What makes someone a “True” Rob Fan?

As Breaking Dawn & Rob hysteria is winding down, I’ve been pondering my “acute fondness” for all things Rob & Beaspoon’s letter came at the perfect time!

Is this what a true Rob Fan looks like?

Dear Rob,

So I met a new friend a little while back–we’re talking JUST before Breaking Dawn came out. We’re sipping coffee together while our kids run mad circles around us and she mentions that she’s just started reading “those vampire books” and have I heard of them? Have I HEARD of them? I start laughing, perhaps a little maniacally, and sort of shrug and say, “Yeah, I’ve read them. I’m pretty much Robert Pattinson’s biggest fan.” And she starts going on about how cute you are and how she didn’t even know who you were until she saw the Twilight movies and blah blah blah. The whole time I am thinking, in my head (because that’s where most of my thoughts should stay, lol), “She thinks SHE’S a fan? Ha. No. No way. She can not possibly be even half the fan that I am, I mean I’ve been a fan of Rob’s since….GASP!” All of a sudden it hits me, I am literally speechless as I realize,

What if I’m not REALLY a true Rob fan?

I mean, I know I’m enough of a fan to have seen every movie you’ve ever been in, even the weird, creepy early ones. I know that I’m enough of a fan to write letters to you on a Robfan website that actually get published sometimes (that’s pretty batshit crazy, right there!). I know that I read waaay too much fanfiction and you are the star in every single one. I know that I don’t really care at all about “Edward,” it’s Rob that I am nuts about. But there are some pretty gaping holes in my fan stats, if I’m being honest. I didn’t even succumb to the Twilight madness until the summer of 2009, which is well past the initial craze–all 4 books were published and the first movie was already out on DVD, and I had never even heard of Robert Pattinson. I didn’t start reading fanfic until the fall, and I didn’t discover LTR and Robsessed until then either. I’m not really an active member of the fandom, I just lurk and occasionally post or jump in when there is drama, lol. I don’t watch every single interview you give (who really has time for that?–I know, shoot me!) and don’t read a lot of the articles about you because, quite frankly, a lot of them are crap. So what gives? Am I not really a “true” fan?

I’ve decided that I need to give my new friend the benefit of the doubt. So she just discovered you, so what? She’s one more person who understands your appeal, and even if it took her longer to notice you, she’s still a fan. I might not have been a fan from the very beginning, but I still sing your praises daily. I write you these silly letters, and my husband knows that should I ever actually meet you and you choose to ignore the fact that I am a 5-foot-tall, chubby, 30-something mom of 2 with stretch marks and a perma-ponytail and fall madly in love with me at first sight…well, it will be ON like Donkey Kong. How’s that for being a true fan?

Still crazily yours,

PS–Love love love the beard. Scruff looks so good on you. And definitely keep wearing more deep V’s. That is all. 🙂

SO what do you think? What makes a TRUE Rob Fan? Such a relevant question with all the hate being spewed across the internet lately (ps I just got lost in a 10 minute nonsten/robsten tumblr-fest. I had to step away. That shizz is crazy) Do you have to be pro-Robsten to be a TRUE Rob Fan? Can you be a NEW Rob fan and still be TRUE? Does a true Rob fan agree with how he looks & what he does or says 100% of the time?

(You know my answers to the above, right? No you don’t have to be Robsten OR Nonsten. Yes you can be a new fan. and NO you don’t have to love him 100% of the time!)

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The LTR Creep-o-meter

Dear Rob,

Today we’re going to talk about a very controversial subject: Rob-Stalking.

And of course by ‘controversial’ I mean ‘hypocritical’ because all of us at one time or another have felt bad for you and/or gotten mad at paparazzi making your life hell by “stalking” you for the sake of riches by selling your pictures. Or we’ve made fun of and/or gotten mad at Fans who have interrupted your dinner or invaded your personal space for the sake of getting a picture to share with all their Twitter or Facebook friends (and as a result the millions of people who read Robsessed & other similar sites). We all need to stop pretending that if we were given the chance to have the riches that that paps got by selling the pics of you “making out” with Kristen, or if we could have the satisfaction of a photo album called “The night I got drunk enough to ask Rob for a picture out at the bar” on our Facebook walls, we wouldn’t say, “EFF YEAH.”

Now that we have that out of the way, someone asked us a very important question on our Facebook Wall that we must address:

I live in Jackson, Mississippi – question – should I or should I not drive to Baton Rouge and stalk Rob – I need your advice. -Julie

Julie: Let’s take the LTR Creep-o-meter and see if you would be considered creepy by stalking Rob in Baton Rouge. This creep-o-meter was created after intense research by highly trained professionals: if you answer “Yes” to any of the following questions, we may have a problem:

1. Are you driving more than 30 miles each way to do said Rob-stalking?

2. If answer to #1 was “yes,” is it for a vacation planned this summer after a certain press release mentioned where Breaking Dawn is filming?

3. Do you plan to visit sites on said vacation that you heard about after reading tweets & blogs written by moms with too much time on their hands?

4. Do you have a problem where you scream & faint around famous people?

5. Do you think it’s okay to leave your children alone in the car without parental supervision? Even if you’ll “Be right back” because you have to “just try one thing?”

6. Do you own a camping chair & are you comfortable sitting for 22 hours a day in the hot sun for no reward?

7. Are you able to hold your bladder for days on end?

8. Is there a restraining order out against you?

9. Does Chris Hansen know your address?

10. Are you on “The List?” Oh you know the one- the one Summit & Rob’s people have for those who are around wayyyy too much. They seem innocent- they just want to stay around the action, waiting for the moment when a star might appear- but when day after day set “visitation” turns into week after week, some people start to notice that they don’t seem to have jobs… or lives that demand anything of them… or if they do they’re willing to give it up for just a fleeting moment with a star….. Yeah, they’re on “The List.”

And you don’t want to be on The List. So, how do you measure up, Julie?

If none of the above apply, congrats! You’re not creepy! You may Rob-stalk confidently now. But remember:

-Act cool
-Carry cigarettes
-Don’t post locations online
-Don’t smell his hair
-Do accidentally graze his butt
-Be interesting & memorable. In a non “List” way
-Don’t tell him you loved him in “The Bad Mother’s Handbook”
-Don’t embarrass LTR

Heyyy? To this guy??

We’re counting on you!

Oh, and Rob, I suppose I should acknowledge the fact that you came out of hiding yesterday with a new ‘do & color job. Thanks for that. Also.. tell your new friend I said “heyyyyyy!”


What do YOU think Julie should do!?

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171 Commented

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