Water for Elephants: We came, we saw, we wept, we learned a lot, we joined the circus

*spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen WFE yet… or read the book…*

This ish was reeeeeaaaallll cute

Dear Rob,

Even though my MOM got to see Water for Elephants before me (Thursday at midnight) and is clearly a bigger fan than I am, I’m the one with the blog so I get to talk about seeing it to thousands hundreds ten people and tell them all the things I learned from or thought about whilst watching the latest in your canon of film making… So without further adieu…

Things I learned from/thought/said out loud while watching Water for Elephants:

  • Unless you read the book you will never get why its called “Water for Elephants.” you’ll just be left wondering how the heck robert pattinson ended up as an almost veterinarian if he can’t even bring the dang elephant some water. I mean she was forced to steal some lemonade while her dumb ass handlers gave each other googly longing eyes.
  • Dudes and their ladies who are not Robsessed will give you the dirty side eye when you are your friends giggle/sigh/whisper/point at the screen at any of the “Rob” scenes. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself so you grab your friend and start making inappropriate noises while humping an arm rest. What’s the problem with that dudes and your lady friends? Geez.

Everybody Loves Rob... even this lady

  • The Grandma from Everyone Loves Raymond will just happen to see Water for Elephants during your screening and you will wonder if she’s secretly apart of Twilight Grandmas or maybe she’s that more mature commenter who hints at being a grandma… We see you Doris!
  • Smuggling a Diet Coke in your purse from outside the theater because you refuse to pay 10 bucks for a soda is never a good idea. The lid will inevitably come off when you’re trying to look nonchalant in front of the 17 year old ticket taker and the delicious Diet Coke will slosh around and drench your make up bag, cell phone charger and your Team Edward button.
  • Reese Witherspoon will make you seriously consider Googling “Trick Horse Riding Lessons” when you get home. Or in the bathroom on your phone after the movie is over.
  • Christophe Waltz will simultaneously scare the piss out of you while making you reconsider the top of your dating age limit.

Cheers to me being SUPER hot, kids!

  • This movie should really be called Lemonade and whiskey for Elephants.
  • Seeing Rob climb out of that trunk in a wig, nipple tassle, make up and ladies clothes makes you wonder if that’s just another Saturday night for him. (Spoiler: it is!)
  • If you tell your boyfriend/husband/lover/gay friend/best guy friend/Craigslist hook up that you want to see the new movie with that dude who played the crazy Nazi colonel in Inglourious Basterds he will probably be confused and think it’s a new kick ass Tarantino film and go with. It will not be a kick ass Tarantino flick but whatever gets them in the seats right? Cause it must have worked for how many dudes of all ages we saw at our screening.
  • Reading about August being a cruel animal hater/abuser/crazy person is much easier than seeing it actually (fake) happen on film.
  • Did Rob really have Edward colored hair when he and Reese get it oooonnnn in the hotel room? Can some Robsteners trace this back to Kristen being sick as some point? I want to see a gif and flow chart illustrating this by the end of the day. GO!
  • These people drink A LOT of champagne… these are my kind of people.

Yup, I'd like to grow old with you

Water for Elephants really is a magical, sweet, sad, great movie. Rob impresses me more and more each day and I really can’t wait to see what films he does next. I can’t wait to see him really bat one out of the park.

Lemonade and Whiskey for Elephants,

So who went and saw it? Ok, I guess the better question for some of you would be HOW many times did you see it? Were there any embarassing groans/moans made in your audience? Did anyone clap when Rosie did her tricks (someone did in ours), who wants to start Letters to Christoph?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


41 Commented

Water for Elephants Friday

Dear Rob,

Let’s be honest anything I write today won’t mater- all anyone wants to do is discuss Water for Elephants and your first “Real” foray into life outside of Twilight (yes, I’m not counting Remember Me sue me!). I had some things on my mind this week but we’ll save that for another day. I needed to spend some time catching up on your most recent interviews so I grabbed the links, popped some popcorn (figuratively, sadly) and settled in on the GOOD TIMES these videos bring:

(Seriously stop. It’s a Friday. Plus a Holiday. You’re not working. Watch these videos now. Again if you’ve already seen them! You know you want to!)

My ears hurt from the screams & I wasn’t even IN the audience. I felt like I was at a Hoobastank concert. I personally don’t know what that feels like but I bet it’s painful

My favorite part from part 1 of the interview:

The Grandma who told her husband she was headed out with “the gals” to see someone who reminded her of their grandson. Little does grandpa know what Grandma REALLY THINKS about Rob…!

Oh Jimmy, how I love you, let me count the ways:

Lets be honest- you probably won’t [live in their bedroom]….

