Every Sunday when I sit down at my desk to pen you a letter, I generally do a little research before-hand. Unless I was texted/called/tweeted about some MAJOR Rob-event that happened during the weekend (which, let’s be honest, hasn’t happened in at least a year- probably more) I generally have nothing to say to you going into Sunday night. So I trust our friends at places like Robsessed to fill me in on what you’ve been up to in the past few days since I logged on to my computer.
But 9 times out of 10, you’ve been up to nothing
Sure you probably were voted the “World’s Sexiest Man” by some magazine (or you came in 2nd place as it seems to be the norm these days- what’s up with that?), and some lucky fan probably ran into you at some bar in Toronto, but that’s not an exciting Rob-weekend to me. I’m ready for something to knock my socks off when I log on to my favorite Rob blogs! I’m tired of your boring weekends- let’s step it up a bit, Rob!
So to be helpful, I’ve compiled a list of a few things you could do that would be much more interesting for me to write to you about rather than you coming in second place in some “sexiest man alive” poll. You could:
- Get caught coming out of Toronto Baptist church on Sunday morning, confessing you know all the hand-motions to “Lord I lift your name on High”
- Join a Toronto-based Harry Potter fan group & spend the weekend at a Harry Potter movie marathon with your new friends.
- Get photographed at a spinning class on Saturday morning & when asked what inspires you to keep going, say The Biggest Loser Winner Olivia (Who you remember meeting in NYC that one time )
- Start World War III and “Go on a break” with you-know-who (but read this post from Moon first)
Kill us all & track down Ryan Gosling (He’s from Canada & Canada isn’t that big….) and pose for a picture together. And maybe hang out for a night. And write some songs. Then record them. And sing them with children. I’ll die. Seriously.
- Buy a Louis Vuitton dog-carrier for Bear and go “brunching” with Tom Stu
- Speaking of Tom Stu- why not mix it up & have a bro-fight with him at a bar. Throw a Miller Lite bottle at him.
- Mr. Choice would like you to be a celebrity guest during shark week. Matthew McConaughey is going to be one this year. And Paul Walker from Fast & Furious did it last year- you have tons in common with those dudes (or you will after you get in a bro-fight with Tom Stu)
- Shave your head. Say it’s for cancer (But really mean you were too damn hot for all that hair in the summer).
- Sex tape (no more details necessary)
That should get you started. Doing any of the above next weekend guarantees Moon & I have to write you a successful letter for Monday morning! Looking forward to seeing what you choose!!
Do you feel like Rob has been really boring as of late? Or do you like boring, same-as-always Rob? What ideas do you have for him to “spice up” his life?
Tags: , Rob, Rob Pattinson, robert pattinson, Ryan Gosling, things that would kill me