My idea of Rob
For all you haters out there, I’m going to say what you’re planning on saying so you don’t have to: IS THIS A ROB FAN SITE OR A NON-FAN SITE? HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LIKE ROB & THEN CRITICIZE HIM LIKE THAT? YOU ARE SUCH A BAD EXCUSE FOR A FAN. GO EAT A BIG BOWL OF ICE CREAM YOU FAT, STUPID ROB-HATING LOSER. There! Now you don’t have to say those things and can just enjoy the letter!!!
It became clear to me from the MTV awards the other night that I’m not sure I like the right Rob. Let me back up- I’m not sure the Rob I like is the 100% true, real Rob. See when you started on your rant/conversation/speech/drunk talk about Reese, Mr. Choice walked in the door. And the entire time you were speaking he looked at me with a look that said, “REALLY? You like HIM, UC?” It made me want to throw a pillow at him & say “NO! That’s NOT the Rob I like!” And as I thought about it, it hit me. That swearing, rambling, bad-spoken, 2nd-hand embarrassing version of you is NOT who I like. I think I like the Rob in my mind.
Sure my mind’s version of Rob is based on you. He’s a lot like you, but I’m coming to realize he might not be completely the real you. He’s got your face & singing voice and some of the same adorkable qualities, but when he speaks it’s not embarrassing for anyone- it’s not perfect. It’s not necessarily gonna win you any awards, but you’re humble & shy in a cute adorable way.
As I thought about this I realized I cannot be the only one who thinks this way. Right? And it turns out, I’m not. Other people have built you up in their minds as well.
My Rob is kind of Edward, kind of WFE Jacob (a great husband eventually), a great humanitarian like Sean Penn, Ben Afleck, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt. He’s a great writer/musician/comedian like Steve Martin, super suave like Don Draper. Rob of my mind is NOT a frat boy that does excessive drinking and drugs. OH plus he NEVER says anything stupid. Ever. PLUS he’s actually capable of of using those bedroom eyes instead of just staring out of them. I’m afraid he may be lacking in the bedroom skills. Sorry. Not like Ryan Gosling. You KNOW that guy’s a pro.
Is it weird to say that I have no idea how the Rob in my mind is in the bedroom? I want to say I imagine him (you?) as pretty darn amazing, but I can’t say that that’s what I think. Am I confessing I imagine BAD SEX with you? Um, that’s weird.
The Rob in my mind doesn’t come across completely awkward like he did at the MMA on Sunday. Yes, there’s a side of awkward/dorkiness like the one that surfaces in his interviews but it’s quite endearing. The only other thing that makes Rob more perfect in my head is that he doesn’t smoke.
Speaking of “smelling,” Katie says:
My Rob does *not* smell like cigarettes, pepperoni Hot Pockets, Heineken, and KStew. Picture this (Thank you, Sophia.)- You’re baking cupcakes in your little cottage at the base of a mountain. It’s summer and there’s a cool breeze blowing in the smell of fresh rain and pine needles. My Rob smells like that. Oh, and he walks in the door that little cottage after chopping wood for our fire. There’s a bear skin rug. Just saying. My Rob is AngryRob to everyone else, but sweet and gentle with me. Except for when we act out “The Office” (The fanfic, not the show. OK, sometimes the show. He totally plays Jim.). My Rob acts Oscars red carpet confident and looks Rome “just f*cked”.(ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’ AndIthinkyoudo.)
MY Rob is alot like Edward- I guess he always knows what to say or do. He is a one woman guy and never forgets to call her. (me) I think he is very comfortable in small setting with people he knows. Almost too much, I imagine he is the kind that tells crude jokes. And My Rob could totally fall in love with a silly fan girl (who is actually a grown woman with a kid)
Oh yeah- My Rob totally falls for a “nobody” (or a “girl who once ran a blog about him!)
And lastly, Liz shares that:
“My” Rob is very similar to Tyler in “Remember Me”. I guess its because he’s still young in real life and would be immature like boys his age tend to be. But there’s also that soulful side to him where you could just picture sitting with him for hours in a coffee house discussing everything intellectual under the sun or winning you that teddy bear at the carnival. But he’d also be the kind of guy you’d see in a bar on open mic nights, hanging out with his friends, drinking, smoking, laughing. My Rob is the kind of guy who would make a great/terrible boyfriend. He would be very romantic one minute and very self-involved the next. I couldn’t imagine living with him and taking care of his laundry… ugh! All that smoke…! He’s got to smell! But at least we could always get a Hot Pocket sponsorship or something… Maybe written into his next movie contract?? Then he’d never go hungry and I’d never have to cook!
“They” say that you should never meet a celebrity you love or someone who is a hero to you because you’re bound to be disappointed. After coming to the realization that I may have built you up in my mind & hearing what others imagine you as, I have to say that DEFINITELY applies in this case. The “real” Rob can’t possibly be as great as the Rob we’ve all imagined, can he?
Grabbing a spoon for my ice cream,
So? What do you think? Do you have some unrealistic ideas of Rob in your mind? Share in the comments!
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Tags: , Rob Pattinson, Roblosophy, The Real Rob Pattinson