The *BEEEEEEP-ing* MTV Movie Awards with dirty mouthed Rob

I'm a huuuuge dork!

Dear Rob,

FUCK.

Since you said it, we’ll second it. So WTF were you thinking with that speech for Reese? Reading it off a crumpled up napkin? Not using the teleprompter? Using jokes Reese probably told you after 4 mojitos too many after a long day of filming Water for Elephants? Being on the same stage as Ronald Miller from Can’t Buy Me Love and Chelsea “I either stayed out in the sun too long or my cheeks have been stretched around my face” Handler and not BRINGING it?

Rob presenting Reese her Award by myrobaddiction

Can I offer you a few words of advice?

Too bad, I’m going to…

Next time let Reese Witherspoon deliver your lines. Or at least ask her for lessons on what to and what NOT to say when on live television giving an award to someone. Let’s start with our main advice… practice and memorize your lines… then pretend as if the awards show is a performance and you are as smooth as Edward. You seem to do better when you are acting as someone else and not being yourself. Don’t get us wrong, we totally think hanging out with YOU at a bar would be, if nothing else, illuminating if not down right hilarious. But at these special events just act as if you’re at an elaborate audition for the next James Bond film and you want to come off as neither shaken nor stirred.

Let’s take some pointers from Reese shall we… (around 7:55…)

Rob presenting Reese her Award by myrobaddiction

First off she saves your jokes…

Might I suggest instead of the “you cut me out but I fucked you” or whatever the joke was maybe you should have asked Justin Timberlake to come back out and riffed off his song from SNL “Mother Lover.” We KNOW we already have the pseudo Color Me Badd jackets in your collection.

My wildest dreams come true: these two men in the same frame

Next she calls out the fame whores of our time… the Mileys, the Vanessa’s, the Kim Kardashians, the whoever has a reality show and reminds us all to NOT show your face when you take a nude camera phone pic, HELLO people! So maybe next time you should call out the cheeseball man whores of our time the Situations, the Gerad Butler’s, the Kellan Lutz’s (I kid, I kid Kellan) of the world. Or maybe just call out your own crazy fans and your own crazy Robsten fans and tell them to “get off your dick” cause the tshirt didn’t work… they need a more direct approach.

Man Rob, there’s so much to write you about with me being gone the last few weeks. UGH! I guess this will have to just be the beginning…

Until *BEEEEPing* next time,
Themoonisdown

PS Dude, you never gave Marcus back his shirt? And you wore it AGAIN?

PPS THIS ->

ALWAYS THIS.

Who watched? Who started spontaneously writing slash Rob/Taylor fanfic after seeing the above? Was anyone else beyond 2nd hand embarrassed at Rob’s BAD speech delivery? Thank God for Reese.

We break down the new BD trailer over at LTT today!

Oh and glad to be bad!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

203 Commented

Rob is in between

Dear Rob,

Before we go any further, I have to point out that I liked Water for Elephants. It’s not going on any “Best Of” lists. No one is going to win any Oscars for it, but I thought it was a great movie. I loved the book, and I thought the movie was a great representation. There were great moments for you, Rob. There were great moments for Reese. That doesn’t mean I thought it was perfect, but I enjoyed the movie. I probably won’t see it again, but that’s because I’m pretty broke. Plus I’d rather spend my free time watching ROBSTEN videos online (<– Click that unless you follow us on Twitter and experienced the joy of “UC Tweets Robsten videos while drinking vodka” last night)

That being said, I want to talk about how you, Rob, are not a boy, not yet a man. Yes, just like Britney Spears sang. Well, kinda.

You see, one of my favorite things about you as Jacob Jankowski was that the role really FIT you. In fact, afterward, Mr. Choice told me that he thought you did a great job because you were exactly like Jacob. An attractive guy, yes, but a little socially awkward & kinda dorky. (His proof was the photo below. He said he was pretty sure this was shot one day when you all were just goofing around ‘off-camera’ and someone caught it & decided to include it in the film)

I love my days off!