Touché, Jimmy… touché

I’m just gonna say it he seems sweaty & kinda high (I’m not saying I don’t like it… come on now! But seriously… Am I right?)

Best picture EVER:

Robert as “The weird one”

Oh fine, I made you a gif:

And from that picture of Rob arriving at Kimmel, he’s surprising NO ONE that he liked MC Hammer as a kid with those blue hammer pants.

Rob on Kimmel is good times! Hit up Rob at Ellen with me after the jump!!! Continue…

56 Commented

Breaking it down text style: The kiss, VJ day, miracles and Water for Elephants

Just priming the lips......

Dear Rob,

Since you decided to up and out yourself yesterday while UC was away from her computer (the blog elves let her out for a weekend!) and away from gchat we were forced to break down this momentous glorious splendiferous news via text. So I present to you in cooperation with AT&T and iPhone the first ever Breaking it down texting style… (cheers from the crowd)…

Moon: Well that happened. Let me know when you wanna break it down…

UC: What? What happened? ROBSTEN sex tape ? (Please love that my phone knows to automatically put ROBSTEN in caps)

Moon: I like that your mind goes immediately to a Robsten sex tape and not like we found Osama Bin Laden or maybe I have a boyfriend or something of actual consequence!

UC: So, you’re saying it’s not?

Moon: it’s a kiss picture! A very obvious let’s kiss they’re all looking picture. Prepare yourself for the meltdown

UC: Send me pics!!

UC: Robsten is pr. ROBSTEN is promoting wfe!!!

Moon: Crazy nonstener!!!! Their love is not a product of the man or a movie studio! How dare you!

UC: Has anyone committed suicide yet? Attempts on K’s life?

Moon: Hahahah No, thank god! Theres a lot of “duh, told you so,” “happy for HIM” and general epic love-ness going around.

UC: Has half of robs fan base given up on him?

UC: this news means my life is complete. I believe in love. I want to rush home & make a baby

Robsten makes people do stuff like this

Moon: If anything this whole thing has made me believe in love again too. I’m on my way out to find a man and kiss him in the streets like it’s VJ day. This is our generation’s VJ day!

UC: Do you know any Lionel Richie lyrics by heart?

Moon: My endless looooove!!

UC: Upon viewing… my heart skipped a beat. I mean it’s kissing. No one else does it like that. No one.

Moon: Never in the history of the world have two people pecked in the back of a cab like that.

Moon: I wonder if anyone was spontaneously healed after viewing these pictures.

Moon: Did any wheel chair ridden robsten fans stand up and walk? Did a blind cat see again?

UC: Did a barren woman suddenly become pregnant with twins?

Moon: One named rob the other named Kristen?

Yes, this happened

UC: Did pigs put on little dresses and fly overhead?

UC: Did divorce cease to exist?

UC: Did all women become the perfect size 2?

UC: Did every restaurant taste as good as calypso cafe- where I’m currently sitting in Nashville?

Moon: Did every day become a weekend? Is April 17 now considered a national holiday?

UC: Yes. We need to contact hallmark to get them to make cards

Moon: I can’t believe the post office and banks are still open. This is a BIG deal. Where is Obama!??

Someone cue "Robsten the Beautiful"

UC: He’s preparing a moment of silence for the country. The white house has had a strict no speaking policy all morning

Moon: I bet even Libya is calling a cease fire in honor of this event

UC: World hunger ceased and everyone’s stomachs were filled with food.

Moon: Water turned into (boxed) wine again. And there was much rejoicing

UC: Our country’s anthem has now changed to “God bless ROBSTEN” and “Robsten the beautiful.”

Ladies you can't be mad at this face for long!!

Moon: I wonder if the Vatican called a special session to discuss saint hood for the holy couple and any future offspring?

While sadly none of these things did happen after the kiss heard round the internets we both had a smile on our faces and love in our hearts so that’s what matters. And you know what else REALLY matters? You’re in a movie coming out this Friday called Water for Elephants! Amazing!

Happy VJ Day!

Was anyone miraculously healed after this event? Does anyone still care enough to be surprised? Did anyone look at the slow mo gif of the kiss and thing “is that really a kiss??” Maybe.

