Updating Rob’s Resume

(Hey Rob, I was about to tackle your old resume and then I saw that Robgirl86, Cath and drsaka had already done it, so who am I to stand in the way of awesome? AAANNDDD I finally got my router fixed (I bought a new one!) tonight so I’ll leave LTR in their capable hands today… take it away!)

Available for all those Darts/Wind Surfing/Bowling movie needs!

Dear Rob,

We recently saw a copy of your resume:

This needs updating. Ermmm, playing age – 16-20???? Doesn’t your agent realize you’re not really an eternal 17-year old looking vampire??? We also have many other questions about it, especially in the Languages and Skills section. For example, we’ve heard you speak in Polish one time already and we’ll hear even more in WFE. And what about the Sports section? Rob, it saddens us that you’re not highly skilled at darts; maybe that has something to do with it taking place in a pub? We’re also a bit distressed about the windsurfing bit, but then again; you’d be in a wetsuit for it…

BTW – your mini-bio, is your favorite food still lentils? Is your favorite movie still Splash????? (!!!!!!) Please tell us, especially about the lentils. And yeah, also about your mermaid fetish…

We remember that you saying that you exaggerated (read: lied) about your ability to swim when auditioning for HP: GOF. However, we believe you humbly left many things out of this resume and it absolutely needs to be updated and expanded. For example, why isn’t kissing listed as a skill? You were included in this list this has to be included!!!!

And you didn’t include more evidence of your dancing skills!

We would like to offer you our Resume Preparation Services (DCR Enterprises, please contact us at: anythingforrob@DCR.com). We already went ahead and updated your one-page resume for free. (No need to thank us – although we wouldn’t turn down dinner…)

(Click to enlarge! Trust me!)

So many skills of yours are unique to you and should be highlighted, you never know how these skills could influence a casting for you! Don’t get lazy and assume people think they know everything about you now, because they don’t. You’re an enigma. Show them you’re more than Edward, show them you’re as versatile as Brando, or Nicholson, or better said, show them the versatility that is Robert Pattinson!

Please see the Special Skills Portfolio for excellent examples of selected skills!

(cliiiick it!)

These are only suggestions, but please do not be quite so humble! We want to to get the prime movie roles that will continue to showcase your talents!

Always yours in curriculum vitae,

drsaka, robgirl86 and Cath

SEEEEEE Rob, they even made a special skills section much better than what I had in mind… but really I want to talk about the “highly skilled Sports” section in which you list WIND SURFING! DARTS and BOWLING! Really?! Can you be highly skilled at bar games and games you play at kids birthday parties? What else would you add to Rob’s resume?

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