Jacob is those things- a bit awkward because he’s in an new social situation with all new people after his family has been ripped from him. Dorky because, well, he’s a 22 year old, almost Ivy-league graduated virgin. Three types of guys go to Ivy-league: Foreign royalty, Hot, Rich Douche-bags in secret societies who row crew & dorky smart guys who’ve never touched bare breasts. (Me Stereotype? Nooo) And you play that role well! Because, well, you’re kinda a social recluse with your books & artsy films. And we KNOW you and that supposed girlfriend of yours are saving “it” for marriage…… soooooooo…..

WANTED: Passion

But here’s where it all falls apart for me, Rob. And here’s where Britney Spears comes in…. I’m not feeling the chemistry between you & Reese. You portray very appropriately this young, “I’m finding my way- living free, making mistakes, looking silly but growing up” stuff & then when it comes to the real, deep sexual, raw chemistry, it falls short. You do the dorky, young guy stuff perfectly, but can’t quite perform as the man (See? Britney Spears) The Rob Pattinson “awkwardness” you’ve perfected in your roles plays great for a teenager (Edward) & college student (Tyler, Jacob). But when faced with a smoking’ hot all woman co-star like Reese, the role commands a MAN to take control of those scenes & force the passion. SHOW US your love for Marlene. SHOW US you want her. We know you do. We read the book. We can tell a bit by your actions. But I want to SEE IT so badly that I run out of my seat and try to climb in the movie screen to take you for myself (Oh you’re right- I’d do that either way!)

I think it could be that your good looks are to your detriment, too. If you were slightly less hot you could be the funny, awkward Seth Rogan (or even Adam Brody!). But instead you’re on a wholleeee other level. So we expect Brad Pitt. And you don’t have the confidence yet to sex it up Pitt-style. Well, I don’t think you do. But in case you want to prove me wrong I’m here. Willing. Able. Always.

So Rob… take off your shirt, hop on top of a cliff & sing about how you’re not a boy, not yet a man…

All I need is time…. a moment that is mine… while I’m in between,
UnintendedChoice

After the jump (can you guess!?)….. Continue…

76 Commented

Water for Elephants: We came, we saw, we wept, we learned a lot, we joined the circus

*spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen WFE yet… or read the book…*

This ish was reeeeeaaaallll cute

Dear Rob,

Even though my MOM got to see Water for Elephants before me (Thursday at midnight) and is clearly a bigger fan than I am, I’m the one with the blog so I get to talk about seeing it to thousands hundreds ten people and tell them all the things I learned from or thought about whilst watching the latest in your canon of film making… So without further adieu…

Things I learned from/thought/said out loud while watching Water for Elephants:

• Unless you read the book you will never get why its called “Water for Elephants.” you’ll just be left wondering how the heck robert pattinson ended up as an almost veterinarian if he can’t even bring the dang elephant some water. I mean she was forced to steal some lemonade while her dumb ass handlers gave each other googly longing eyes.

• Dudes and their ladies who are not Robsessed will give you the dirty side eye when you are your friends giggle/sigh/whisper/point at the screen at any of the “Rob” scenes. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself so you grab your friend and start making inappropriate noises while humping an arm rest. What’s the problem with that dudes and your lady friends? Geez.

Everybody Loves Rob... even this lady

• The Grandma from Everyone Loves Raymond will just happen to see Water for Elephants during your screening and you will wonder if she’s secretly apart of Twilight Grandmas or maybe she’s that more mature commenter who hints at being a grandma… We see you Doris!

• Smuggling a Diet Coke in your purse from outside the theater because you refuse to pay 10 bucks for a soda is never a good idea. The lid will inevitably come off when you’re trying to look nonchalant in front of the 17 year old ticket taker and the delicious Diet Coke will slosh around and drench your make up bag, cell phone charger and your Team Edward button.

• Reese Witherspoon will make you seriously consider Googling “Trick Horse Riding Lessons” when you get home. Or in the bathroom on your phone after the movie is over.

• Christophe Waltz will simultaneously scare the piss out of you while making you reconsider the top of your dating age limit.

Cheers to me being SUPER hot, kids!

