childhood closets, I’m actually thinking about this in regards to YOU. Why hasn’t anyone kissed & told? Sure you’ve been in a relationship for what seems like a lifetime, but what about before? You were young, hot, rich & up & coming. I know there has to be at least one chick you hooked up with on a whim who excitedly told her friend who told her cousin who told her aunt who told her friend who told her brother who has a contact at a rag mag. How did that news not slip out to anyone?

JumpingRobHat Royal Wedding

(Look Closely)

In fact, besides the high-profile skanks looking to make a quick buck (ala Tiger Woods & Charlie Sheen mistresses) why DON”T we hear about more average, every-day hot girls hooking up with celebrities? I KNOW Justin Timberlake has made some former N’Sync fangirl’s dream come true by letting her go down on him in a high-class LA restaurant (Poor Moon! That’d be the best birthday present). And Ryan Gosling seems like just the guy who would hook up with a nice, average girl he sees at his favorite Silver Lake bar on regular occasions. Why don’t we hear more?

If I were lucky enough to have a one-night stand with the likes of YOU, I would NOT keep that to myself. I’m not saying I’d call my contacts at Lifestyle Mag (ps: I don’t have any), I’m just saying…. My friends would know. Hell, my HUSBAND would know (You are on “The List.” That LIST exists for a reason- I’m allowed to do whoever I put on it, if I have the chance!) And friends, excited that a girl they know saw THE Edward Cullen’s nether-regions, would tell other friends or a co-worker who would tell a family member and on and on and on, and eventually.. someone who writes those rumors in a magazine would publish it. SO why doesn’t it happen more?

Why don’t we know about any other girls other than your girlfriend, ex girlfriend Nina (<— read that) and rumored hook-up with Nikki Reed. Is it possible that that is all you’ve had?

No….. right??

Inquisitive minds want to know,

What do you think? Do you ever heard rumors about every-day girls you KNOW celebs are hooking up with? Did I miss any other lucky girls who had Rob rumors circling around them? Would YOU Kiss & Tell?

Don’t miss Moon’s Birthday Party over on LTT!!!

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