Rob is in between

RoblosophyDear Rob,

Before we go any further, I have to point out that I liked Water for Elephants. It’s not going on any “Best Of” lists. No one is going to win any Oscars for it, but I thought it was a great movie. I loved the book, and I thought the movie was a great representation. There were great moments for you, Rob. There were great moments for Reese. That doesn’t mean I thought it was perfect, but I enjoyed the movie. I probably won’t see it again, but that’s because I’m pretty broke. Plus I’d rather spend my free time watching ROBSTEN videos online (<– Click that unless you follow us on Twitter and experienced the joy of “UC Tweets Robsten videos while drinking vodka” last night)

That being said, I want to talk about how you, Rob, are not a boy, not yet a man. Yes, just like Britney Spears sang. Well, kinda.

You see, one of my favorite things about you as Jacob Jankowski was that the role really FIT you. In fact, afterward, Mr. Choice told me that he thought you did a great job because you were exactly like Jacob. An attractive guy, yes, but a little socially awkward & kinda dorky. (His proof was the photo below. He said he was pretty sure this was shot one day when you all were just goofing around ‘off-camera’ and someone caught it & decided to include it in the film)

I love my days off!

Jacob is those things- a bit awkward because he’s in an new social situation with all new people after his family has been ripped from him. Dorky because, well, he’s a 22 year old, almost Ivy-league graduated virgin. Three types of guys go to Ivy-league: Foreign royalty, Hot, Rich Douche-bags in secret societies who row crew & dorky smart guys who’ve never touched bare breasts. (Me Stereotype? Nooo) And you play that role well! Because, well, you’re kinda a social recluse with your books & artsy films. And we KNOW you and that supposed girlfriend of yours are saving “it” for marriage…… soooooooo…..

WANTED: Passion

But here’s where it all falls apart for me, Rob. And here’s where Britney Spears comes in…. I’m not feeling the chemistry between you & Reese. You portray very appropriately this young, “I’m finding my way- living free, making mistakes, looking silly but growing up” stuff & then when it comes to the real, deep sexual, raw chemistry, it falls short. You do the dorky, young guy stuff perfectly, but can’t quite perform as the man (See? Britney Spears) The Rob Pattinson “awkwardness” you’ve perfected in your roles plays great for a teenager (Edward) & college student (Tyler, Jacob). But when faced with a smoking’ hot all woman co-star like Reese, the role commands a MAN to take control of those scenes & force the passion. SHOW US your love for Marlene. SHOW US you want her. We know you do. We read the book. We can tell a bit by your actions. But I want to SEE IT so badly that I run out of my seat and try to climb in the movie screen to take you for myself (Oh you’re right- I’d do that either way!)

I think it could be that your good looks are to your detriment, too. If you were slightly less hot you could be the funny, awkward Seth Rogan (or even Adam Brody!). But instead you’re on a wholleeee other level. So we expect Brad Pitt. And you don’t have the confidence yet to sex it up Pitt-style. Well, I don’t think you do. But in case you want to prove me wrong I’m here. Willing. Able. Always.

So Rob… take off your shirt, hop on top of a cliff & sing about how you’re not a boy, not yet a man…

All I need is time…. a moment that is mine… while I’m in between,

After the jump (can you guess!?)….. Continue…

76 Commented

Tales from a busy Rob Blogger

Dear Rob,

If you haven’t noticed, and I’m sure you have because you’re so attentive to my needs I’ve been MIA a lot lately. I’ve let the amazing LTR readers of the world write letters for me while I’ve worked hard & gotten tipsy on my off-time. (BTW I’m warning you right now- I’m away yet again- in Nashville, visiting my college roommate- and tonight we polished off an entire margarita pitcher just the two of us. So basically I’m drunk. Big time. But whatever. I can drunk-blog. Watch me)

But anyway, during these past few weeks of my crazy work & travel schedule, I’ve been missing out on what’s been going on with you. I’ve barely cracked the surface of your WFE interviews. I haven’t watched one live TV appearance, and it wasn’t until I started getting notifications of Moon tweeting with people on our @letter2twilight twitter name that I remembered last night was the WFE premiere. #fanfail or #busyfan or #reallifesometimeswins or #ishoulddrinkless or something like that.

But what I love about the community of LTR is that I’m never alone. So while I know there are some who have watched EVERY interview and EVERY live show you’ve been on and some LTR gals were even AT the WFE premiere last night, I know so many are in the dark & have had “real life” catch up on them in recent weeks or months too. So that’s what I am here for. To help us all catch up. And by that I mean post the hottest pictures from last night’s WFE pictures before I pass out on my friend’s dog from a tequila-induced coma

So without further ado:

Do you think Reese thinks of Rob when she’s doing it with her fiancee like so many other gals out there in the universe?

