Still waiting on Rob: Is Rob Pattinson doomed to fail?

Guys: I read this letter & literally did a FIST PUMP. It’s like she climbed into my head and made my fingers type on a typewriter (I like to assume that’s what good writers write with) and say all these very eloquent things. THIS THIS THIS! (Warning: Some of  you will not agree)

Dear Rob,

RIP Pattz? He looks alive to me….

It seems that in recent days, you’ve found your way into the middle of a media firestorm (although admittedly, that’s a very dramatic term) regarding the state of your career these days. There was that first article that came out from the Daily Mail. While they finally granted your request to get rid of the “RPattz” nickname, they alluded to the fact that you’ve been given a new one. It’s not too nice. RIP-Pattz. Yikes. Then there was the rebuttal from a more reputable film rag, which your devoted fansites picked up and ran with. The author protested the idea that your career has been sent to an early grave, and contended you haven’t had the proper opportunity to bring in the big bucks separate and apart from the Twilight franchise.

To be perfectly honest, Rob, I have an issue with both articles, and let me tell you why…

Rewind to the summer of 2009. I was in the hot and heavy grips of a full-blown Robsession, and my husband was at the height of his annoyance with the whole matter. He claimed I didn’t truly have any acclaim for you as an actor, and if you weren’t playing Edward Cullen, I wouldn’t look twice at you anyway. He stated, with certainty, that your career would go nowhere past Twilight, and in five years, everyone would have forgotten about you. You were just another pretty boy in passing.

I was incensed. Heaven forbid ANYONE spew such negativity about Edw-, I mean, Robert Pattinson, let alone my nearest and dearest. I tried to fight back. I tried to tell him it wasn’t just about Twilight, that you seemed like a genuine, interesting guy with a whole lot of potential. It wasn’t fair to write you off simply because you’d quickly collected a large and horny fanbase ranging in ages from 11 to 65. Didn’t he remember Leo-mania circa 1997?!?! I said it was simply too soon to tell. I wasn’t ready to call you a legend just because you did Edward Cullen’s blank stare and charcoal peacoat such justice. I believed that time would tell. And I stood there, with full confidence in my heart, that you would prove him wrong. You would step out of Edward’s shadow and his Volvo, and go on to do great things. Just like Leo.


Three years later…I’m just about ready to bow my head in defeat and concede the argument to my husband. Something I am LOATHE to do, for the record. (Please don’t make me do it, Rob – I hate letting him win!) Now mind you, I did enjoy Remember Me, although I remember something you said in one interview about how the screenwriter incorporated several of your personal habits and mannerisms into the character. I couldn’t help but think at times I was merely watching “what Rob would really be like as a college guy” rather than the portrayal of a unique character separate and apart from that. Then there was Water For Elephants. This! This will do the trick, I thought. Oscar-winning cast, NY Times best-selling book… what could go wrong? Well…I’m not really sure, but something did. There was too much of your gee-shucks smiling and over reliance on facial expressions. You were upstaged by a sadistic animal abuser, for crying out loud. And there was the lack of chemistry. There’s been comments about onscreen chemistry before, dating back to Eclipse, when several fans/reviewers expressed the opinion that the chemistry between Bella and Jacob was hotter than the chemistry between Bella and Edward. Ummm, Eclipse contains the LEG HITCH scene, Rob!!! How could Jacob possibly beat you??? Especially since by that point we’d all essentially accepted you were hitchin’ that leg in real life, and there should be plenty o’chemistry to translate onscreen. I wonder, I do.

“You don’t want to me ME in the 1800s finest?”

And now we have Bel Ami and Cosmopolis. I have absolutely no plans to go see them. I just have no interest, Rob. I’m all about indie flicks and little known stories getting some press, but NOTHING that I have seen has sold these movies to me, nothing has sparked even the tiniest bit of interest. And this is coming from someone who once hit “Refresh” for about two hours on end just waiting for the moment you simply WALKED onto the stage of Comicon.

So now let me get back to the issue I have with these recent articles. My problem is the focus they put on your ability to make a buck. That’s all Twilight was about, in the end, right? Low budget flick turned box office gold, with your smoldering glances and stunning jawline at the helm. But to us, your once die-hard fans…that’s not what it was about at all. Ultimately, that’s never what it’s about when it comes to the fans of movies…or books…or music. It’s not about a work of art being a best-seller, and making enough movie to cover the costs that went into generating it.

It’s about inspiring passion in us. It’s about making us care.

I’m sorry, but none of your roles to date, and none of the ones on the horizon, have really made me care. (Again, sorry.) I don’t know if it’s poor movie choice, or mediocre acting, or what. But I know I’m left being forced to consider if my husband was actually right, and the only reason I felt so passionate about you after Twilight was because I was passionate about Edward Cullen and the Twilight story to begin with. I do not say this easily and I do not take this lightly. And I am most certainly not criticizing you. I am frustrated with you, because I still see traces of that genuinely interesting guy, and I would LOVE to see him be successful. I do not want you to end up characterized as a pretty boy in passing, playing the Ryan Phillipe to Reese. (Catch the comparison?) You do not need to have a box office commercial smash to accomplish this, in my opinion. Just make me care. Case in point, Like Crazy. It was just a simple little love story that received little press, but was awesome enough to take top honors at Sundance. Because the actors brought the characters to life and told a story that made me cry. Good movies have nothing to do with facts and figures, and I would love to see you acting well in a good movie. So I’m sorry BOTH articles reduced the argument to a monetary one, because trust me, as an old die hard fan of yours, it has absolutely nothing to do with that.

Make me care. Make me feel. Prove them wrong.

I still believe you can do it…it would just be easier if you were giving me something to work with here.

I hope my honesty is helpful and not hurtful, Rob. Because I’ve always been a fan and definitely still consider myself one.

