Roblosophy: An unhealthy obsession

RoblosophyDear Rob,

Today we’re gonna get serious. And I don’t mean that “Friday Serious” when I say we’re gonna get serious and then after the jump post pictures of you and TomStu swapping underwear & doing a gig with the rest of the Brit Pack. I mean like really serious.

Awhile ago we got this email from someone who mistakenly thought we had contact with you:

Subject: This concersns Rob. Please help m in distress

I am a 29 year married woman.

I have been a fan of Robert Pattinson from a very long time.I am in love with his mannerisms,his smile and his marvelous eyes. I love watcing his interviews. No I am not in love with the character of Edward that he potrayed in Twilight series. But I like to see him in his original self rather than in movies. I know this is weird because I havent met him so I do not really know him. But inspite of that for the last two years I am literally in love with him. Now this has reached a stage of TRAUMA for me.I am not able to eat or sleep even. I want to meet him badly..even if it is just for once in my entire lifetime. I know his life and mine are entirley different but I feel that i will feel better if I meet him just once. But I do not have any contacts to reach him nor do I stay in the USA..I stay in India. So I know that my chances of my wish being granted is nil.

I am losing out any interest to live. This may be aggravated by the fact that I am trapped and being tortured in a loveless married life. Now I have become sort of frustrated every moment I wish that talking to Robert will make me feel good. I just want to lead my life in a normal way,I also want to enjoy my life. But I am in so much pain that I am unable to do so.This feeling is killing me.

Sounds completely crazy I know..but thats how it is for me. Pls help. I will be really grateful if somebody helps me out of my terrible condition.

Please mail me back at my this e-address.

At first I hoped it was a hoax- a not-so-funny-but-nice-attempt joke by an LTR reader at faking us out to think they thought they were writing to Rob, but really they were writing to LTR. But… I’m afraid this one, like many who have come before it, feels too real.

The first thought running through my head after I read this was of horror and sadness. I immediately forwarded it to Moon, then teared up while telling Mr. Choice about it (Moon comes before Mr. Choice. Always) He immediately told me I had to write her to tell her we didn’t know Rob (which he says about every crazy email or email from 11 year old giving out full personal details of her life including street address, phone number, school & teacher) and I was torn- what if writing back to her made it worse? She thinks for 3 seconds while the email is opening that Rob is going to get in touch, only to find out it’s me, crushing her dreams? When did it become my responsibility to “police the internet” and respond to people who do something questionable or get the wrong impression (The ethical plight of a blogger- a conversation for another time. I have many times written back to the 10 year olds who give out personal information online, advising them against it. But if I wrote back to every kid thinking we were Twilight, that would be my full-time job.) But my ethical dilemma got me thinking about yours:

We got this e-mail because she thinks we have contact with YOU. She’s not feeling these things because of ME. It’s not my role or lack-there-of in her life that caused her this emotional melt-down. And if we’ve gotten a few letters of this type and we’re not even you, I can’t imagine how many more letters have been written just like this one with unrealistic expectations that you can’t or should’t have to meet. I can’t imagine that pressure.

Maybe you don’t even read your fan mail. (Probable) Maybe you can’t read anymore because of all the Heineken and processed food you’ve consumed (also Probable) Maybe a jealous girl in your life intercepts your mail & shreds it before you have a chance (Stage 5 Clinger?) or maybe there is some class celebrities take at celebrity school where they’re taught by a season psychologist on how to deal with the ethical dilemma of people having expectations that they should not, of having feelings you never asked them to and you not being able to, not wanting to or not needing to really do anything about it.

So why exploit a young girl’s troubles like this on the internet? Well, there’s nothing else to talk about- wait no- that’s not it. I’ve wanted to talk about this for awhile. Because people are passionate about you, Rob- in good ways & bad ways. I can argue about it with those who disagree, but a lot of the “passion” is unhealthy. Maybe not “I will commit suicide” unhealthy, but there are varying levels of unhealthiness in this fandom. Sometimes I want to shake people and remind them whey we liked Twilight/Rob/each other in the first place- because we had something in common. And LTR has always existed to make fun of things- so no one should be surprised when we do, but I digress.

So today I want to think about this letter writer and those like her (maybe someone reading this LTR today?) I want to think about how her “acute fondness” of you turned into unhealthy obsession and make sure I and those I love (all those reading, plus a few others who will read tomorrow but not those who will read Sunday because that’s too long to go without LTR) don’t pass the threshold of healthy Rob-lovin’ to unhealthy, possibly certifiably crazy obsession.

God I just got preachy. Sorry about that. Or just call me Sister UC. I kinda like it.


Soooooo… what do you think? What turns normal-Robsessing into not normal Robsession? Where do you think you fall on the line of Normal Obsession to possibly unhealthy? Too embarrassed to admit in the comments? Take this poll:

[polldaddy poll=3813587]

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170 Commented

Wait… why am i attracted to Rob again?

I can be a bad boy...