Salacious photos courtesy of Popsugar

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160 Commented

Tales from a busy Rob Blogger

Dear Rob,

If you haven’t noticed, and I’m sure you have because you’re so attentive to my needs I’ve been MIA a lot lately. I’ve let the amazing LTR readers of the world write letters for me while I’ve worked hard & gotten tipsy on my off-time. (BTW I’m warning you right now- I’m away yet again- in Nashville, visiting my college roommate- and tonight we polished off an entire margarita pitcher just the two of us. So basically I’m drunk. Big time. But whatever. I can drunk-blog. Watch me)

But anyway, during these past few weeks of my crazy work & travel schedule, I’ve been missing out on what’s been going on with you. I’ve barely cracked the surface of your WFE interviews. I haven’t watched one live TV appearance, and it wasn’t until I started getting notifications of Moon tweeting with people on our @letter2twilight twitter name that I remembered last night was the WFE premiere. #fanfail or #busyfan or #reallifesometimeswins or #ishoulddrinkless or something like that.

But what I love about the community of LTR is that I’m never alone. So while I know there are some who have watched EVERY interview and EVERY live show you’ve been on and some LTR gals were even AT the WFE premiere last night, I know so many are in the dark & have had “real life” catch up on them in recent weeks or months too. So that’s what I am here for. To help us all catch up. And by that I mean post the hottest pictures from last night’s WFE pictures before I pass out on my friend’s dog from a tequila-induced coma

So without further ado:

Do you think Reese thinks of Rob when she’s doing it with her fiancee like so many other gals out there in the universe?

Rob Pattinson, doing what he does, looking hot in this suit that is blowing my mind. Is that a purple tie? A brown one? A tweed suit? Who knows. Who cares. He looks amazing. And pale. He needs a little sun. And also a strong SPF so he doesn’t burn.

This is Rob asking who the girl is on his right who is wearing white tights. (PS: I’m guessing that is Sarah Gruen, the Water for Elephants author. But that’s just a guess. Maybe it’s a lucky fan. Maybe that’s Rob’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s Reece’s bff. Maybe she’s a representative from a company that sells white pantyhose) Also, can we all just agree that we want to kill Reece for being so damn adorable. And by “Kill” I of course just mean we want her to be our BFF?

This is Rob saying to us “Try not to run your tongue along my jawbone across your computer screen. I dare you”

This is Kristen Stewart saying “Eff you Reese Witherspoon always looking gorgeous & fake sexing my boyfriend- look how hot I look in this dress!” Dannngggg that’s a hot dress. (Also in case you were wondering: yes of COURSE there were people freaking out and acting surprised that Kristen was at the premiere. I know. Isn’t everyone SO over that conversation at this point? Can’t we all get along & just imagine the music they made love to that night when they got home & went straight to the bear skin rug they had shipped from Vancouver to NYC just for that special occasion? Do you think it was Lionel Ritchie? I hope.)

My first thought: “$$&(*SA(*GKjhl.” And then I immediately followed that up with a prayer that you were taking that off and not buttoning it back up. Dang, Rob. Dang.

There is so much more- there are videos up on Robsessed, the gals at @H2OforElephants got to go to the premiere & SEE the film plus all the other stuff I missed while drinking tequila. Not to mention the MOVIE comes out FRIDAY!

But for now, I’m going to bed. (And by that I mean back to bed since halfway through writing you a letter I passed out with my college roommate’s dog. Oops)

Can’t wait to see the movie, Rob!

UnintendedChoice & the tequila in my belly

Monday Quiz: Yes or No: Rob was hot last night. Question #2: Reese is so adorable it’s not fair: Yes or No. Question #3: UC should go to bed. Circle for Yes. (Please love me, ignore my spelling errors & just laugh at how ridiculous I’ll feel when I wake up in the morning & realize I actually pressed “post” on this letter!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Commented

WFE Questions for Rob AKA- Operation: Word Vomit!

You know how April showers bring May flowers? Well, apparently April showers bring a soaking wet UC home at 12 midnight, night after night, all month long. My schedule these days is KILLING me! I haven’t gotten through all the WFE interviews let alone any appearances Rob has (maybe?) had lately. I’m lost! Have no fear- Cath & Draska lead us in a discussion of questions re: WFE that we have YET to hear Rob answer today!

Dear Rob,

We know that you’ve been busy with all sorts of promotional activities for your soon-to-be released movie, ‘Water for Elephants’. We can’t wait for it to hit the theatres, and we’re also looking eagerly forward to more interviews about the movie. We sincerely hope that, this time, the promo has been a bit easier on you. You were always such a good sport on all of the seemingly endless Twilight-related press tours. Remember the Hot Topic/Mall tour? The corporate Wal-mart appearance? Every TV and radio talk show on the globe??? Quick trips to Australia, Japan, one-European-country/day tours??? Now take a deep breath with us here…

As we’ve discussed on LTR before, many of us became fascinated (enchanted/obsessed/smitten and so on…) by you after seeing you in some of these interviews. We were impressed by how amiable, charming, and charismatic you were and, of course, by your responses to the same boring old questions, over and over and over – again.