With Respect,
Still Waiting on You…

SO…. what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did she read your mind? Do you think Rob’s films HAVE been great? Will the critics ever like him?

Oh… before we forget… we just need to remind you… TN is coming….

45 Commented

Posted in: Fan letter, Rob
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Rob’s bodyguard, Dean, is cheating on him

Dear Dean the bodyguard,

We received a frantic* e-mail from Bea this morning that said:

Not only do I think of Twilight every time I pass an Olive Garden, but I go to look at pictures of Jennifer Aniston violating the Vatican dress code and recognize the bodyguard. “Hey, Dean’s in Rome!” And, sadly, that’s more interesting to me than Jen’s knees.

 And as interesting as it is that the Vatican let Jennifer get away with knees showing & nipples pointing, (check out these pics) it was interesting to me to learn that you are also guarding Jennifer Aniston. I mean…. aren’t there any other big dudes in LA that Jen can use? Is this a new thing? Did Rob steal YOU from Jennifer? Did you have to arm wrestle her boyfriend at a job interview?

And how in the world does someone have time to be a bodyguard to both Rob AND J Aniston? Does this mean Rob is on a long vacation in a truly private vacation spot, and you were relieved for a few weeks? Did he hitch a ride up to the space station when Dragon went to deliver supplies to the space station recently? (<– Look at me. Hip on current news)

How does Jen compare to Rob? I bet the snacks are healthier. Does she really drink Smart Water that often? Are the fans crazier? Ever encounter a crazy fan trying to hit her with a fake Angelina leg? Does she even let you drink beer or eat anything over 425 calories?

Does Rob ask details after you’re back serving him? Do you call it “serving?” Do you feel comradery with Carson the Butler on Downton Abbey? Do you ever accidentally refer to it as “servicing him” when talking to Kristen & she shoots you a dirty look while you & Rob crack up? Was Rob happy with the ending on Friends? Was he rooting for Ross & Rachel all along? How pissed was he when they named their TV daughter Emma, taking a gorgeous old-fashioned name & guaranteeing that everyone born after 1998 will have at least 57 Emma’s in their graduating class?

These are important questions, Dean.




*Bea wasn’t frantic at all. But clearly I am. Or I had too much coffee. Or I just really miss Friends. That’s it. I’m starting at Season 1 tonight & will watch all 10 years all over. I’ll let you know how it goes. SEVEN

19 Commented

Brookelockart and UnintendedChoice have a Quickie

Dear Rob,

Today we introduce you to a new type of blog post where Brookelockart & myself have a short conversation about you during our work days, turn it into a blog post & call it a quickie:

Brookelockart: Did you see that Rob feels bad for his Adele Diss?

“I had this argument with Adele, which is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said,” Pattinson, 26, said. “[I told her] you know, you can just really reach for it!! And she was like, ‘You do realize, I’m, like, the biggest-selling female artist ever.’ And for some reason, I decided to get into an argument with her about it.”

UC: what did he mean by “you can just really reach for it?”

Brookelockart: i don’t know. Drunk Rob speak…
(5 minutes later)
now it bothers me… what did he mean?

"Hey Rob... reach for THIS"

UC: I know… Reach for what??  The plate of mini hot dogs (snack of choice at hot parties) that were sitting on the other side of him.. he didn’t want to pass?

Brookelockart: Reach for any hot tushie that walks by?

UC: The 6er of Heineken that was out of her reach?

Brookelockart: The back of cigarettes he left on the other side of the table… ?? The demo CD Rob has been carrying around to hand to Adele on a chance meeting??

UC: the signed DVD of Twilight

Brookelockart: Robsten’s sex tape (with Adele music playing in the back ground)

UC: Rob’s drunken, karaoke cover of “Someone Like You”.. sung in a female voice

Brookelockart: Rob doing THE TUCK and in drag, drunkenly singing “Set Fire to the rain”? Or maybe Reach for Kristen’s back up chucks that accompany her to every event?

Will we ever know? What DID you mean!?

UnintendedChoice & Brookelockart

What do YOU think Rob meant by “Reach for it?”

Image source

6 Commented

Rob wears bowties now. Bowties are cool

Dear Rob,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you, you’ve been busy, I’ve been busy, that’s just the way life goes sometimes.  Recently I thought I’d check to see how you did at Cannes with Cosmopolis.  When I saw you in the bow tie I had to think you were pretending to be The Doctor:

I know you know exactly Who I’m talking about.  Being a good English lad I’m sure you grew up watching him.  You probably even pretended to be him when you were out on the playground at school.  It made me wonder what other times you were channeling Dr. Who.  I scrolled through my RobOdex and came up with a few Click a pic to scroll through the gallery:

I know you’re too big of a star now to play Dr. Who, but you can’t blame a girl for dreaming about it.

Wanting to ride in the TARDIS with Rob,

Thanks again to PinkPixieChick for all her helping pick out just the right RobWho moments!

We’ve missed your letters, Zeph! Have a letter for Rob you want me to post at a random time b/c we’re getting CRAZZZY around these parts not only posting at 8 am? Send to!

Thanks to Robsessed as always for many of these FAB pictures

10 Commented

Biting my tongue, biting my tongue

Dear Rob,

How are Bear the dog & Jella the cat enjoying the treats that Daddy brought them home from Lisbon from this girl?

Click me if you're not scared

biting my tongue biting my tongue holding my tongue holding my tongue i’m sure she’s really nice i’m really scared this isn’t normal for real it isn’t biting my tongue holding my tongue having a hard time holding back but i’m holding back and biting my tongue and holding my tongue and it’s killing me


PS: “tongue” is a really hard word to spell. xx also here is the story about the above picture if you dare

20 Commented

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