Dear Rob,

Let’s get physical serious. Last week I was chatting with lula34 about our male celebrity boyfriends. She showed me a recent video clip of her True Blood boyfriend Alex Skarsgard & then we passed out from love over the latest Chuck Bass/Gossip Girl promo with Too_Far_Gone.

Then we said “Remember at the end of Vampire Diaries when we watch the last romantic scene of the season involving Damon the vampire over and over and over” and we reminisced by watching “The kiss” you tube clip over and over and over again. And got excited for the return of THAT show. Yeah, it was a good day. NSFW day.

But Then it hit me. I love strong sexual characters. Chuck Bass & Damon Salvator? Hellooooo. And lula34 loves Alex the vampire (who is pretty sexy even though I’m not a True Blood watcher) and prays every night for dream sex with British hunk Jason Statham. Helloooooo.

So….why do we like you again? You’re not the dick that Chuck Bass is; you’re not an aggressive, cocky guy like Damon Salvator. You’re not overly sexual or full of yourself or anything like those other celebrities or characters we love so much. I posed the question to lula34:

UC: Wait… why am I attracted to Rob again? When normally I like much more sexual male characters?
Lula34: If I were to write fan fiction, it’d be about me, Jason [Statham], Alex [Skarsgard] & Ed [Westwick from Gossip Girl]. And a bottle of Thousand Island dressing.
UC: Hahaha dear lord- I cannnottttt wait for GG. I need Ed in my life
Lula34: Yes. I also need Damon. And all the angst that will ensue on VD. But mostly Chuck Bass. He is a legend.
UC: I’d take both… If I had to!!! Why have I liked Rob all this time when I’m obviously attracted to much stronger sexual characters??? Edward!? Is that the ONLY reason!?
Lula34: That’s SUCH a tremendous question. This must be discussed, because a friend asked me this the other day–why I love the “bad boys” but still have a “thing” for Rob. I don’t know why- Ron is the utter opposite of chuck bass! Chuck makes me shiver. Yeah, I said it.
UC: Me too- let’s become actresses so we can become lovers to all these different men

What's good about THIS?

Now before you go boohooing into your pillow because you just found out we spend all this time talking about men other than you, don’t worry- we’re not saying “Let’s give up on Rob because he’s not filled with STDs like Chuck Bass” NO no no… we’re saying, how can we like BOTH Bad boy, sexual aggressors like Chuck Bass and also like YOU- shy, humble terribly sexy but refuses to admit the fact or play up the sexualness, Rob?

Is it because you played Edward? And sure, Edward is sexxxxxyyyyy- but…. he’s not like those other sexually aggressive guys we mentioned… so it’s probably not just that.

Is it because we’ve been brain-washed by GQ and Details & all the other sexy magazines where you’ve done photoshoots and we’ve lost DAYS of productive work as a result?

Or….. is it because we all THINK that under that humble, shy demeanor there is a sexual maniac waiting to escape!? That if we got you in a room and chained you to a wall you willingly were into us, the ‘front’ you put on for the media & the public would disappear and you’d bring out the sexy bad boy whose only mission in life is to with ME!?

I think that might be it. Because, if I’m honest (and I’m always honest), if you are humble, shy and sensitive in every area of your life, including your private life, what in my fantasies sounds like this:

throwing me up against the wall, ripping off my clothes, touching places I didn’t know liked to be touched

might actually be more like this

lightly pushes me to the wall
Rob: Oh no! Did I hurt you? Did I push you too hard?
UC: No, no it’s fine, just kiss me
cute little nibbles & kisses down my cheek & neck
Rob: May I take off your shirt?”
UC: Uh, sure…
fumbling. confusion.
UC: You okay?
Rob: Can we turn on the lights a second? I want to see how this bra claps works- I haven’t felt anything like this before
UC: You’re so hottttt

I hate that I hurt you.....

Rob: blushing Really? You mean it? I thought I looked too much like my dad today…..
a long time later
Rob: Is this okay? Am I hurting you? Does this feel good
UC: yes.. shhhh
Rob: tell me if it starts to feel weird. Does this feel right? I think maybe this is better? How about here? Here?
Rob: bursts into tears I’m sorry. I wanted this to be perfect…….

And that’s not cool…….

So yes, it’s odd that I’m attracted to both you and Chuck Bass, Damon Salvator & other over-sexualized characters when you seem so different. But I have to think deep down, behind that humble, sensitive, charming British demeanor is a bad boy…. yearning to do real bad things to me….

Yours willingly,

Thanks to Robsessed for killing me with those new outtakes

What do YOU think? Are you “into” celebs or characters that are quite “opposite” of who Rob appears to be? Why do you think you are? Is Rob’s humble demeanor just a public front- underneath he knows you want him and he’s happily going to oblige!?

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121 Commented

Roblosophy: Rob’s Fans – Does anyone love you, Rob?

Do they love me? Do they love me not?

Dear Rob,

On the heels of yet another misunderstood and supposedly mean spirited post (*cough* not at all *cough*) about your costar Nikki Reed and her new mystery tattoo I got to thinking about you. Why when we poke fun and rag on you till the cows come home does no one bat an eye? Why doesn’t anyone stick up for you when we tease you like grade schoolers?

