25 things for Rob to do (for us) on his Birthday!

Dear Rob,

I would like the record to show that I had to google your birthday because I didn’t know whether my guess of 25 was right or not, but according to Wiki I was right. So what does your biggest fan (clearly) have to say to you on your birthday? Well I thought about it on my way to work this morning and all I could come up with for 25 is that you’re now allowed to legally, on your own, rent a car in the states. As a lady who is (a tad!) older than you, I’m sad to say this is the last of big milestone birthdays…

So since you’re now past the age of interesting birthdays we’ve come up with a list of 25 things we’d like to see you, Robert Pattinson do in the future…

1. Have Tomstu help you shot gun a bud light while reading the latest chapter of War and Peace on your iPad. Multitasking!
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2. Write a Rob Pattinson Fan Fic
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3. Date someone interesting. At least for a few weeks, someone who flashes her vajayajay in the camera so we can write about it
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4. Decide to only wear short running shorts for an entire year. This way we can run a countdown till your thigh tan line disappears
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5. Become a big fan of REALLY classy and expensive foods that you have to buy from specialty shops. So instead of pics of you at circle k we see pics of you at the local wine and cheese shop stocking up on caviar and toast points. AAAAAanything so we dont have to write about hot pockets ever again!
    
   

   What’s a birthday without Dick?

6. Take a hint from Taylor Lautner and make Dick Pattinson a producer on all your upcoming movies, insuring that we will see him at all premieres and that his retirement home will be extra posh. Dick is now able to produce movies about the history of hand gestures and classic cars. All of which you are forced to act or appear in, natch.
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7. In a few years when you’re not the biggest deal in the world, go on either Sesame Street or Yo Gabba Gabba and do a children’s song about being “flippy” and uncoordinated.
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8. Begin training in your off time as an extreme down hill skiier/bob sledder/skate boarder/swimmer/ any sort of sport so that we can see you try to complete in next years Olympics
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9. Write a memoir of your short short life thus far. Include stories of how dorky you were in school and how you now crank call all the popular kids. Too bad you don’t realize everyone has caller id now and they know it’s you.
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   Wait, has this happened?

10. Lend your voice to a character on the Simpsons who happens to be an Edward Cullen type and woos Lisa (the Bella-type, duh)..
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11. Begin a Twitter account where you only follow and retweet Justin Bieber and RPattzNews tweets
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12. Convince Sam Bradley you’ve changed your style. Ask him to take you to Claire’s to get ONE ear pierced and then ask to borrow his blazer collection. Get photographed by the paparazzi. Become our hero.
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13. Actually adopt the Sam Bradley style. Make us very sad. Forever.
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14. Take up playing the banjo/mandolin/lap steel. Join some sort of country/bluegrass/Americana band and drive us even crazier.
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15. Start recording yourself doing dramatic readings of Tweets/diiirrrtay fan fics/comments about you. Say UNF a lot and remind us all we look crazy!
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16. Whenever Summit or whoever gets around to rebooting Twilight with a new cast insist on playing Edward Cullen no matter how weird it is or old you look. Tell them you’re Forever 17!!!!
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17. Buy every season of Saved by the bell on DVD then chronicles the whacky mishaps of the gang on your Tumblr: HeckYeaSBTB. Half way through screencapping  the episode where they discover oil on the football field and Becky the duck dies to discover this tumblr already exists: http://lolslater.tumblr.com too bad…
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18. Go to local drug stores in whatever city you’re filming in/living, get photographed every day leaving with a bag full of odd combination of stuff: can of tuna fish, Anniversary card for grandparents, his and hers lube, spindle of cd’s, can of silly string and a bottle of peppermint Schnapps. Next day buy the same thing, different store.
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19. Get social ala Jbone- start a Facebook page. Start to poke random fans. Let hilarity ensue.
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20. Legally change your name to “Ron.” It’s just easier for all of us that way.
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21. Ask Kellan to meet you at the Motor Lodge in Studio City. Wear a red wig.
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22. Buy a silver Volvo. Minivan. “It’s so convenient!”
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23. After dressing up as a clown woman for WFE, you decide life’s much better as a happy clown lady with a nipple tassle and you decide to live life as a tranny.
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24. Talks it over with Steph & gets permission to write another Twi novel. 15 years in the future about Jacob & Renesmee. She defs steps out on Jacob with Nahuel for prom though. You’ve been writing the scene in your head for years now…
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25. You decide to finally be honest with your fans. Debbie’s story is true. ALL of it. The beige bra, the Harley, Father Cramer, the bolero jacket and the Twicons. You’re madly in love and DEBBERT LIVES!
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They ran outta 5’s at the store. Sorry about that!

Happy Birthday to the 25 year old dude we’ve spent the last almost 3 years of our lives (not) with. Hope it’s happy and fun and you get an updated Jitterbug phone. I hear they have this thing called “texting” capabilities on them now.

Feliz Cumpleanos!
Themoonisdown

What do you want to see Rob do? What should he add to his bday list of honey’s do’s we gave him?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Rob is a man again and we get another Water for Elephants trailer!

Dear Water for Elephants filmmakers,

Now THAT was a freakin’ trailer yall that other one, we shan’t speak of ever again! AND I’ll even overlook the over-the-top music because you finally gave people a reason (other than Rob looking like a man) to go see this flick. Also major snaps for giving us a look at old man Rob in the form of older more mature Jacob Jankowski (NO not, Julia Sugarbaker’s husband, the other one!). And with that I will sign off and talk to the ladies.

x’s and o’s and wishes to hit the red carpet premiere (have your people call our people us)
Ms. Themoonisdown, esq. Professional Rob Fan, PHD.

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Dear Ladies of LTR,

Since we’ve all watched this like 2319042934 times by now can we take a moment to talk about something I brought up with the good folks behind WFE?

At 1.29 we see Rob look like this…

Which SPOILER ALERT for the 2 people who haven’t read WFE yet is what I can only assume as a scene of older Jacob at the farm/house in Chicago after they get married and have kids and own an elephant and such. But I think the REAL issue we need to talk about is if Rob looks like THIS as an “older” man we have NO chance. ZERO chance of ever getting our lives back. Zero chance of ever finding a man who is worthy. ZERO chance of ever being able to form complete sentences again because if Rob looks like THAT all made up to be an older guy than IMAGINE what Rob as an older guy will REALLY look like. I know this is a lot of random capitalization of words but I have to street the fact that Rob is shaping up to be a HOT old dude. With our luck he will turn out to be a Clooney/Depp/John Slattery/Clive Owen type. And that is just not fair.

this just isn't a fair fight anymore

I really thought after this whole Twilight thing died down and he went back to being a normal dude we’d all just get on with it and remember this all fondly but now I’m really not so certain. I was hoping he’d end up in more of the Paul Giamatti/Christopher Walken land of looks and less the Colin Firth/Anderson Cooper area of awesome.

Sigh.

I guess this will do…
Themoonisdown

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Rob,

It will most definitely do.

XO and all my love till I’m getting face lifts to keep up with you,
moon

Soooooo ladies (and any ghey men amongst us) what do we think of older, more mature Rob? Were we just hiding our heads from the inevitable hoping this wasn’t true, or is it all just smoke and mirrors and Rob will look like Danny Devito in 20 years???

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

132 Commented