What’s going on here? Rob in LA edition

Dear Rob,

With you back in LA and traipsing around West Hollywood like nobodies looking has given us plenty of new material and it’s been our daily ritual to trade pictures of your latest shenanigans back n forth as we break it down. Just like the good ‘ol days. And today’s no different. Only this time we’re wondering what in the crap you’ve been up to and we think LTR readers have some ideas too… so let’s get started shall we?

So clearly Tom took the paparazzo up on Rob’s offer to let him take as many pictures in 30 seconds if he gave him the flannel. Poor Rob… too bad he doesn’t know TomStu paid the pap off since that flannel completes his killer Halloween costume idea of being the Brawny Man.

Moon: who’s the dude in the toyota driving them??
UC: THAT’S WHAT I SAID younger ben affleck? new friend? Tom’s boyfriend? Kristen’s brother? Kristen’s boyfriend? will we ever know?
Moon: a guy who drove a car up to the back door waiting for one of the bar tenders to get off work, then they jumped in and who was like wtf?! but he drove off
UC: haha yes exactly OR .. it’s a robstners boyfriend coerced with the promise of really good sex to act as a driver and get the goods aka film the back seat make-out session
Moon: and then dump them on the side of the road in a rush to get the video to the girlfriend and onto the internet
UC: his girlfriend is waiting by with a few 80s power ballads to use in the video and bella & edward montages to work in
Moon: and dont forget the roaring fireplace effect
UC: how could i forget!?
Moon: i know… and in reality it really just makes it look like rob/kristen/bella/edward are in a bad house fire
Moon: like this…

Next up…
Remember when you were younger and the cool thing to do was use bleach and rubber bands to make tshirts you thought were cool and in reality you just looked like a hippie or as if you had a big laundry accident. Rob is probably used to having Clare do his laundry so when he tried to do his own laundry for the first time he not only bleach the arm of the sweatshirt he shrunk it in the dryer. Thus the reason he quit doing laundry all together and why everyone thinks he doesn’t shower. Mystery solved!

A big thank you, Rob for actually showing your face occasionally this week and giving UC and I something to blabber about in the mornings like we used to. It’s been fun and educational but we’re still wondering what is going on.

Off to tie dye some shirts!
Themoonisdown

Thanks to our lovely pal Gozde and her girls at Robsessed for always having the goods!

So what do YOU think is going on in these pictures? Give us your takes in the comments!!!

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Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Rob, Kristen and Stroller Dad in the airport

Dear Rob,

I’m sure at the time being followed to the airport and having a camera shoved in your mug was annoying. Then seeing Kristen almost fall took a Herculean effort to suppress the inappropriate giggle that always comes from those situations but what about the totally unassuming Dad with the stroller? He just volunteered to take the baby for a stroll while the wifey got some mags from the newsstand and whammo he’s in the middle of Robsten Airport gate… his reaction is pretty stellar. Of course this is all made better by some funny person who put this all to the Benny Hill music. I found this over in the forum the other day and thought even you could get a kick out of it.

Now I’m off to camp in the great wilderness of California. Stop laughing! It’s true!
Themoonisdown

PS if you’re not a member of the forum you should be, you could be seeing gems like this every day!

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64 Commented

Inside the Robsten love lair

Right this way to the pantry...

Dear Rob,

I have jetlag… still. I find myself not being able to sleep till 4 or 5 in the morning then waking up at 8 then crashing out again around 2PM. I’m currently fighting to keep my eyes open and it’s 8PM. This sucks… bad. I can only imagine if you live with this all the time, but you probably never really get used to any schedule because you’re in and out so much. So you can imagine my lack of enthusiasm for anything these days much less the circus that is your life what with all the hoopla surrounding this whole Robsten debacle.

So when UC sent me a link to some creepo arial paparazzi photos and photos that someone probably got from the rental website where this place is listed of where you and Kristen are supposedly staying,  I clicked on it hoping to see TomStu hanging out in the bushes near you guys installing a satellite dish or setting up a wading pool in the backyard (LA chic yall!), you know just about anything you can do together without including him.

What I saw though made me grossed out a bit and of course intrigued as the wheels in my head began to spin. The pictures featured a wide shot of the house…

Where is this “Little Cabin in the Big Woods?” Where is Ma and Pa Ingalls? Where’s Laura and Mary? Do you make a balloon for Kristen and Tom to play with out of a pigs bladder? Can you tell I loved those books a lot? What is this house? This looks nothing like the Bel Air I know!