We’ve called you some crazy stuff over the past year and a half, we’ve insinuated (and flat out said) you’re gay on numerous occasions. Then we said you’re asexual. We’ve said you watch porn in a basement with the bff you buy underwear with. We call your dad Dick (we love you Dick!). We keep up the charade that you smell like a junior high boys locker room. We knock your sexual prowess at every turn. And we’ve even posted comics about how your face looks like a foot. And yet no real backlash. No emails calling us hookers who hate men. No tweets about how we’re stupid hags who hate Rob but love Taylor Lautner. No comments about us being jealous of Rob or how we’ve stepped over the line.

I’ll wait while you make this your new desktop wallpaper

And yet we can say one off handed thing about Kristen, or even today we can make up totally FAKE tattoo ideas based on things fans have said about Nikki Reed and the crazies come out of the woodwork to tell us we’re awful people.

Why do you think that is Rob? Do people think you’re a big boy who can handle himself and the jokes we make about you? Do you not have committed enough fans like the Krisbians or even Nikki Reeds lovers (we need to make up a name for you ladies) to have your back for everything, no matter what. NO.MATTER.WHAT.

I can’t begin to believe that’s true. Your fans will do practically anything for you. They build shrines and human shaped Rob pillows with your face on them. If anyone is committed it’s YOUR fans. But why don’t they raise hell for you over the dumbest stuff? Like pretty much everything we say about you. Are your fans too busy making Rob porn or staring at their cardboard cutouts of Edward in the closet (where they belong!) to be bothered by it? Or are they just in on the joke and understand it’s all in the name of good fun? It is the internet after all. This is the place where gopher’s can be famous for throwing some side eye over their shoulder, or where there’s a site totally devoted to awkward family photos. It’s supposed to be ridiculous, right?

Or maybe you’ve proven yourself in public, in interviews,  and at events that you’re good natured and can poke fun at yourself, whereas some of the other people we joke about aren’t quite as comfortable with themselves in a public forum? I don’t really know but I want to know what all YOUR fans think out there. Why is there such a staunch backing and support for people like Kristen and Nikki and some others but when it comes to you it’s anything goes? Riddle me that, Rob. Or rather have your fans tell me.

But seriously, the foot thing? Still makes me laugh,

Tell me what you think. Why the outrage when we poke fun at someone else but when we diss Rob, no biggie? What should we call the staunch Nikki Reed supporters?

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213 Commented

Rob on Nightline: Puts on some tweed and gets all Rob/Twilosophical on us

Somewhere around 2:00 – The old crusty guy from MTV talks about the chaste Twilight saga and why it’s so alluring in this hyper-sexualized world we live in today and Rob answers with…

“…they just like that moment, the kind of tipping point before it all goes over. Everyone likes that, that’s the best part for a relationship…”

Dear Rob,

It’s so true… the more and more I read/watch/hear about you the more I know you just get it. I’ve said the phrase “get it” a lot lately and maybe that’s for a reason. We all like when someone else “gets us.” And you prove yourself again and again at age 24 talking about what’s so alluring about the relationship between Edward and Bella and why it’s not always the hardcore sex stuff we want to see (well, most of us) it’s really everything that leads up to it. It’s that tension, the give and take, the building of the emotion and relationship and all without, what old MTV dude grossly calls it: a “vampiric release.”

What are we talking about? The tipping point? Um, yesss.....

It’s like what Russell Hammond from the seminal rock group Stillwater says “It’s not about what you put it, it’s about what you leave out…” Sometimes it’s just better to not have everything spelled out, Stephenie Meyer can take us all the way to that edge with Bella and Edward and then leave us hanging because she doesn’t need to push us, she can let our imaginations take over. Anything we could imagine or think up would be far better than whatever scenario she could create. The imagination is a powerful tool that takes the story of Bella and Edward to levels no one could write about because it’s relying on feelings and events we’ve personally experienced or want to experience. And no one can replicate that with the written word, because we all have had a different experience. We all know what it feels like to be taken to that edge in a relationship to feel the tension and the unknown and the feeling of wanting to feel it all. I gotta agree that may just be the best part.

After you fall over the edge you come into a knowledge about that person and the relationship. Then things mature and change. Though there’s definitely nothing wrong with that and we all know a relationship can’t stay at the pre-edge stage forever(we’d all die of nervousness, malnutrition and euphoria overload!) I do think people spend lifetimes chasing after that feeling again. I also think that feeling is just one of the (BIG!) reasons why the Twilight saga is so popular, it’s because it gives us a taste of that first love, on the edge of the cliff feeling all over again. Isn’t that what we all want sometimes?

Now stop making me love you even more! It’s quite annoying.


Do you agree? Is the edge what everyone’s always chasing? Is that why the saga is so popular? Do you love Rob even more now? But srsly, watch this interview it’s GREAT!

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106 Commented

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