Catching up on all I’ve missed about Rob Pattinson

Dear Rob,

With the prepping for the holidays, the actual holidays and then recovering from the holidays, I’ve barely had any time to check what you’re up to! And since I haven’t heard many rumors about you’re life, I just assumed you weren’t up to anything. I haven’t even read my go-to-for-the-best-Rob-news site Robsessed in like… WEEEKS. Are you still in Brazil jumping off stuff? Well, turns out I DID miss stuff. Not that any of it is that great. Actually most of it is QUITE a snore, but at least it’s something, right!? Since the LTR readers tend to follow in the footsteps of Moon & UC – not because we rule (we do) but because we’re all pretty similar and, well, Normal, I figured I wasn’t the only one who missed what you’ve been up to. So let’s get to it:

First up, here is a list of stuff I’m not really going to mention but was part of your life in the past month: Water for Elephants trailer was released; We were too busy to break it down; WFE release date got pushed back 1 week; You went home to London; You went to Iowa? (Confused about that one. And care TOO little to research it further); You probably washed your hair; Bel-ami is not going to be at Sundance Film Festival; You were in some rag mags with untrue stories about your love life; You won some meaningless awards given to you by sites & media desperate to use your name to gain readership.

And in slightly more interesting news:

TONIGHT, You will join Kristen & Taylor to make the trinity complete at the People’s Choice awards:

And let me tell you how this story ends: You, Kristen & Taylor (and Eclipse) win every category you are nominated in. Dear John stands no chance up against you. Tina Fey & Steve Carell might as well go to the nursing home- they’ll never beat youngsters like you 3. And because of this, if anything else is on at 9 pm tonight, I’ll skip the show & just look at pictures later. But let’s be honest… Nothing else will be on & I’ll probably end up sucked in, face pressed up to the TV glass waiting for any glimpse of your elbow in the side of the screen. Sigh….

You’re going to present at the Golden Globes

Which means that on Monday January 17th, we might actually have something INTERESTING to blog about. Or at the very least super hot (please!) pictures or at least a 2nd-hand embarrassing video where you spit or say a weird British phrase that means something opposite in American. Wee!!

You were named #4 on the GQ (UK) Best Dressed 2011 list! Which is great… Except… Remember how you were #1 on the list last year??? Because you wore outfits like this:

Rob Pattinson modeling Wal-mart’s finest

Wow. That sure is #1 right there. It’s no wonder you moved to #4 this past year. You really went down a notch wearing stuff like a sweater from the dumpster outside of Walmart! Can’t get much lower than that, Robbie-pie!

And then there is my personal favorite news tidbit from the past few weeks. THIS picture:

I’m climbing in your windows (I’m snatching your people up..)

First of all, I have NO idea when it appeared. Apparently last month. Although it’s from LAST Christmas. But I can’t get enough. Seriously. I printed it out & hung it on my fridge. We have everything right here!!!

There’s Dick who either just woke up or is super sick (GET BETTER DICK! FROM WHATEVER YOU HAD LAST YEAR!) And then there is a MYSTERY WOMAN. No… not the one holding your hand, although I’m not sure who that is either cuz it’s OBVIOUSLY NOT KRISTEN, but the woman that Dick is holding on to. Moon insists it’s Claire, but I’m not convinced. Would Claire really wear a leopard print hat like Snooki? And is Claire wearing a Bubble jacket? Am I spelling Claire right? So many questions.

And then KRISTEN- I just… just…. actually have nothing to say about her. She looks sleepy?

In fact, you all do- either this is before dawn, early am Christmas picture before going to Grandma Pattinson’s house. Or LATE at night- after mucho eggnog & dancing in front of the fire (Obviously a Dick Pattz favorite activity on Christmas Eve!)

Do I HAVE to point out that your shirt says OBEY? Um, okay. Whatever you wish, Mr. Pattinson. And where did you get your height? Either Grandpop Pattz is a giant or your adopted. I hate to break it to you- but did you ever actually see pictures of your mom in the hospital with you? And look at those curtains! Edward would approve!! And what is hanging on the Pattinson family Christmas tree? Apples? TWILIGHT APPLES? Gift from Stephenie, I’m sure.

(and I’m trying not to mention it but I kinda have to mention it… this is obviously a super private photo so either a Pattinson cousin was on Santa’s naughty list in 2010 for sending that photo to the WRONG friend last year, or someone is hacking into either Rob or Kristen’s cell phone. I’m just saying)

So, it isn’t a ton- in fact it’s barely anything, but it’s a new year- and we’re kicking it off right TONIGHT at the People’s Choice awards. And then again in a few weeks at the Golden Globes. And since I’m just as behind on my Twilight news, I think you all should be headed to Vancouver pretty soon- if you’re not there already- and Vancouver-Rob is my favorite Rob! I think we might get some more interesting news yet! And if not, I can always get a chuckle (and feel super creeped out by the fact that I HAVE this picture) by looking at the Pattinson family Christmas photo from 2009 hanging on my fridge!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Did I miss anything else? PLEASE tell me something much more amazing happened so I can stop being SO bored with Rob lately!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

99 Commented

One picture, two takes

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Take One – themoonisdown:

Dear Uncle Rob-

Mom says I’ll look back on this day and remember it as the day I got to spend New Years Eve 2009 with my family in the pub for the first time, enjoying what the holidays are really about: family.

