The Ghosts of Rob Pattinson’s Past: Part 1

Dear Rob,

I’ve been thinking a lot about you (duh) and my mind has been drifting to the past two years. Maybe it’s because our 2 year anniversary is coming up next week, or maybe it’s because I’ve been missing the old, drama-free days when life was just new pictures, new videos, new things to swoon over, new things to laugh at day after day after day. The past is fun to think about. So I decided to start a December feature focusing on the Ghost of Robert’s Past, Present & Future. OF course by “Ghost” I mean, really hot things about each of those times in your life. So today, I present: The Ghost of Robert Pattinson Past: Part one

I remember finishing the Twilight saga on vacation in 2008, and hitting the blogs, looking for info. about the books. That’s when I discovered a MOVIE was releasing in a few months. Starring…. CEDRIC:

Accio your clothes

But Cedric quickly turned into Oh my goshhhhhhhh…. that’s not Cedrrrriccc” (that’s my text-representation of the groaning noise I made in the movie theater in November of 2008) with one little scene & twitch of your mouth:

Next I experienced you in a suit for the first time while watching (or attempting to watch) the London premiere of Twilight while on my computer at work:

Never noticed it before, but I bet $10,000 you went into that Burger King after you walked the red carpet

And then Oh, no he Di’int when you cut your hair. Which I liked. Plus the guitar- Gah! Kill me

Speaking of Guitar- remember when you did those two songs for the Twilight soundtrack & movie & I used to listen to them over and over and over and over and over again & reminisce losing my Robert Pattinson virginity (or was that fantasizing about losing my Robert Pattinson virginity? Hmmm. Same diff)

Remember when you used to get down & party with who we can assume is your poor, left out of the attractive Pattinson-gene-pool, cousin?

Remember when you got invited to the Oscars & THIS was the best moment of the night?

And of couse, Ahem, The Tuck (You’re welcome for not posting the picture)

And….. well, I got this far & then realized that The Ghost of Rob Pattinson Past is long. Or the ghost is busy. Or he was busy. Or maybe it’s a she. Or something. Like if I keep going, we’re gonna be here until Christmas. So until next time……I’ll be listening to Never Think on repeat, envisioning The Tuck and remembering the Ghost of Rob Pattinson’s Christmases- errrr- November to April, 2009 past.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Okay, you see what I did here! Now it’s YOUR turn. Keeping in mind we’re going to do this again with a Part 2 next week, what are some of your favorite “Ghosts” (aka hot moments. Yes I realize that analogy doesn’t work. Go with me. It’s the holiday spirit) of Rob Pattison’s Past starting at the “beginning” through April/May 2009?

Yo- you know how the Bite Me Edward notepads were 1/2 off in November? Well, we just got word that the sale was extended through December 15th! Whoo hoo! Pick up some (or some more!) for gifts! Bite Me Edward (no seriously)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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It'll be our little secret – Robert Pattinson, Boy Model!

My mom is a Modeling Agent...

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus and blog editors and fans everywhere-

Can we all just agree that THIS never happened? And stop posting these pictures everywhere?

It seems like just the moment my brain has been cleansed of these glamor shots a new set of these retched Miu Miu pictures resurface.

Why God, WHY???

And the caption “Robert’s First Time?” If nothing else screams Skeezy McGee, than these do, Star Magazine! Who do you have working for you, some creepy pedi rejects from “To Catch a Predator?” And their whole job is finding disturbing pictures to post from stars first gigs? Where do I sign up??  I mean… uh gross!

My eyes are up here... LADIES???!!

Of all these creepster photos, this one to the right is the one that looks most like Rob NOW but also the most disturbing. The pose, the oddly strewn tie/scarf and what looks like daddy’s old boxers which turns out are apparently swim trunks. WTF was the stylist thinking?

Just please, I beg of you… MAKE IT STOP! Have we not suffered enough this week with the whole TUCK Scandal ’09 and now THESE!

I don’t know how much more my heart can take… I’m gonna have to hit up some old Saturday Morning Delights to cleanse the palette AGAIN.

Loving you no matter what… but please stop!
Themoonisdown

PS where the heck are some new press pics for NEW MOON?! Hello, Summit? We’re dying… THIS is what we’re dealing with right now, PLEASE for the love of God help a sister (and some brothers) out and throw us some new HOT Edward pics. Or the Wolves! The Wolves…

Pics from Robsessed!

As of this am we are WINNING in the Dazzle Awards! ZOMG! But by like nine votes…. We NEED to win this award that means nothing. WE NEED TO. So vote for us NOW. Vote MULTIPLE TIMES (I find that in order to vote multiple times in a day you have to use different computers and/or different browsers. Perhaps you can head to the library, sign onto all 20 of their computers and use their 2-3 different browsers. kThxBai) Dazzle Awards Biatch

761 Commented

The Tuck

Dear Rob,

I don’t really have much to say. I mean. I have lots to say, but currently the words are escaping me. I’m just gonna let The Quad break it down for you… Vanity Fair style, of course.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: This letter and convo is about the very, um, revealing picture of Rob that surfaced yesterday from Little Ashes. If you are easily offended do not continue. And if you’re not easily offended, are over 18 and haven’t seen THE picture, look at it now. I warned you. I’m warning you. Very Revealing Robert Pattinson Picture

Friend #1: sorry for the sudden disappearance. After seeing the link Friend #2 sent me…

UC: did you get fired?

Friend #1: I had to run away. I had to cry in a bathroom stall

UC: hahaha. b/c he tucked it. b/c tucking makes us cry

952 Commented

GASP… ROBERT PATTINSON IS HUMAN!!

I AM HUMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

*clears throat, grabs bullhorn, steps up on soapbox*

Dear Crazy Rob Fans (the bad ones)-

We’ve all now officially seen “THE TUCK” picture and now 5 minutes later I’m already reading complete nonsense about how this picture is ruining Rob’s image and how he’s fat and has back-acne and his pubes are trimmed. I’ve got news for you psychos…

HE’S AN AVERAGE GUY!!!!!!!

And can we all say a collective “AMEN?” He is NOT Edward with a marble chest, he is Rob, pasty white, somewhat soft in this picture… THAT’S NORMAL! and ya know what? That makes me feel a heck of a lot better about myself cause god knows I don’t look like Megan Fox or have her body and God knows 90% of the Twi-dom doesn’t either! So calm down!

XO, loving you like you are…
Themoonisdown

*bullhorn screeches, steps off soapbox, goes back to spinning records and making out with rob*

PS dont make me pull out those rings of nibelungs pics again!
PPS if you’ve been living under a rock or caught under some heavy furniture check out the pic at our pals Robsessed

617 Commented