• This movie should really be called Lemonade and whiskey for Elephants.

• Seeing Rob climb out of that trunk in a wig, nipple tassle, make up and ladies clothes makes you wonder if that’s just another Saturday night for him. (Spoiler: it is!)

• If you tell your boyfriend/husband/lover/gay friend/best guy friend/Craigslist hook up that you want to see the new movie with that dude who played the crazy Nazi colonel in Inglourious Basterds he will probably be confused and think it’s a new kick ass Tarantino film and go with. It will not be a kick ass Tarantino flick but whatever gets them in the seats right? Cause it must have worked for how many dudes of all ages we saw at our screening.

• Reading about August being a cruel animal hater/abuser/crazy person is much easier than seeing it actually (fake) happen on film.

• Did Rob really have Edward colored hair when he and Reese get it oooonnnn in the hotel room? Can some Robsteners trace this back to Kristen being sick as some point? I want to see a gif and flow chart illustrating this by the end of the day. GO!
• These people drink A LOT of champagne… these are my kind of people.

Yup, I'd like to grow old with you

Water for Elephants really is a magical, sweet, sad, great movie. Rob impresses me more and more each day and I really can’t wait to see what films he does next. I can’t wait to see him really bat one out of the park.

Lemonade and Whiskey for Elephants,
Themoonisdown

So who went and saw it? Ok, I guess the better question for some of you would be HOW many times did you see it? Were there any embarassing groans/moans made in your audience? Did anyone clap when Rosie did her tricks (someone did in ours), who wants to start Letters to Christoph?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

41 Commented

Tales from a busy Rob Blogger

Dear Rob,

If you haven’t noticed, and I’m sure you have because you’re so attentive to my needs I’ve been MIA a lot lately. I’ve let the amazing LTR readers of the world write letters for me while I’ve worked hard & gotten tipsy on my off-time. (BTW I’m warning you right now- I’m away yet again- in Nashville, visiting my college roommate- and tonight we polished off an entire margarita pitcher just the two of us. So basically I’m drunk. Big time. But whatever. I can drunk-blog. Watch me)

But anyway, during these past few weeks of my crazy work & travel schedule, I’ve been missing out on what’s been going on with you. I’ve barely cracked the surface of your WFE interviews. I haven’t watched one live TV appearance, and it wasn’t until I started getting notifications of Moon tweeting with people on our @letter2twilight twitter name that I remembered last night was the WFE premiere. #fanfail or #busyfan or #reallifesometimeswins or #ishoulddrinkless or something like that.

But what I love about the community of LTR is that I’m never alone. So while I know there are some who have watched EVERY interview and EVERY live show you’ve been on and some LTR gals were even AT the WFE premiere last night, I know so many are in the dark & have had “real life” catch up on them in recent weeks or months too. So that’s what I am here for. To help us all catch up. And by that I mean post the hottest pictures from last night’s WFE pictures before I pass out on my friend’s dog from a tequila-induced coma

So without further ado:

Do you think Reese thinks of Rob when she’s doing it with her fiancee like so many other gals out there in the universe?

Rob Pattinson, doing what he does, looking hot in this suit that is blowing my mind. Is that a purple tie? A brown one? A tweed suit? Who knows. Who cares. He looks amazing. And pale. He needs a little sun. And also a strong SPF so he doesn’t burn.

This is Rob asking who the girl is on his right who is wearing white tights. (PS: I’m guessing that is Sarah Gruen, the Water for Elephants author. But that’s just a guess. Maybe it’s a lucky fan. Maybe that’s Rob’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s Reece’s bff. Maybe she’s a representative from a company that sells white pantyhose) Also, can we all just agree that we want to kill Reece for being so damn adorable. And by “Kill” I of course just mean we want her to be our BFF?

