Breaking Down Rob lately… Vanity Fairy Style…

Dear Rob,
We’ve missed breaking you down. We haven’t discussed the Water for Elephants pics as much as we should have and that’s a tragedy. So guess what we’re doing today? Yep- you got it. Breaking Down some recent pictures of you, Dean & Reese Witherspoon, Vanity Fair Style!

Dean is Back

UC: You know the first thing I’m thinking. Cause I know you’re thinking it too.
Dean is back. Where WAS he? and does he have a tan? It looks like a new buzz cut? It’s nice and short? did he…. MEET A GIRL?
Moon: Dean’s been sitting out at all the football practices Rob has been attending. He finally earned his letterman jacket this season
UC: Dean takes pictures and will make a scrapbook OR a powerpoint slide show for the end of the season banquet at Hoss’ Steakhouse
Moon: And whenever Rob goes for a tackle, Dean steps in. Dean can take down anyone. Twihards OR high school linemen
UC: I mean.. he looks thinner…. The football has been good to him
Moon: Rob might actually be scouting for college ball. SHHH dont tell


UC: Our secret. LONG BEACH STATE makes a lot of sense now- he’s playing ball for them. He’s over this acting thing & really fell in love with the LA area
Moon: who needs acting when you can smash some heads for a couple seasons?
UC: He wants to settle down.. raise a few “juniors” of his own… coach the pee wee football league.
Moon: Dean’s liking the change of pace too. He has all the under-armor shirts. All he needs is the coach shorts

UC: You know what the second thing I’m thinking though is, right? What is this A sign language instruction site? A place where Rob goes freely to sign autographs- he begs people to let him sign things? He makes videos saying “Please let me sign your breasts and your T-shirt with my face on it”
Moon: That’s the obvious second thing to think about this picture

UC: Sigh… I’m not sure I’m into “I’m working on the railroad” Jacob Jankowski, but dayummmm I’m into “Eff me while I’m in my suit” Jacob..
Moon: Seriously. He’s pulling out all the stops here
UC: If he tap dances I might lose my shit, and I wasn’t aware I was into tap dancers
Moon: he may serve the drinks to Reese Witherspoon’s character but he’s still hot
UC: You need to read the book! Cause i don’t think that’s what happens. In fact, i have no idea why this scene happens.. i don’t’ remember it at all
UC: What!? You don’t want to know that after working a hard day on the railroad Jacob Janko relaxes by going downtown to perform onstage with a tap dancing troupe!?

Lick, lick

UC: It’s his guardian angel… I think when Dean disappeared he hired this guy
Moon: His shadow!! That’s cracking me up! Never walk faster than your guardian shadow can follow
UC: I have a feeling… Rob was running from it- like.. he didn’t know..I can see him being like “Dean!?” is that you!? then starting to run…. while the shadow follows him. I’m gonna cut out the shadow. And do something awesome with it. Hump it maybe
Moon: Do it quick. Someone’s gonna sell that shadow on Etsy.
UC: Yep. On a popsicle stick.

Much, much more, after the jump! Continue…

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