Is there dust on the bathtub because it’s never been used? And is that a half empty bottle of Dakar Noir I see on the counter? You preferred cologne of course. It’s easier to find Dakar at Rite Aid and Walgreens when you’re on the road than it is to find a department store with those fancy designer scents.

And what about these pictures of the master bedroom and (insert your own “duh duh ddddduuuuuh” here) THE BED that you and Kristen might be sleeping on at this very moment. Did the Robsten fangirls instantaneously orgasm just by looking at this picture?

Is that Kristen I see in bed giving the helicopter pilot the middle finger?

Does the property have a loquat tree? How else will Kristen make you crumbles and tarts and pies without one? Was that one of the necessities of your rental search?

Does the mini really have a vanity plate that reads “1 Mad Hater?” Cause I’d much rather live in a world where Kristen and possibly you drive around in a car that says mad hater on the back. I don’t want to think Kristen or her family are just really big Alice in Wonderland fans. So I have forever dubbed the black mini: “the hater mobile.” Long live the hater mobile!

Sadly, this isn’t anything like what I pictured the “palatial pad” to be like but I guess once I blew the lid off that place with my amazing writing skills you had to up your game, I get it. But now I’m going to take a shower because I feel skeevy for looking in your bedroom windows. Figuratively of course. But really now Joe-Realtor you couldn’t have taken these down?

Oh and if you have any good tips for jet lag that just won’t quit, I’m all ears!
Themoonisdown

Have you seen the pictures? What did you think, any initial thoughts like mine? Does Rob seem more of a Dakar man or a Cool Water type guy? 🙂 And seriously, jet lag tips?

Pictures from Twilight Central

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183 Commented

Robert Pattinson goes to College?

(Rob, I’m gone for the next 2 weeks and while I know you’re crying into your In N Out it’ll be ok! I’ve got all your favorite pals to write you letters while I’m away! Today Lindelle tells us why you should have gone to college! xo, moon)

Dear Rob,

You lead a pretty charmed life. You probably make more money in a month of filming than I’ll make in my lifetime. And I’ll bet you always get to the front of the line at Olive Garden with Taylor, instead of having to wait 2 hours like us mere mortals. But I’m not jealous … well, not too jealous anyways. You know why? One word: College.

Rob, in your quest for an acting career, you skipped over some of the best times of your life! Now I know lots of people don’t go to college, but here in the states it’s pretty common, and those 4 years are made for people with your interests: Beer, music, studying beer, bars, reading pretentious books, late nights, beer, concerts, movies, bar tours, vodka, friends, microwaves, and you guessed it – more beer. Lots of actors decide to go back for some higher education after awhile (the lovely Emma Watson comes to mind), so I thought I’d let you know from my own college experience why you too should get schooled, Rob.

• Wouldn’t you like a taste of anonymity for once? My alma mater has about 45,000 students at its main campus. That’s 45,000 people all wearing old band t-shirts, holey jeans, sweatshirts with the hood up, and sunglasses, while walking down a sidewalk so crowded it’s like spawning salmon returning to their native waters. No one would even look twice at you! I’ll take it one step farther: Throw on a North Face jacket and a black backpack, and you will be virtually invisible in the crowd. (Except to an LTR girl. But don’t worry, they’re super.) You can walk to class texting TomStu on the jitterbug with no fear of paparazzi. And even if one shows up, just yell out “He works for [insert hated rival school name here]!!” and – voila! – an instant stampede of rabid, 7 foot jocks will take.him.down.

• Speaking of jocks, you watch sports, right? Even if you can’t throw a basketball to save your life? (Yeah, I don’t believe you that you’re dominating there, RobArt! Nice try.) Well, I personally don’t feel that you’ve lived until you’ve been to a state school football game. Do you have tailgating over there in Barnes? You want a recipe for a good time? Take 100,000+ people drinking heavily, barbecuing, and drinking heavily while barbecuing, then cram them into a stadium together. Dean and Dick would love it! Look at this and tell me this isn’t something you want to be a part of:

• Everyone will excuse you for showering as little as possible, because dorm bathrooms are GROSS. When Clare complains that she can smell you from a kilometer away (she still hasn’t renounced the metric system despite all her time in the U.S. – be strong Clare!) just tell her that they’re 10 times worse than Tyler’s nasty-ass bathroom in Remember Me. She’ll understand. That’s what Febreze is for.
• Two words: dorm microwaves. What could be better than knowing wherever you go in your room, the Hot Pocket cooker is only a max 10 feet away? Heaven!
• Homework avoidance would be easy for you. Just give any assigned group project members your classic “eff me eyes” and they’ll be falling all over themselves to do your work for you … guys included. Then you’re free to play Frogger on your graphing calculator all through the lecture, while they painstakingly write in British slang using their downloaded Robert Pattinson font.