But mostly I think I’ll remember it as the night you puked on my shoes in the alley.

Love,
Your nephew

PS you owe me new trainers. thanks.

Ooh, that tickles!

Take Two- UnintendedChoice:

Dear Rob,

Couple things came to mind when I saw your drunk pics from New Years: (scatch that, I really only thought of one thing)

1. How does that beard work when you go ‘muff diving?’ Is it scratchy? Can I try…? Did I just say that? On the internet? For the public to read?

Love,
Me xo

Pictures from some random girl on Facebook via Spunk-ransom

61 Commented

South Barnes Police Dept. to the rescue- FOUND ROB

Dear Rob,

I see you were spotted by this girl:

Also, I apologize on behalf of the chick in this picture. I know you just wanted to be all in the pub, drinking, smoking, and wishing you were with cool people- like me, theMoonisDown & Leigh Anne from Lulaville who gets the biggest XOXO from me for taking me away from all the hot tub marketing I was involved in and bringing this to my attention. (also, I want you to know I was lonely here on the east coast- the only one in the WORLD working on MLK’s bday- usually by now theMoonisDown is up and talking to me on IM while at work- but she’s off today 🙁 boo… HOWEVER… I texted her the news that you were found and that got her ass out of bed! So yay! Thanks for being found b/c now I have a friend to chat with online!)

Glad you’re safe! Party it up!

XX,
Me (UnintendedChoice)

Source (as if it wasn’t obvious from the tag ruining the bottom half of Rob’s face- thanks Perez)

UPDATE: Mrs. P was SO kind as to crop out that girl for us so we could better envision ourselves next to him!

Add Comments

The (disturbing) dirt

Dear Rob,
I woke up this morning all excited to see what the news and blogosphere had to tell me today about you. Would we get a Rob sighting today!? Or maybe at least some more outtake photos from the Twilight promo days (preferable sans KStew) Well, there was some new news.. but I’ll be honest… I’m not sure I like any of it…

• For 3 seconds I believed this and my heart was heavy (aka I almost killed myself) until I realized I’m just an idiot and should look at the name of the sites I enter. 
   
• Rob, I have no words. I mean, if you really wanted to take a bath, couldn’t you have just come over and let me help you, instead of letting that dude help?
   
• People have a lot of time on their hands to keep photoshoppping your head on ugly modeling photos. Stop it people!
   
• So, this isn’t disturbing at all but I had to end on a high note. I got so gooey inside when you looked at Kristen at the end of this vid and all I could think was: I could never be an actress, at least not around you, I literally would, well, jizz in my pants when you looked at me…

  [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HXtu0wkqdY&eurl=http://www.google.com/reader/view/&feature=player_embedded] 

Happy Friday! Loves xo
(UnintendedChoice)

Add Comments

The (Defamer) dirt

Dear Rob,

Defamer has been loving you (and other Twi-stuff) this week:

• First you were spotted in Los Feliz.
• Then you were spotted at the same time in London (yeah yeah, I told you this yesterday)
• Then you said something that I kinda have to talk to you about. (see below xo)
• Then they talked about Taylor buffing up.

  See? They’re blowing you (and Taylor) up!

Okay, let’s talk about what you apparently said to that girl in your days before Twilight.

“If I could, I’d have a ____ on the inside of my elbow so I could lick it all day long.”

Um, sweetie? What did you actually say to the girl? Because some things come to mind…. and those things aren’t the sweet things that come out of the mouth of the beautiful man (you!) who sings Never Think.

I’m a generally positive thinker, so this is what I’m guessing you actually want to lick:

• a picture of UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown
• a little tiny kitty cat
• a big slice of pepperoni pizza
• Jonathan Taylor Thomas (stolen from the comments in the defamer post and too good not to repost here!)

Oh, to be a bird in your cage

If you did happen to say what it sounds like you might have said, I’m willing to forgive you.  My guess is you got drunk with Sam Bradley and he dared you to say it (any insight on this Sam?). Or I know things weren’t going so well for you a year ago- failing career, couldn’t get a date, etc. etc., so maybe you just had a slip-up and thought that’s what girls wanted to hear.

I think you know this now, but just to clarify: most girls don’t want to hear that. (I know, I know.. reading the comments on our site, you’d probably beg to differ that there are a few girls out there that would take ANYTHING you’d say)

Just an FYI for the future, stick to brooding, dazzling & singing next time you’re trying to pick up a girl! Or, here’s a thought, don’t try to pick up any girls. Just wait patiently for me to figure out how to juggle a husband AND you at the same time (without breaking any of those vows I said on 6/2/06)

Love,
me (UnintendedChoice)

What do you guys think Rob actually said?

19 Commented