Mini Break down of the most recent Rob Pattinson WTF photoshoot

Dear Rob,

We didn’t plan it (and we hope you didn’t plan the photoshoot either) but once we saw the latest photos of you online, we just had to break them down vanity fair MINI style:

UC: So….. you know how the saying goes “put a vagina on Rob Pattinson’s stomach & it will look beautiful?”
Moon: Yeah I’ve heard that one a couple times
UC: yeah well they were wrong”
Moon: well looks like rob’s stomach vagina got a groupon for laser hair removal
UC: lucky. I’ve been waiting for a good deal

UC: Oh and just when you thought there was no reason to hang on to that pack of maxi pads your mom bought you the first time you got your period… turns out there is… How many “pads on heads” look alikes will we see at Rob’s next movie premiere you think?”
Moon: wtf is that third eye doing on that pad?
UC: That’s all You find strange about that picture?
Moon: This doesn’t help clarify what Cosmopolis is about for me….


Robby you already wore that shirt in France...

Moon: DUDE. that is HIS shirt. I mean we know all those clothes are borrowed, but they dry clean stuff… it can touch your skin rob, it’s OK. no cooties

Moon: OMG— is this woman pregnant? are the Robsteners ok?? Has a hit been put out on this woman yet?

UC: Yes I think I saw few hits tweeted. Kristen’s security has been notified about this slut. Probably also a fan of Jackson Rathbone’s.

Moon: how rob really is. every day:

Moon: how we all imagine rob:

UC: seriously that first picture IS Rob. In his actual motel room… he stays at the motel 6 for fun. even though he has a big house in LA.. he just rent out the motel 6 b/c he feels more comfortable
Moon: the bed bugs make him feel “normal” like one of the little people again. ps why are they watching VHS? this really is his rent-by-the-hour love shack
UC: that’s an extra charge at the motel 6. Makes him feel high-class
Moon: when he gets bored of kristen he meets this girl there. They do have a really great program though, you bring in your own vhs’s and trade for other travelers vhs’s.
UC: so unique!
Moon:so far he’s gotten to watch an original copy of The Land Before Time and Sex Lies and Video Tape (ON video tape)

"We'll leave the light on for Rob"

UC: he’s thinking of turning that into an online business
Moon: VHS-ster
UC: yep. VHS-flix. still working on the name
Moon: you know for when the whole acting thing is over- slash- his summer job… for extra spending money

Moon: LOOK AT US! Mini break down
UC: SO EASY!!! picked it up like we were doing this for years!

UC & Moon

What do you think of Rob’s Vagina-maxi-pad photoshoot? Would you like to have a threesome with 2 Robs? Yes that’s a rhetorical question. 

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