Happy Birthday Kristen, love Rob

I’m passed out in your garden

I’m in I can’t get off so soft
I’d pop myself in your body

I’d come into your party, but I’m soft

a

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Breaking it down Vanity-Fair style

Dear Rob,

Moon & I call discussions like the one we’re about to have: “breaking it down vanity fair style” b/c we started the blog after breaking down the vanity fair vid (the 1 hour one) like it was a work of art  (it was).

Last week we saw that Robsessed had posted this amazing .gif of you kissing Kristen at the prom scene. I don’t think I breathed the entire time I watched it. Moon & I decided it was necessary to call our gals to convene immediately to break down that kiss b/c .. well, DUH.. it was necessary for survival… We texted and e-mailed till we found everyone and then actually went all 14-year-old-girl on you and had a “group chat” on google-talk. Here is how it went:

Friend #1: Umm…Rob is the shiz.   The end
Moon: and done!
Friend #1: just kidding…I have a list of things to discuss
Friend #2: that’s my fave kiss in the movie…  the first one was hot, but NOT edward and bellaish.  prom was totally edward and bellish.
Moon: which one shall we start with? How about the slow .gif?

Friend #2: too slow for me…  i am not a fan of extended foreplay.
Moon: give it a second i think it builds up
UC: builds up-  orgasm style
Friend #2: nope…not a fan of that either. i’m like a man.
UC: ur right moon- she has a flat mouth (notice how we ignored crazy Friend #2)
Moon: can we talk about how much of a dead fish kristen is??
UC: Moon and I believe that is b/c she was afraid to put real feeling and emotion into the kiss- thinking that Michael Oregano will notice and realize that she and Rob DID IT on his hotel suite’s kitchen floor.. the night before
Friend #2: she is a COLD dead fish.
Moon: it’s like a straight line, NO pucker at all

Friend #1: I am half pretending to work…and love Rob. The two can’t be combined
Moon: the slow one makes me feel dizzy
Friend #2: see….that is what i’m talking ’bout…
Friend #1: The slow one makes me feel dead
Moon: imagine my coworkers coming in to find my passed out and Rob kissing on the screen
Friend #2: he looks PAINED…exactly as edward should look at this point in the relationship.   NOT jumping onto her bed with her.
Friend #1: thank you! exactly
Moon: that’s what i was thinking too! Look at the crease in his brow.   and he like seriously takes a moment to think about it
Friend #2: YES!   like Edward.
UC: you are RIGHT! this is RIGHT. dude.. it’s so hot
Friend #2: KStew’s all, “whatever.”
UC: i can’t stop watching. does she not realize who she’s kissing?
Friend #1: Kristen is lamespice
Moon: this is like spin the bottle for her
Friend #2: um…i love me some Oregano in Almost Famous…but he ain’t got it going on as an adult.
Moon: amen and the hand behind the neck lawdy
Moon: ok should we move to the fast .gif?
Friend #2: dude, that’s the only one i’ve been watching. no slow. no slow-mo. EVER.

Friend #1: can I just say…BEST PART OF THE MOVIE!? Rob should never take that suit off….
UC: you’re right.  never. he was SO hot in that suit. hotter than oscars, london, japan…
Friend #2: no….my fave part in the movie is when he backs her up against that mountain…
UC: SO HOT. yes that is HOT. I wish he kissed her right there (or gave her a “special hug”)
Friend #1: special hug would have been better
UC: i’ve been reading too much fan fic

a

Friend #1: I bet Moon has been with Rob but isn’t telling us because she knows we would be jealous

Friend #2: i wouldn’t be jealous at all…but i would expect a play by play… the full deets.

UC: i would be so jealous and expect all of those things too. perhaps also a video

a

Moon: we want to have a round table discussion post where we feature people talking about something. you guys wanna be in it? (after we’ve already lured you in)
UC: we did not discuss this, but i enjoy this idea
Moon: i thought we talked about it. maybe not, maybe in my brain
UC: i don’t remember.. but it doesn’t matter b/c i like it .. decision made “we” agreed on it!   and apparently we’re the only ones here
Friend #2: i’m here.   i’m dying.
Friend #1: No I am here…I just thought I should let you two have your argument in private.
UC: i just got distracted b/c i got an email that said “Kristen Stewart is following you on twitter. i KNEW she read our site!

Friend #1: Lastly, Rob is like THE SHIZ at the kiss. I am pretty sure no other male on this earth could kiss as good as he did at that moment. I am pretty sure Kristen died and really wished she wasn’t dating Oregano-Stupid-Face at that moment. So anyway, Rob enveloped the perfect Edward-ness at that moment. I was blown away.  It killed me. *deadonthefloor…robkissmequicktoreviveme!*

a

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