• But I’m saving the best for last. After all your studying/exams/papers/finals/part-time jobs/lab reports TomStu texting, you’ll need a break. And you won’t be lacking for break activity in college. There are dive bars around every corner. You can even warble “I’ll Be Your Lover Too” at karaoke night if you’d like! Or relax at the hookah lounge with the Britpack. But leave the Heineken behind, ’cause here you’ll be drinking Natty Light like the rest of the poor folks (blech!)

So Rob, I hope I’ve made my case. Bring it on over to a giant state university and have the time of your life! I can even give you a private tour of my old dorm/an empty classroom/the cafeteria dumpster campus.

Go State!
Lindelle

Don’t forget about : While Moon was Gone

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65 Commented

Open Weekend Post: Rob’s “mom” wears jorts

Dear Rob,

First off, I must apologize to you. I watched the paparazzi video of you in Malibu, but in my own defense, I was researching an article about you having a car accident and I only watched the video out of concern for you. It made me sick. But then I got to wondering why I felt so nauseous, and I came up with a few reasons for my reaction and I would like to share those with you:

A. The video was so abusive to you by the paparazzi that I was appalled.
B. You actually went to the cinema with an older woman that was wearing jorts.
C. Kristen isn’t paying enough attention to you since she’s off filming her new movie, and you knew of course how she hates the pap’s, so you planned an altercation so that you could get some Kristen sympathy.
D. Your agent is trying to create press for your new movies. OR
E. You just wanted some cougar touch.

Which lead me to these conclusions:

A. The pap’s are sleazy a-holes and should be horsewhipped. That’s how we handle sleazy a-holes in Texas. You should come hangout here with me. We could have an interesting time whipping Paps. We could start a P&M club. I’ve even got the whip…and the handcuffs, and the slutty black dominatrix outfit, the thigh high black patent leather boots….Oh sorry I got sidtracked for a minute.
B. You just wanted some touch from an older lady. Which I can totally understand. Everybody knows that older women are better lovers. (Refer to exibit A of this section for proof)
But….if the cougar is wearing jorts, no makeup and is not doing anything with her hair, then she isn’t into you. Sorry. If you’re yearning for some hot cougar stuff, contact UC & Moon- they have my info. Seriously. Everyone, even strangers, tells me I look like Liz Taylor in that movie Cougar On A Hot Tin Roof…no sorry that was Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. Imagine Liz in all the stuff I mentioned in section A…………..Again, Moon & UC have my contact info.
C. Kristen, please call Rob. He’s reaching out in the most pathetic way.
D. Surely you would have already fired an agent that is that stupid.
E. I refer you back to B of the reaction section. Again, Moon & UC have my contact info.

After sorting all of this out in my mind, I decided that the Paps really were being mean to you. I can’t tell you how impressed I am that you took a stand. (We’re all about taking stands in Texas, you know with the Alamo and all.) You kept your composure and behaved like a gentleman, (by the way Thanks Mom Pattinson for rearing such a fine young man.) Even when that lame woman leaned in your car window and offered you no help whatsoever, you were still nice to her. Even when the cops didn’t do anything to help you, you were still nice.

You can call me Claudia

Here’s what I think, from now on before you go out again, call your sisters and ask them if you can borrow some of those clothes that they used to dress you up as a girl. Borrow that Bella wig from Kristen and carry the Dadcase, no scratch the Dadcase, too obvious- get yourself a 1988 Ford LTD to drive around town, and don’t forget to borrow that bra from the set of Remember Me that didn’t work as a vanity patch. You’re gonna need to stuff it and make you some boobs. That way no one will recognize you except for me, and I love my man in drag. Of course it may be a little bit embarrassing arriving to a party dressed that way, but I think after the last Paparazzi invasion, people will understand.

LOL and YeeHaw!
Your lonely sex kitten…..no.
Your everlasting older woman lover….no
Debbie does Dallas….closer
Let’s just go with P&M Mamma

Check out the picture of Stephanie & Robt from RPLife which has one of those hard-coded titles from the company that owns the rights- and it is titled “Rob Pattinson & his Mom” Poor Stephanie!!

After the jump, a Saturday Delight! Continue…

53 Commented