This is Rob saying to us “Try not to run your tongue along my jawbone across your computer screen. I dare you”

This is Kristen Stewart saying “Eff you Reese Witherspoon always looking gorgeous & fake sexing my boyfriend- look how hot I look in this dress!” Dannngggg that’s a hot dress. (Also in case you were wondering: yes of COURSE there were people freaking out and acting surprised that Kristen was at the premiere. I know. Isn’t everyone SO over that conversation at this point? Can’t we all get along & just imagine the music they made love to that night when they got home & went straight to the bear skin rug they had shipped from Vancouver to NYC just for that special occasion? Do you think it was Lionel Ritchie? I hope.)

My first thought: “$$&(*SA(*GKjhl.” And then I immediately followed that up with a prayer that you were taking that off and not buttoning it back up. Dang, Rob. Dang.

There is so much more- there are videos up on Robsessed, the gals at @H2OforElephants got to go to the premiere & SEE the film plus all the other stuff I missed while drinking tequila. Not to mention the MOVIE comes out FRIDAY!

But for now, I’m going to bed. (And by that I mean back to bed since halfway through writing you a letter I passed out with my college roommate’s dog. Oops)

Can’t wait to see the movie, Rob!

Love,
UnintendedChoice & the tequila in my belly

Monday Quiz: Yes or No: Rob was hot last night. Question #2: Reese is so adorable it’s not fair: Yes or No. Question #3: UC should go to bed. Circle for Yes. (Please love me, ignore my spelling errors & just laugh at how ridiculous I’ll feel when I wake up in the morning & realize I actually pressed “post” on this letter!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Commented

Water for Elephants Press Junket brings it’s A Game and I use the term “Pattinspoon”

Talking about elephants or something

Dear Rob,

At the risk of inciting the crazies, which  I already did by using the term “Pattinspoon” Sunday night, I gotta say I’m loving this Water for Elephants promo with you and Reese. It’s so laid back and “fun” Rob that I just can’t help myself. And I’m not trying to say a MARRIED Reese Witherspoon should try to get with you (more for the rest of us, duh!) I’m saying I love that she’s like a long lost Pattinson sister or maybe even a secret LTR reader who makes fun of you. I keep waiting for her to slip and call you “Claudia” or make you sit in the back seat of Dick’s car.

Sure we love the other press junkets cause you usually tell us interesting crap but for this WFE junket you’ve brought you’re A-game and so has Reese and so has the internet… so let’s stop wasting time and get to the best stuff from the WFE press junket…

Look at what we get…

Stories like this:
But what about the circus itself? “I really really like the fast food at circuses, I’m a big fan of hot dogs,” he jokes. “Seriously, I’ve only been to a circus once in my life: my sister told me the clown died when they did a stunt. I was only like 7 years old, so I freaked out when she said that. When she was 29 she told me that she made it up. But I was always knew that circus life is like a whole other world.”

BURN sister he told your age to a national publication!! Oh family dramz, gotta love it!

Singing songs like this:

Rob you can give me lines from Usher ANY DAY. This was MY JAM like 2 summers ago. MAN.

Interviews like this by a dude who’s almost as big a fanboy as Josh Horowitz from MTV…

Srsly, WHY are we not asked to interview you? We would come up with WAY better crap than this OR that dude from Extra WOW that one was bad!
.

Exchanges like this…

Interviewer: You had a chance to adjust to married life…
Reese: Have you adjusted to married life yet?
Rob: I haven’t really got used to it yet…
Reese: We’ve only been married for 5 days.. Oh, wait, you’re not married, are you?

pictures like this…

MILF-y Reese…

.

you and Elephants! You kissing said elephant! When has Twilight ever rolled out a wolf or tracked down a real vampire for you to pose by? Amateurs!

I can only hope we keep getting this amazing stuff with WFE right about the corner! 17 Days till we finally get to see it all finally play out in front of us!

Thanks WFE Marketing and PR Team!
Themoonisdown

PS REALLY Rob stylists you gave him a LINEN jacket? Boys idea of a steamer does NOT involve Rowenta or Bissle.
.
Have you been loving the WFE press? What’s the best interview or question you’ve seen asked? And where in the world can Twilight find a real vampire for them to pose with? 🙂

Sources: Robsessed, A Dream, Crazy, some people I’m sure I missed

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

73 Commented