But what really caught a lot of us the most, were your hilarious, fearless, and original answers to some of those questions. We dubbed this phenomenon ‘Word Vomit’. Pretty soon, we were awaiting your next responses, we wanted to hear more and more. That’s right, we were hooked. Some of our favorites are:

Three dimensional Buddha

Naming yourself Spunk Ransom.

Covering the topics of toenails, parking tickets, and spelling

Steve jones/T4 interview- a classic

We go back to these time and time again, they are that entertaining!!

In the infamous Details interview you outdid yourself while describing the first day you spend with some trained elephants, it’s our winner:

“…And the baby elephant was so excited that it sprinted out and did its routine in five seconds and then curtsied to everybody. It was actually laughing. Brilliant. Did you know they can also do imitations of other animals? A horse, a chicken, a monkey—these elephants could, anyway. They were movie elephants. One had written a screenplay, and one really wants to direct.”

(BTW, in the same interview you also talk about how this was the best day of your life, and that an elephant (Tai/Rosie?) picked you up and put you in her mouth. Please say that there are pictures of this and that we can see them!!!)

There’s been some discussion on LTR concerning your latest press junkets and promo tours, and most of us are a bit scared/sad that you’re not spewing as much word vomit as in ‘the good old days’; that’s right Rob, you want us to believe you’ve become a seasoned pro. We’re on to you. We just know you’ve still got it in you, as your latest editorial in Vanity Fair proved. Allergic to weed? Admiring Charlie Sheen? Watching reruns of Two and a Half Men? See? But…We still need more!! We’d like you to go all out EVEN MORE about elephants, kissing Reese and learning to speak with an Austrian accent by Christopher Waltz. So tell us, are there ways to encourage you to give us more ridiculous stories? More M&M’s, more coffee, or maybe, just maybe, some real crazy questions???

We’ve noted that fans could submit questions to you via MTV (and 5 lame ones would be asked), but we’d like to have our own set of questions; our project is to maximize the opportunity for awesome, crazy stories from you about your experiences with WFE. Operation: Word Vomit it is!!!!! And Rob? Yes, you can!!! And if possible, we’d like to see more facial expressions like these:

So in order to provoke more Word Vomit and your adorable question-answering facial expressions, we’d like to ask you some questions (at least not the same old, same old ones that you encounter 1000x) that are geared to lead to crazy (or at least fun) answers. And since Water For Elephants is on everyone’s mind, our questions of course pertain to circuses!!! Here they are:

  • Do you have coulrophobia (fear of clowns)?
  • Have you ever read Stephen King’s ‘It’?
  • What would your clown name be? (Wonky?).
  • Did you ever actually get water for Tai on the set?
  • If you had an elephant, what would you name her/him?
  • Describe how an elephant smells to us who never been that close to one.
  • Can you make a shadow puppet resembling an elephant’s head with trunk with your hands? If so, kindly demonstrate.
  • What circus trick would you teach your dog to do?
  • If you were in a circus sideshow, would you be a fire-eater, a knife thrower or would you walk on a bed of nails?
  • Could you try to juggle a can of Heineken, a packet of HobNobs, and a package of Hot Pockets for us, please?
  • Which freak would you be in a freak show?
  • Do you know any magic tricks?
  • You’ve had to do wire/harness work before. Did you try any of the circus high-wire aerial stunts? Was the leotard comfortable?
  • Did you know that there is a circus trick called the hair hang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_hang)? And no, do NOT try that.
  • Do you like cotton candy and funnel cakes?
  • We know that you have experience with tiny basketball (Remember Me) and, err, ‘won’ a giant stuffed panda. What other Midway attractions are you good at?

Time for the Rapid Fire questions:

Would you rather be a:

  • Human Cannonball or a Tightrope Walker?
  • Lion Trainer or a Knife Thrower’s Target?
  • Ventriloquist or a Magician?
  • A Strong Man or a Contortionist? (We have a suspicion that you might be good at the latter…)

So thank you, Rob. We’d like for you to have this circa 1920’s circus poster; hint, hint, we really do want to see a picture of you being picked up by the elephant, really. We look forward to your answers; we know that you’ll entertain us one way or the other.

Always yours under the Big Top,

Cath and drsaka

So LTR women, what other questions pertaining to Water for Elephants (that haven’t yet been answered) do you have for Rob? How about other non-run-of-the-mill questions that he won’t get a million times? Will we be successful in Operation: Word Vomit?

source for the elephant NOT holding Rob pic!

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