Rob Pattinson, doing what he does, looking hot in this suit that is blowing my mind. Is that a purple tie? A brown one? A tweed suit? Who knows. Who cares. He looks amazing. And pale. He needs a little sun. And also a strong SPF so he doesn’t burn.

This is Rob asking who the girl is on his right who is wearing white tights. (PS: I’m guessing that is Sarah Gruen, the Water for Elephants author. But that’s just a guess. Maybe it’s a lucky fan. Maybe that’s Rob’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s Reece’s bff. Maybe she’s a representative from a company that sells white pantyhose) Also, can we all just agree that we want to kill Reece for being so damn adorable. And by “Kill” I of course just mean we want her to be our BFF?

This is Rob saying to us “Try not to run your tongue along my jawbone across your computer screen. I dare you”

This is Kristen Stewart saying “Eff you Reese Witherspoon always looking gorgeous & fake sexing my boyfriend- look how hot I look in this dress!” Dannngggg that’s a hot dress. (Also in case you were wondering: yes of COURSE there were people freaking out and acting surprised that Kristen was at the premiere. I know. Isn’t everyone SO over that conversation at this point? Can’t we all get along & just imagine the music they made love to that night when they got home & went straight to the bear skin rug they had shipped from Vancouver to NYC just for that special occasion? Do you think it was Lionel Ritchie? I hope.)

My first thought: “$$&(*SA(*GKjhl.” And then I immediately followed that up with a prayer that you were taking that off and not buttoning it back up. Dang, Rob. Dang.

There is so much more- there are videos up on Robsessed, the gals at @H2OforElephants got to go to the premiere & SEE the film plus all the other stuff I missed while drinking tequila. Not to mention the MOVIE comes out FRIDAY!

But for now, I’m going to bed. (And by that I mean back to bed since halfway through writing you a letter I passed out with my college roommate’s dog. Oops)

Can’t wait to see the movie, Rob!

UnintendedChoice & the tequila in my belly

Monday Quiz: Yes or No: Rob was hot last night. Question #2: Reese is so adorable it’s not fair: Yes or No. Question #3: UC should go to bed. Circle for Yes. (Please love me, ignore my spelling errors & just laugh at how ridiculous I’ll feel when I wake up in the morning & realize I actually pressed “post” on this letter!)

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87 Commented

Rob is a man again and we get another Water for Elephants trailer!

Dear Water for Elephants filmmakers,

Now THAT was a freakin’ trailer yall that other one, we shan’t speak of ever again! AND I’ll even overlook the over-the-top music because you finally gave people a reason (other than Rob looking like a man) to go see this flick. Also major snaps for giving us a look at old man Rob in the form of older more mature Jacob Jankowski (NO not, Julia Sugarbaker’s husband, the other one!). And with that I will sign off and talk to the ladies.

x’s and o’s and wishes to hit the red carpet premiere (have your people call our people us)
Ms. Themoonisdown, esq. Professional Rob Fan, PHD.


Dear Ladies of LTR,

Since we’ve all watched this like 2319042934 times by now can we take a moment to talk about something I brought up with the good folks behind WFE?

At 1.29 we see Rob look like this…

Which SPOILER ALERT for the 2 people who haven’t read WFE yet is what I can only assume as a scene of older Jacob at the farm/house in Chicago after they get married and have kids and own an elephant and such. But I think the REAL issue we need to talk about is if Rob looks like THIS as an “older” man we have NO chance. ZERO chance of ever getting our lives back. Zero chance of ever finding a man who is worthy. ZERO chance of ever being able to form complete sentences again because if Rob looks like THAT all made up to be an older guy than IMAGINE what Rob as an older guy will REALLY look like. I know this is a lot of random capitalization of words but I have to street the fact that Rob is shaping up to be a HOT old dude. With our luck he will turn out to be a Clooney/Depp/John Slattery/Clive Owen type. And that is just not fair.

this just isn't a fair fight anymore

I really thought after this whole Twilight thing died down and he went back to being a normal dude we’d all just get on with it and remember this all fondly but now I’m really not so certain. I was hoping he’d end up in more of the Paul Giamatti/Christopher Walken land of looks and less the Colin Firth/Anderson Cooper area of awesome.


I guess this will do…



It will most definitely do.

XO and all my love till I’m getting face lifts to keep up with you,

Soooooo ladies (and any ghey men amongst us) what do we think of older, more mature Rob? Were we just hiding our heads from the inevitable hoping this wasn’t true, or is it all just smoke and mirrors and Rob will look like Danny Devito in 20 years???

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTT, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

132 Commented

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