The fakers are amazing

Stephanie Ritz- I made Rob Pattinson a US sensation.

Stephanie Ritz- I made Rob Pattinson a US sensation. (actually, I think we have Mr. & Mrs. Pattinson to thank for THIS sensation)

Dear Rob,

You’ve made it- you know why? There are fake versions of you on Twitter. And they’re hilarious. This whole little fake world has been built. There’s a fake you, your manager Nick, agent Stephanie, your sister, your dog, Stephenie Meyer, TomStu, Kristen, Nikki Reed, all the girls you’ve rumored to have been with or impregnated, Paris Hilton… the list goes on and on! Best yet- they’re really good at pretending to do or say or “tweet” what you might actually do/so/tweet in real life. I’ve taken the liberty of jotting down my favorite tweets or convos I’ve seen in the past few weeks:

Quick Twitter lesson for the unfamiliar. You use the “@” followed by the username when you want to reply directly to someone! I’ve taken out the twitter names and used their real names- to make it easier to follow!

Nick Frenkel, Pimpin' and representin' since 2001

Nick Frenkel, Pimpin' and representin' since 2001

a

Starring:
Fake manager- Nick:
Fake Agent- StephanieR
FakeTomStu- Tom Sturridge (Your apparent bff)
Rob- YOU!

Most of these tweets are right before the Oscars and/or during the Oscars!

Nick: I don’t get paid enough for this shit.
Nick: @Rob Practically a week of press without the words “inebriated” “drunk” or “stumbling” has been nice. Just a reminder.
Nick: @Rob Joaquin Phoenix is a self-important douche. I’m buying you a razor. We’ll discuss this later.

StephanieR: @Rob The only girl you need to make happy is ME. Now get a damn razor and shave. The girls love your jaw line. It makes the money.
StephanieR: Seeing this picture [of Rob] reminds me I need to schedule Rob an eyebrow wax before Sunday.

Nick: Have decided to tell Rob that the fans love the beard and he is not allowed to shave, period. That should ensure he shaves it off tomorrow.

StephanieR: Rob will be clean shaven. He cannot wear Prada with a beard. No, seriously, Prada said NO FACIAL HAIR with their tux.
StephanieR: @Nick Last time you said you had it covered, he ran off and got a buzz cut! And try to make sure the new tux is free of stains.

Nick: @TomStu Tom, stop crying. Sorry, you CANNOT walk the red carpet with Rob. And don’t drink and tweet…ever.
Nick: @Rob I’m on the way. I’m bringing a razor. I’ll tie you down if I have to. Prepare yourself.
Nick: @StephanieR Sturridge has been taken care of. You promised him a shot? What were you thinking? You know there’s no such thing as one

StephanieR: Must make sure he [Rob] doesn’t sneak a flask into the limo if he does wind up walking the Red Carpet. Can’t use the mouthwash excuse again.
StephanieR: @Rob Fine, you can have ONE shot bottle of Jack for the ride. That’s it. And please don’t spill any on that tux, it’s a rental!
StephanieR: is proud of Rob. He hasn’t been lying to me like the time he said he was using Invisalign and wasn’t; he really has been working out!
StephanieR: @Rob You are so lucky you are hot, and that teen fangirls have a low expectation of your personal hygiene habits.

The hilarity continues after the jump Continue…

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